Bicycle bicycle bicycle I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle I want to ride my bicycle

 Bicycle bicycle bicycle, I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle, I want to ride my bicycle.  

Me and my bicycle, I should say bicycles actually cause I had a few in the many years.  I was a late age when I could ride my bicycle, I think I was about seven or eight. All my other friends could already ride their bicycle, but I still had sidewheels, lol. But when I once was riding my bike I was fine and I loved it. Goodbye sidewheels, I had so many bikes in my life. When I was twelve years old I joined a BMX cycling club, that was fun, I really liked BMX-ing. I joined organized races, but never ended on the first place, it was fine with me. Just like everyone I liked flaunting with my bike and did tricks with it. The BMX-club was a nice bunch of people of all ages, I had a few friends where I trained with and practized on our new tricks. 

As a teenager I went to school on my bike just like almost everyone else, tons of bikes stalled in the bicycle stands. It was almost a ocean of bikes seeing it, also riding my bike to school there was a long row of bikes on the bicycle lanes.  I can say I never quited riding bicycles, even when I was eighteen when I could ride a moped or a car, I just kept peddling. I was quit nerves or maybe a bit scared to ride a moped or drive a car. Save on my own bicycle, that's what I liked. I had driving lessons though, together with a friend I joined a few lessons. But, oh my oh my what was I nervous. It just wasn't funny anymore, while driving I had to look everywhere cause there was so much traffic. It was just not my thing. I skipped and left the lessons after I failed a few times.

And after that? I just keep peddling my peddles, everwhere I want to go I would take my bike or I go with the train. I have been on many places and always used my bike, I even used my bike in Canada for a while, and even bought a nice bike there at Canadian Tire. I liked riding my bike in Canada, but it sure was different without any bike lanes. I enjoyed riding my bike with Saf's kids and with Saf, the bikeseat on my bike was a bless, Ab loved it! Yep I love my bicycle, once you learn how to ride it you can't learn it off, just like swimming.

Consider a man riding a bicycle.  Whoever he is, we can say three things about him.  We know he got on the bicycle and started to move.  We know that at some point he will stop and get off.  Most important of all, we know that if at any point between the beginning and the end of his journey he stops moving and does not get off the bicycle he will fall off it.  That is a metaphor for the journey through life of any living thing, and I think of any society of living things.  ~William Golding~

Lazy Saturday. 

Just took it easy today, still it's warm, to warm for this time of year. I was wearing a thiner jacket today when I did grocery, just because it was to warm. I finnished some painting what I wasn't looking forward to today, I had to paint a piece of the 'plints'  between the floor and the wall. I was concerned I would touch the red wall paper with my brown paint, lol. But a piece of cardboard brought a wonderfull solution. I'm happy that worked out. Further I did some grocery and that was it, oh yeah, I shooted some videos of myself riding my bike as you can see in this post. It was a nice Saturday, took two naps and did two loads of laundry, now I'm writing and enjoyning my big favorite cuppa coffee.

Confirmed!! I'm going to London! Suppa eek!!

Confirmed!! I'm going to London! Suppa eek!!

After many doubts, tossin and turnin, and talking to my counselor this morning I confirmed, I'm going for a five day trip to London. It's a five day excursion trip, I will be leaving on the 30th of December 2011. We will be visiting many sight seeings and musea on New years eve' we will be celebrating under the Big Ben. Woot! Ah here's the full schedule to make it easier...

Day 1, In the early morning we travel  to London, England, where we will arrive at the beginning of the evening. Your first introduction to this city will be from a huge height. The famous London Eye offers great views over London. After this experience you will be transferred to your hotel.

Day 2, In the morning you are free to do whatever . Around noon, we will make a trip to the town of Windsor. This town is best known for Windsor Castle, official residence of the Queen. You will also find here the Tower Bridge St. George's Chapel, built in the 14th century and known for its many royal marriages. In the evening you can celebrate the New Year where ever you want. This allows you to celebrate the last seconds of the old year countdown to the world's most famous clock Big Ben and the London Eye to enjoy a real fireworks show!  Around 02.00 hours the bus will drive back to the hotel.


Day 3,  After breakfast our coach will guide you to the bus for a  drive around the sights of the city. Our driver will give tell you all the ins and outs about the city, including the Big Ben, Westminster Abbey and St. Paul's Cathedral. We also drive past Piccadilly Circus, Trafalgar Square and Downing Street. We end at the Tower of London, the most famous building in London. Today you can visit the Crown Jewels. The afternoon is for your own wishes. At the end of the afternoon you will be picked up by the bus and will be driven back to your hotel. To complete the evening we can visit one of the many theaters in London's rich.

Day 4, Today we begin with a visit to Hampton Court Palace, just outside central London location. This palace is one of the most important of England considered and promises you a journey through 500 years of royal history. Discover the magnificent rooms of William III and Henry VII, and stroll through the immaculate gardens of less than 270 hectares! ahe In the afternoon you can explore on your own Covent Garden. You will find many shops and boutiques with typical English products. In the center you will find the market square, where you will be entertained by various street artists.

Day 5,  The journey back. After you have put your luggage on the bus, we again set sail to the Netherlands. On our route you will be able to have a dinner, after that you will be dropped off to your  pick-up point.

Sounds good right? The only thing I have to do is be ready on the 30th of December with my suitcase, and stand on the pick-up point where I will be picked up. The pick-up point is at the railway station in my city, that's a ten minute walk. I will have to be there at 6:20 am, that's all. The thing what made me have doubts was the money, and still I have a bit doubts, lol. Can I really afford this trip? It's quit a sum of money. Yes I can! But still, just to be sure I will be saving money for this trip. 

This journey has two min points though, (Oh Sjon! lol) I didn't see the 'including free lunches and dinners,' in the five days, so yeah, a extra sum of money I will have to take with me. Second, I will be leaving on the 30th December and will return on the 3th of January, my job gives me two weeks vacation with Christmas and New Years. On the 2th of January I will start again with work, but I will be still in London then. I will have to ask for prolly two days off.  I hope there willing to give me the two days off, I will ask them next week. Further I will be fine, I look forward to the trip, only I will have to loosen the worries more. 

Back to this Friday, I'm not gonna say that the weather was awesome again with sunshine and way to high tempature for this time of year, and that this awesome weather will be staying for a week. My counselor visited me and I told him about my trip, I didn't booked the trip then yet, I needed my counselor to say, 'Yes Sjon, go for it, your fine with the money!" And he did. My counselor will come less now, he wont be visiting me once a week anymore. The traject with my counselor and me are in three phases, I ended phase one, and started with phase two. My counselor will be a bit on the background now ans watch me from a distance how I'm doing.


He told me that I already did alot of things by myself, I accomplished alot with just a little help from my counselor, he gave me a few directions and I went to them. I don't have to worry about anything, everything is fine. Talking about worries, Saf and I are now nagotiating about my belongings, finally. You can say I was quit worried about this, but now it finally started. Unexpected I got a nice mail from her, she asked me how I was doing and how it was now living in my new house, etc, etc. In the end she asked me how my thoughts were now about my belongings, cause she was ready to ship them. Still were willing to split the price of the shipping, but were looking for a solution to lessen the money. The unexpected mail did me aswell good, it was nice of her to think of me when she's self busy with other important things, bless her.


I told her friendly that I didn't want the records, singles, cd's and dvd's back, she can sell them or give them away. I don't have equipment anymore to play all this music or watch the dvd's, I will have to sell then everything if  all that will be send my way. Further the other stuff can be send my way IF the price is then still to much I willleave everything in Canada, if Saf agrees with it. And you know what? I don't mind. First, irt isn't that much further what will be shipped beseides the records, and second, I want to close this nagotiation as soon as possible cause it gives me a akward and scary feeling, and there's no reason to it, but still.  I like how it's going now between Saf and me, so now and then a mail asking each other how it goes, no hatred, no issues or argues, just peace. I like that.


One thing I'm proud of was...  I was quit nerves about writing Saf back about the shipping, but felt a relief after when the writing was done. I did a good job with the writing, I manned up, and wasn't nervous, I told what I needed and wanted in a nice way, I did a good job!

Weekend!!

Weekend!! 

Time for the weekend!! No plans for the weekend though, I will just see what the following days will bring me. Tomorrow my counselor will come for my weekly counseling, let's see what he has now on his liver, lol. I did my homework, one of the things I had to do was making a sociagram. A sociagram is about yourself and the 'ones' who stands close to you. Draw a circkel, and draw yourself in the middle of the circle. Then draw the persons who you want with you  in that circlel, but they have to be drawn on a certain distance from you. Who will you draw next to you are the closest to you? It could be your parents or your friend of niece for example. And who do you want a bit further from you or out of the circel? It sounds easy but it ain't. 

I finnished it today, it suprises me I had drawn  alot of people but most of them are to far from me to reach them in that circel. My Mom and Dad are the closest and outside or close to the circle stands my Family, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, ect, ect, I really have nothing with my Family over the last five or six years. I'm really okay with that, it has always been that way. They live there lives and I live mine. When I got back from Canada, they weren't there, when I needed help in Canada to return with nothing they weren't there. Yeah, only one Aunt and Uncle, bless them. They have always been there when help was needed, for example with my Dad or me, but when I needed help while I was in Canada and needed to return to Holland it was though to get help from them. 


They just didn't wanted to understand why I went to Canada and why I needed to return. I sent them so many messages, I called even a few times, and then finally at last they helped me out, not enough, but okay every help was welcome. Now that I'm back they message me every week asking me how it goes, I reply to them whenever I feel too. Just like they did while I was in Canada, I accomplished alot by myself and that feels 'damn' good. Anyway... One with today, I'm waiting for the Winter actually but it seems the Dutch weather wont give in. 18 degrees today, here and there a bit grey clouds, but warm. Outstanding weather, I tell you. Work went well today, I worked a half day. Within one week I will have to work one whole day more. 


I think the Thursday is perfect for a whole day to work, Don't ask me why but I just have that feeling. Monday a half day, Tuesday a whole day then Wednesday a day off, and Thursday a whole day, sounds good. I had a little accident aswell at work, oh well, while working such things can always happen. I cutted myself with a utility knife, Ouch! I worked almost two hours with that knife and nothing bad happend, then when I wanted to clean up cause I was done with my duty, grabbed the knife to put it away and grabbed in the knife instead of the handgrip. Just a cut but ouch, 3 or 4 bandages fixed the wound. Just my luck that the cut didn't went deeper.

"For fast-acting relief try slowing down."

"For fast-acting relief try slowing down."

And I acomplished today with slowing down, just taking it easy on this well deserved day off, nothing hasty and taking my time. Although I felt a sore troath, I think there's a cold comming up again, it's the second time in one month. I wonder I will get a mail from my new Doctor soon, telling me I can pick up my influenza vaccine. When I still lived in Nijverdal (Before I went to Canada) I got a mail every once a year in October from my Doctor, telling me I could pick the vaccine. Ofcource I wasn't the only one who get a mail like that, every citizen who are in the so called 'risk group' gets them. In the 'risk group' are eldery people and people with a chronicle disease, such people have a higher risk for the flue. We can get the vaccin for free. Usually I get the mail late October, I will ask for information on my next day off. Everything is still new for me with my new Doctor.  


I have been searching today again trough the internet for Christmas trips or New years eve' trips. With succes, I only have to hit the 'confirm' button, but I still have some little doubts, I think when my counselor will come upcomming Friday I will ask him for an opinion. What gives me doubts is money, I don't think it's that much money, but still. I have two options to go out this coming New year. One: I can go to Berlin, that is a five day excursion trip. In these five days I will visit historical buildings and musea with a group of people, on New years eve,' the group will be celebrathing this event on a special place. Sounds like great fun, what I like about it is the traveling (I never been to Berlin) and seeing the musea and the huge buildings, plus I'm being amung people, plus a great place to celebrate New years eve'. And that all just under 350 Euro. 


Second: I can go to London aswell, also five days, and you can compare it with the trip to Berlin. Historical buildings, musea and New years eve', on special place. I have been in London before, twice actually. But never on a excursion trip though, sounds like great fun. This trip is cheaper then the trip to Berlin. Ofcource I will have to bring some extra money. These trips sound so easy, I will be picked up with a touring bus from the railway station in my city. The railway station is a five minute walk from my house. When the trip ends I will be delivered back on the same station. Only the money, can I handle it? Can I miss the money?  I think I can, but still. I need someone who will say, "Yeah, you can, go for it!" 

There are a few other cities or countries where I can go too for the same price, but London and Berlin are for me the eye catchers. I think I should just go. I don't like staying home with new years eve,' Christmas I will be fine. To be honest I think I will be fine the whole Christmas and New years, but I'm sure it wont be the same as last year in Canada, you know why. I told myself that I will be searching for some events on New years or Christmas, and if I will find something I will prolly go for it, but if I don't find something that's okay then too. No pressure while searching for events, no thinking to myself, "I have to go!" That doesn't work. Alright! Time for a tea I think, I already had a coffee today, a free coffee actually. The garden centre was serving free coffee with a apfel strudel, apfel strudel is a German apple cake. Tasted good!

"Looking forward to tomorrow.............. A day off."

"Looking forward to tomorrow............ A day off." 

My first whole day at my new job, I had a slow start and a exhausted ending. Work went well but a whole day was tyring, although I must say the second half of the day went pretty fast. The mornings are long, from 7:30 till 12:30 is long even though we have a little break from 9:30 till 9:45. In the afternoon we have a little break aswell, from 2:45 till 3:00. Then at 4:10 it's time to clean up our stuff and then it's towards home at 4:30. I was exhausted and had muscle pain, the upcomming 'day off' is well deserved and needed.

When I will be fully hired for this job there will have to be some changes with me, I will have to take it easy more , aswell with the things I do while working. Sometimes I get to enthusiastic and then I work to fast with result that I'm out of breath and tired. Sleeping  a bit longer in the morning is a good idea too, I don't have to get up at 4:00 am or 4:15 am. I like getting up early though, I don't know why.Sometimes when I wake up at 4:00 I'm nerves I will oversleep myself and I will have to haste to get on time for work, dislike. Maybe a alarmclock will help.

Even though the work can be sometimes heavy and though I like the work aswell. My Boss told me today that he was happy with me, "You pick up things quit easy and you do your duties well, from my part you can stay," he said. With 'picking up things quit easy, 'he meant that if someone explain me something I get it quit easy. That suprises me though, in the past I always answered 'yes,' but actually meant no if someone would would ask me 'do you understand?' LOL. I have learned that if you don't understand something it's okay to ask or tell that you don't understand. Communicate! I'm doing so well, lol! 


Happy Birthday to you! 


It's Saf's birthday today, I didn't sent her a gift or a card, although I thought of sending a card, but in the end I didn't. I thought it would be just to much after I sent all her five kids a present with there birthday, I don't know, I guess for her kids it's quit normal. But sent a present to your ex? Hmm, yes and no, I don't know. I sent her a giftcard trough e-mail. It gave me a good feeling that I did something. Happy Birthday Saf!! 


And now it's time to relax, flat on the couch, TV on, laptop on my lap. On the table a waffle with cheese and a nice cuppa tea with honey, easy to reach That's one of my favorite relaxing.
And tomorrow? I don't know, sleep out? Yes! I might go to the libary and borrow some books, just to have a peek there if they have nice books. I don't have a free membership for nothing, right?

One more thing. I went to work this morning with a rotten feeling a bit, I had these lonely feelings again, so akward that I don't have them now. The only thing I could think of this morning is that I would like to have a Family around me, akward cause I have so now and then many people around me, that should be enough. But it's different, yes I have so now and then people around me, but after that I will return home an empty home. That's why a Family would be nice, comming home from work and the kids come towards you screaming "Daddyyy!" I'm thinking out loud at the moment, sometimes these thoughts come like a flash and it sticks around untill my mind leads to something or somewhere else.

Trick or treat!

Trick or treat! 

Halloween is fun but not that fun around here, I truly liked Halloween back in Canada. Just like Christmas it's celebrated huge with decorations and lots of items. Only the trick or treat candy should be less a bit, gosh, it's so much what the kids are getting. I celebrated Halloween twice, the first time I was dressed as a Arabic living in Russia, or the other way around, lol. I had a huge Russisan fur hat on and  was wearing a Arabic dishdasha. Me and Saf were siting in the doorway waiting for the kids and there parents to ask for 'trick or treat.' It was fun, the second time with Halloween we went from door to door with Tasn and Ab. 

Saf and I had the plastic wagon with us, handy if the kids would get tired. I had to dress up in a cowsuit, lol. Ab was sometimes a bit scared but he was so cute going from door to door with his pillowcase full of candy. Tasn was almost to fast to follow, she had her pillowcase almost full with candy. Yeah good fun! Like I said,here in Holland we don't celebrate Halloween that much, almost no trick or treating or decorations. It's alright, although I miss it a bit the old traditons of celebrating Christmas or Halloween. It isn't like it was when I was still young.

This Monday was good, I could almost not catch my sleep last night, my 'old' neighbor who lives under me had her TV loud on. That lasted almost an hour, sigh! I really like that the clock went an hour forwards this weekend, when I left for work this morning  it wasn't that dark like last week. I love it! Work went good, I have good feelings about this job, although it's tough this job is a keeper. I don't think I wont find another Boss who will hire me for three whole days, I can price myself lucky with this job. I will give a 100%! Tomorrow will be my first whole day, Wednesday I will have a day off, then Thursday a half day again.

Finally I got me a livingroom table, yay! It was hard to find one tough but I got one now, so yay! I was struggling with the perfect size and the color of the table, I have been searching on secondhand selling sites, and finally I confirmed with a seller this morning. The seller brought me the table in the late afternoon, I'm happy with it. But! The little TV cabine has a different kinda color brown then the table, and that bothers me. They both don't match. Didn't I see that in the first place when I saw the table on the site? Yes, but, I didn't realize that didn't match. It's not that a problem, I'm sure one day I will bump into another TV cabine with the same matching colors. And the other TV cabine?I will sell it! 

You may be out of my sight... but never out of my mind...

You may be out of my sight... but never out of my mind... 

Sometimes the thoughts of my time in Canada flashes by, but not as often as several months ago. When I think back at my time in Canada, the first person who pop's up is Tasn, I can easy say I miss her the most when I have those missing feelings. Not that strange though, I spent alot of time with her. Maybe even more time then I spent with Saf, no offense though. I took care of Tasn almost 24 hours a day. I made her breakfast and lunch before and for school, brought her so now and then to the schoolbus, untill it was time she could go by herself. Made her snacks when she came back from school, watched TV with her, went many times to the park, took walks, went to shops and took bike rides with her. I hope she still practize her bike riding skills, cause I remember she was still a bit frighten when she drove her bike while I was still there.

Sometimes the fun part of the day was putting her to bed and sleep in the early evening. (But not always, lol) Tasn and her little brother Ab were always frighten to go to bed, or it was a little excuse to go to bed lol, perhaps a bit of both. Usually I stayed with them untill they fell asleep, I red them a story or we all watched a video, it all depended what time it was. If it was to late then it's just a little light on and then a few talks or make jokes untill they get tired and fell asleep. Sometimes we had so much fun and laughs. One rule was that they both had to stay in bed. I layed next to them untill there eyes were getting heavy, then I slowly got up and easily opened the door and walked away. Hoping that they don't wake up again. What usually happened in the middle of the night, lol. So now and then Saf and I switched our 'putting them to bed,' duties. But when Saf had her work, I did it mostly.

Ah! Just looking back at my time in Canada, oh sweet Tasn, I do miss you so now and then. Seeing you would be bad I guess, cause I prolly do not want to return, lol. She the cuttest kid I ever spent time with, cute, sometimes (humurous) naughty, sometimes scared, she has a amazing fantasy, I'm sure she's gonna do well in the near future.Let me share some funny and laugh moments with her... 

Still having good memories when I think of the moment when she came up to her Mom and told her she changed her name again, some of the names:  Godzilla, Lisa, Nemo, and many ans many more....

Still having good memories when I think at the moment when she drove her bike for the very first time, yay! I never would have believed that she ever would ride a bike seeing her trying and trying... 

Still having good memories when I think of the moments when I putted her to bed. She would hide her Barbies or toys in her hand, while she held her hand under the bed. 

Still having good memories when I think of the moments when I took her for a bikeride and she was being so carefully on her bike. She drove slower and slower when drove towards a downhill. 

Still having good memories when I think of the moments of her while she made up her own role plays, or games. I can go on and on, I didn't even mentioned the jumping on the bed's what she actually wasn't allowed, or the many times in the evening when it was time to make her a sleepy time tea, together with her little brother we had sometimes some fun at the kitchen table while drinking the sleepy time tea. Anyway!

Saying goodbye was the hardest thing to do, I never thought I would, especially not to you.

You always listened, and knew what to say, knew when to give a hug when I was having a bad day. No one will ever take your place, I can always promise you this, it’s hard to find someone like you. So know you’ll always be missed. Many hugs and careness to you dear Tasn!

Relaxing Sunday. 

Gotta love Sundays, mostly Sundays for me is a staying home day. Just relaxing and resting, perhaps a few house duties or cooking. I'm still fixing the last parts of the laminate, just taking it easy, bit by bit. To be honest I wish I could do it over again, lol. I need a kind of tool where I can saw the plints for the laminate on 45 degrees. Such tools do excist though, but I guess I was a bit to lazy or just to hasty to get a tool like that. Second thing I did today was searching for a nice color for my curtains, sigh! 

I debating to myself between the colors creamy white or brown, a bit light brown. I always told to myself I would like to have creamy white curtains, that would look nice. But now I´m not that sure, prolly light brownish would look nice too, I like warm colours. But brownish would make the room darker I think, ugh decisions, decisions. I am still searching for a nice table aswell, not to big and not to small, before I know it my room is full. Anyhow, we just will see, in the end I will make the right decicions.

Picture time!

Picture time! 

OMG! When I wanted to open the door when I got back from work I saw this sign next to my door. Everyone has one next to their door, but mine was empty, no name. But now I have one, yay!

Welcome... Join me as we walk into the living room. Have a seat!
I still love all the windows in the hall way.

 The hallway with the lovely windows again... Behind the door you will see another hallway, that's the hallway from the flat.

Again the livingroom, The walls are still empty but that's alright. I'm not in a rush.

 This makes me think of the movie 99 1/2 weeks LOL! Behind that door is the sleeping room, as you can see I'm still sleeping on the floor. It's all good.

The kitchen, the kitchen is a bit old fashioned. but I like that in a way.

Yeah baby! I love my apple spread, so I thought why not a 850 g, package. Yum!

Believe it or not, it's still October but this garden centre has fully packed out there Christmas decorations. Looked nice though.

Yep, a AVolkswagen beetle, beep beep! fully packet with christmas items.

A decorated mini city complete with a snowy downhill, that must have been alot of work.

One of the plants today, I like such plants. I mostly buy these cause I know they will be staying strong for a long time, and not die on me within a week.

Here is the other one...

The vases I bought last week, I really love them, and the two little plants next to the vases makes it look better.

 And... Tadaa, finally a clock, I need to remember myself that I will have to set the clock an hour back before I go to bed. Winter time started in Holland.



















Always these new pictures of my house, lol. But anyway, while I'm writing this it already gets darker and darker, and it's not even 5:00 pm. The clock will go an hour back in Holland, meaning it will be already dark before 5:00 pm. Winter time has started! The cozy dark days before Christmas. I have been looking online today if there was something to do for single persons like me with upcomming Christmas, well, there is alot to do but to make a choice is difficult. For example going to London with a bunch of people for a reasonable price seems nice, but I didn't make a decision yet. This London trip is a excursion trip, meaning I will go with a bunch of people and visit buildings, have dinner, etc, etc. 

This all sounds good to me, but, I don't know yet, decisions, decisions. I will keep on searching untill I have found something, it can be something small or something big, it all depends on the price and aswell the place where I want to go. Further today I visited a garden centre wich was close by my house. It's nice to have places like that close by, within 10 minutes I can be at the hospital, aswell the centre of the city, I can be there in 5 minutes. The garden centre was a nice visit, so much stuff, items for in the house but aswell outside the house, anything what has to do with gardening, plants, decorations. You name it.

Just a nice and cozy day today, tomorrow I will be resting alot, the Sunday is a perfect day for a chillax. Alright: 5:30 pm almost, it's time to cut the chicken breast for the 'chicken tonight' rice meal. Bon apetite to me! I hope the rice will be better then last time, last time it looked like porridge, lol! I bought yesterday a better rice, basmati rice.

Communication, seeing people, new friends, going out, have fun, etc, etc.

Communication, seeing people, new friends, going out, have fun, etc, etc. 

That's my homework for the weekend and this comming week, trying to find something where I can meet people, or just to have something to do, socialize, see other people, perhaps making  new friends, etc, etc. I'm ready for it, it was one of my ideas aswell. I changed, in a good way, I want to be with people, I like being with people. It's not that it's a must that I HAVE to do this, no! I want this cause I just want this for myself, I look forward to be among people again, and look forward to search for anything that can bring me among people. I'm thinking of a curcus, volunteers work, voluntary association, perhaps a sport, I think Google will help me out with a start. That will be my next goal this comming month, communication, seeing people, new friends, going out, have fun, etc, etc. Enjoy myself!

I discussed this with my counselor (Sahayo) this morning aswell, together we made a list with with things or places where I have to search. Another thing Sahayo made was a sociagram, (woot?) a sociagram is a kind of a drawning where you have to draw a cirkel, and in that cirkel you draw yourself. Around yourself you draw the people who stands close to you, but those people have to be on a certain distance from you. For example, my Dad stands close to me so I have to draw him close to me, for example my Aunt, stands a bit further away then my Dad, so she will be drawn a bit further then my Dad. It was quit hard to draw such a sociagram but it went okay, I have to make another one this week.

So the weatherforecast here keeps giving warnnings about that were getting a horror winter, they talked about snow in November. Yeah I take the weatherforecast serious but what can we do? Do we have to take precautions?  And if we do, what do we need to do then? Buy more blankets or buy electric heaters? We Dutch people are quit laid back with such things, "There just talks," we say then. But when the horror winter breaks out, the panic breaks loose and we start to complain, for example, "Hey why didn't you warn us!" We will be standing in lines at the last minute to buy electric heaters and extra blankets, and will complain when they will all be dold out. No, serious, I will just see what happens this winter. I have my thick clothing, my warm blankets, and good heaters.

I should be concerned about my electric and gas bill, lol. With a horror winter the heaters will blow 24 hours a day I guess. Another thing with this comming winter is that I will be searching for something to do this comming Christmas, I already started. I mentioned this before in a earlier post, this aswell is not really a must, it's not a thing that I must do otherwise I will go crazy if I can't find a thing to do this Christmas. It would be nice to find something to do, but I guess I will be okay aswell if I don't find something to do.Then again, I'm pretty sure that I will find something though, a trip with a bunch of single people would be nice, a organized single trip to Belgium or France, or maybe even London. That would be nice!

Another tremendous day has ended, the weather was again awesome. Blue sky and fully sunshine, a horror winter? It just seems unbelievable, but this is Holland, you never know it here. I took a long nap again, I slept for an hour and felt almost unconscious afterwards, lol. I slept to tight I guess. Before my nap I did most of my groceries and did the first load of laundry, that's done. This comming weekend will be all about taking it easy, and spend not much money. I don't want to make it a habbit to spend money every weekend. I will be enjoyning inside my house, perhaps a nice walk or a nice bike ride. I realize I'm doing well when it comes to socializing, and aswell with going out. So now and then a day staying inside and be on myself having a 'me' time isn't a crime.

Time for a well deserved weekend...

Time for a well deserved weekend...

I was tired today, I had a slow start at work, after the coffee break I felt a bit better. I need to take my rest alot more, yesterday I had a day off but didn't give myself that much of a rest. I guess I will have to learn that. Specially when I want to work for three whole days. When I got back from work I took a long nap, I slept for an hour and that felt good. It's just what I needed.

Not much happened today, I worked, and afterwards I bought some groceries and took a nap. It was such a nice Autumn day though, not even cold, sunshine and blue sky. We Dutch people surely don't have to complain with such weather. After the free dinner I visited a old friend/resident from Humanitas, it felt so akward being there again. Walking up the stairs, and realizing myself that I lived here was difficult. Also alot of ol residents where I lived with were gone, when I lived there I had a tight group of people where I spent time with.

We cooked together, laughed and had long talks with each other, in short, we lived with each other. The friend/resident I visited wanted as soon as possible a place for him self, "I'm going crazy here." he told me. I really can imagine that yeah, I would have too if I was in his place now. Allthough I had a nice time at Humanitas and the staff helped me with everything, and I can surely say that without Humanitas I wouldn't have manage, but  many things has changed lately there. But I'm here now and I'm good, thanks to myself and Humanitas. 

Tomorrow my counselor will visit me again, let's see what he has this time on his mind. It's nice that he gives me sometimes homework, or duties. Aswell we think together of some duties to do all for the good. These duties can be anything, like for example, go to the library and get that free membership tomorrow , or you have to phone to that company who can fix your contents insurance this week.  My counselor does arrange aswelll things for me, but I have to do the most, he sometimes tells me what to do or I'll will come up with a idea what he then confirms. It's good for me aswell, I learn from this.

Plans for the weekend? Nope, not much, I think I will take it easy with spending money for a few days/weeks. I ussually do that after I spended 'much' money, much in my eyes then. I want to save money aswell, cause in about two weeks there will be a HUGE flea market in Utrecht, (Utrecht is a city near Amsterdam) It would be ncie to go there and spend some time, I use to go there every year. Although it will be very busy and I wont manage to see everything in one day, I sure will enjoy myself.

"It's nice having a day off."

"It's nice having a day off." 

Specialy in the middle of the week, I feel good and I look foreward for all what will come ahead of me. The weather was good, just a perfect Autumn day. Sunny with here and there a cloud, red, brown and yellow leafs on the streets and woods, so nice. And it's not that cold. Althought the weatherforecast forspelled a very cold winter, they told this all will start already in upcomming November. Today I took my time,I rested but did aswell alot of fixing, just because I wanted too, lol. I made a start with the last bits of the laminate, what a work that is. On the pictures you can see what I have been doing, sometimes pictures explain alot more then words, it's easier to explain it with pictures with what I'm doing.                                                                            

 The tiny little strips you see on the picture called 'plints,' You can attached them in the corner to fill up the spaces between the laminate and the wall. It so much work though.

 Specially the corners are difficult, you have to measure and measure. And saw them in the right way. Some walls in my appartment aren't straight, that makes it even harder, but I will manage.

 You see the spaces between the laminate and the door frame? Sometimes you need to think as Einstein to fix this. I will figure out something.

I really like this corner I worked on, it fitted perfectly, just my luck I guess. Measured and saw it on the right way. My brains are still itching from thinking, lol.

I didn't do all of the rooms, I took my rest aswell. Hey, I have a day off, I need my rest too, lol! Oh, and my shower curtain hangs, pffeewww what a work. But fun work though, it calms me aswell. And further, well further not that much. There was the free dinner, wich was nice. There weren't much people from Humanitas, just one. He told me that the ex from Johannus got out of Humanitas cause Ricardo wasn't allowed in Humanitas anymore. I couldn't believe it, how on earth can you send a eight year old boy on the street?  Catherina went with his Son to a close friend of hers, she thought, "if my Son goes I will go too," it's just unbelievable. Anyway, I sent her a message to ask her what's all been going on recently. 

P.s. Just had heard from Catherina that Ricardo is back at his Father's.... What he actually didn't want. Sigh, I hope for Ricardo that this drama does stop one day, he doesn't deserve this.


Just before the free dinner I did some window shopping, I wasn't attend to buy somehting, but, I did. I needed some decoration in front of my big window. I bought two huge vases from glass, they are just plain not particilar colour. I needed two lamps two for on my wall, but I couldn't take a choice. The price was just a bit to much. I never buy to much in a row. Alright, I will have a a nice cuppa coffee now, I'm looking foreward for tomorrow's work. I realized today that when I had no money and I had to take care of myself, I could! I didn't need much to take care of myself, I got by. I think sometimes it's important to realize that you don't need that much to make yourself happy. I always had that...

Something about an old-fashioned Christmas is hard to forget...

Something about an old-fashioned Christmas is hard to forget...

Last year I had the best Christmas ever believe it or not, buying each other presents in the beginning of December, then on the 25th early upin the morning and gather all the bought presents. The living room fully packed with presents and Christmas decorations, then it's time to gather all around to un-pack the presents. Love it, it was the same a year before last year. Then too we had a house full of presents and Christmas decorations,  Family gathered around the Christmas tree to unwrap the presents. Such Christmas days I only had in the past, or something like it. Ofcource it was different, it was me, Mom and Dad. We didn't buy each other gifts though, we don't do such things in Holland. Just being together and have a nice dinner and afterwards or before we go to the church.

I know, I'm already talking about Christmas and it's not even December yet. It flashes trough my mind recently, "I would like something to do with Christmas this year,"  Cause I'm 100% positive that it won't be the same Christmas like last year. But I'm not that worried, cause it's all in my hand what I want to do this year with Christmas. Today I had the crazy thought of going to travel the last two weeks of December, I was told today that we at Slettenhaar have two weeks of this Christmas. So, I thought, why not go out! I have been searching a bit on the internet but oh my oh my it's expensive. I was thinking of going to London for two weeks but, geesh I'm not gonna pay over 1000's Euro's. Even one week was over 1000 Euro. I guess I can blame that it's the Christmas what makes it so expensive. Maybe I have to look a little bit closer then London. 

Last year Christmas in Canada.

I was aswell thinking of doing something with the old residents from Humanitas, gather all around and buy each other presents, and just have a jolly good time. Ah, I will see! It's not that I'm concerned or worried about upcomming Christmas, but I know that it won't be the same as last year. It will be lonely, but like I said it's all up to me, will I stay home and feel pity for myself? Or will I go out and have a jolly good time? It would be fun to plan a nice trip somewhere for a low budget. I will be searching further. Another working (half) day has ended, work is going well. This morning I had a short appointment with my counselor from Reha and the Boss from Slettenhaar, we gathered around in the Boss's office. My counselor wanted to know how I was doing with my work at the moment, and she wanted to know how 'we'are going further, cause it's already my third week there. 'We' are Slettenhaar my counselor and me.

I told them that I like the work that I'm doing and that it's going well, only I will have to work more days then only the three half days that I'm already working. I'm allowed to work 20 hours a week, (Doctor opinions) with the three half days that I'm working I know it's not the 20 hours I need. My Boss told me that she saw me rather work whole days then half days, I'm actually happy with that. I can't bring up to work a whole week half days. I need a resting day in the week, otherwise I will collapse. I already was thinking of working three whole days at Slettenhaar, just like I did with Reha, I worked there aswell three whole days. My Boss was  okay with that she told me this morning. (Yay!) I can build it up towards three whole days whenever I want, but it has to be within three months. Cause that's the time I have before they might give me a working contract. Then I will get payed aswell.

I told my Boss that I would like to try next week a whole day on Tuesday for two weeks, after the two weeks I will see how it goes. If it goes well I will be trying another whole day, maybe a Monday or a Thursday, I don't know yet. In the end I will be working on Monday a whole day, Tuesday a whole day and Thursday a whole day. I have been counting the hours and I came on 24 hours a week instead of the 20 hours I'm allowed to work. I'm looking ahead already, I will jsut see what happens, but, you know what? I really have positive thoughts about this job, I see a future in this job. I just feel it! The work is kinda easy, the fellow workers are nice and they accepted me, my Boss is thinking off my health and everything is going so well. What can I actually wish more for?

"Hey, have a good afternoon!"

"Hey, have a good afternoon!" 

"Hey have a good afternoon," said a fellow work to me when I left at 1:00 after lunch, nice! The workers at Slettenhaar are becomming more and more outgoing day by day, I like that. It makes me realize I'm a part too, it makes it much easier for me to talk to them aswell. I already talked though, but sure not that much, now there are workers there who also don't talk that much, so I'm good, lol. Naah, communication! I want and need communication, it's good for me.I was a bit concerned to go to work actually this morning, I wasn't feeling so well, I had already a bit of a cold last weekend. This morning I thought, "I will just go and see how it goes." Just before I wanted to go I felt a bit like throwing up and I was a bit pale. Not good I though, but I went anyway. 


At work I had the same feeling, feeling like throwing up and my body felt tickly, sore troath aswell. I was thinking, "If this feeling goes on like that, I'm going home." But I slowly went on, and as the time past I felt bit by bit better. Not 100% better, but it went. Sigh, nothing feels better when your not feeling sick, I can tell you that. Still I took it easy at work, I had the same work like last week, it's all good. I'm working three half days now, there will come a day that I will have to decide to work a half day more. That will be four half days then, I hope I can manage. I think I should pick a day in November and just go for it, or sooner. It's all about 'seeing how it goes.' I have three months until my new Boss can say to me, "Hey your a good worker, you can stay for good." 


It all depends on me, can I manage or can I not? It's hard to imagine though, hard to imagine myself working five half days at Slettenhaar. Cause that's what the Boss would like from me, working five half days. After work I had a little apointment at Reha with my two old Bosses and my counselor Sahajo, Sahajo wanted to know how I was standing at the moment, do I have to work at Reha aswell now I'm working at Slettenhaar too? Do I earn money while I'm working, What will happen if Slettenhaar fires me after the Three months? Alot of questions where I got an answer from in 'that' appointment. There was a hard wind while riding my bike from Slettenhaar to Reha, and it's such a long ride aswell. Sigh! I rather went home with my cold and take a nap. 


I arrived at Reha perfectly on time, Sahajo was already there. We all sat down, my two bosses, Sahajo and me. We didn't sit that long cause we talked everything out in thirthy minutes. Result? I can always come back to Reha, even when I get fired, Reha will just start againwith searching for a job for me. I won't earn money in those three months, but will keep my monthly money, it's the law in holland. I don't have to work at Reha while I'm working at Slettenhaar, I can totally focus now on my new job, yay! There will be a second appointment tomorrow at Slettenhaar, with my (new) Boss and my counselor from Reha. We will be talking about how it's gonna go further with me, and if I have any questions I can ask them too. I'm still a bit concerned about working those five half days, will I manage that? 


I really hope so, cause I want this job. Akward right? Two weeks ago I was concerned about this job, I didn't even wanted to go. And now? The opposite! I can tell you, I changed, I really changed and I like it! I can say, my time in Canada has been good for me, aswell my time at Humanitas. I would never, NEVER, ever expected this!  I still see myself standing at Pearson international airport in Toronto with my three suitcases. I tought I would just go back to Holland with no expitations, and fall into a dark deep hole. I didn't mind though, I just wanted to go. Cause there was no turning back possible. And here I am now, I went trough alot but I survived! 


This calls for more... So much more!

Water, air, and cleanliness are the chief articles in my pharmacopoeia. ~Napoleon I

Water, air, and cleanliness are the chief articles in my pharmacopoeia.  ~Napoleon I

Yeah, not feeling so well, I wish my cold came trough, I mean let the sneezing or coughing began, so I know where I'm at. At the moment my troath is still feeling tickly, I can't really describe the feeling. I have this feeling always before a cold comes, in the past I had it aswell but then it was more nerves or stress. You know the feeling when your not breathing trough your stomach but higher up trough your chest. In the past I had excersizes from a gymnast, or how you call such a person. She learned me how to breath properly, breath trough your stomach and not trough your chest. The best way was to breath and see your stomach going up and down, that's a calm breath. At the moment when I feel and see myself breathe I breath trough my chest. it feels like having nerves, I'm not breathing properly. This kinda breathing will go over when my cold comes trough. I sneezed already a four times, so I'm good, lol! 


That nerves breathing what I had in the past was a pain, I don't have that anymore. When I smelled paint for example my breath got locked by it self, I was breathing trough my chest, I disliked painting something in that time, lol. It was like a burning feeling in my troath, I had the same with chigarettes and ciggars. I disliked being sick when I was a teenager, I tried almost everything not to get ill when I felt I became ill. I informed medical books, and ate alot of fruit, just trying to find a solution not to get more ill. I laugh about it now, I still see my Mom comming in the room while I was checking out medical books. "Let me guess," she told me then, "You feel like your getting ill again?" Checking the medical books and trying everything to forcome to get more ill made it only get worser, lol.I just needed to sick it all out, let the illness come. My Mom always had a saying when I felt something again, "Don't think about."


On with this Sunday, a day of rest, here and there I did something and that was it. I ironed my working clothes, made myself food, showered and took three naps. Today was also the day that Ricardo came with his Mom Catherina, they arrived around 3:00, and as expected Ricardo was shy and quiet, lol. Ofcource he was happy to see me, but he was to shy to show it. I bought him a little bag of candy and a bottle of Fanta. But Ricardo wanted to go home after twenty minutes, he wasn't feeling so well he said, little shy boy, ofcource it's quiet alot what he's going trough, no wonder he's quiet. I hope everything will go well for him, and that he finally gets a proper location where he can live and just be a boy of 8 years and play with his friends. Today aswell I got a message back from Saf, she had different important things on her head that's why the not reply sooner. I understand that, and actually expected that aswell to be honest, it's alright. 


I will be short about this, cause in my eyes that's the right thing to do. We both have to make another deal about my belongings, shipping items to another country is a expensive thing to do. She can't afford to ship my belongings and I can't either. There is an option to split the shipping price, but still it's alot of money. I told Saf that she doesn't have to worry about this, I told her to focus first on her other important things and in the meantime I will think or try to think of an other solution for my belongings. I will aswell think about splitting the price. I even thought about of just letting it all be, leave my belonmgings there. But let Saf first do her things first and I will do mine, I'm sure my belongings wont walk away in the meantime, right? Decisions, decisions, decisions, money, money, money.