Just another Sunday... Wish it was Monday...

Just another Sunday... Wish it was Monday... 

Cause that's my fun day. The last day I worked was last Tuesday, I had three days of and count on that the weekend that makes five days without work. It's been enough free days, I'm glad I will be working tomorrow. It's been nice days and I had my rest, the weather was gorgeous and I enjoyed it. But, I enjoy the work I do. My cold is getting better, just a bit sneezing and coughing a bit but much less then I did a few days ago. There is just not much to tell today, cause nothing really happened. Yeah, I had a very nice bike ride with Ricardo, although it was warm, we both enjoyed it. 

We biked to another town, the town was only 15 minutes away so that was good. There's a safe bike pad besides the main road, it was just one straight road. With one huge uphill I had to push ricardo with me with my hand in Ricardo's back. Downhill was no problem, We sat under the bridge for a while, it was a place where I came alot in my childhood with my Mom and Dad. The bridge wasn't that high but back in the days I saw sometimes kids jumping from that bridge into the water. It's harmless though but still, better not. Ricardo spoke about fishing here one day, I told him we will see one day. 

I like how Ricardo tries to fill the whole day with me, "We can do this one day, or we could do it now." Or, "We can drive to that shop now to have a look, (Me: But it's closed,Ricardo) Yeah, but we can have a look now, so we can see what we can buy tomorrow,"  etc, etc. Sometimes I just have to drag him back to his room, LOL!  Isn't Ricardo getting to much for me? Yeah he is sometimes, and if he is I just speak to him and explain him that I need to go or that I have something else to do. It works most of the time, and yeah the other times, oh well, I enjoy his company aswell. His Father Johannus takes him most of the time with him also. 

It's going good with Johannus and his two kids. Only he overreact it sometimes with his sayings about taking care of the kids, then he says he's been there and there with the kids, and then later on you find out he's been knowhere. It will be an exciting week for the Father, cause this comming Tuesday he will get to here from child custody where the kids will stay for good, with there Mom or with the Dad. I think there better of with the Dad, but, I feel sorry for the Mom though, she's been a mess lately so I have heard. She's been missing the kids terribly. 

Further I'm staying out of this, sometimes I have the feeling that I'm standing between them, cause of Ricardo and Johannus. I shouldn't feel that cause I'm not, I'm not choosing sides. Ricardo likes my company and Johannus does too,what can I do? Nothing, cause I won't be staying here all my life at Humanitas. In the meanwhile I will enjoy myself and enjoy there company.

So yeah, tomorrow's work, finally! Paula will come  aswell for a little chat with me, I accomplished a few things what were important, I will tell her about it tomorrow. Paula is going on vacation soon, so I have to do it without here for three weeks, she's going to do a rountrip trough Las Vegas! Woot! I will get another counselor for three weeks, so it's all good, I will miss Paula though!

Depeche Mode-Clean (bare)

"A pleasant day with a not so happy ending."

"A pleasant day with a not so happy ending."

It's been a warm day today, more then 28 degrees, and it's way to hot for the time of year. I LOVE it! Today I made a start with the flyscreen what I bought a month ago, there was the screen and there was the velcrofly. The velcrofly you could attach to the frame of the window, and then you can put the screen on the velcrofly. But, the velcrofly didn't seem to work that well, I should put another one beside the other one. And the window is way to high, I can't reach it properly. A ladder would come in use but the ladder, yeah, where was the ladder? Oh well, perhaps another time this week, no rush, it's the weekend and it's to warm to work anyway. Although I really enjoyed the warmth and the sun today, I have been outside five or six times for shopping, enjoying, looking, flaunting and relaxing. More of such days please.

I sat for a while on a bench in town this afternoon just to look at people going by, in one hand I had a icecream and in the other hand I had the the little plastic spoon. I like to watch people when there passing by, it's fun. Just look what they wear, or just the expression on there faces. Sometimes I try to read there minds, it's hilarious to see that on some people. There was this guy watching his wife, while she was grabbing into some curtains what were on sale. Byt the look on the guy's face he was pretty bored, after he yawned a few times loud, it was oblivious he was. Or the young teenagers who were flaunting by with there jeans hanging on there butt, it makes you think how different people sometimes can be. I compare it sometimes too while watching people, it goes automaticly. 

I didn't do that much today, just like yesterday actually, grocery shopping and laundry. In the morning I thought there was a coffee break, like we recently had every weekend. But there was none, only a staff member and a resident were talking in the garden, I joined them. The staff member decided to make a pot with coffee, it was nice sitting with them, later on another guy joined us too. Now there were four of us, it felt comfy sitting with them and talking about everything instead of drama. Maybe it's because they were a bit older these people, older and wiser. Ofcource I spent some time with Ricardo today, I learned something about ADHD, or learned?  I think I already knew it, cause I red about it. Kids with ADHD have sometimes the need to have everything in order, it's a must in there head, or something must be done cause otherwise, oh dear!

For example, Ricardo putted my little clock somewhere cause he wanted it, it was a must, he had to. Another example, he bought a few juice cans and he putted it in a box after he bought the cans. The box was way to big, but he wanted the box, it was a must. Everything had to be his way when he's having a ADHD attack. And he likes everything in order, otherwise he goes mad, or gets nerves stamping his feet. After dinner he wanted to play soccer for a little while, I told him to wait ten minutes then I'm ready for him. But he got nerves and a bit mad, in his had he had to play soccer now, it was a must otherwise. I told him to wait, it was only ten minutes, relax. He layed on the floor and stamped a bit his feet, after 8 minutes I went with him, he suffered enough. Ricardo was alright though, he wasn't going insane, he just needs to learn that not everything is needed to go his way, cause he must.

It was a nice day, although I would like to chat with other people to sometimes and not only with Ricardo and Johannus. It seems sometimes that I spent day and night with them, ofcource I have time for myself, but like I said, spending time with other residents would be nice too. If there there ofcource, cause it seems there never in there room or at Humanitas. Monday I start with work again, then I see other people too, it gives me pleasure. One last thing what happend today was, Ricardo and I were playing soccer, suddenly the little gate went open, a sign that someone is comming in, a resident. Ricardo had a look and I stood somewhere else, Ricardo started to run and began to hide. It was a resident and a relative from Johannus's ex, this guy is not agreeing with the fact that Johannus has the kids at the moment. In other words he rather punches Johannus on the face or do something else with him. he treathened Johannus already once while Ricardo was with him.

This guy can be very friendly though but sometimes he's crazy, (blame the drugs he uses) He had some when came in to the building, he was on his moped and parked it fast and said, "Hoppa," his eyes were big. He smiled at me, and I smiled back. Ricardo hidded from him, I acted like nothing was going on and the guy went inside, I started to look for Ricardo. There he was under the garden table, he didn't want to play soccer anymore but wanted to go inside to my room. I took him inside and while were walking upstairs, we bumped into the guy. He started to talk but I couldn't understand him, I asked him what he was saying. He started to mumble something like, "Who does he think he is, taking the kids?"  The guy his girlfriend told him not to act like this in front of the kid, then the guy told me that he will walk upstairs to 'him' and stab him with a knife if he's such a tough guy. 

The guy took of to his room and I went with Ricardo to my room, we layed on the bed for a while and waited till the guy took off again, cause he will. Ricardo was scared and wispered his sayings, I must say I was a bit scared too. This is just insane, but sometimes this is how it goes. I calmed Ricardo down and talked to him, he was shaking a bit and talked much. After a little while we thought we heared the moped and I brought Ricardo upstairs, and talked to his Father what happened. "It's just tough talk," Johannus replied, "he wont do a thing." I told Johannus that he has to report this to the staff just like he did last time. He told me he will. It made me realize that it's time search a bit harder for a house for myself, and not get to much involved with the situation 'Johannus .vs. Ex. Although the drama sometimes here, I'm alright and some people here aren't that bad, really.

"Insert proud feeling... I'm such a dork... LOL!"

"Insert proud feeling... I'm such a dork... LOL!" 

Today I had the guts to make a phonecall to the usurance company, this usurance company was about to sent me some papers what I had to fill in. After filling these papers in I had to send it back and then after ten days I will have some money on my bank account. What is this all about you might be wondering, well, I bought off a usurance policy almost a month ago, cause the policy wasn't worth anymore. (long story) Now I'm getting money of that policy, but first I need to fill in some papers what this usurance company would send. But they didn't send it, They told me two weeks and then you will have the papers. It's almost a month ago. I needed to phone them! Eeek!

Now Paula told me a few times already to make that phonecall, but I kept on deleting it, I'm such a dork when it comes to phonecalls. I just don't know what to say, I always think ahead, "What will happen if I begin to stutter, or what will happen if don't get out of my words?" Well, today I called, I had the smartest idea to go to the office, and ask a staff member to sit with me (blush) while I make the phonecall. I dialed the number and waited.... suddenly! "With Eagon usurance company, how can I help you?" Eeek! Then I told the story what I needed to say, and I must say it went well, uhm, yeah. First I dialed the wrong number, it was the right company but the wrong section. The guy on the phone putted me trough, then a lady on the phone, "With Eagon usurance company, how can I help you?

I told again my story, and again it went well. The lady told me to hold on and she putted me trough to again another section (Grrrr, are they testing me?) Again another person on the phone, this time a guy, "With Eagon usurance company, how can I help you?" For the third time I told my story, a bit different but okay, it sounded good. Yay me! This guy helped me and putted me on hold for five minutes. Then he solved my problem, he told me that there were some problems with the adress where to send the papers to. This week I will get the papers, I will fill them in and about ten day I will have the money. Pffeeww, I called and I was glad I did, I felt proud aswell, sigh, make more phonecalls you dork! LOL!

I have a cold, and I dislike having a cold in the summer.I automaticly dress a bit warm when having a cold but it was 25 degrees outside, so what to wear in this heat while having a cold? I just got dressed with this time some jeans instead of shorts. I'm sneezing and coughing alot, I thought this has to stop, I bought some nosespray and some cough syrup, then two times a day a paracetamol and that should do it, I guess. Thank god I have a few days off, so I can sick this cold out. This day has been nice, although I missed a few people. Johannus and Ricardo were off and on at Humanitas, Later in the afternoon I caught them in there room, they were about to go to McDonalds and I asked if I could join them. That was alright, I payed for my own meal. 

No, it's not that bad!

Johannus still has three days with his kids,then he has to deliver them at there ex's, for a week, I wonder how that will go. Johannus spent so much time with the kids lately, he's really working on it. While we were walking towards McDonalds he saw a relative, it was the ex's nephew, crazy guy but good friends with Johannus and his kids. It made me think, I thought I could learn Ricardo perhaps some manors, or give him the attention what he needs as a kid, go out with him so now and then, or play with him. Not to much though cause I know I'm not the Father, Johannus needs to spend time with him actually, not me. But I like Ricardo and while I am with him I try to teach him well and give him the attention he needs.

It's hard though,cause he's in such a bad atmosphere at the moment, with all the cursing residents here, and his Mom and Dad having sometimes that bad language. I saw today that that bad language and a tiny bit of a bad influence in Johannus's friends, Johannus's ex's Nephew had aswell a bad language, and was drinking beer. Ricardo loves him and laughed about his (rude) jokes. I'm sure not his type, oh no! I'm the opposite. I thought of Ricardo while seeing him with the Nephew and I thought, "Yeah, that's it, it's no use, it's to hard to teach him what's right and wrong." It's all in the Family, it's a pity though, Ricardo is such a cute kid, I hope his Dad teached him well. He sure is on the good way.

I went to my bank aswell today, yeah I wanna achieve things this comming weekend and week. I need a activating code for my new cellphone, I can use my cellphone for online banking. I lost the code in my Hotmail, (my Hotmail was closed due a virus) When I got into the bank they helped me right away, I told them I need a new activatings code for my cellphone. I could do that online they told me, but I needed to log in to my account first, dork I am, I forgot to take my users name with me and my password. My username has all numbers and letters, it's difficult to remember specially when I just had the new usersname. It wasn't that a disaster said the guy who helped me, I could fix that online aswell at the helpdesk section. 

It's been a nice day with here and there some ups and downs, but that's alright, cause there's always tomorrow. Tomorrow will always be better, I hope my cold too.

"It's time."

"It's time."

It's serious time to start looking for a place for myself, not only I was thinking that but aswell Humanitas. This morning in the conversation I had with Paula, she told me that it was going very well with me, and that it's time to start looking for a house. You see, not only Humanitas is keeping an eye on me what I all do and achieve, but aswell another company. (I forgot the name) Everytime I have a appointment with Paula she sents a rapport to that company what we are doing and what we have achieved, that company was positive about how I was doing recently. There is a waiting list for people who want a room at Humanitas, if Humanitas and that company see that a resident is doing well and is acapable to manich on his own that it's time to go. That might sound a bit harsh, but it's not like that you have to pack your suitcases and that they send you on the street again.

They help you out to look for a house or in my case a room. Paula told me that the staff and that company might want to look for a room for me, Paula was against it and so was I. I'm not going to rent a room, I'm not going from my room here at Humanitas to another room. I would like to move forward, putting me in a room feels like a step back, I would like to go forward and not backwards. It's going so well, and I would like to continue with that. Paula agreed with that, and she told me that we have to get serious to work this Summer for a house. It will be tough though, cause in Almelo it's really going slow with the rent houses. I signed in three months ago, so I wont have many points. In Almelo they work with a point system when it comes to rent houses, every month you get one point,when you have enough points you might get a chance for a house. 

Some rent houses have a certain kinda amount of points, for example if there's a house for rent and that house has a rent of 124 points, it's yours when you have 124 points. And yes that will take you then 124 months, so with my three points in three months, sigh! But I can look aswell to three other cities, there's Enschede, Hengelo, and Zwolle, in all three cities I signed in. They will look for me for a house, but you can aswell look for yourself online. But, I lost my password from all three cities (me clumpsy head!) Someone sent me a mail with a virus trough my hotmail, now hotmail closed my account. In that account I had all the passwords. To solve that problem I will have to call these companies, or visit them. And that's what I'm going to do.

I had a nice sleep last night, although the warmth. But this 'cold' what I have isn becomming a pain, I dislike having a cold in the summer. I don't know what to do, be outside with this heat or stay inside. I'm always aware that I might get sicker, "Don't think about it," would my Mom have said. And she's always right, stop thinking! When I had the appointment with Paula at 11:00 I brought as a suprise two little butter breads with me, they were nice with almond paste and raisins. She liked it, and was suprised. After the appointment I had a nice sleep, when I woke up I turned around and slept again. I could have slept longer when I woke up for the second time, yeah I was tired. Maybe because of the cold, sneezing and chouging all day made me feel exhausted. 

Ricardo dropped by aswell a few times today, first time he came while I had the appointment with Paula. I hugged him and reminded him about last night that he was naughty and not listening. He went shy and putted his head down, damn! I so don't like when he does that, I melt and feel sorry for him, LOL! The second time he came while I was about to go for a nap, he comes so often sometimes. Well, I had dinner with him and just before dinner I played a bit soccer with him. He was being naughty whit the soccer game, it's sometimes no use when you talk to him about being naughty. I hope one day he gets it when someone wants to teach him well, specially his Dad ofcource.

It's a special day today, it's the 'ascension of Jesus' day today. We call it 'Hemelvaart,' we don't celebrate it that much in Holland, first there is church and then some activities. But it's sure not like it use to be like in the old days, one nice activity we do is called 'dauwtrappen.' People hop on there bikes very early in the morning and try to achieve  many kilometers. Dauw means in english 'dew,' dew you can see early in the mornig on the grass in summertime or spring. And trappen means in english kick, but let's call it peddle cause of the bikes.I use to do some 'dauwtrappen' too when I was a teenager, it was lots of fun and we peddled many kilometers, there were loads of bicycles on the road then but nowadays not so many. Is Holland becomming lazy?

Happy Birthday to you, happy Birthday to you, happy birthday dear...oh wait!

Happy Birthday to you, happy Birthday to you, happy birthday dear...oh wait! 

And I thought Canada day was on the 1st of June, and on Canada day it's Mar's Birthday as always. Me and my silly 'forget things' head. Now it's the 1st of June and two weeks ago I sent Mar a Birthday party, sigh! Mar's Birthday is on the 1st of July together with Canada day. I sent the gift a month to soon! Happens only to me, lol! Anyway aslong as she gets the gift it's fine.

A nice day today, sun was shinning and it was warm. Unexpected actually, I thought it would be colder, just like yesterday. Hello Dutch summer! There are some nice warm days ahead of us, so it's all good. I have a tiny bit of a cold, but I guess it will be a short cold, cause of the sunny weather. This morning I had a dentist appointment in Nijverdal, I went early so I was nice on time in Nijverdal. Infact a bit to early, so I went for a bit of shopping. I had the idea to buy a phone, I still had 20 minutes for the appointment so no worries here. I bought the cellphone in the same store where I bought it the last time, I need a cellphone for phoning and texting, and that's all I need. If my money budget was higher I would have bought a better one.

Last time I bought a Nokia, this time I bought a Samsung, it's a nice one and it's handy in use. I think I wont be using it much just like with my last phone, I texted more then phoning. I don't know why, maybe because I suck in phonecall conversations. I should try it more often,  I know. But I have a cellphone now and I'm happy with it. The dentist had a little suprise for me today, I thought I had to do two new fillings, then the dentist assistant told me that I needed three new fillings. (ouch) When the dentist looked at my teeth for aa check up he saw that only needed one filling, yay me! When the dentist moved the electric-chair into the right position, I nearly fell out. He needed to drill one of my upper teeth. It hurted a bit when he drilled and the dentist asked right away if I needed a injection for the pain. "I'm good," I said.


The drilling didn't take that long, and the injection would have cost me more money. Dentists are such a money takers sometimes, sigh! After the drilling he removed some calculus, ouch!! I so dislike taking away calculus, oh that the sound of the drill,  the hurting and the amount of water what comes out of that drill, ouch, gulp, ouch, gulp, I swallowed like a maniac and was in pain. But okay the appointment was done in twenty minutes, and the new dentist assistant looked good, oops! I mean was nice. The next appointment is in November, that will give my teeth a long rest till then, and my wallet aswell. I wrote yesterday about my dentist asurance, that I considered to go a package higher, I will have to pay fifteen Euro's more then, but I will have a 100% compensation instead of 75% compensation what I have now. But, why would I pay fifteen Euro more now? My next dentist appointment is in November, that's four months later. 

I would pay then fifteen Euro's for four months for nothing. I can always consider the 100% compensation package later in November. I was glad that I was done with the dentist and was about to walk back to the trainstation, but I thought, "Why not go to my Dad? It's been a while." Yeah, I thought, why not? And there I went, when I arrived Dad was sitting outside with some other elder people. Dad gave me his famous 'Yes, knick,' with his head, he always does that. He hasn't seen me in nearly two months, then he gave me that 'knick,' he's shaking his head up and down two times. It made me laugh a bit, like he just see's me every day. Dad looked much older, he's getting bald and the hairs he still has are grey and white. Bless him, I talked a bit with him, we don't need much words to each other. I'm so like my Dad, two top communicators LOL! 


I love my Dad, it was nice sitting with him and seeing him again. I left him when I sat with him for thirthy minutes, it's enough, his table for his lunch was ready aswell so, it was fine. I walked steady towards the trainstation and I was nice on time for my train back. My room was warm from the sun and I made and ated my lunch. Then a knock on the door, who could it be? By the sound of the knock and a peek on the clock it could only be Ricardo, ofcource. I was about to take a nap, but I letted him in, hugged him and told him nicely what my plan was today. First place In need a nap, then later on a bikeride with Ricardo plus some grocery shopping. I told him that I want a nap first cause I had a long morning. Ricardo went, "Uhmm, hmm, well okay, but, can you wake up not earlier?" I told him no, "Come back at 3 '0' clock then wi'll have a bikeride." After refusing a few times he took off with a smile.


Later on we had the bikeride, and it went well, he didn't listen a few times, and I nearly had enough of him and wanted to return. I always think to myself then what to do with him  if he doesn't listen for the tenth time. Should I let him be? Or tell him that this was his last bikeride with me? It doesn't help. Sometimes I take him apart to have a little chat with him, chatting about what happened and what I didn't like what he did to me. Sometimes it helps, most of the times not. Ricardo and I went to the grocery store cause I needed a few groceries, Ricardo didn't had money and I told him that I will give him two little bottles of juice. That was alright with him, ofcource when we were at the juice rack he nagged and tried to get some more juice, not even a thank you. I told him "No!" And why I told him no.


Then he gave me a big mouth in the store, I had enough, I payed my grocery and ignored him. He so doesn't like that, after five minutes he was trying to be nice again. I responded short, quiet and wise. I needed that talk with him again, why I didn't like what he did, but his Dad took Ricardo with him cause he had a appointment elsewhere, maybe later a talk. I just had a bit of enough of Ricardo's acting today, but I know aswell within a hour it's all good again, between me and him. I need to change that. Johannus knows when to give me my free time, now it's Ricardo's time to learn that. I really like him but sometimes 'Grrrr,' his Dad needs to teach him manors aswell.


Later on in the evening I checked on Johannus for a little while, his ex is on a short Holiday, and leaves Johannus with the two kids, but for a reason though.  Child custody wants to decide what to do with the kids within two weeks. Johannus has the kids now, and his ex is getting the kids next week for a week. Johannus told me this while he was back in the big room (room 23) that room is a family room, it's the room where Johannus and his ex stayed when everything was still good and well. I played a bit with Ricardo but he was naughty and not listening, I tried to talk to him and spoke aswell about what happened in the store this afternoon, but it was no use. He was rude towards me and his Dad, I left the room and I told Ricardo "Your not nice and your being rude that's  why I'm leaving." 

He replied, "I don't care, I don't have to see you tomorrow and then tomorrow," I told him "Fine." And I said bye to Johannus. Johannus said bye aswell.  See you tomorrow Ricardo...

"Come on Summer, make up your mind!"

"Come on Summer, make up your mind!"

We call this weather 'kwakkel-Summer' in Holland, Then it's warm, then it's cold, make up your mind Summer! I need warm weather, doesn't matter what kind. Hot, kinda hot, just a bit hot, any kinda hot but not cold. Today was rainy and alot colder then yesterday,almost 14 degrees lower. Although the rain was needed and it felt refreshing, *haaasssjjjooee* I need some sunshine. Sorry about the sneezing, I have a bit of a cold here. Yeah, I changed the tittle of my blog, I was in need of another tittle, something more uplifting. The tittle is taken from the song 'I'm amazed' by The Pixies. I love the song and yup!, I'm amazed how I'm doing so well, and I will achieve more things and will say, 'Im amazed.' I will work towards my goals and once I'm there I will say, 'I'm amazed.' I love my new tittle. 

I'm amazed that I like working the last three months, I haven't had a job in eight years. Yeah, time flies you can say, I sure wasn't ready to work the first two months being back in Holland.  But now I'm glad I work, I'm glad I wanted to work. Just doing things and having fun, rather then sitting in my small room and wait for something to happen. I did that for a few weeks, then I thought, "Yeah, I'm ready." Sure I needed the rest and adjusting first comming back, but now it feels better. Today at work was good, it rained so it made a nice day for working. I finnished two butler-tray's, as promised here are the pictures. 

Looks nice, right?

Love it! 

 It looks kinda simple to make but, oh my, it's alot of measure and puzzle work.You can take the tray of and fold the tray-holder, handy! It's usually for use in the garden, you can tell by the kind of wood. My Boss had the idea of making one, so he was puzzling ans measureing for two days, and finally it's there. I made three of them, the last one I made is the best, lol! Although my Boss is a very nice guy, he seems to give alot of instructions. Like, I was sawing a part of piece of the tray with the electric-saw, and he told me to do it this way. I preciate the advice, but sometimes he gives to much advices. In other words, "Can I do it now? Or you wanna finnish the whole tray?"  My Boss is not a handy worker, some kinda things he's good at, but mostly it's yeah, never mind. Hahaha.

After work I had a bit that 'eek,' feeling again, will Ricardo and Johannus be there waiting for me? I thought, "Oh well, let it be," and no they weren't. Only after 15 Minutes Ricardo came with his famous 3 knocks on the door, I asked him how he was what he did today. I told him I need a shower first, and then I'm making dinner, then I will rest or we 'might' do something. "Can you eat with us first and then have a shower?" Asked Ricardo. I asked him why, "cause my Dad is cooking for us and he wants you to join us." Ricardo replied. "Well, I need a shower first, and then I will have a look in the kitchen for you Dad," I told him. Ricardo kept asking what time I was ready with showering. I replied, "Ten minutes past five." And there I went to the shower, "See you then," said Ricardo. 

Karnemelk/ Buttermilk is what I dranked today at work!

I was showering and after five minutes Ricardo knocked on the shower door, (sigh and a laugh) I shouted "Come in!" And laughed, Ricardo laughed even harder, he knew I was joking! I told him to hold on I'm almost done. Geesh, what a rush, I had a bit of enough of Ricardo's rush and told him that and his Dad. Johannus told Ricardo to calm down, I didn't even had the time to get new socks, lol! Johannus had a appointment downstairs at 5:30,that's why the rush. The Dinner was okay, potatoes with red cabage. I offered to take care of Ricardo for a bit while Johannus had his appointment, that was alright. But Ricardo was being naughty so I had to sent him to his Dad, fair enough. I had a working day and I don't need the rush and naughtyness. 


I was aware that I draw the line a few times with Ricardo and Johannus, and that felt good being assertive. I don't feel much for tomorrow, tomorrow I will have the dentist, and I want to go to my healtcare company, to ask for a level higher in my dentist package. (I wrote about this)Let's see how this will go, I guess it will be a full day again. Tomorrow aswell Canada day in Canada (ofcource) Canada day means aswell Mar's Birthday, I miss seeing her, and I hope she has a great day. Gotta be a nice day, who else get's fireworks on there birthday! Enjoy Mar!!

Roddy Frame - SMALL WORLD

Amazing singer of the British band 'Aztec Camera.' Great song aswell, 'Small world.' Enjoy!

“Sun is shining. Weather is sweet. Make you wanna move your dancing feet.”

“Sun is shining. Weather is sweet. Make you wanna move your dancing feet.” 

Well, it was a bit to warm to move my dancing feet, but otherwise I had a great day. I really adore my work, I love it. Today I made the second wooden butler- tray, (tomorrow pics) another guy helped me, he made another one, or atleast tried. He was a new guy and never worked with wood, he did alright. The one I made was much better then the one I made last Thursday, it made me feel happy. The new guy I worked with, was a bit of a uhm, how you call such person? Saying something nice for example giving compliments, but just a bit to overreacting nice, and actually not meaning it, or just saying it to be nice and friendly but actually saying 'screw you,' (lol, Now I am overracting) Atleast that's how he came over to me. I talked a bit more to him later on, he was just a bit 'to' nice. Maybe he was just nervous.

But yeah, it was a nice day at work today, I had fun, the weather was good, and the work went fine. Perfect! It's all I need. Just a tiny bit worried about comming back to Humanitas after work, or worried? Maybe a bit not wanting, in other words, it's nice comming home after a hard day's work to a relaxed atmosphere without any drama or busy things. It's sometimes hard to find that atmosphere at Humanitas, it made me today a bit 'eek' and I know it's not the right feeling. Specially with the last weeks with the drama Johannus's break up, and Ricardo. This afternoon I thought to myself, I had just a bit enough of that drama,' I do still care about them though, but just, well, you know.I will work on that.This morning a resident told me that I spent to much time with them. I told him that I know when to stop, I know where the line is, I already told Johannus that it's sometimes just a bit to much. 


I just want to keep the peace, like always. I wont say right away, "No, not tonight!" if Johannus or Ricardo knocks on my door, that's not me. I would sit with him and talk about it, or say nothing at all. Last night I was a bit worried aswell, around 9:30 in the evening Johannus knocked on my door again with Ricardo, (way past his bedtime) Johannus told me he saw his ex stepping into another car with his youngest Son, she was with the guy where she slept with. Johannus followed them sneaky, and the guy saw him and drove like a maniac across the road, they nearly drove in the water. Johannus gave up following them, it went to crazy. Johannus was worried about his youngest Son who was in the other car. Ricardo sat with his Dad in the backseat, sigh! After that Johannus went to the police to tell them about his youngest Son, he was worried about him, he gave the police the guy's licince plate number. 


Johannus told me all this and he would like to check again cause he had a clue where his ex might be, I asked him to slow down and give it a rest. But no use, he went and I took care of Ricardo cause he wanted to stay with me. (I didn't mind) After 20 minutes Johannus came back and said, "I didn't go, it's no use, it's late." I told him again, to calm down and I asked him to call the child custody tomorrow to arrange about his youngest Son, "That's my plan," replied Johannus. Then they took off, thank God! I sure had enough of that day. This morning I wrote a little note for the staff, asking Johannus's counselor to keep an eye on him, and telling her about what happend last night. I don't want him and Ricardo to get in trouble, let Johannus's counselor deal with them. The 'eek' feeling I had today was for nothing cause Johannus and Ricardo weren't at Humanitas. Where they were, I didn't know. 


I made my dinner, and after my dinner I had a fresh shower, it did me good. Still Johannus and Ricardo weren't there, and I was thinking to myself, "I don't mind, this 'rest' feels good." I sat in the backyard enjoyning the afternoon sun, and some residents came along and sat with me. We talked and made some jokes, we had fun. It felt good, later on Paula dropped by aswell and sat with us. Perfect! I would be nice if Johannus and Ricardo were sitting with us and have the same fun but at the moment there sure not in the mood for such things, I wish it was different. I felt I had a day off, I really had a nice day. More day's like this will come! 


P.s. I hope Johannus and Ricardo are alright, specially Ricardo!

"Just another Sunday, Oh yaaa, just another Sunday, Just another Sunday, oh yaaa."

"Just another Sunday, Oh yaaa, just another Sunday, Just another Sunday, oh yaaa."

Sundays are fine, every shop is closed only the gasstations are open. So If you want to spend money there is an option to do so. Usually I get my grocery inside before the Sunday, so I won't get stuck. I'm feeling a bit better then yesterday, yesterday I felt tired and had alot of naps. Today I'm better, I had a good sleep and a nice shower. It's grey outside and it's only 16 degrees, tomorrow we will get a few degrees above that, I miss the warm weather. Like I said yesterday I had a appointment with Paula my counselor, my 'almost arranges everything for me,' I couldn't have maniched things without her. She's a busy woman, I always thank her after an appointment. Yesterday we talked about my money and my work.

I should have an appointment with that 'other' lady from Gak, remember? About what the chances were for me for re-intergration. Like I said, I'm already busy with re-intergration at Reha. Well, that lady chancelled the appointment last Thursday and I had to call her for another appointment, I tried to call her but she didn't answer her phone. It's the weekend now, so I guess I have to call her Monday, Paula told me that I could do that, but if you don't then that's not a crime either, I sure will get another appointment. I will see what I do tomorrow.

Peter the pig!

My healt-usurance, I recieved  the bills by mail from the last three months (appointments) from the dentist and it's quit alot of money what I have to pay. Ofcource twice a rootcanal threatment is expensive. My usurance will pay atleast 75% of the bill, and I have to pay the rest, (deductible) still, it's quit alot. Further I had to pay the monthly money for my health-usurance, what I 'have' to pay ofcource every month. Now I would like to change something in my healt-usurance, I have a extra dentist-usurance within the package of my healt-usurance. In that usurance you can choose a package, there's package one, two, three, and four. In package one I get 25% back from the money I pay for the dentist threatments, in package two I get , 50%, In package three, 75% and 100% in package four. 


At the moment I'm in package three so I get 75% back, Now the last three months being back in Holland I had alot of threatments at the dentist, (Bad teeth, I didn't went to the dentist for about three years in Canada, but I brushed my teeth daily though, lol) I'm thinking about going a package higher, from three to four, so I will get 100% back. I will have to pay fifteen Euro more then in the month but it's sure worth it. It all has to do with deductible, I have to pay to much still for my teeth threatments. I will ask this upcomming Wednessday at my healt-usurance if that's possible, then I can tell them right away that I found a new Doctor, they need to know that. 

Rrrricardooo!

~Do you remember this?

....I forgot alot of things what I had to stop while I was moving to Canada! There was the monthly care-allowence what I always had before I went to Canada, I had to stop that allowance cause I planned to move overseas ofcource. The company who payed me this care-allowance didn't know I moved overseas and they payed me every month a amount of money while I was in Canada. I didn't have the right on that money cause I was in Canada. It was the excact same thing with my monthly rent-allowance, I had to stop that aswell cause of the moving overseas. They payed me aswell every month while I was in Canada.

The care allowance has to be payed back, remember I told about the 76 Euro I have to pay every month till I get to the amount of money they want me to pay back? This paying back will take me 2 years, and I have to start with the paying the 1st of May. Now here's the thing, I asked again for care allowance every month, just like I had before I went to Canada. and they agreed, I will get every month care-allowance (70 Euro). AND I have to pay back every month care allowance (76 Euro). Are you still there? So I will get nothing but I also don't have to pay anything, right? right. 

"I want bread!!"

~And this?

....Today I had a appointment with Linda (my counsiler) and an old usurance man, who usuranced me since I have been living on my own, I know him now for more then 7 years. He's a good bussines man and knows how to sell things. I had a few usurances with him, they were the life-usurance, the contents-usurance. and the burial-usurance. These usurances have all been stopped when I went to Canada for good, (Oct. 2009) I didn't need them anymore and I can't use them in Canada. I even signed for it to stop the usurances, but a few months ago I noticed and saw on my bankstatements from the last 3 months, (I asked for these statements 2 months ago, cause I needed them for my income) that these usurances still have been paid untill May 2010. Paula and I wondered why these usurances been going on till that date.

Paula made an appointment with the man where I had these usurances with, and today he came. We would like to know if we still can get some money back, cause I stopped these usurances  almost 2 years ago. That wasn't possible cause they already have been stopped automaticly in May 2010, but there kinda still open to be re-opend (are you still there?) It felt and sounded like a puzzle what he all said. " You need to call the company, I can't do that here for you now," said the usurance man. So, all the usurances has been (kinda) stopped and we needed to know if we still can get some money from these usurances. (policy) We didn't want these usurances to be re-opened or start new ones. Paula called the company to see if we can get some money back, it took a while, but in the end... We got some money back! Yay! It was alot of money! 

Within 2 weeks I will get mail from the usurance company with the total amount of money what I will recieve, then I have to fill in a paper what I have to send back. Then within 10 days (the company told me) the amount of money will be standing on my bank account! 

Now, I'm still waiting for that mail! I don't even know how much money I get, yeah, alot but how much? They said two weeks, the time is urgent. Cause my plan was to pay the whole sum of money of the care-alowance guild before the 31st of May. At that date I need to start paying for my care alowance, every month 76 Euro. Tomorrow is the 31st of May. Paula asked me to call them upcomming Wednessday to inform about this mail and the money what I should becomming. Maybe I will do it earlier, I will see, eeek! I so don't like making phonecalls! In the meanwhile I will start paying the 76 Euro from tomorrow on monthly. Hello? 

A Heron caught by my camera.

A Dutch little Farmer's house.

 The day is ending and it was an alright day, although I can spend only one hour in the week with Ricardo, and one hour in the weekend, I still see them alot. Ricardo knocks on my door quit often, sometimes he's alone and sometimes Johannus is with him. You can say I spend more time with them then other residents, I don't do it on purpose though, it just happens. Ricardo needs to spend alot time with his son, but so now and then, Johannus is asking me aswell to join him for a walk or for a car ride. Today we went to the children's farm, and that was nice. And we cooked dinner together. hmm, it's a bit much right? Yes it is, but I think aswell that they have a rough time now, they need some comfort, but still there's a line. Enough is enough. 

I'm handsome, and you know it!

If it's getting to much then I will tell them, so far so good. Johannus asked me if we can always cook together, but I just don't know. I told them okay, but I have my doubts. If we do that we have to make agreements, who's gonna pay that all? And who's gonna buy or cook? Refussing them would perhaps hurt them, I really hope they get a place for there own soon. It's better for them and for me. Good news is that Johannus was alot calmer then yesterday, he had a few jokes today, and that made me feel good. 

"Enough is enough."

"Enough is enough."

It's much colder outside, it such a nice weather for naps, and so I did. I had three naps yesterday and today 'idem dito' I had three naps. I'm tired, my body is asking for sleep. I didn't do much today, it was almost like yesterday, I did my grocery and finnished my last laundry. I think I start today a little episode of the soap serie 'Humanitas,' there's a huge drama going on recently. I bet 'Steven Spielberg' would have filmed it right away.

The Bold and the Beautifull or As the world turns?

I already wrote a bit about Johannus and his girlfriend that they are seperated now. It all happened in two days, I saw it comming though but not so fast. In shorth,  last Monday Johannus girlfriend dumped him. Now Johannus  got right away another room right and his girl stayed in the big Family room were they always have lived. The child custody wanted to decide what to do with the kids within two days and the staff is gonna decide what to do with Johannus and his girlfriend.The Kids needed to stay with Jo's girlfriend, Ricardo went sad cause he wanted to stay with his Dad. In the late afternoon child custody decided that Ricardo could stay with his Dad, the other little one stayed with Mom. 


Johannus is not himself anymore, he has crying moments and can't sleep at night. He's restless and suspicious about his ex, he keeps talking about her, sigh! Ricardo? He's a bit different too, he seems calm and quiet, the 'adhd' seemed to be disapeared. I feel sorry for him that he has to go trough this, his Dad wants to talk about his problems to every resident, but he has to be aware that his Son is standing next to him. I would like to help Ricardo but I can't really be there for him.The child custody and Humanitas told Johannus that I have to spent less time with Ricardo, and I sure understand that. I spend way to much time with the little one, Ricardo likes me cause I spent time with him and I gave him the attention he needs. I like him too, I like how I take care of him, I like him he's cute. Perhaps it's the fact that I miss the taking care of the two little ones in Canada, Tasn and Ab.

I miss those kids too so now and then, miss being around them, I feel there's a empty space without them, and Ricardo fills that space. But I know it's not healty to play the Dad for Ricardo and I know that I have to take a step back, it was getting to much for Ricardo and his Dad. But aswell for me, Ricardo needs to spend time with his Dad alot more, he has the custody now over him. Child custody and Humanitas decided that I can spend time with Ricardo only on wednessday for two hours and in the weekend for only two hours. Ofcource I will bump into Ricardo daily here, that is okay, it's not that I have to avoid him or that we have to lock ourselves up. I'm fine and okay with the decision. I do still feel sorry for Ricardo though, I really hope his Dad takes good care of him, he deserves that!


Now the turning point. Something has happend, and Johannus went mad, but stayed calm. Jo informed me on MSN that his ex-girlfriend slept with another resident a few days ago. I know the resident and most of the other residents knows him too, Johannus was getting along aswell with him. But now? Wow, Jo couldn't believe what has happend, his buddy at Humanitas betrayed him with his own ex. Jo and his girl were just seperated a few days ago, and now this. How did Johannus find out? Johannus brought Ricardo upstairs to his Mom, (ex) cause Jo had to go somewhere to help someone in the Family moving. Ricardo saw the other resident comming from Mom's room while walking upstairs. When Johannus arrived the resident was already gone, but this resident has a very strong perfume. 

Johannus got suspicious and asked his ex girlfriend about it, ofcource she says, "No." Ricardo went to his Mom's bed to have a little laydown and he smelled the strong perfume and right away regonizes the perfume and tells his Dad about it. Johannus walks away cause he had to go, and Ricardo needed to get ready for school.  Johannus's  ex needed to take care of Ricardo that he's on time for school. Johannus informed me about this drama in the evening on MSN, I already wandered that day where Johannus and Ricardo were. They were staying with a friend but they will return to Humanitas to get some clothes within 15 minutes, cause they were both planning to get a weekend out. I asked Johannus if I could see them before they went, he said, "No, I need to get some clothes and were gone, we will be back Sunday." He knocked on my door just before he went for the weekend, LOL! Confussed tough guy! 

He spoke again about his ex, he still couldn't believe it. Ricardo was staring at the floor, he was obliviously tired. Poor little fellow, I felt sorry for him. I took him on my lap, Johannus told me that he might get a fever cause he's feeling hot. "Take good care of him, and be a bit quiet when you talk about the ex infront of him," I told him, "He sure knows it by now." Johannus responded, "I sure will," I understand that Johannus is confussed and mad, but he has to keep it down a bit infront of his Son. Otherwise he will have a breakdown and that's not right for a guy of his age. The time had come that Johannus wanted to go and there they went, Ricardo slept in the car. Today early in the morning they came already back, so far the long weekend out? In about an hour Ricardo knocked on my door, with Johannus standing beside him, Johannus told about where he spent the night, he was with Frank. He goes there often now, it's better then staying here. 

It was 8:00 am and they asked me to come with them to the market, I was tired and I refussed. I had a appointment with Paula aswell at 11:00 I told Johannus. "Maybe in the afternoon," I said. I went for a nap, and Johannus and his Son were going to the market. (*I will tell tomorrow about my appointment with Paula*) While the appointment was still going on Johannus knocked on the office door where I sat with Paula, my appointment was almost done though, and it was alright he came in with Ricardo. Paula talked a bit with Johannus, Johannus talked about his ex again ofcource. After a little while Ricardo asked me to go with Dad and him to go to the market, "If that's alright with your Dad, then it's alright, sure," I told him. His Dad was alright with that, he actually insisted. Johannus asked me if I was ready, I told him that I need to change my clothes first and that I'll be done in 10 minutes. When I came back to the office (dressed properly) Ricardo was standing there and told me not to go into the office, "We need to stay here, cause daddy is in a conversation with Paula.

It was going rough and I took care of Ricardo, he was to calm and not himself. I held him in my hands for a bit and played a bit. After Johannus's  talk we took off to the market, Again Johannus spoke constantly about the ex. Ricardo walked around like not himself, he didn't even want a candy when I offered him one. After the walk I told Johannus to be calm and give it all a rest, "I need my rest too," I told him, "I'm taking another nap." It gets tired after a while all that talking from him, sure he wants and needs to talk, but I can't help him, I can only give him some advice and that's it. I explained him that I don't want to get involved aswell, and that I don't want to choose sides. I spend time with him cause I feel sorry for him and specially for his son, but I don't want other residents to talk bad about me, I don't want that they think I choose a side. Aswell I have my own problems too and I need time for myself.

He sure understood, and he took off with his Son again, he planned to get some fish from the market. I was napping and napping, lol. I felt I was out of breath, I was happy that I took the rest and that I could take the rest I needed. After my dinner Johannus came back with Ricardo, I could tell that Jo is not calm but restless, he wants to know what's going on with his ex, where she is, what she's doing, etc, ect. And he's dragging Ricardo with him. I really hope that he does not crazy things what he will regret later, he can't do that for his Son and for himself. Everytime Johannus hears a door or a car he gets up to see who it is, it makes Ricardo suspicious and frighten too. If they would ask me what's the best option is for Johannus and Ricardo then it would be that he needs to get out of here and start to get focused on his Son and on his future. 


He worries about his second younger son aswell, "That's why I'm so restless and suspicious," he told me. "My little Son is together with my ex and that other resident where my ex slept with, and that worries me," he shouted. I understood him. The day was comming to an end and I told them both to be calm and try to give it a rest. I just had a little time with Ricardo tonight just before he had to go to bed, cause Johannus had to go to fill the gas tank. I joked around with Ricardo and petted him, it was nice to see him laugh. But I know he loves his Dad very much, I sure I could tell, I was happy with that. 


How am I under this all? Am I not to much involved? I might be yes, I have the feeling I am, but I know aswell what to do and where the line is. If it gets TO much I sure will take a step back, cause I need to do that for myself. I told Johannus today about getting involved to much twice, and I'm proud of myself I did. I told a few times 'no' aswell, (being assertive, lol) Sometimes it's hard to say 'no,' cause I feel sorry for them specially Ricardo. But I have to. So far it's all good, no worries here!

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book."

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book."

The long sleep was there but the laugh was missing, but that's okay, there will be more days with laughter. I felt so tired today, I felt I swallowed a brick aswell, heavy feelings on my chest. Normally I have these feelings after a long week with work. But today was extreme,I guess I have to blame the drama what's going on lately at Humanitas (Ricardo/Johannus) and count the working days with it, and there you go. I do my work, feel okay and get along with the 'drama', here and suddenly... 'beng,' it hits you. It's been a exhausting day, I did a few groceries and did one part of laundry, and that's it. I took two naps, the first nap was a small half hour,and the second one was one hour and a half. I felt I could sleep some more, but I didn't. 

I bought some...

I think it's just one of the days again, many thoughts go trough my mind. I don't know if it's a good or positive thought but if they would offer me the chance to go back to Canada, I would say, "No." I have the feeling that there is not much there for me, except giving Tasn a BIG hug! Living in Canada? I don't know, at the moment it's a 'no.' To much work and perhaps to much stress. I don't want to return to Canada just for meeting 'the Family,' but just living there, hmm, who knows. I hope I don't bump into Saf then, she might get anxcious, or upset, and I surely don't want that. Just imagine living in Barrie or Mississauga, (Mississauga would be better) I would automaticly want to visit them or you might bump into them by accident, that's not my thing.

I have been looking for houses today aswell in the city where I live now, some other residents were telling me that it's hard to find a house here. Usually you will get a flat or a appartment, I know there's not much choice with my monthly income. It makes me a little bit nervous, I always told myself that everything will be better after I have a house, well, slightly. I know aswell that I don't get a villa with a pool in the backyard, but I need to be a bit more realistic though. Otherwise you might get dissapointed after I get a house. Am I happy now? I'm okay, I'm quit happy how the things are going, my income, usurances, work, that's all good. Now it's time for the next step.

...strawberry's for my sandwisch.... but I thought I could...

Living on my own, I have the feeling I have been living long enough at Humanitas. I'm a little bit frighten though, cause I don't know what kinda house I will get and what will be there waiting for me. But I'm sure I am ready for it, I long for a house on my own. I have the feeling that there is so much to do though, but when I think of it long enough then the half is already done. I need furniture though and other things to fill the house and other things what is needed. I achieved many things from January till now, I guess this I will achieve too. I hope I will be happy in my new house, I planned to have a happy future, that's my goal. I suffered enough. 

...add some slices of banana on it aswell...Yum!

I have an appointment with Linda tomorrow at 11:00, I will talk about 'housing' with her, but I guess I have to find a house by myself according to other residents. I need to start working on myself again, recently I have the feeling that I get lazy with such things, I need to start paying attention. Get a nice house, get a proper job, have enough income, get some friends. 


I'm ready!

"Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work."

"Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work."

 I love the work I do, although it's hard work sometimes with hard thinking. This working day was nice, we had laughs and made fun, it's a nice bunch of people together. Today I completed another butler-tray, it seems so easy but I worked almost a whole day on that tray, I wasn't that happy about it that I did only one tray. But I was happy that in the end of the day I finnished that whole tray, that tray where I worked so hard on. I made some little mistakes and did some miss-counts, and the other workers were joking around with me, (lol!) "Aren't you finnished yet," they tell me, or, "I could have made four trays in one day." That's all okay, I know it's all fun and jokes. This comming Monday I need to make another tray, and then I want to accomplish it without any mistakes and miss-counts. I'm such a perfectionist, LOL!

There's so much dust comming from the electric sawing machines at work, I don't think it's that healthy. We open alot of windows and doors though and that seems to help a bit, but still. This little factory is in need of more workers, more tools and more (mighty) machines. We still have work to do, but it can also be one day that the work is all over. But so far, were still having some work. Today someone called for me at work, it was my counseler Linda, who told me that my re-intergration appointment was not going trough. I had at 3:00 pm a appointment with a lady who wanted to know what the options are for me for re-intergration, the lady is from Gak, Gak is the company where I get my monthly money from. Well, I'm in the middle of a re-intergration program at Reha, I don't need other options.

Funny thing is that at Reha I'm doing re-intergration with aswell a lady from Gak, she leads me trough this project and tries to find proper jobs for me. And now this other lady from Gak wants to invite me to see what options there are for me for re-intergration. Linda left me a phone-number of the other lady so I can call her tomorrow, and I will call her tomorrow.
There was so much wind today, I was out of breath almost when I arrived at the free dinner. I didn't expect to see Ricardo there, he came with two other residents who I know. I sat with them cause Ricardo wanted to, just like yesterday. Johannus walked in aswell what really suprises me. He had a appointment with the child custody today, and he told about it a bit. He told me that Ricardo can visit me only two hours in three days weekly from now on. I understood why cause Ricardo spents much more time with me then his own Father, and that's not right, I see it aswell.

I do alot stuff with him what actually his Father should be doing with him. I almost never did mind though, I like Ricardo aswell. I thought about it today, why I liked Ricardo that much, perhaps it's the fact that I miss having kids around me, what I had in Canada. Ricardo fills in that empty space, and I must say, when Johannus told me that Ricardo can see me less during the week, I felt a bit bad about it, but I understand, it's better this way. It's better for Johannus and Ricardo and better for me, they need to spend time with each other. I think them leaving Humanitas and find a place for themselves is the best option, so they can be with each other and lessen the drama from Humanitas. It's not healty for little kids here. Johannus and his ex-girlfriend plus there two sons are still seeing each other, there's no avoiding each other possible here. The need to go, or the ex-girlfriend needs to go. 

Ricardo wants to stay with his Dad, and his Dad needs to take care of him like a maniac, he needs to prove child custody that he's able to do that from now on. I wish him luck, I must say he's doing a much better job then he used to did. To much Ricardo/Johannus writting lately, I'm sorry, hehe!  I just feel like I'm in the middle of this whole drama. After the free dinner I went for a long walk with Johannus and Ricardo, Ricardo cried cause he wanted to be with me after we ated. Johannus refussed but he took me with him for the walk. It was a nice walk and I had fun, but just that sometimes I think that they need to go, go from Humanitas. It's way much better for them and for me aswell. There's just a little bit to much stress and pressure.I don't want to stay that long here aswell, just like my counseler Linda told me, "It's better for you to stay not that long here."

"Love that cares, listens."

"Love that cares, listens."

Fully day today, even though I had a day off work. But okay, now I'm here writting this post with next to me the nicest cuppa coffee you can imagine, I wish you could smell it!  What made this day so full, well, I feel like I'm standing a bit between a couple who are seperated. I hope it's just a feeling, I will for sure take a step back. Like I said before, Johannus and his girl are seperated just two days ago, his girl is for sure not willing to return to him according to Johannus. This Morning with the second coffee break Johannus broke out in tears, with his kids beside him. It does something to me, Johannus is such a big tough guy and seeing him cry made me wanna cry almost too. I talked to him, it's such a akward situation. They both seperated last monday, Johannus got an another room and his girl stayed in the big Family room. Now the child custody wants to decide what to do with the kids within two days and the staff is gonna decide what to do with Johannus and his girlfriend. Hello? they have been seperated for 2 days?!

Sometimes couples need to be seperated for a while and just let them be. Maybe it will heal, or maybe it wont, but atleast they need the rest what they deserve. I know some couples that have been seperated for a half year and decided later to come back to each other. That's possible aswell,  but this seperation is unbelievable, it's alot of pressure for this Family and it's going way to fast. I know that Humanitas is not a good place for Families, sitting with each other 24 hours a day on each other's lip isn't that healty. Anyway, seeing Johannus cry did something to me, he talks alot about his girl, he sure has regrets. But I'm not gonna choose sides, and I'm not gonna stand in between. Or am I doing that already?  I take care sometimes of Ricardo, today was hectic. Ricardo knocked on my door at 1:00 pm, I just woke up from a nap. He throwed his schoolbag in the corner and sat with me, apearantly he came right from school to my room. "Are you going to the store?" He asked me. 

I answered, "Maybe, but I'm not sure," he was way to early. I was still tired and exhausted, it was my day of from work aswell.  I like spending time with him but to much is to much, but okay. His Dad was fixing his computer with his Nephew, "let's go see them," I told Ricardo. His Dad and Ricardo had planned to go feed the geesses today, and Ricardo asked me to join us. That was alright with me, so we could go right after that to the store. Ricardo Happy, me satisfied. It was a nice out, but Ricardo was a bit naughty and not listening, he had his adhd medication a bit to late. Ricardo bought a tray of 12 pop cans (little ones) and he finnised them all in 3 hours. Johannus stayed calm and that suprised me, he guided and parented his son nicely. After the geeses we sat in the garden to have a little rest. Ricardo played football, and sat with me for a few minutes while Johannus went to the toilet. I spoke to Ricardo for a bit and told him that he needs to listen more often otherwise he would get punished more, then I hugged him. 

It was nearly time for the ' free dinner,' Ricardo asked me to bring him with me. His Dad said "No," in the first place, but Ricardo wanted to go. Johannus didn't wanna go, that's understandable, the people will be talking there and ask questions. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided to take Ricardo with me, on the bike. Johannus needed to go somewhere and would be back shortly, I took care of Ricardo. He was a nice boy whit dinner, I bet it had to do with the french fries we were getting, he ated it all. After the dinner we went to 'Action,' it's a store like the ' Dollar store'. I planned to buy some color books and some color pencils, Ricardo saved some money and wanted to buy something too, he bought two boxes what he had to fold himself, plus a bottle of Pepsi. He always has his saved money in his pocket, so I decided to but him a cheap little wallet, it was all good. Funny when we arrived at the cash register, Ricardo puts all the small money (coins) he has into the cashier's hands and letted her count the right amount of money, he does it in every shop. 


It made me think while I spended time with Ricardo, that it goes so easy this parenting, this taking care of him. It makes me proud of myself, it makes me feel good, I'm not that a bad Father, LOL! I can be proud of myself. When we got back at Humanitas Johannus was already back from his 'going out,' I sat with him and his two sons for a while, Ricardo was folding his new boxes. After the folding he wanted to go with me to my room to color, like I promised him. While coloring he seemed to be busy and hectic, he was full of energy and just a bit to hyper. It made me tired and I asked him to take it easy, "I'm busy," he replied with a laugh. I became tired and had a bit of enough from this afternoon, and decided that it was enough, I spend almost 7 hours with Ricardo. He refused and became angry at me, I asked  him to be nice to me, then Johannus knocked on my door right on time, Ricardo shouted that he didn't want to see me anymore. 

I came towards Ricardo and I told him that I spent the whole afternoon with him, then I summed all up what we did and what we bought. "You won't get this done with the other residents here," I told him. He replied, "Yeah? well, we didn't even go for a bikeride on my bike." Sigh! I told him that if he wants to spend time with me this comming days he has to be nice. He was to hyper to understand this and I letted him be. We cleared up the coloring books and pensils and sat a while in the big 'green 'living room. Ricardo was still full of energy and became a bit naughty, I had enough and thought to myself, "It wont be long now till I have time for myself, Ricardo needs to go to bed." 

Ricardo's Mom came into the big room and asked Johannus to take care of his youngest Son while she goes into the shower, first they talked for a little while.  I felt I was right in the middle of a seperated couple and I didn't like it. Taking care of Ricardo this week, talking to Johannus and comfort him, ugh! I need to take a little step back, I will atleast try. After 20 minutes Johannus and I decided to call it a night, Johannus's ex was done with showering. First Johannus asked me to go with him for one more walk, but I refused, it was enough. I went to my room and thought, "Finally a 'me' time." I need to take a step back. After 20 minutes Johannus knocked on my door again, and he told me that he had a little walk with his Son, the look on his face told me enough, I needed to sit with him for 5 minutes. I explained him though that I had a long day, and that I didn't had much time for myself, he understood.

I went to my room after 10 minutes, and decided not to come out anymore, it's 'me,' time now. What did I learn about this afternoon? Maybe that I become a bit to much involved into the seperated couple, and that I need to take a step back. Or maybe that I care to much and that I want to help, but I know aswell that's not up to me, I don't want to get involved. I care about Ricardo and the situation he is in now grabs me, but enough is enough. Sometimes I need to be a bit tougher to him, and not only him. "Assertiveness," learn to say 'no' when you want to say no. I know what to do, and I will. 


p.s. I told Ricardo before he went to bed, that he had to write 100 times on a piece of paper that's he's sorry for shouting to Sjon today, before Friday. He smilled and told me that he can't count till 100,we both laughed. "Okay 50 then," I asked, Okay, "I'll try," he responded. 
Damn cute Kiddo!