"Beng! Ugh! And a Sigh!" Bad day/ Good day!

"Beng! Ugh! And a Sigh!" Bad day/ Good day!

Not expected that it would be such a day, I just carried it and let it all come over me. I  was actually looking forward to this day, and it started out fine, but then suddenly, "Beng!" It hitted me again, in the afternoon I had a huge down moment. It's one of the day's hopefully, I just miss today being in Canada, being with Tasn, Ab, Mary, etc, etc. Doing the daily things I did there, such down moments makes me sad, gives me un-fair feelings and makes me think negative things. Thinking negative about the future, and aswell worries like, will I have a nice house for myself? Is there a nice time ahead of me? Etc, etc. I rather be alone then for a while. It's akward though these feelings, I don't have them everyday, so now and then it happens. Recently I hadn't had one, I thought I was slightly okay, and then. Ugh! It would prolly help to be alone for a bit and cry, let the tears free, but it's not that easy to cry. 

I'm just like my Dad, if he cries you see three or four tears, not cry out loud but just quietly and that's it. I know such down moments are needed sometimes, but it's painfull. There were not much people at work, yeah the boss was there and his co-workers, but where were the others? I was the only worker! Some workers came later and some workers didn't even show up. I made another butler tray, and it went fine although I made a few mistakes, but okay, they can be solved. But oh, these 'down' moments, sorry for the nag, nag and complaining, it's just the way I felt today. I thought to myself, "It's all nice and fine here but, I rather be somewhere else, I don't belong here, I should have stayed in Canada. (I know it is and was  impossible!) What am I doing here? Wasn't I in Canada? It feels unfair that I'm here, this isn't real happening? The further I thought the deeper I sanked. I needed to stop thinking.

Thank God I was at work, so I could do something, working with things, making things, challenging myself to ddo things but without rush and pressure. I had my okay and fun moments aswell today, Some jokes at work were hilarious, and after work I wouldn't be happy I thought that Ricardo came to my door, I didn't look forward to it. I rather was alone for a while and I was alone for a while and the negative thoughts came again, sigh. Then a knock on the door, Ricardo! He was nice to me and told me he loved me and missed me! I hugged him and kissed him on the forehead. It was a nice feeling he missed me and my negative thoughts disapeared. "I'm gonna miss you alot when I'm moving this week," said Ricardo. "I'm gonna miss you more," I told him. Yeah he can be nice awell, but sometimes it won't take long till he has his crazy five minutes again. And they came, so I had to take him upstairs. I wanted to make dinner quietly and without him. Quit difficult to send him upstairs to his Dad, cause he's so attatched to me!

After I sent him to his Dad, he came back three times, sigh! It was alright, I always fall for his 'sorry Sjon's.' Ricardo told me he will come back tomorrow, hmm, I don't know if I will be home or not (accidentily) I will see, I know he can't be always with me, but he seems to be not aware of that. Dinner was nice, I had some potatoes with spinach, and a smoked sausage. I sat with a few others while having my dinner, one guy said, 'We should do this more often this dinning together." I agreed. But for tonight I rather and looked forward to be alone for a while after my dinner, just doing my things and have my down moment, I'm sure tomorrow or perhaps then tomorrow I will be better, ah! Things will go better, everything needs time.

"Another Sunday has almost ended."

"Another Sunday has almost ended."

This second Sunday was a bit the same like yesterday, only the weather was greyer. Today and yesterday I had some 'down' moments, but I can carry them. There not that heavy anymore, it only stings a bit. Sometimes I think to myself, "This feels a bit like a dream, am I really here? Is this really happening? Or, did I really went trough this all?" I'm talking about what I went trough these last six months, and even sometimes the whole 'Canada' adventure. And it was a huge adventure, I surely have no regrets or doubts I went overseas, Oh no!! But sometimes it feels just like a dream, and it all went so fast. When I have my 'down' moments I rather not look at pictures from my time in Canada, otherwise the down moment might get worser. So better not.

I miss the kids, specially the two young ones, Tasn and Ab, bless them, I hope they are well. I don't know what it is with me and kids recently, in Canada I had Tasn and Ab around me, I took care of them and did fun stuff with them, and I loved it! Although they were a pain sometimes, but hey, there kids, what do you expect? And now at Humanitas it's Ricardo, he's attached to me, and I like him too. I like to take care of him when I'm around him or when we go out for a little walk or a bike ride. I like the taking care of, the teaching him well, what's happening? Did I transformed to a Dad, is it perhaps my age, or is it time to be a Dad? Today I spent a few hours with Ricardo and he wasn't so nice, he forgot his adhd medicine. I took him for a bike ride and was prepaired (as always) what could happen. Insults, yelling, everything his way, etc, etc. 

We went quit far with our bikes and it went okay, although alot of curses and insults, but I stayed calm, chin up and ignore. It doesn't help when you give him a big mouth if he's not listening or insults you, it will only get worser. When it not went his way this afternoon he shoutted at me and insulted me alot, I told him that if he goes on like that we will return to our rooms. A few times he went quiet after I said that, but on a certain moment he went to far, and I told him that we will return and I told him why. And I returned, Ricardo was behind me yelling at me, I letted him and ignored him. After five minutes he calmed down, and was trying to give me sorry's, but I wasn't satisfied I wanted a proper sorry. I disliked what he yelled at me this afternoon, it's sure not right for a seven year old. But I'm aware of his sickness, but still.

With such times with Ricardo I rather don't spend time with him, I'm taking my hat of for his Dad how he handles him, cause it's sure not easy. But either way, Ricardo seems to be on his calmest when he's with me. Maybe I got alot of patience, I don't know. Okay another subject, what did I do else this second Sunday? Well, I rested alot, don't know why though, cause where do I have to rest from? I already had three days of rest. Anyway, if the body is asking for it, right? I had two naps today, and they were good. Further I did some cooking and prepaired lunch and breakfast, and that was quit it for today actually. Tomorrow I will be going to work, YES! Funny though that I was such a long time jobless and I was fine with it, but now it's vice verca. I'm happy with it!

"Mom! I'm bored!"

"Mom! I'm bored!"

Don't you just dislike it when your Son or Daughter shouts trough the room, "Mom, I'm bored!" How can kids be bored? They are young! Well okay I was bored sometimes when I was a kid, and my Mom and Dad disliked it too. "Stop nagging!" They  replieded back, "Do something usefull!" Today I'm a bit bored too and I'm not even a kid, there is just nothing much to do on this Sunday. Were celebrathing Pentecost today, and tomorrow, two Sundays. Ugh! I know I shouldn't complain, it will make it only worser. I just gotta think of something to do tomorrow. This day is almost ended while I'm writting this, I rested and went a bit on the computer, playing cityville and frontierville, these games on Facebook I play daily. I recently started to play these both games and I must say it's quit fun. You build your own city in cityville and in frontierville you build your own ranch (I think, LOL) It's alot of work but it's nice. 

Celebrathing Pentecost in Holland is almost the same as Easter. There are markets and second hand markets and aswell music festivals, there's lots to do whole across this country. But it's different in every city or village, one city can have a huge market while the other village has just nothing to do. And ofcource we should not forget what's Pentecost is all about, that's why we go first to the church, usually in the morning. Alot of Dutch people have there own traditions with these days, there are these brunches, or the nice dinner's, or visit the festivals and markets. We celebrate Pentecost in two days, the first day most people go to the church and then have a brunch or in the late afternoon a nice dinner. The second day Dutch people go out. We Dutch people call Pentecost 'Pinksteren,' it's the 50st day after Easter. 

'The biblical narrative of Pentecost is given in the second chapter of the Book of Acts.'

...And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place. And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind, and it filled all the house where they were sitting. And there appeared unto them cloven tongues like as of fire, and it sat upon each of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance. And there were dwelling at Jerusalem Jews, devout men, out of every nation under heaven. Now when this was noised abroad, the multitude came together, and were confounded, because that every man heard them speak in his own language...

I sometimes wonder if the Pentecost will be celebrate everywhere in the world, I guess not. Some countries might, and there are aswell some countries who dont have two celebrathing days like we do. Anyway, it'ss a bit after nine in the evening, and I still hadn't had a nice cuppa coffee, I mean a NICE cuppa coffee. I will make one now, after that it's back to the laptop and enjoy a bit of surfing over the net. The latests news, funny video's, Facebook ofcource, and ofcource cityville and frontierville. There is so much to watch, hopefully some of my followers or the ones who I follow wrote a new post in there blog. Don't feel pushed by me bloggers, it's all upto you.It's always a excitment when I see a new post.

"What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth."

"What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth."

Finally I made the decision to go to the sauna today, it was about time. I have been there five months ago aswell, that was in January. I thought this morning, should I go or not? I even looked online to search for sauna's or spa's in the neighberhood. It's a lot of money, but I remember I said to myself once, "Why should I save my money till I'm old and grey? I live now!" Still I didn't know if I should go or not. It was around 11:30 and I went downstairs to check if someone was making coffee. It was daniel who made the coffee (Daniel is a resident) together with Nicole, she's a staff member. When the coffee was done we took the coffee outside and took a seat in the garden and we chatted. Nicole asked me if I have heard something unusual last night, like a car what drove by and a guy was shouting out of that car. I told her that I heard it yes, and I told her that it wasn't the first time this month. 

I knew aswell who the 'shouting' guy was, it was the new boyfriend of Johannus's ex girlfriend. Yesterday it was Johannus's youngest kid birthday, and ofcource the mother was having it hard not seeing the youngest kid, and that made the ex's newest friend mad, and drove by our building a few times and started to shout and trying to create some havoc. It's such a drama, I wish it wouldn't have happened here this seperation. There's to much gossip around here, it's almost insane. It's like breaking up with a huge audience around those two, everyone wants to know what happened and what's going to happen next. The gossip is floating around the building like crazy. Johannus is telling bad things about his ex-girlfriend, and his ex-girlfriend is telling bad things about Johannus. The accuses and treatments are going from left to right.

When they were still together they were popular here, and had alot of friends. But now cause of all the gossip floating around there all vanished, they dislike Johannus or the ex. It's though now for Johannus cause he's still living at Humanitas, and the ex spread alot of gossip about 'him,' but 'he' does the same. Now there is this childish silly situation going on that I or anyone have to be aware who your talking to at Humanitas or who you spend time with. I spend time with Johannus but aswell with his ex when they were still together. Still I spend time with Johannus and alot with Ricardo, But at this time I have to be aware that I don't spend time with them to much, in other words I have to do it sneaky and trying not to be seen. I'm over reacting perhaps and it sounds childish I know, but I have my social life here aswell with other residents and that's going well too. But these other residents see Johannus and his two kids rather go then stay.

At the moment I think some residents dislike it when I spent time with Ricardo, they say, "You don't have to play or spend time with Ricardo, you have a life too," well I know that, but I like him, and he likes me, we do fun stuff and leave the drama stuff out. Anyway, there is  something going to happen this week with Johannus and his two kids. There going to move! They found a house near Almelo, it's a small village called 'Vroomshoop.' I'm happy for them, it will be so much better them aswell. I'm crossing my fingers for them, and my too's. Even though I will miss 'them' and ofcource I will miss Ricardo alot more, it's better for everyone. Alright back to the sauna...I went, yes! I was excited but I had a slight moment when I thought, "Think of all that money what I'm going to spend now, look what I can buy for all that money!" Ugh, shut up, and enjoy! LOL! 

The weather was nice for the sauna, sunny, nice tempature, not to hot and here and there a grey cloud, perfect! When I arrived in Nijverdal I had to walk a wile, I'm guessing it was a 20 minute walk. I usually go on a Sunday to the sauna, but this time I went on a saturday, just to avoid some people I knew. I didn't wanna bring up all these Canada stories, maybe next time. It was quit busy when  I saw the parking lot at the sauna, bussier then normal. When I went in the boss of the sauna knew me right way, and asked me how I was doing. I told him I was alright and told him what I needed, slippers,bathrobe and a towel. I guess I lost that stuff in Canada. The sauna felt good, I had to get used to the heat again. I didn't spent much money there cause of my low budget, but I had a good time. After three hours I was done, took a shower, putted my clothes on payed and took off again. 

It was 4:30 and the train came in five minutes, I decided to do my last groceries in Almelo instead of Nijverdal, cause I didn't had much time left, otherwise I would miss the train. There was thunder and rain when I arrived in Almelo, but I did my grocery anyway I had a nice day, there will be two more Sundays though, were celebrating Pentecost. (Thank you Wikipedia) Pentecost is one of the prominent feasts in the Christian liturgical year commemorating the descent of the Holy Spirit upon the disciples of Christ after the Resurrection. Thank you Wikipedia again)

Being a homeless person is not a crime.

"Being Homeless is not a crime."

All residents here at Humanitas are homeless, uhm, well, they have a roof over there head and they have a place to stay, but it's still not there own roof. There is a difference between Homeless people and homeless people, there are homeless people  who live on the street. I still remember when I was talking with my first counselor while I was just back from Canada, he and I were confirming with Humanitas then. I knew slightly about Humanitas, but I didn't know what to expect. Yeah, homeless people, perhaps junks, thiefs, bad people etc, etc. It frighten me a bit,  specially the homeless people, I had already a picture in my head, bad clothing, long beards and smelling bad, yuk! My first step into Humanitas I expected a dump and bad looking people, but I was suprised what kinda people lived here. They were all kind and they just looked like you and me, just normal people. 

It suprised me how fast it can go when you have no money to pay things,  I was so lucky that Humanitas took me, otherwise I who'd have lived on the street. Can you imagine? I couldn't! Me living on the street? Are you kidding me? Aswell my first counselor talked about it, "What are you going to do when Humanitas doesn't take you, did you thought about living on the street?"  And he was serious! It might sounded like a joke but he wasn't joking. When I thought about it then I had to swallow a few times and take a few time a deep breath. When I think about it now, I can say I was vey lucky!


While being here you hear all kind of stories of the residents, how they lived there lives before Humanitas and how they came here. I can compare with a few of them. The 'girlfriend broke up with me' story you hear alot here,  but you here aswell other stories. The 'being poor' story
is a good one too here. When your living your life well, even when you have it though but still have your home and perhaps your parents, or perhaps your Family, you don't think of being homeless or homeless people. You might have red about homeless people or perhaps saw it on TV, just like I saw it on TV and red about it. It's different when you see it in real life, or you hear there stories.

Next to the Humanitas building there is a little place for other homeless people, these homeless people live on the street. They come in the morning for a breakfast and a coffee or a tea, and then they have to go, back to the street. In the evening they can come back for a sleep in one of the rooms. It's all a choice what they can do, they don't have to sleep there or they don't have to eat there. Some of the homeless people have a breakfast there and they leave and there not comming back untill the next breakfast. And some don't even come cause they are use to there life living on the street, that's hard to imagine but it is like that. We have a resident living here at Humanitas and he lived his life for more then 20 years on the street. He still isn't  able to do his daily things, like making a coffee in the morning or talk and communicate with other residents, or perhaps cleaning his own belongings. He just doesn't know this, cause he never had too.

It's sometimes amazing to hear such people talk about there lifes, I see such people alot with the free dinner. They sleep outside, and live on the street in the daytime. Sometimes they look so normal, ofcource you regonize them with the tons of packed bags, all there belongings stuffed in it. Sometimes on there bikes and sometimes just walking. It amazes me how easy they take there situation and just don't complain about little things. It makes me think aswell, also it makes you realize that others or myself shouldn't complain too. I don't need much to live a happy life, but I realized that you can't do without money. I don't have to be rich, but just to come around that's enough for me.

This day was good, not much news, but okay. I had a long nap! Woohoo, I slept more then two and a half hours. I did my grocery early in the morning, so I could have my (long) nap in the afternoon. Ofcource Ricardo came along after school, his Dad was gone for a little while and was worried, I sat with him and calmed him. After calming him his Dad arrived in ten minutes, he brought Ricardo's little brother home from school. Ricardo's little brother has turned 3 today, it's his Birthday. 

Ricardo made something for him at school and I bought a little thing too, but it wasn't enough. Ricardo wanted to buy one thing more and I had to come. (ofcource) I was prepaired, I just woke up from my long nap. I was suprised that this time Ricardo didn't thought about himself but now he thought about his little brother. Way to go Ricardo!

A busy day with lots of people...

A busy day with lots of people... 

Thursday, working day. It was a nice day at work but I had slightly a headache. I knew where it came from though, it's still a bit the cold that I have. The coughing is over, but my head and nose are full of slime what has to come out. A steam bath seems a good plan and some paracetamol will help too, it has been more then ten day now, and so far I used only nose spray. They say when you use nose spray to long the sympthons might return, and even worser. I'm using it less now, I use it only in the evening for the breathing at night. I just took a paracetamol and will try the steam bath tomorrow, let's see what it does. It's comming loose but it's not enough.

Today I finally had the meeting with a second lady from Gak, (the company who gives me my monthly money) As you maybe know this meeting was about re- intergration, to see what options there are for me for re-intergration. Now I'm already in the middle of  a re-intergration project with Reha, (the factory where I work) The funny thing about this re-intergration project is that I'm doing this project aswell with a lady from Gak, she leads me trough this project and tries to find proper jobs for me. And now this other lady from Gak wanted to invite me too see what options there are for me for re-intergration. Do these ladies not work with each other at the same company? Is there a missunderstanding? I don't know. But okay, today I had the meeting, first I didn't wanna go, I rather had the meeting trough the phone. My head hurted and it was quit  a ride with the bike.

I asked my Boss if I should go or not, just before I had to go to the meeting, " Let me call her and see what she says," the Boss told me. At the end of the phonecall my Boss told me that it was better to go to the meeting the lady was telling her, so I went. I arrived five minutes to soon, I was on time. The lady who wanted to speak to me was nice and wanted to know everything about Reha and the project, she knew already a bit about what I was doing, and it suprised me. The lady spoke already with my project leader before the meeting. She only wanted to confirm with me about Reha, if I liked it there, and how far the project was. Plus she wanted to know what I wanted after Reha, and how I was doing and feeling at the moment. It was a nice conversation and I was happy the way the conversation went.

I told her about what I would like and that I have a good time at Reha, there helping me well. I told her aswell what I'm able of at the moment with work, the three days in the week at work are fine at the moment, but I need my rest aswell, I rest alot in the weekend cause it's needed. My body is asking for it, I can feel that very well. I told her that in the end of this re-intergration project I would like to have a proper job, a job where I can stay, and earn money. Not a job where I will work a few days or a few weeks and then exit. I liked the way I talked, I was clear with things I was assertive and friendly. Gak is not Reha, Reha takes his time, Gak is hasty with things, re-intergration, and then work right away, time is money. Gak would rather see you work then being sick, no matter how sick or what kinda disease you have.

If your in a wheel chair for example you can do sitting work or perhaps an office job. You can say Gak is tough, but that can be good aswell in some kinda situations. But not always, there is a line, Gak doesn't see that line sometimes, Gak can be a pain. I thanked the lady for the conversation, and she tanked me. And back to work I went, I felt good. At work I had a phonecall from Paula, she asked me how the meeting went, nice of her. I told her about how it went, in the end of the conversation she wished me good luck these three weeks. Paula is going on vacation for three weeks, I will have another counselor while Paula is having her vacation. There's not much to do though, it's waiting for mail and e-mails. Waiting for the money what will be send to me, and waiting for the e-mails from Enschede and Hengelo (The city corporations) 

I lost my pass word for the sites these corporations have, so I can look online for houses. Yeah, I really need to start with searching for houses. It would be nice when Paula comes back from her three week vacation that I have found something, fingers crossed, I believe in myself! Today I had again the free dinner, Yum!! When I got back there was no Ricardo waiting for me, I had a little rest and took a shower. Then on the laptop with a nice coffee. Today aswell I had a short 'Canada thought' moment, I thought about how Saf and I did things together, a good example was going to karaoke, or do go out with the family. Kids in the backseat, food and toys packed, and there we went. The thought of that made me kinda miss these outs what we had, even going together to the store. Ah! I will treasure these moments. Even with the meeting with the Gak lady, I had a quiet moment, while she asked me about being in Canada. They were good times, and I wont forget them, even if it hurts a bit.

"Your doing to good, I have to re-write your rapport."

 "Your doing to good, I have to re-write your rapport."

I had such a good sleep last night, much better then the last couple of nights. It was sure needed, I even slept longer then I use to did. Still a bit a bit the cold what bothered me,(geesh, how much slime do I have in my head?) but okay.The wednesday was good, There is this woman at Humanitas who is my project leader, she's not my counselor cause that's Linda. My project leader is Mellisa, she's following me and write the things down what I'm doing. What I achieved so far, what things has changed while I'm here, positive and negative things. Mellisa writes every two months a rapport, today it was the time for my second rapport. She sat down with me in the office and told me that this rapport was short and that's a good thing. Mellisa had never wrote such a rapport. 

Cause everything goes so well. I red the rapport to with her, cause it needs a signature, I need to confirm this rapport. Now at the moment I and Humanitas have slightly a little problem about living on my own,cause when someone is doing well at Humanitas he or she has to go and leave, they might send you to go rent a room. This does not decide Humanitas, but the Municipality of the city Almelo. This Municipality wants to save money, when you have a room at Humanitas that does not only cost Humanitas money but aswell the Munuicpality. Now to save money they would like to see me move, but my counselor and my project leader at Humanitas wants to do everything to let me stay here and search for a proper house instead of go living in rented rooms. That would mean I'm going to move from room to another room, I rather have a house for myself. The staff confirmed with me that that would be much better for me.

Now this rapport what Mellisa and I just saw has to be changed a bit because it sounds that I'm doing to well, it sounds I'm fine and I'm very capable to take care of myself.That sounds very good and positive, and I'm happy what I all have achieved but if the Municipality sees this, then I have to go live somewhere  right away. Mellisa asked me or actualy adviced me that we both have to change this rapport a bit to make it look that I still need a bit of help, and that I still need time to achieve things. Mellisa and my counselor are gonna inform this too to my counselor in Nijverdal, my old town where I use to live. This counselor knows me well, and knows a bit of what my problems are, not from only now but aswell from the past. I have trust in this and faith, this means that Humanitas wants to have only the best for me. 

Ricardo made this at school for me.

 I'm doing well, I'm going uphill and I want to continue going uphill.The rapport about me will be re-written, cause I'm doing to good, LOL! Sounds ackward rigt? This day was good, I was tired though but I had my rest. After 12:30 Ricardo knocked on my door, I sat with him for five minutes. I told him that he can come back at 3:00, I needed a nap first. He made something for me at school,  (See picture) that was nice of him. I had my nap and at 3:00 Ricardo and I took off for some grocery shopping, and then later on the free dinner. His dad had to go somewhere else, I had to watch him for a few hours. That's okay.

He's nice and calmer when he's with me, but if other residents are with him he goes wild and hectic, naughty. We took of for the free dinner and some other residents joined us, Now you can guess what happened, he didn't listen to me that much while we were biking our way to the dinner. he biked anywhere where I didn't want him, I wanted him next to me so I could watch him. I had his key from the bike lock and when he arrived at the dinner much sooner then me, he asked for the key. I putted  him on his knees and let him tell me he was sorry for not listening, and that he ask polite with a please for the bike lock key. No worries, we both laughed in the end.Later I explained him why I was mad at him, I hope he got the message.

I just wish that he would just listen more often, I asked and told him this so many times. Anyway, I guess Ricardo wont be that long here anymore, cause his Dad found a house, that's why he had to go for a while. It's a rent house but he nearly can pay the rent. He's gonna ask now for rent-allowance, I hope Johannus gets the house. It's so much better for all of them. I promised I will visit him so now and then, Although Ricardo can be a pain sometimes I will miss him! I guess it's normal with Humanitas residents, people come and go.

"And there asking me?" Wow!

"And there asking me?"  Wow!

Again a nice day at work (will it ever change? LOL!) We had a new worker among us, another new commer from Humanitas. He liked to work outside, so that's what he did. Our garden at Reha really needed fixing and cleaning, he did a good job so far. He works half days first, just to see how it goes. It's the normal procedure, I had it too. The work I'm doing is going well, the things I have to make is getting easier and easier, and that's gives a nice feeling. The day was exhausting though, I felt tired and still feel tired. I didn't sleepwell the last few nights, my nose is full of slime from the cold, that gives me a hard time to breath trough the nose.

I use nosespray but it doesn't help that much, but I keep using it though. Perhaps I will look around for something else a bit more cause I need my sleep. After the work I saw Ricardo and his little brother playing in the garden with Johannus's counselor. Ricardo ran to me and hugged me, nice! Although it was nice the hugging, there were being naughty and not listening. Ricardo and his little brother haven been plucking berries from a tree in the garden, and the counselor replied many times not to do that, but naaah, not listening. The counselor was sure not amused, I know the counselor and he's a layed back guy, always calm in his doings and sayings.

I saw the angry look on his face when the kids still plucked the berries, he commanded them but the kids thought he was joking and thought it was a playing game. The counselor told me, "If they were my kids, oh dear!" I heard this saying many times from other residents, You need to be patience with them or get them on there weak spot, (for sure not hitting them ofcource!) Like, "Oh you don't wanna listen? Then your not comming tomorrow," or, "Then your not getting what you asked for today." And let them tell "Sorry," to you. I saw enough of the berries plucking and went to my room, and waited to Ricardo to follow me, but he didn't, the counselor stopped him. Thank god, cause I was tired and sleepy.

And it was nearly time for the meeting, I still had an hour though, so, I decided to have a little rest. After my rest I took a shower and layed down again ,I still had 10 minutes. Just before the meeting Ricardo knocked on my door, he asked me to eat with him and his Father, he missed me, (aaww!) I had to refuse him though cause I wanted to be with the meeting in 5 minutes, I hugged him and talked with him for a while. He didn't like that I go to the meeting, but okay, he will get over it. The meeting started of nice, the staff members commented nicely on my 'Papa Smurf' shirt LOL! First we ated dinner together, goulashsoup/ chickensoup, fruit and bread. Then the meeting started, and it was nice and comfy. Much better then the last meeting we had.

The points we talked about wasn't new in my eyes though, were getting new post/mail boxes, washmachines will be fixed, ofcource the cleaning part came up again, nag, nag, nag, it's always the same, nagging about it but never a solution. I gave up on the nagging, when I see something dirty and it bothers me I will clean it. Ricardo came a few times in the meeting room to see me, he joined us a few times to have some fruit and two times a soup. He was being naughty aswell and not listening. It disturebed a few times the conversations, sigh Ricardo's Dad should have kept a eye on him.

After the meeting Ricardo went on being naughty, and I decided to go to his Dad to take him upstairs. Ricardo ran after me and insulted me a few times, and told me to stop walking. It was his adhd time again, I opened the door and his Dad told Ricardo to stop and gave him some good lesson. Ricardo deserved the shouttings from his Dad, "I will put the little one to bed, and you go right after him," yelled his Dad. After a little while Johannus talked to me about his ex and child custody, it was an important day for him. He told me 'he' will get the kids for now child custody decided. Upcomming Friday Johannus's ex will come to have a look at her kids for two hours, child custody will be there too.

And now this...... Johannus told me that child custody and Humanitas are gonna ask me to to have a chat about Johannus and his ex. I was kinda shocked as you can imagine, I so don't want to stand in between, I asked Johannus why, and what do I have to do there and say. My name has been fallen a few times with conversations between child custody, Johannus, and his ex, only that I spent so now and then time with Ricardo, and because I spent time aswell with Johannus and his ex. This little chat with Child custody and Johannus is NOT that I have to decide what to do with them or that I have to decide where the kids better go too. The chat will be about Johannus and his ex, what do I think of them. Telling my opinion about them. I just don't know.

I thought about it, and I decided to say 'No." Cause I don't want to stand between even if this chat seems so harmless. The kids might go to the Dad or the ex, and then I might be the bad man. Even if this chat isn't  about the decision. Although I have sligty doubts to join the little chat, maybe now I can say that Ricardo is seeing me to much and that he is sometimes to much for me. But naah, I'm not joining, perhaps Humanitas is gonna ask me this week if I want to join them or not, Then I will tell them everything I wanted about Ricardo, positive things and yeah, negative things, Ricardo needs a good place to stay, it's nothing for him to let him stay here. He needs a good inviroment where he can play with kids of his age.

"After rain comes.... a wet floor."

"After rain comes.... a wet floor."

I will explain about the wet floor later in the post, first some good news. I recieved my mail where I waited for almost a month. Nearly a month ago I had a visit from an old usurance man remember? My counseler Paula and I had a meeting with him and a conversation. We talked about some of my usurances they had to be checked if they been stopped. (Just before I went to Canada for good I stopped my usurances what I had running with my usurance man. It all has been confirmed back then, but while I was in Canada, the usurance company still took money from me without knowing it. It wasn't much money what they took of me and they didn't take the money of me that long, but still. 

I needed to know if I still can get some money from these usurances. (policy) I didn't want these usurances to be re-opened or start new ones, but I wanted to buy them, cause they were useless now. Paula called the company to see if we can get some money back from these usurances, it took a while, but, we can get some money back! Yay! It was alot of money! I had to wait two weeks till I will get mail from the usurance company with the total amount of money what I will recieve, then I have to fill in a paper what I have to send back. Then within 10 days (the company told me) the amount of money will be standing on my bank account! 

Now, I still waited for that mail! They said two weeks, the time is urgent. Cause my plan was to pay the whole sum of money of the care-alowance guild before the 31st of May. At that date I need to start paying for my care alowance, every month 76 Euro. Paula asked me to call the company to inform about this mail. Now I called them last Friday, and they told me that they had problems with sending the mail cause they weren't sure about the adress. I confirmed with them about the adress and they would sent it right away. It's Monday now and I recieved the mail, I saw the mail when I got back from work. 


Paula shouted, "Open the mail! Open it!"  There were alot of papers in the envelop and we searched for the piece what had to be filled in. We found it and I filled in the paper and mailed it right away, job done! Paula likes to work fast, and not wait 5 or 10 minutes, come on, get with it Sjon! One of the staff members took my envelop with her and mailed it, so that I could take my rest, nice! If/when I get the money on my account, I can pay all of my bills and still have money over. I can ask for care-alowance, instead of paying the guilt of that care-alowance what I build up the last few years. Yay me! 

Now.... the wet floor. I got back from a hard working day, (loved it! I made two butler-trays) and it started to rain. And the rain turned into a rain/thunder storm, I was in the shower, and when I got back, the whole floor was wet. I used every towel I had to stop the water from the windows, I ran to the windows to close them right away. They weren't even that wide open, but just a bit. Sigh, I just had a shower and it felt like a shower again. The rain came down like buckets of water outside and it thundered. As fast it begain to rain, as fast the rain stopped, result? A shiney floor and a bucket full of laundry with towels. But that was alright, there already in the dryer. 

I had a nice day, work went well, and when I came home I sat with a resident while having dinner together. I know this resident, but we don't have the time to talk to each other so much, but this time we had, it was a nice chat. There's something on the program tomorrow at Humanitas, there will be the second meeting. We had one a month ago, all the residents and the staff will join each other for a meeting. We all will talk about how we can make it a better for us residents, while living here. We already made some points with the first meeting and the staff worked on these points, now we will continue with some other points tomorrow. 


I wonder what these points will be.... Although I'm excited about the meeting, I'm not that happy with the location, the meeting will be in the 'green' living room, in other words the smoking room. Ugh, I dislike smoking. But we'll see. I enjoyed this day! P.s I missed Ricardo's hug in the morning, he over-slept him self and got late at school. He gave me a double hug when I got back from work! Damn little cutie!

Just another Sunday... Wish it was Monday...

Just another Sunday... Wish it was Monday... 

Cause that's my fun day. The last day I worked was last Tuesday, I had three days of and count on that the weekend that makes five days without work. It's been enough free days, I'm glad I will be working tomorrow. It's been nice days and I had my rest, the weather was gorgeous and I enjoyed it. But, I enjoy the work I do. My cold is getting better, just a bit sneezing and coughing a bit but much less then I did a few days ago. There is just not much to tell today, cause nothing really happened. Yeah, I had a very nice bike ride with Ricardo, although it was warm, we both enjoyed it. 

We biked to another town, the town was only 15 minutes away so that was good. There's a safe bike pad besides the main road, it was just one straight road. With one huge uphill I had to push ricardo with me with my hand in Ricardo's back. Downhill was no problem, We sat under the bridge for a while, it was a place where I came alot in my childhood with my Mom and Dad. The bridge wasn't that high but back in the days I saw sometimes kids jumping from that bridge into the water. It's harmless though but still, better not. Ricardo spoke about fishing here one day, I told him we will see one day. 

I like how Ricardo tries to fill the whole day with me, "We can do this one day, or we could do it now." Or, "We can drive to that shop now to have a look, (Me: But it's closed,Ricardo) Yeah, but we can have a look now, so we can see what we can buy tomorrow,"  etc, etc. Sometimes I just have to drag him back to his room, LOL!  Isn't Ricardo getting to much for me? Yeah he is sometimes, and if he is I just speak to him and explain him that I need to go or that I have something else to do. It works most of the time, and yeah the other times, oh well, I enjoy his company aswell. His Father Johannus takes him most of the time with him also. 

It's going good with Johannus and his two kids. Only he overreact it sometimes with his sayings about taking care of the kids, then he says he's been there and there with the kids, and then later on you find out he's been knowhere. It will be an exciting week for the Father, cause this comming Tuesday he will get to here from child custody where the kids will stay for good, with there Mom or with the Dad. I think there better of with the Dad, but, I feel sorry for the Mom though, she's been a mess lately so I have heard. She's been missing the kids terribly. 

Further I'm staying out of this, sometimes I have the feeling that I'm standing between them, cause of Ricardo and Johannus. I shouldn't feel that cause I'm not, I'm not choosing sides. Ricardo likes my company and Johannus does too,what can I do? Nothing, cause I won't be staying here all my life at Humanitas. In the meanwhile I will enjoy myself and enjoy there company.

So yeah, tomorrow's work, finally! Paula will come  aswell for a little chat with me, I accomplished a few things what were important, I will tell her about it tomorrow. Paula is going on vacation soon, so I have to do it without here for three weeks, she's going to do a rountrip trough Las Vegas! Woot! I will get another counselor for three weeks, so it's all good, I will miss Paula though!

Depeche Mode-Clean (bare)

"A pleasant day with a not so happy ending."

"A pleasant day with a not so happy ending."

It's been a warm day today, more then 28 degrees, and it's way to hot for the time of year. I LOVE it! Today I made a start with the flyscreen what I bought a month ago, there was the screen and there was the velcrofly. The velcrofly you could attach to the frame of the window, and then you can put the screen on the velcrofly. But, the velcrofly didn't seem to work that well, I should put another one beside the other one. And the window is way to high, I can't reach it properly. A ladder would come in use but the ladder, yeah, where was the ladder? Oh well, perhaps another time this week, no rush, it's the weekend and it's to warm to work anyway. Although I really enjoyed the warmth and the sun today, I have been outside five or six times for shopping, enjoying, looking, flaunting and relaxing. More of such days please.

I sat for a while on a bench in town this afternoon just to look at people going by, in one hand I had a icecream and in the other hand I had the the little plastic spoon. I like to watch people when there passing by, it's fun. Just look what they wear, or just the expression on there faces. Sometimes I try to read there minds, it's hilarious to see that on some people. There was this guy watching his wife, while she was grabbing into some curtains what were on sale. Byt the look on the guy's face he was pretty bored, after he yawned a few times loud, it was oblivious he was. Or the young teenagers who were flaunting by with there jeans hanging on there butt, it makes you think how different people sometimes can be. I compare it sometimes too while watching people, it goes automaticly. 

I didn't do that much today, just like yesterday actually, grocery shopping and laundry. In the morning I thought there was a coffee break, like we recently had every weekend. But there was none, only a staff member and a resident were talking in the garden, I joined them. The staff member decided to make a pot with coffee, it was nice sitting with them, later on another guy joined us too. Now there were four of us, it felt comfy sitting with them and talking about everything instead of drama. Maybe it's because they were a bit older these people, older and wiser. Ofcource I spent some time with Ricardo today, I learned something about ADHD, or learned?  I think I already knew it, cause I red about it. Kids with ADHD have sometimes the need to have everything in order, it's a must in there head, or something must be done cause otherwise, oh dear!

For example, Ricardo putted my little clock somewhere cause he wanted it, it was a must, he had to. Another example, he bought a few juice cans and he putted it in a box after he bought the cans. The box was way to big, but he wanted the box, it was a must. Everything had to be his way when he's having a ADHD attack. And he likes everything in order, otherwise he goes mad, or gets nerves stamping his feet. After dinner he wanted to play soccer for a little while, I told him to wait ten minutes then I'm ready for him. But he got nerves and a bit mad, in his had he had to play soccer now, it was a must otherwise. I told him to wait, it was only ten minutes, relax. He layed on the floor and stamped a bit his feet, after 8 minutes I went with him, he suffered enough. Ricardo was alright though, he wasn't going insane, he just needs to learn that not everything is needed to go his way, cause he must.

It was a nice day, although I would like to chat with other people to sometimes and not only with Ricardo and Johannus. It seems sometimes that I spent day and night with them, ofcource I have time for myself, but like I said, spending time with other residents would be nice too. If there there ofcource, cause it seems there never in there room or at Humanitas. Monday I start with work again, then I see other people too, it gives me pleasure. One last thing what happend today was, Ricardo and I were playing soccer, suddenly the little gate went open, a sign that someone is comming in, a resident. Ricardo had a look and I stood somewhere else, Ricardo started to run and began to hide. It was a resident and a relative from Johannus's ex, this guy is not agreeing with the fact that Johannus has the kids at the moment. In other words he rather punches Johannus on the face or do something else with him. he treathened Johannus already once while Ricardo was with him.

This guy can be very friendly though but sometimes he's crazy, (blame the drugs he uses) He had some when came in to the building, he was on his moped and parked it fast and said, "Hoppa," his eyes were big. He smiled at me, and I smiled back. Ricardo hidded from him, I acted like nothing was going on and the guy went inside, I started to look for Ricardo. There he was under the garden table, he didn't want to play soccer anymore but wanted to go inside to my room. I took him inside and while were walking upstairs, we bumped into the guy. He started to talk but I couldn't understand him, I asked him what he was saying. He started to mumble something like, "Who does he think he is, taking the kids?"  The guy his girlfriend told him not to act like this in front of the kid, then the guy told me that he will walk upstairs to 'him' and stab him with a knife if he's such a tough guy. 

The guy took of to his room and I went with Ricardo to my room, we layed on the bed for a while and waited till the guy took off again, cause he will. Ricardo was scared and wispered his sayings, I must say I was a bit scared too. This is just insane, but sometimes this is how it goes. I calmed Ricardo down and talked to him, he was shaking a bit and talked much. After a little while we thought we heared the moped and I brought Ricardo upstairs, and talked to his Father what happened. "It's just tough talk," Johannus replied, "he wont do a thing." I told Johannus that he has to report this to the staff just like he did last time. He told me he will. It made me realize that it's time search a bit harder for a house for myself, and not get to much involved with the situation 'Johannus .vs. Ex. Although the drama sometimes here, I'm alright and some people here aren't that bad, really.

"Insert proud feeling... I'm such a dork... LOL!"

"Insert proud feeling... I'm such a dork... LOL!" 

Today I had the guts to make a phonecall to the usurance company, this usurance company was about to sent me some papers what I had to fill in. After filling these papers in I had to send it back and then after ten days I will have some money on my bank account. What is this all about you might be wondering, well, I bought off a usurance policy almost a month ago, cause the policy wasn't worth anymore. (long story) Now I'm getting money of that policy, but first I need to fill in some papers what this usurance company would send. But they didn't send it, They told me two weeks and then you will have the papers. It's almost a month ago. I needed to phone them! Eeek!

Now Paula told me a few times already to make that phonecall, but I kept on deleting it, I'm such a dork when it comes to phonecalls. I just don't know what to say, I always think ahead, "What will happen if I begin to stutter, or what will happen if don't get out of my words?" Well, today I called, I had the smartest idea to go to the office, and ask a staff member to sit with me (blush) while I make the phonecall. I dialed the number and waited.... suddenly! "With Eagon usurance company, how can I help you?" Eeek! Then I told the story what I needed to say, and I must say it went well, uhm, yeah. First I dialed the wrong number, it was the right company but the wrong section. The guy on the phone putted me trough, then a lady on the phone, "With Eagon usurance company, how can I help you?

I told again my story, and again it went well. The lady told me to hold on and she putted me trough to again another section (Grrrr, are they testing me?) Again another person on the phone, this time a guy, "With Eagon usurance company, how can I help you?" For the third time I told my story, a bit different but okay, it sounded good. Yay me! This guy helped me and putted me on hold for five minutes. Then he solved my problem, he told me that there were some problems with the adress where to send the papers to. This week I will get the papers, I will fill them in and about ten day I will have the money. Pffeeww, I called and I was glad I did, I felt proud aswell, sigh, make more phonecalls you dork! LOL!

I have a cold, and I dislike having a cold in the summer.I automaticly dress a bit warm when having a cold but it was 25 degrees outside, so what to wear in this heat while having a cold? I just got dressed with this time some jeans instead of shorts. I'm sneezing and coughing alot, I thought this has to stop, I bought some nosespray and some cough syrup, then two times a day a paracetamol and that should do it, I guess. Thank god I have a few days off, so I can sick this cold out. This day has been nice, although I missed a few people. Johannus and Ricardo were off and on at Humanitas, Later in the afternoon I caught them in there room, they were about to go to McDonalds and I asked if I could join them. That was alright, I payed for my own meal. 

No, it's not that bad!

Johannus still has three days with his kids,then he has to deliver them at there ex's, for a week, I wonder how that will go. Johannus spent so much time with the kids lately, he's really working on it. While we were walking towards McDonalds he saw a relative, it was the ex's nephew, crazy guy but good friends with Johannus and his kids. It made me think, I thought I could learn Ricardo perhaps some manors, or give him the attention what he needs as a kid, go out with him so now and then, or play with him. Not to much though cause I know I'm not the Father, Johannus needs to spend time with him actually, not me. But I like Ricardo and while I am with him I try to teach him well and give him the attention he needs.

It's hard though,cause he's in such a bad atmosphere at the moment, with all the cursing residents here, and his Mom and Dad having sometimes that bad language. I saw today that that bad language and a tiny bit of a bad influence in Johannus's friends, Johannus's ex's Nephew had aswell a bad language, and was drinking beer. Ricardo loves him and laughed about his (rude) jokes. I'm sure not his type, oh no! I'm the opposite. I thought of Ricardo while seeing him with the Nephew and I thought, "Yeah, that's it, it's no use, it's to hard to teach him what's right and wrong." It's all in the Family, it's a pity though, Ricardo is such a cute kid, I hope his Dad teached him well. He sure is on the good way.

I went to my bank aswell today, yeah I wanna achieve things this comming weekend and week. I need a activating code for my new cellphone, I can use my cellphone for online banking. I lost the code in my Hotmail, (my Hotmail was closed due a virus) When I got into the bank they helped me right away, I told them I need a new activatings code for my cellphone. I could do that online they told me, but I needed to log in to my account first, dork I am, I forgot to take my users name with me and my password. My username has all numbers and letters, it's difficult to remember specially when I just had the new usersname. It wasn't that a disaster said the guy who helped me, I could fix that online aswell at the helpdesk section. 

It's been a nice day with here and there some ups and downs, but that's alright, cause there's always tomorrow. Tomorrow will always be better, I hope my cold too.

"It's time."

"It's time."

It's serious time to start looking for a place for myself, not only I was thinking that but aswell Humanitas. This morning in the conversation I had with Paula, she told me that it was going very well with me, and that it's time to start looking for a house. You see, not only Humanitas is keeping an eye on me what I all do and achieve, but aswell another company. (I forgot the name) Everytime I have a appointment with Paula she sents a rapport to that company what we are doing and what we have achieved, that company was positive about how I was doing recently. There is a waiting list for people who want a room at Humanitas, if Humanitas and that company see that a resident is doing well and is acapable to manich on his own that it's time to go. That might sound a bit harsh, but it's not like that you have to pack your suitcases and that they send you on the street again.

They help you out to look for a house or in my case a room. Paula told me that the staff and that company might want to look for a room for me, Paula was against it and so was I. I'm not going to rent a room, I'm not going from my room here at Humanitas to another room. I would like to move forward, putting me in a room feels like a step back, I would like to go forward and not backwards. It's going so well, and I would like to continue with that. Paula agreed with that, and she told me that we have to get serious to work this Summer for a house. It will be tough though, cause in Almelo it's really going slow with the rent houses. I signed in three months ago, so I wont have many points. In Almelo they work with a point system when it comes to rent houses, every month you get one point,when you have enough points you might get a chance for a house. 

Some rent houses have a certain kinda amount of points, for example if there's a house for rent and that house has a rent of 124 points, it's yours when you have 124 points. And yes that will take you then 124 months, so with my three points in three months, sigh! But I can look aswell to three other cities, there's Enschede, Hengelo, and Zwolle, in all three cities I signed in. They will look for me for a house, but you can aswell look for yourself online. But, I lost my password from all three cities (me clumpsy head!) Someone sent me a mail with a virus trough my hotmail, now hotmail closed my account. In that account I had all the passwords. To solve that problem I will have to call these companies, or visit them. And that's what I'm going to do.

I had a nice sleep last night, although the warmth. But this 'cold' what I have isn becomming a pain, I dislike having a cold in the summer. I don't know what to do, be outside with this heat or stay inside. I'm always aware that I might get sicker, "Don't think about it," would my Mom have said. And she's always right, stop thinking! When I had the appointment with Paula at 11:00 I brought as a suprise two little butter breads with me, they were nice with almond paste and raisins. She liked it, and was suprised. After the appointment I had a nice sleep, when I woke up I turned around and slept again. I could have slept longer when I woke up for the second time, yeah I was tired. Maybe because of the cold, sneezing and chouging all day made me feel exhausted. 

Ricardo dropped by aswell a few times today, first time he came while I had the appointment with Paula. I hugged him and reminded him about last night that he was naughty and not listening. He went shy and putted his head down, damn! I so don't like when he does that, I melt and feel sorry for him, LOL! The second time he came while I was about to go for a nap, he comes so often sometimes. Well, I had dinner with him and just before dinner I played a bit soccer with him. He was being naughty whit the soccer game, it's sometimes no use when you talk to him about being naughty. I hope one day he gets it when someone wants to teach him well, specially his Dad ofcource.

It's a special day today, it's the 'ascension of Jesus' day today. We call it 'Hemelvaart,' we don't celebrate it that much in Holland, first there is church and then some activities. But it's sure not like it use to be like in the old days, one nice activity we do is called 'dauwtrappen.' People hop on there bikes very early in the morning and try to achieve  many kilometers. Dauw means in english 'dew,' dew you can see early in the mornig on the grass in summertime or spring. And trappen means in english kick, but let's call it peddle cause of the bikes.I use to do some 'dauwtrappen' too when I was a teenager, it was lots of fun and we peddled many kilometers, there were loads of bicycles on the road then but nowadays not so many. Is Holland becomming lazy?

Happy Birthday to you, happy Birthday to you, happy birthday dear...oh wait!

Happy Birthday to you, happy Birthday to you, happy birthday dear...oh wait! 

And I thought Canada day was on the 1st of June, and on Canada day it's Mar's Birthday as always. Me and my silly 'forget things' head. Now it's the 1st of June and two weeks ago I sent Mar a Birthday party, sigh! Mar's Birthday is on the 1st of July together with Canada day. I sent the gift a month to soon! Happens only to me, lol! Anyway aslong as she gets the gift it's fine.

A nice day today, sun was shinning and it was warm. Unexpected actually, I thought it would be colder, just like yesterday. Hello Dutch summer! There are some nice warm days ahead of us, so it's all good. I have a tiny bit of a cold, but I guess it will be a short cold, cause of the sunny weather. This morning I had a dentist appointment in Nijverdal, I went early so I was nice on time in Nijverdal. Infact a bit to early, so I went for a bit of shopping. I had the idea to buy a phone, I still had 20 minutes for the appointment so no worries here. I bought the cellphone in the same store where I bought it the last time, I need a cellphone for phoning and texting, and that's all I need. If my money budget was higher I would have bought a better one.

Last time I bought a Nokia, this time I bought a Samsung, it's a nice one and it's handy in use. I think I wont be using it much just like with my last phone, I texted more then phoning. I don't know why, maybe because I suck in phonecall conversations. I should try it more often,  I know. But I have a cellphone now and I'm happy with it. The dentist had a little suprise for me today, I thought I had to do two new fillings, then the dentist assistant told me that I needed three new fillings. (ouch) When the dentist looked at my teeth for aa check up he saw that only needed one filling, yay me! When the dentist moved the electric-chair into the right position, I nearly fell out. He needed to drill one of my upper teeth. It hurted a bit when he drilled and the dentist asked right away if I needed a injection for the pain. "I'm good," I said.


The drilling didn't take that long, and the injection would have cost me more money. Dentists are such a money takers sometimes, sigh! After the drilling he removed some calculus, ouch!! I so dislike taking away calculus, oh that the sound of the drill,  the hurting and the amount of water what comes out of that drill, ouch, gulp, ouch, gulp, I swallowed like a maniac and was in pain. But okay the appointment was done in twenty minutes, and the new dentist assistant looked good, oops! I mean was nice. The next appointment is in November, that will give my teeth a long rest till then, and my wallet aswell. I wrote yesterday about my dentist asurance, that I considered to go a package higher, I will have to pay fifteen Euro's more then, but I will have a 100% compensation instead of 75% compensation what I have now. But, why would I pay fifteen Euro more now? My next dentist appointment is in November, that's four months later. 

I would pay then fifteen Euro's for four months for nothing. I can always consider the 100% compensation package later in November. I was glad that I was done with the dentist and was about to walk back to the trainstation, but I thought, "Why not go to my Dad? It's been a while." Yeah, I thought, why not? And there I went, when I arrived Dad was sitting outside with some other elder people. Dad gave me his famous 'Yes, knick,' with his head, he always does that. He hasn't seen me in nearly two months, then he gave me that 'knick,' he's shaking his head up and down two times. It made me laugh a bit, like he just see's me every day. Dad looked much older, he's getting bald and the hairs he still has are grey and white. Bless him, I talked a bit with him, we don't need much words to each other. I'm so like my Dad, two top communicators LOL! 


I love my Dad, it was nice sitting with him and seeing him again. I left him when I sat with him for thirthy minutes, it's enough, his table for his lunch was ready aswell so, it was fine. I walked steady towards the trainstation and I was nice on time for my train back. My room was warm from the sun and I made and ated my lunch. Then a knock on the door, who could it be? By the sound of the knock and a peek on the clock it could only be Ricardo, ofcource. I was about to take a nap, but I letted him in, hugged him and told him nicely what my plan was today. First place In need a nap, then later on a bikeride with Ricardo plus some grocery shopping. I told him that I want a nap first cause I had a long morning. Ricardo went, "Uhmm, hmm, well okay, but, can you wake up not earlier?" I told him no, "Come back at 3 '0' clock then wi'll have a bikeride." After refusing a few times he took off with a smile.


Later on we had the bikeride, and it went well, he didn't listen a few times, and I nearly had enough of him and wanted to return. I always think to myself then what to do with him  if he doesn't listen for the tenth time. Should I let him be? Or tell him that this was his last bikeride with me? It doesn't help. Sometimes I take him apart to have a little chat with him, chatting about what happened and what I didn't like what he did to me. Sometimes it helps, most of the times not. Ricardo and I went to the grocery store cause I needed a few groceries, Ricardo didn't had money and I told him that I will give him two little bottles of juice. That was alright with him, ofcource when we were at the juice rack he nagged and tried to get some more juice, not even a thank you. I told him "No!" And why I told him no.


Then he gave me a big mouth in the store, I had enough, I payed my grocery and ignored him. He so doesn't like that, after five minutes he was trying to be nice again. I responded short, quiet and wise. I needed that talk with him again, why I didn't like what he did, but his Dad took Ricardo with him cause he had a appointment elsewhere, maybe later a talk. I just had a bit of enough of Ricardo's acting today, but I know aswell within a hour it's all good again, between me and him. I need to change that. Johannus knows when to give me my free time, now it's Ricardo's time to learn that. I really like him but sometimes 'Grrrr,' his Dad needs to teach him manors aswell.


Later on in the evening I checked on Johannus for a little while, his ex is on a short Holiday, and leaves Johannus with the two kids, but for a reason though.  Child custody wants to decide what to do with the kids within two weeks. Johannus has the kids now, and his ex is getting the kids next week for a week. Johannus told me this while he was back in the big room (room 23) that room is a family room, it's the room where Johannus and his ex stayed when everything was still good and well. I played a bit with Ricardo but he was naughty and not listening, I tried to talk to him and spoke aswell about what happened in the store this afternoon, but it was no use. He was rude towards me and his Dad, I left the room and I told Ricardo "Your not nice and your being rude that's  why I'm leaving." 

He replied, "I don't care, I don't have to see you tomorrow and then tomorrow," I told him "Fine." And I said bye to Johannus. Johannus said bye aswell.  See you tomorrow Ricardo...

"Come on Summer, make up your mind!"

"Come on Summer, make up your mind!"

We call this weather 'kwakkel-Summer' in Holland, Then it's warm, then it's cold, make up your mind Summer! I need warm weather, doesn't matter what kind. Hot, kinda hot, just a bit hot, any kinda hot but not cold. Today was rainy and alot colder then yesterday,almost 14 degrees lower. Although the rain was needed and it felt refreshing, *haaasssjjjooee* I need some sunshine. Sorry about the sneezing, I have a bit of a cold here. Yeah, I changed the tittle of my blog, I was in need of another tittle, something more uplifting. The tittle is taken from the song 'I'm amazed' by The Pixies. I love the song and yup!, I'm amazed how I'm doing so well, and I will achieve more things and will say, 'Im amazed.' I will work towards my goals and once I'm there I will say, 'I'm amazed.' I love my new tittle. 

I'm amazed that I like working the last three months, I haven't had a job in eight years. Yeah, time flies you can say, I sure wasn't ready to work the first two months being back in Holland.  But now I'm glad I work, I'm glad I wanted to work. Just doing things and having fun, rather then sitting in my small room and wait for something to happen. I did that for a few weeks, then I thought, "Yeah, I'm ready." Sure I needed the rest and adjusting first comming back, but now it feels better. Today at work was good, it rained so it made a nice day for working. I finnished two butler-tray's, as promised here are the pictures. 

Looks nice, right?

Love it! 

 It looks kinda simple to make but, oh my, it's alot of measure and puzzle work.You can take the tray of and fold the tray-holder, handy! It's usually for use in the garden, you can tell by the kind of wood. My Boss had the idea of making one, so he was puzzling ans measureing for two days, and finally it's there. I made three of them, the last one I made is the best, lol! Although my Boss is a very nice guy, he seems to give alot of instructions. Like, I was sawing a part of piece of the tray with the electric-saw, and he told me to do it this way. I preciate the advice, but sometimes he gives to much advices. In other words, "Can I do it now? Or you wanna finnish the whole tray?"  My Boss is not a handy worker, some kinda things he's good at, but mostly it's yeah, never mind. Hahaha.

After work I had a bit that 'eek,' feeling again, will Ricardo and Johannus be there waiting for me? I thought, "Oh well, let it be," and no they weren't. Only after 15 Minutes Ricardo came with his famous 3 knocks on the door, I asked him how he was what he did today. I told him I need a shower first, and then I'm making dinner, then I will rest or we 'might' do something. "Can you eat with us first and then have a shower?" Asked Ricardo. I asked him why, "cause my Dad is cooking for us and he wants you to join us." Ricardo replied. "Well, I need a shower first, and then I will have a look in the kitchen for you Dad," I told him. Ricardo kept asking what time I was ready with showering. I replied, "Ten minutes past five." And there I went to the shower, "See you then," said Ricardo. 

Karnemelk/ Buttermilk is what I dranked today at work!

I was showering and after five minutes Ricardo knocked on the shower door, (sigh and a laugh) I shouted "Come in!" And laughed, Ricardo laughed even harder, he knew I was joking! I told him to hold on I'm almost done. Geesh, what a rush, I had a bit of enough of Ricardo's rush and told him that and his Dad. Johannus told Ricardo to calm down, I didn't even had the time to get new socks, lol! Johannus had a appointment downstairs at 5:30,that's why the rush. The Dinner was okay, potatoes with red cabage. I offered to take care of Ricardo for a bit while Johannus had his appointment, that was alright. But Ricardo was being naughty so I had to sent him to his Dad, fair enough. I had a working day and I don't need the rush and naughtyness. 


I was aware that I draw the line a few times with Ricardo and Johannus, and that felt good being assertive. I don't feel much for tomorrow, tomorrow I will have the dentist, and I want to go to my healtcare company, to ask for a level higher in my dentist package. (I wrote about this)Let's see how this will go, I guess it will be a full day again. Tomorrow aswell Canada day in Canada (ofcource) Canada day means aswell Mar's Birthday, I miss seeing her, and I hope she has a great day. Gotta be a nice day, who else get's fireworks on there birthday! Enjoy Mar!!