Wednesday!

Wednesday!

Today was a resting day, I cleaned a bit, went trough my mail plus some flyers. Gosh, so many flyers to go trough, I really need some curtains, but I'm worried about the money. I'm saving money for the upcomming fair, (actually no need to, cause it isn't that expensive, but anyway) and for sumnmer, cause I would like to go on a holiday. Where too? I don't know yet, I really would like to fly again, it's been to long. Plus it has to be a excursion trip, I love those! Sure there are excursion trip to America, but 'damn' excursions to America is alot of money. I could perhaps afford it but, it's so much money. I will have to save money big time, and after the trip I will have to save money again to come around, lol. So yeah, better not, America can wait a year or two years.

I have been thinking of Spain or Italy aswell, yes, it has to be a warm country and slightly far away. I like traveling far, so I will skip Belgium, Germany and France. It's quit fun searching for trips, I would like to have it all settled tip top!I can save money easily with my online banking account, it's an easy option. 

Still I have doubts, I don't know why. Me and my money issues, lol. Sometimes I get that nervous feeling when I log in into my bank account, nervous if I still have enough money to come around or nervous if my money is still there, lol. I should get over that feeling, online banking is so handy. The counselor visit was good as always, there was not much to do. We talked alot about everything and nothing. 


My counselor agreed with me that my work is taking to long to hire me, but he told me aswell that I came so far already, "Wait a little longer and perhaps within a month or maybe longer ask your Boss what's going on," he adviced. I will wait untill 1 March and then I will inform my Reha counselor, and ask her what to do, maybe we both can go to my Boss for a conversation. I worked long enough for free, it gives a nasty feeling, although I like the work alot. My counselor invited me aswell for a day out with the whole Humanitas staff, only the staff, not the residents. Akward? Yes, but nice aswell. On the 22th of March they go a day out to a kind of a concert. I felt honored, but I will have to ask free, cause the 22th is my working day. I will see. 

It's about time...

It's about time...

I have been working since October now at Slettenhaar, and I think it's about time that my Boss comes with results. I came home this afternoon after work and although I felt satisfied and tired, I was thinking aswell, "This tired feeling should be rewarded some day." It really is about time, I worked there for nothing long enough. This morning while working I had the same thoughts, I really should stop thinking then, otherwise the thoughts become negative, and will become worser and worser. Though the work was nice again today, like always. It was nice being back after having four days off.

Almost a month ago my Boss told me that she won't let me wait to long leaving me in doubts, yeah, that was a month ago. Some fellow workers were telling me today that the Boss might hold you on a line, but they weren't sure, I'm thinking the same sometimes, but, I think so many things sometimes. I just don't know, it's still fifty/fifty for me. It would be such a shame to leave this job jusy like that, I learned so many things there and I fit in a hundred procent. It's almost impossible to NOT give me a contract. I hope I soon I get some results, I think I will wait till March and then I will ask myself what's going on. 

I think I deserve an answer, right? Tomorrow's a day off again, my counselor will visit me again. He comes one time in two weeks. In the end of April he will be vanished. Then his job is done, he followed and helped me around where it was needed for six months. It's a normal procedure when someone comes from Humanitas and starts living on there own again, ofcource, cause it's all new, help is needed mostly then. Though it's not a must, people can aswell say no, I will be fine, to a counselor. I took all the help I could get when I left Humanitas. It was free so, why Not? And I could need some help, there was still some nerves to be on my own again, mostly 'financilly nerves,' lol.

I will be fine without a counselor, I'm not worried, I learned alot from him. I think I will buy him a little gift in April.

Stairway to Heaven -- Lissie

Strong voice and a very nice relaxing cover of Led Zeppelin's Stairway to heaven.

Birdy - People Help The People.

So young, and so talented! I lover her voice!

Sjon-shinny day!

Sjon-shinny day!

The sun is so warm, it feels almost like spring, though it's akward with a little bit snow on the ground. A nice day off, around nine I took off to my Dad. When I got out of the train and walked towards my Dad's place I bought a few cards first, I'm gonna send a few cards like I said yesterday. The cards I bought are looking nice, I couldn't wait to post them. But first to my Dad, I will write the cards there and on my way back I will post them. One card is for my counselor like I said yesterday and the other one is a suprise. Dad was smilling when I came in, I like seeing that. He had a few jokes and talked a few times. Although he looks old, he sure can have a good time aswell.

We slightly talked about my (other) Aunt's birthday, I was kinda nervous to talk about that with him. If it was for me I would so like it that he decides not to go go, cause he won't have the energy for it. But telling him that he might get dissapointed. So, I slightly talked about it with him. I will inform my (other) Aunt about this and see what she thinks about it. The birthday is on the 14th of April, so I have time. I talked for a bit to Dad's nurse aswell, I told her that Dad's getting old. The nurse replied, "Yeah, he's going backwards with his health." Though he's looking swell, I like his smile when I walk in. The nurse told me that it seems that he only lives for me at the moment.

I slightly agreed with her, but didn't say it out loud. The nurse pointed at that, that my Dad really me. That was nice to hear, I answered that I wish I could visit him more often, but I'm so busy with other things aswell, and it seems that only a few people understand that. That's sometimes tough. I discussed aswell with the nurse that if it was possible that my Dad just for once came visiting me, he will need a wheelchair and a special taxi. "He would really love that," said the nurse. He doesn't even have to walk, he will get in the wheelchair and stay in the wheelchair, in my small flat we have elevators, so no problem I guess, I will think about it and try to arrange that. Would be great! 

Further on this day I rested a bit, took a nap, ironed my working clothes and prepaired my lunch for work. Looking forward for tomorrow's work, a day off is nice, but to many days of isn't. I missed work, I think it's quit normal after having four days off. It's gonna be a cold night, in the end of the week the tempature will rise. Fifteen degrees above zero, hello or goodbye winter? Perhaps it's going to be a early Spring.

"Prince Friso of the Netherlands in critical condition."

                          "Prince Friso of the Netherlands in critical condition."

The Dutch prince Johan Friso had an accident last Friday in Austria, he was buried under an avalanche. After about twenty minutes they could pull him out and  he was transported to the University Hospital of Innsbruck.  Friso is in critical condition. Friso was accompanied by three other people. He skied in that region despite an avalanche danger of 4 on the scale of 5. His wife, Mabel Wisse Smit and his two daughters were not there. The three who were with him were not buried. The latest reports his condition is "stable but not out of danger."  Prince Friso of Orange-Nassau (born 25 September 1968) is the second son of Queen Beatrix and the late Prince Claus of the Netherlands.

Queen Beatrix and Prins Friso's wife Mabel-Wise-m Smit on there way to the hospital.

Prince Friso is artificially kept in a coma. This is a commonly used procedure. This is to protect the vital organs. The temperature of Friso was 32 degrees when he was pulled from under the snow. The temperature of Friso was 32 degrees, and according to Thome that could be good, for the body can endure much more with a low temperature. It will take another 24 hour to see if the accident caused damage on his brain. If his brains don't swell in that timeperiod, it will be a good sign.

Netherland is following this tragic news almost 24 hours a  day, there's nothing that we can do but wait and follow the news and ofcource wait till Monday when there's more news if Prins Friso wakes up out of his coma. What my thoughts are? I don't know, it's sad and it's tragic, I hope tomorrow's news will be positive, but I have have my doubts about that. It's so all of a sudden that this happened aswell, I'll keep updated. This Sunday was nice and relaxing, I don't know what it is but latley I feel alot like walking. Tonight after dinner I felt like it too, just walking around the block or further. But I didn't. Yesterday I walked, and tomorrow I will walk aswell. Tomorrow I will visit my Dad on my day off. 

There's a birthday comming up soon from my Aunt, No not that one) I will have to ask if my Dad wants to go. I will have to convince him also that it's better not for him to go, even though he wants too. It's so to much for him, the birthday will be helt in my city, he will need a taxi and perhaps a wheelchair. I know my Dad, if we all organize this, (taxi, wheelchair) he will be dead tired after five minutes, so yeah, better not. I think I will go in the morning,  so I can have a little rest in the afternoon. I have a few fun things to do tomorrow, I want to send a few cards to some people. My counselor will get one and the other one goes to .....! My counselor did me (again) a huge favor, I'll be going to a record fair on the 14th of April. 

For this fair I need to have a ticket to get in, there are a few options to get a ticket. I just go to the fair and stand in line for a ticket, or I can buy them at the local TNT store, or I can buy them online. (online banking) I bought the ticket online, I wanted to try it and it went so easy and quickly, before I knew it I had bought the ticket already. Only one problem, the card was on my computer after I bought it and had to be printed out. I don't have a printer! Humanitas has a printer but my counselor has one aswell on his office, I decided to ask my counselor. I sent him a mail with the ticket what had to be printed, he sent my the printed ticket back in a envelop and within two days I recieved it. 

How nice! I didn't even ask him to sent it, he could have just brought it whit his next visit. He does many things for me, it's time to do something back, a nice suprising card! Further this day I rested alot, defrosted the fridge, and did one small load of laundry. Sometimes I get that feeling that there's still so much to do in the house, I'm thinking of a big cleaning one day and sort a few things out. Think I will wait till Spring or a bit earlier. "Spring cleaning," Ya!

Just singin', Singin' in the rain

Just singin',  Singin' in the rain.

A grey Saturday, but a nice day, I enjoyed myself.  It was a short morning, I slept kinda in and took my breakfast while I was on the laptop. I knew already that the afternoon would be long, radio work was waiting for me. Just before going to the radio I took a nice nap, I slept quit long. After that I took a small quick lunch and headed of. I felt like walking, and so I did. It's a bit further walking then the trainstation, but that was fine with me. I will have sitting work anyway, that's why I decided to walk. 

It wasn't cold at all, with eight degrees it felt nice walking. At the radio it was cozy, not many people and 'okay'work. I did the same things like last Wednesday eve,' reports what has been sent by mail by our reporter has to be looked trough and prepaired to place on the radio site. These reports are huge and has to be made smaller so that they can fit on the site, plus every report or item need a picture. It's nice work and less stressfull.  Next Saturday again, I feel I can grow and grow at the radio, I'm sure there's more to do then prepairing reports. 


I walked towards home, made a nice dinner and relaxed afterwards. Tomorrow will be a relaxing day, a bit laundry and further I will see what there is to do. Gosh, I write alot during the day, everyday I writre a piece in this blog. Sometimes it's alot of work, and sometimes it's just easy to write. I noticed aswell that I share so many things in this blog, almost all my daily things I write down. That's what I wanted too when I started this blog, 'write everyday a piece, and no holding back.' It makes me think aswell, like, am I writing not to much? Am I sharing no to much? All my followers can read what I'm doing daily, lol. 


Scary? Naah, not at all, but yeah, just that sometimes it makes me think, is it not to much? When I look and read trough my posts I see sometimesaswell  a kid who's writing, lol. Yeah, honestly. Yup, I can act sometimes like a kid, I don't know why. But a kindly kid, so no worries. It makes me think what Saf used to tell me so now and then, lol. "Man up! Your not a kid anymore." It's like I have a kid in me who wants to get out, so I do, lol. I guess were not all the same, it's fine with me otherwise it would be pretty boring on this planet when we would all be the same. Maybe I should 'man up' my blog aswell, here and there a few changes in my writing. 


'Manly writing' I will call it! I will write about razors and lumberjacks, hahaha! Beer and woman! Haw, haw, haw! I'm just kidding. Though I would like to change a few things here and there in this blog. Like not only write about my daily things but aswell about my feelings or thoughts more often, or perhaps about the news, or just fun stuff. I didn't even mentioned that I have the monday off, our Boss gave us a day off work. Just because there's not much to do, sigh! We have to divide the work we are getting, spread it a bit over the following months so that we have something to do during the weeks. It's fine with me, I do want to stay so the dividing of the work works good for me.

Thoughts, thinking, confussed, and laundry!

Thoughts, thinking, confussed, and laundry!

Finally got my hifi set settled, a few days ago I went back to the store cause I didnt had a antenne for the radio, the seller gave me on but that one didn't work. The antenne had no abbility to be plugged in, I needed another antenne wire. So I went back and now the seller gave me the right wire, while I'm writing this post I'm listening to the radio, finnally. What song is on? Rod Stewart - Waltzing Mathilda. It's been a okay day, I did a few things, like doing groceries and one load of laundry. My Aunt called too, but I didn't answer, I'm not in the mood for her.She prolly will call back in the evening.

A bit moody today, doing things I like gets me going trough the day. Like I said yesterday, I sent Saf a message to ask for her  for her new adres because if I want to sent birthday gifts or cards to the kids I need it.I got a few responses back, she was friendly first but she ended up a bit cranky.... Though she gave me her new adress, that gave a first relief. Saf told me that just birtday cards are enough, just like I suggested. There was a second message...

"...Oh, I should have mentioned....that if you really wanted to send the cards....please don't send for Tasn and Abd, it just confuses them....and Ab doesn't quite remember you anyways. I doubt that Cle would appreciate a card, she never really got along with you, so that leaves just Mar and Noor." 

I agreed with her and told her that I will think about the cards or perhaps just Facebook birthday wishes. Although she's in a way right, it's still not nice to read this. It surely gave me a bad and moody feeling. Tasn will get confussed, yes she might, so better not then. Ab is still young, ofcource he forgot then slightly about me, he has seen so many faces on his age. And Cle, yeah, Cle... I wish I could turn back the time and start over with her, to really get a Stepfather/ Daughter relation. I looked up to her, she was shy towards me and I was shy towards her, so we never really had a bond. With the other kids it was different. Sigh!

That leaves just Mar and Noor, yeah, well, for me it's everyone a gift or no one, or just leave it be. I don't want to see sad or dissapointed faces on the kids who didn't get something. So yeah, I decided to just let it be, I was thinking of sending Noor a card, we slightly still talk so now and then on the Facebook chat, just about nothing and everything. In the end I decided to send nothing, the decision gave kinda a akward feeling, cause last year I gave big time, and now nothing? Like Saf said, "They prolly forgot about you," so I just let it be... (Sigh!) Still it's hard to read such a message, it gnawed on me trough the day, I will get over that. 

It wakes me up kinda aswell, and I though I was doing so well during my proces, maybe I was just floating and thinking I was doing well. While floating I thought I was doing a nice gesture towards Saf's kids and then this!? I had a third message from her after I told her I will think about sending cards to Mar and Noor...

"...Personally, I think its just confusing.  You can email Noora and Maryam if you feel to, and are on their facebook.  So really, that's enough.  It's awkward for me as well, I'm with a new guy now, and my ex is sending my kids cards?  Yeah, I just don't like it.......better you just let go of that.  I think that when a relationship is over, its kind of creepy for the ex boyfriend to still be involved.  I even find the facebook friends thing still awkward.....but whatever...."

I was short in the response, I already was a bit over Saf's  second message, I just continued the day. I thought, 'Yeah, never mind and whatever' aswell. I wrote in my response, 'Same thoughts, and like I said... Never mind." This time I slightly agreed with her, perhaps it is a bit akward, but it's just my way of doing things, it's the way I am, it feels right that I send a gift to a kid where I  spend time with. I dislike being enemies and having argues and hisfits. Being friends with Mar and Noor? I don't know, it seems quit normal to me, confussing right? I heard the word 'creepy' often from Saf, that gives me a weird feeling, a confussed feeling aswell. The feeling of, 'Did I do something wrong?' 

Maybe I should take a huge step back? Maybe it's time to really close the page and really move on? YES, I should! But didn't I do that already?  Saf want's to move on, I understand and understood that already for a long time, I'm NOT standing in her way at all. I'm over her already, there's no future between us, it's impossible. I'm fine with that, I'm happy here, I like my new build up life! Still I'm building it up and I love it!  But did I do something wrong that I get such a message from Saf? It makes me think, but not to long though, I know how Saf can be sometimes. I decided to let it be and continue the day, but while I'm writing this post it gnaws again. Sure I sometimes share here and there a few things with Noor and slightly with Mar, just innocent Facebook items. 

Commenting so now and then on a status from them, not to much. I'm being myself on Facebook, I enjoy myself and share things. I should let it all go what Saf wrote.... and continue what I do.... Moving on in life with here and there bringing up a few memories from my past in Canada. Aswell I would like to build it slowly off with my Canada past, Saf, the kids, ect, ect, making it less and less untill I'm comfy with it. It's still a process where I'm going trough, I must say it's going better, so much better then last year at this time. I'm actually suprised how I'm doing. 


Sure, I like to see sometimes how the kids are doing and what there up too, I think that's quit normal after what I have been trough. It gives me a good feeling to know how there doing, is that akward? I don't know, does it harm them? I don't know either. Again, I think it's normal behaviour after that I spend time with them. I really liked having kids around me, it suprised me I was doing so well as a Stepfather, still I miss that suprising feeling sometimes. Liking to see how Saf's kids are doing will pass, I know that, that goes automaticly, I will loose interest as the years go by. Sounds weird to me, lol, but it will. 


Creepy? Thank God I'm not a creep who's stalking someone or bombard's a ex with tons of emails, or molestate a ex, or creates pain, or ect, ect. I'm not like that. Creepy? Creepy is asking your ex for money who you have dumped, knowing that he is building up his live plus there bank account. That's creepy! Oh what am I complaining or arguing about, Saf asked me (I think) to stop sending gifts to her kids, cause she finds it akward and creepy. It's only once a year, but oh well,  I will respect that and do just that. I will continue with what I was doing, being myself. 

Saf sent me a third email, it was kind of appoligize mail, I liked what she said, she told me that she was proud of me and still considered us as friends, but that she likes for us to move on. See, that's what I dislike, that she sometimes doesn't get me or understand me. You know, I don't dislike or hate Saf, Saf wants me to move on, She wants to hammer that in me I guess, sometimes she doesn't understand me. Or it's hard to make her understand in just words that I am moving on. And that I would like that she moves on aswell, really, I'm happy with what I have and what I'm doing and I'm looking forward what's still for new to come.

It's been a long day...

It's been a long day... 

I knew that this day would be a long day, I promised a few residents from Humanitas that I will come with them to vist another resident right after the free dinner. So, after the free dinner I went with them in there tiny little car, lol, first I didn't wanna go cause I felt tired. But I went, I thought, oh well, I can sleep out tomorrow. It was nice seeing the ol' resident again. He was the one who helped me aswell with the laying of the laminate. He's living on his own now, he has such a small flat appartment. But he's happy he's out of Humanitas, he also has a counselor from Humanitas, just like me. I'ts a normal procedure when you just get out of Humanitas and start living on your own again.

Wow, I'm almost sleeping while I'm writing this, lol. But I would like to finnish this post. It's been a good hard working day at work. Nice being with the fellow workers again, goofing around, singing along sometimes with the songs on the radio, and we work too ofcource. Though I would love to hear from my Boss finnaly if I can go or stay, it's actually taking a bit to long for me now. Sure, the work is fun, and I like being busy there, but know in the back of your head that I do this all for nothing gives sometimes a bad feeling aswell, a feeling that your being used. I hope it doesn't take to long. This morning before I went to work I spoke with Noor aswell of Facebook, I know it's her birthday soon.

Last year I gave every kid from Saf a present, I thought it was a nice thing to do, I'm sure they all loved it. Not letting hear from me on the kids birthday after I spent such a long time with them gives a bad feeling. A new year has began and new birthdays are on there way, I decided already last year that I would send again something to Saf's kids. Because last year I gave them a present, and if I would give nothing in this new year, it will give again a akward feeling. This time I would like to give something small, perhaps a card or just something smaller then last year. I won't give every year though, I would like to build it off slowly. Why? I don't know, it just feels right, it feels for me the right thing to do.

But, Saf has moved, and I have to ask her for the new adress if I want to send a card or a little present. I have been thinking about it to ask her, though it's not that easy for me to ask for the new adress. Saf might get the wrong idea, the idea that I will visit her, but I'm not gonna visit her. Thinking of this made me having doubts about the asking. But after I spoke to Noor this morning I decided I ask Saf, I wrote her a message this morning. I will see when or if I get a response, I will respect her answer, even if she doesn't wanna give me her new adress. If it's a no, then in my eyes I did my responsibility and did my thing. All is good.

Oh, I like this day!

Oh, I like this day! 

No appointments, well one, but that one was later in the evening. No counselor visit, and no other importants things to do. I had a nice sleep, and I took my time getting up. I installed my hifi set later in the morning, that went quit easy. Only a few things were missing, a antenne for the radio, what should have been delivered with the set, plus I need a longer wire for the speakers. I went later in the afternoon to the store and the seller gave me what I needed, the antenne and the longer bulk wire for the speakers, I had to pay a few Euro's for the wire. I bought me a special train-ticket aswell today, remember a few weeks ago when I just missed that special sale for the day-ticket for the train when I went to the record fair in Amsterdam? I had to pay the full amount, otherwise with that special train-ticket I would have pay half of the full amount.These special day-tickets were sold out then, but now there back again and I bought me one, yay, this time I was on time! 

Here's the new set.

   
After that I went as always to the free dinner, gosh I have been comming there for such along time now, friendly people and nice meals. I think I actually never skipped a visit, twice a week I visit them. Sauerkraut with raisins and shawarma was on the menu today. After dinner I returned towards home to have a little break, I prepaired my lunch for tomorrow's work, made myself a coffee, and off I went... again. I had to be at the radio at 20:15 pm, what a time, but oh well. At the radio there gonna look and discus with me what else there is to do for me besides a technician. Something less stressfull,lol,  as they said they had lots of other oppertunities.It was an okay visit, most of the crew were busy, the guy who helped me the first time with the first visit explained me what the options were, he was friendly, very nice guy. Now the plan is that I will help a few other people with programming during the weekend.

Tiny little speakers.

Programming? In short a programmer builds and mixes the program till it's done to broadcast and the DJ and the technician broadcasts the program. I still have to learn it though, so I will just see how that goes. I'm sure it will be lots less stresfull. Another thing I can/may do with a few others  is updating the website from the radio, this website is full of latest news from this region. While I was there I sat next to another guy who was already updating a few news items, a nice oppertunity to see how he did that, I even did a few updates aswell. Updating is a 'every day' must, cause there's always news. I could do this at home aswell said the guy, or at the radio, ofcource I'm going to the studio, cause, hey, I want and need to get out remember?  The oppertunities the radio offered this evening is a bit hmm, hmm, and a  bit so, so. 

I almost spent a whole day listening to new cd's.

I'm not jumping from excitment, b"ut I will just see how it goes, and I will just see how I will do. I can't actually bring it in words or describe it it this radio work, but maybe it's just a 'first time' feeling. Perhaps I will like it after I done it more often. Wow, it's been quit a late evening. While I'm writing this I'm looking at the clock and think, "I actually should be in bed, it's already so late. I got to be be awake and fit for tomorrow's work, So I'll say good night ya'll!

Let the music play!

Let the music play! 

I got my micro/hifi set, finally! But it almost didn't go trough... After work I took of slowly to the store for my set, "Ofcource the store has the set,"  I thought. I ordered it last Friday and the seller told me I could pick it up upcomminmg Tuesday. A lady helped me and she looked around for the package, but. She told me the package hasn't arived yet, damn! "Not until the 30th of March," the lady told me. (Woot) I thought, "I'm not gonna wait untill the end of March." The set was still in the main store somewhere in Holland, that's why it takes so long. I wasn't the only one who wanted this set.The lady who helped me gave me another option, there's still the 'show model' in the store, I can take that one. 

It was okay with me, I was in the store anyway, and my mind was on taking a hifi set with me, plus I'm not gonna wait so long. The lady packed the hifi set in a box, taped it and I did my paying. On the positive side, I asked if I can get some money of the actual price cause this set was a show model for in the store. The lady took ten Euro's of the price, yay! It was quit a large box, but I managed it to take it with me. I'm such a good cycler, I puted the box on the steerring wheel. I managed to put my hand in the box so I could hold it better, and there I went. Tomorrow I will instal the hifi set, cause tomorrow I can take my time. If I would do it tonight it will be a bit chaotic, it's been a long day.

Work was okay aswell, here and there a bit joking around when there was time for it, lol. It's all part of the working days, it's needed sometimes. Valentine's day, sharing the love with your friends is nice and gives a good feeling. I love my friends, only I wished some of my friends lived nearer. My beloved Facebook friends. It's amazing how I got to know some of my friends, and it's amazing that some of my friends are still with me after such a long time, Facebook friends. Altough it's all hapenning trough a computer screen, these friends are for sure real people. Although it seems sometimes that there computerized robots. lol, cause there all in my computer, that gives sometimes a akward feeling. 

But still there real people, real friends. Just like you there spending some of there time on there computers. We share alot of our daily things together, you can't deny that. I really love to meet some of my friends, I will have to ask permission first, lol. Even when it's only for once, a meet up should be actually a must for Facebook friends. Naah, not a must, everyone there own wishes, right? Oops, my coffee is getting cold! Caramel coffee tonight, yum! Tomorrow's a day off, no dentist, no counselor, and no other appointments for a change. That gives me all the time to chill and enjoy my new hifi set.

"After rain comes... dry weather."

"After rain comes... dry weather."

Rainy, cold, and grey weather today, yack! I just got used to the freezing days, with a nice sunny clear blue sky, and now? Rain! Geesh! There were icy roads when I went to work, I really had to be carefull this morning, two hands on the stearing wheel this time. Quit crazy being on a bike or in a car this mornming, the weather report gave a 'code red,' meaning it's dangerous on the roads. I survived the trip to work, just being carefull but aswell steady going. I don't know but I had that akward feeling today at work, the feeling that my Boss will come up to me soon with the 'go or staying' results. I think this feeling will last the whole week, I just don't know but I'm sure my Boss will come up with results soon.

I saw her now and then today on the work floor, and then the akward feeling came again. I tell ya, it will be this week or next week, I'm hoping I can stay. I should start praying. There's not much to tell today cause there's now much news, it was just a Monday, a working day. It wasn't that busy at work, not much work and not much people. Tomorrow I can pick up my micro set, I can pick it up after work or I'll wait to the next day. But I think I will pick it up after work, I just can't wait, lol. And last but not least, tomorrow it's Valentine's day, and for that I would like to say..... 

Valentine Friends.

Friends are those people, without whom life will never be the same. They don't break up with you for silly reasons, neither do they throw stupid tantrums. They don't expect gifts all the time, nor are they fearful of commitment. They just love you unconditionally. Happy Valentines day my dear friends.

"Can't wait for my equipment."

"Can't wait for my equipment."

I will have to wait untill Wednesday then I will get my beloved JVC radio/cd player, I really miss music in my house. I been to the record fair today, and I bought such a nice CD's for a low price. But play them, I will have to wait. I bought a few CD's what I had on vinyl when I was still a teenager, further I bought a few same one's that I left behind in Canada. I'm trying to buy most of them back for a very low price, so far I succeeded. Oh my God I'm so excited, to play them, hope I'm not getting to excited, lol. 

It was 10:15 am, I putted on my boots and jacket and went on my way towards the train. It snowed quit alot, I think it was the first time I saw so much snow in Almelo. It wasn't that cold, and the snowing went less as the hours passed by. Going to the fair was a nice out, it wasn't so busy in town and not even busy in the train. Oh, I love German trains, this train where I was in went to Berlin Germany, but had several stops on his way. The first stop was Hengelo, I had to get out, and I was sitting so comfy, lol. 

The building I had to go to was called Metropool, I never been there, not that weird cause it's a pretty new building. It's a huge building where concerts are being hold and performers perform. The record fair was held in the lobby and in the grand cafe, The fair itself wasn't that much, there were only six or seven stands, but it was cozy and comfy, perfect! I saw everything in two/three hours and then I left, I was done. The entrance was only three Euro so yeah, it was okay. But oh my I got such a lovley CD's.

Normally I don't go out on Sunday's, so being out today felt a bit akward. Normally I rest on days like this and do a few things in the house, but it's been good. I enjoyed myself, Here's a few pictures I took while I was there, and when I was on my way....

Picture time! 

On my way to the train, I always walk the same route, it takes me ten or fifteen minutes. My cycle stays safe at home. Yes, it snowed, but not much.

 Now this is what I call a train, this one is so comfy, it even has a bar in it. It's a German train heading to Berlin, on his way he will make several stops. I'm not even that far from Germany.

See, the sign says it all, heading to Berlin, it will stop at Bad Bentheim and Rheine. (Choo, choo!)

I love taking pictures lately, here's a tunnel in Hengelo I needed to go under, heading to the Metropool to the fair.

 Crates full of records at the fair! Dig in!

Records for only one Euro... woot! These records were used to be my thing, I didn't care much about CD's. Time has surely changed since I lost my record players, it's all good though.

Dig, dig, and dig, untill you find something and go, "Yay!!"

 Here's a satisfied face!

 Like I said, I love taking pictures. I always look around when I'm on the road or elsewhere, then I see something and 'snap' I take a picture. Love it!

My treasure after the fair, it ain't that much but geesh, such a good hunt. Roll on Wednesday!





















So yeah, it's been a good day. Tomorrow there's the working day again, time flies when your having fun. I really hope I can stay working there, this could be the week that I will get to hear it. My Boss told me that I will get to hear it as soon as possible. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I love my job, I love that place!

O sleep, O gentle sleep.

O sleep, O gentle sleep.

The last few days I have been sleeping good, or I must say slept longer and more. I go to bed and withing ten minutes I'm gone, sometimes it takes a bit longer. In the morning I wake up early, during the week around 4:30 am or a bit later, and weekends around 6:00 or 6:30 am. I'm fine with that.The last few days I slept longer, even the naps are longer. Yesterday I took two naps in a row, first nap lasted an hour, then I took lunch, got sleepy again and napped another hour. Today I took one nap and that lasted thirty minutes, I tried another nap but couldn't catch sleep. Must be the cold weather that gets me so sleepy. I dislike falling asleep during the evening when I watch TV or when I'm on the laptop, that's why I take naps around noon.In the evening I want to be awake and enjoy myself with what I'm doing. 

Today I did only a few things but mostly rested, tomorrow I'm going out for a little bit. There's a record fair in another city near Almelo, not even twenty minutes away from my place. I'm excited to go, I will be there in fifteen minutes with the train, the place where the fair will be is walking distance. I saved some money, plus I had money left from the last record fair in Amsterdam, yay me! I wont spend a whole day there, just a few hours or an hour more, I will see. After this record fair I will take it easy with my money, saving some coins for the holiday, lol. In April there is another record fair, that fair is the biggest one in Europe I have been told. I usually go there twice a year, it's so much fun. While I was in Canada I couldn't go, ofcource. But now I can. 

Today:  did some ironing, dusted a bit, cleaned the kitchen counters a bit, took a shower and bought cheese for lunch for work. Gosh, today's dinner was so plain, potatoes, beans out of a can and a cheap smoked sausage, I really need to start with some other cooking. Cut the plainess, LOL!  I'm making it up with myself tomorrow though, then I will make some pasta, with veggies, chicken and sweet chilli sauce. I think it's a good idea to make one's in the week or weekends a nice dinner, perhaps I can make or take it out of a menu. I'm sure the internet, magazines, or cooking books are full of menu's. I might start with 'cooking for dummies,' LOL, naah, I can cook, only I would like to try something different so now and then. Sure with the free dinners I get really nice and different meals, but doing it yourself is fun too. Starting next weekend! If it taste good I will share the menu!

Saving money for a holiday trip in the summer starts.... Now!

Saving money for a holiday trip in the summer starts.... Now! 

I will be getting more money while the years pass by I guess, I'm still paying cause of the time I spent in Canada. Paying back care-allowance, rent-allowance, taxes, the loan I lent last year for the moving, ect, ect. These payings wont last, after I'm done with the paying my income will grow bit by bit. I don't have to be a millionaire or to be filty rich, when I come around plus with a little extra I will be perfectly fine. I have been saving money for a micro hifi set, and today I planned to buy one, my wallet agreed with it, I need music in my room for sure. It's been quit for such a long time, from August till now without music, I must be have been crazy, lol. I went to the store, it's a nice store, with good prices, it's the same store where I bought my laptop. 

I saw a nice micro set from JVC, I asked a few questions to the seller and decided to buy it. The seller told me that there was none left and that he had to order one. It was fine with me, the seller told me I can pick it up on Tuesday. Perfect! I went aswell to the tax-service, I needed some help with filling in a paper. This paper had to be filled in cause I spent time in Canada, the paper came from the taxes-service. They wanted to know if I had income while I was in Canada, or if I had a company in Canada, worked there, ect, ect. Well, none of that. So, the guy who helped me with the filling in and I were done in ten minutes, there was not much to fill in. Relieved I went to my vollunteers appointment, damn it was cold, and the strong wind made it even colder. 

For sure it froze, atleast three degrees under zero. The vollunteers appoint ment went good, I had a appointment with a lady, she wanted to know more about me, what my wishes were for vollunteers work, what am I looking for in vollunteers work. She had several options for me, but in the weekends it's mostly work for eldery people. Like visiting eldery people or go out with eldery people, I told her that's nice but it's not really what I'm looking for.We both looked further. I would like to find something where I'm surounded by people, something involving with kids has passed my thought too. 

The lady had many options but we both couldn't find something what suits me, she adviced me to brainstorm what I really want. These vollunteers have a site aswell, and on this site I can look trough the several vollunteer jobs. I will have to come back within three weeks, and come up with a few jobs or more information what I would like. The vollunteers company is called 'scoop,' there a nice bunch of people. I'm looking forward to the next appointment. After dinner I had a phone call from my Aunt, she called aswell last night. But I didn't pick up the phone cause I had a busy day yeaterday and all my Aunt does is nag, nag nag, that's a waste of my time and energy. Today I decided to pick up while I was cooking.... 

Nag, nag, nag!

And yeah.... it was in some ways nag, nag, nag. She asked me if I went to my Dad already, I answered her that I went last Saturday. Dad told my Aunt that Sjon didn't come, p.s. Dad usually forget things. My Aunt adviced me (as always) that I should mail her if / when I visit my Dad, okay... that's a bit akward and weird... but okay, it's an idea. She always asks me to mail her when I went to my Dad, sometimes I do that and sometimes I don't. I think it's silly though. Why on earth do I have to inform always my Aunt if I went to my Dad? Does she keep a score or does she keep an eye on me that I really visit my Dad? The conversation went well, only a few things she always mentions is, "You never call or message me, it looks like you you want to forget us, us, your Family and other Family members." 

Or, "Your to much on the computer, if you have time for that, you can go to your Dad aswell." I can go on and on, sometimes she really can put you down. My Aunt and Uncle go every week to my Dad, it's easy for them, they have nothing else to do, there retired and there not even living five minutes away from my Dad. What my Aunt would really like is that I inform her on anything I do, inform her about my work, my income, just anything I'm going trough during the day, why? Perhaps she can gossip it around trough the other Family members, and give it a little twist. My Aunt is someone who knows everything from almost every  Family member, nieces, uncles, nephews, you name it. She's easy to talk to, she can pull words out of you just like that. 

Sometimes My Aunt calls me and it's always the question, "Is she in a good mood, or not?" But she has her good ways too, but sometimer, ugh! You know what's been going trough my mind lately? If my Dad passes away and I'm at the funeral, my Aunt will be there too. She will mostly arrange everything, cause that's her. That's fine with me, but I'm getting nervous how she will act towards me and towards the other Family members about me. Worst scenario: I show up at the funeral and the other Family members will say, "What are you doing here? you hardly have contact with your Dad." <--- this will continue in worser and worser, and in the end I will take off, leaving my Dad's funeral. And all because my Aunt has been gossiping, that's why I see totally no reason to inform her in anything I do.

Yeah, not really a thing to look forward too, I think it's best to just leave her be. I will visit my Dad and have just a jolly good time. I will prolly message my Aunt, telling her in short, I have been to Dad, it was good," the end. And further... Just leaving my Aunt be and prolly the other Family members aswell. Just for the good sake, if I go to my Dad, I'm going there to have a good time between me and my Dad. And not to please my Aunt or others. I love my Dad, that's a thing that my Dad, me and other friends should know. I don't care (anymore) what my other Family members think, according to my Aunt I ussualy  do nothing right in her eyes. I know better... 

I'm happy with what I do and I'm proud of what I have achieved, that's something my Aunt will never understand or don't want to understand.

I couldn't find a title for today's post, so I choosed this one.

I couldn't find a title for today's post, so I choosed this one.

I always start with writing a post after I found a title first, I read the title and continue with writing the post after I red it, just like now, lol. Anyway, it's Thursday evening, the weekend has started. The other workers at work have a day off tomorow aswell, they have a ATV day. Say what?  ATV day means a reduction in working hours, often abbreviated to ATV, means that the total number of days per year an employee works will be reduced. In short, just a day off, it's like a gift from the Boss. To many employers and not much work I'm guessing. Today some other workers who are usually working behind a machine came to our section to help 'us' out. Just because they had not much to do today, sometimes it's just like that. So 'our'section was packed with workers, nice, but crazy too. 

Because, where to put them if there's not much to do? Though we all worked steady and firm today, I like it when I have something to do, without asking all the time what I have to do. It was a nice working day. Some new workers, who had joined us a few weeks ago, had to come to the office, the Boss told them too. When they came back they told that this was there last day here. I saw it comming though, cause the Boss told me this already when I had to come to the office for a talk a few weeks ago. These new workers are in a project, this project is to see what new workers are able of. This project is for people who are sick or have a handicap and aswell for intergration. One of the new workers is a Turkish man, he's in his 50's. 

Thursday evening, 8,05 pm!

He told me, that he might be able to work here for good, cause they told him too. "I'm here to be tested for a short period, and then I might get a hire contract," told the Turkish man. I was suprised he told me this cause my Boss told me a total different story, lol, poor man. I don't like it when they goof around with such people, they promise you this, but instead they give you something else. Another fellow worker asked me if I had to come to the office too today, I answered, 'No.' It could have been though, I didn't even think about it, to I was to busy with working, lol. Time for some days off, I sure need it. Tomorrow is gonna be a full day aswell, but I will get my rest too. 


Tomorrow morning there's the vollunteers appointment, I never been there though, but I'm not nervous. They will look for me for other or more vollunteers work, I'm pretty excited about it. Tomorrow aswell I want to go to the tax office, I got a mail yesterday from the tax-service, it all had to do with my time in Canada. I have to fill in a few things, but I will need help with the filling in, that's why the visit to the tax-office. They will help me there. I might get some taxes back or have to pay taxes back, wi'll see. And tomorrow I made the decision to buy a nice small radio. Or better, a micro hifi set, I would like a radio and a CD player where I can listen to. That's really enough for me, I'm missing  listening to music. I need curtains aswell but that can wait. 

Music first, music will cheer up my place so much more for sure. Though I still have a bit doubts to buy a hifi set, I'm not rich and I still need to pay bills and I still want to go on a short vacation this summer. But yeah, when do I have to buy the hifi set then? Right? I guess I will always be..... Or for a long time be in a sort of ' I'm not rich' lol! Tomorrow will be the day.

Dentist: "You don’t have to brush your teeth, just the ones you want to keep."

Dentist: "You don’t have to brush your teeth, just the ones you want to keep."

Oh yeah, the dentist, thank god he told me after the this morning treatment, "See you in June." He repaired three fillings this morning, and unexpected it were the front teeth, ouch! I asked for anesthesie, and the dentist gave me  two shots, waited thirty seconds and started drilling, ouch, and ouch! The anesthesie helped just a bit but for the same reason he could have skipped it. Though the whole treatment wasn done in thirty minutes, pffeeww! My front teeth are still a bit hurting, the one tooth where my dentist helped me on a few weeks ago feels not right either. I'm still looking for a new dentist, someone who lives closer, does his job better and is perhaps cheaper. Though  looking for a cheap dentist is almost not to do here in Holland.


Dentists are expensive here in Holland, and now they can decide on there own what the client must pay for every treatment, for example a new filling, anesthesia, a crown, ect, ect. The healt insurances in Holland have the option to advice the clients for wich dentist to choose, what suits the clients best. This Friday I will get some advice aswell by my health insurance, I definitly need a new dentist. Again a cold day today, still it's minus degrees. Just heard today that the 'Eleven cities tour' is not going trough, oh, you should have seen the dissapointment and the sadness on the skaters faces. I do understand it though, we were so close to the event, but the ice is just not thick enough for the millions skaters to hold them all, pity! This comming weekend the thaw will set in, then it's prolly, bye, bye ice and frost.

My counselor came aswell this afternoon, and we went trough some things as usual, mostly paperwork. It was all good, nothing extreme or stressy. Everything is going okay some things are so, so, and some things needs time. I guess it will always be like that. Still I'm suffering here and there financially, cause of my time in Canada, cause of that I still I have to pay back some allowances, but that will end aswell in the near future when the paying back is done. And further? Further not that much, only one thing what bothered me a bit this morning. I thought about it NOT to mention it in this post, but I won't to get it of my chest and. And yeah, it's my blog and I can write what I want, right? Though I can understand that 'some' things you have to keep for yourself. But anyways, here it goes... Damn!

Just this morning my Saf sent me a mail, she was asking me for money, cause they come extremely short this month. Read: prolly no money to pay the rent, no food till the end of the month. I care about them, even after all what happened last year. I know how they suffer a bit now, I too been in these situations a few times with them. I suffered last year aswell big time, and still am a bit, I just crowled up, dusted of the dirt of my knees, and relived. I'm not gonna pay, though I considered it to pay Saf, I felt a bit bad to make the right desicion for me. I decided not to pay, I have to think of myself this time. Sucks though a bit honestly, to make that desicion.

I feelt bad for her and her kids, but the thing what bothered me and helped me make the decision is the question: why did she think of me when she needs money? isn't that rude or? I don't know....sorry for posting this...

................ Time for a coffee, insert happy smile!

Went to work with a toaster in my pants, it was so cooooold.

went to work with a toaster in my pants, it was so cooooold. 

Noooot! But to be honest, I'm really  done with this cold weather, it's almost absurd! This morning the tempature was between 20 and 25 minus, and that's crazy. I was dressed warm though this morning while I went to work, so I was okay, but still. I had a extra sweater over my work sweater, a thick scarf, a winter hat, plus I had my capuchon from my winterjacket over the winter hat, and last but not least gloves, though I still had my hands in the pockets from my jacket. Roll on spring! Though this cold freezing weather gives such a beautifull sight seeings too, it's gorgeous, specially the lakes in the north of Holland.

Pictures fromDutch news papers, taken this week.

I'm writing this post while I just had dinner, I'm still cold. Dinner did me good, it warmed me up. But now I'm cold again. The heater is on, if I put the heater higher then it will be a new record. I never put the heater higher then 4, I will see if I get a bit warmer later on. A nice cuppa tea or coffee will do me good I guess. Work was good as usual, were almost done with the new order. I'm guessing Thursday will will get the job done, wow, we produced so many mats in the last three weeks, we can be proud of ourselves. Still no sign if I get a hire contract or not, I think the contract is not going trough, but I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Why do I think that the contract is not going trough? Well, I think it's best that I go out from the worse, so I will be less dissapointed if it's not going trough. Lol, I just don't know, it's still fifty, fifty for me. Warming a bit up now, it's a nice feeling, I think it's gonna be again a extremely cold night. The heater is still warming up till four, wow, normally the heater is done within ten minutes. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day, ugh, dentist, counselor, free dinner, and radio. Everything is spreaded ovcer the day. I need three new fillings at the dentist, sigh! I think I will take anesthesia, but I'm not sure yet. It will relieve the pain while drilling, but the anesthesia will cost me extra aswell. 

Who's comming with me to make me laugh and ease the pain.... 

Winter either bites with its teeth or lashes with its tail. ~Proverb.

Winter either bites with its teeth or lashes with its tail. ~Proverb.

There's something going on the last few weeks in Holland, everytime when we have five days in a row of freezing days there is a chance that there a  'Eleven cities tour,' will be held, a what? A Eleven cities tour, here, Wikipedia will explain... 

The Elfstedentocht, Dutch for "Eleven cities tour" is a race for people on ice-skates. The race takes place on canals in Friesland in the north of the Netherlanmds. The route of the race goes through eleven towns and is nearly 200 kilometers long. It can only be held in winters when it is very cold. 

The race starts and finishes in Leeuwarden, the capital town of Friesland. The route goes through all eleven places in Friesland which are officially called "towns". The race has been held already 15 times. The first year it took place was 1909. The most recent race was on 4 January 1997. The ice on the canals has to be at least 15 cm thick for the race to take place. It is a very tough race, although some years the race has been tougher than others, depending on the weather conditions. 1963 was a terribly cold winter. That year only one in 100 people who took part managed to finish the race. Medals are given to the first 11 men and the first 5 women.

This morning the Eleven cities tour 'crew'  came together for a intervieuw towards the press on television and radio, and the question was, is the 'Tour' going trough? There answer... There working on it, and nature itself has to help aswell. If it keeps freezing like this it will be  good, if not, well then it's a 'no.'  This week the weatherforecast forspelled snow aswell, that's not a good thing either. I don't that have much with this  Tour or skating though, it's fun to watch but I don't know, this Tour is nice and fun but the whole circus around it is a bit to much in my eyes. If the Tour will be held there will be millions of people gathering around in that area, it's madness.  Wi'll see what happens, I say it will be a no, cause it has to freeze so much harder... 

Minus 19 tonight, my oh my, that's been a while since it freezed so hard in Holland. I have been trough this freezing coldness a few times before while I was in Canada, but it has just a different feeling. Yes, it's cold but it's a bit more comfier then here in Holland, can't explain it. And ofcource mountains of snow as always. It's standard in Canada, every winter season there's snow, no matter what.  Not here in Holland, it's like were outta snow, lol. Alright back to this day, a working day as ussual. Were still working on the 'new order,' we only have one week left to produce 1600 mats in total, suprisingly were on schedule. 

After this order there will be not much work left, waiting for new orders, or better, waiting for more orders! It's a must, dammit, I want to stay here, I want a contract, lol. It was cold this morning, and tomorrow morning it will be even colder. I have a extra blanket ready laying in the corner, for just in case if it gets to cold. Though I don't wanna spoil myself with to much warmness, for the same reason it's gonna be minus 30 or worser, and then what? 4 blanket's? Or 5? I'm overreacting now, though I like warmth. Ha, who doesn't. I like a warm sleeping room, but at night the heater goes off, not all the way down but, just, let's say 5 degrees. Love it!

Let the sunshine...

Let the sunshine...

The sun is shinning so powewrfull trough the windows, it nearly burns my feet while having a nap. I'm not complaining, but damn, it's hot! Aah, Sunday's! Sunday's is ussualy the same, shower, resting, naps, chere and there a bit cleaning, getting my working gear ready for tomorrow, making two dinners, one for today and one for Tuesday, (Monday's I go out eating) and early to bed. Today was the same, I didn't wanna shower first cause it was way to cold in the shower. I don't like showering in the winter, but it's a must ofcource. I should get tons of free tickets during the winter for a sauna or spa, it's way nicer showering there, and it's so much warmer, and comfier.

This weekend was so so, I'm glad it's almost Monday, so I can work and have people around me. During the week I'm good, during the week I'm fully booked, lol. I got my work and I got the free dinners, plus this week I can add a few things more. On Wednesday morning there's the dentist appointment, (ugh!) on that same day my counselor will visit me in the afternoon, then later in the evening back to the radio to look what they have more in store for me. A full day, I know.  On Friday there's the visit to the Community centre, I have a appointment there with someone. Together we will look for more vollunteers work. I'm looking forward to that. 

I didn't do much this weekend, yeah I went to my Dad, but that was it. It's important to have something to do, 'do not sit around and feel bored.' Okay, sometimes being on my own feels good too and that's needed aswell. But, I don't want to make it a habbit, I have plenty time for myself, a bit to much actually. I felt a bit lonely and down aswell this weekend, hence the sit around and feeling bored. Though I'm not gonna push myself to do something, it's not like I HAVE to do something, but I WANT to do something. Wanting something to do is less stressier, lol. I easily get in a lonely and down moment, it goes just like that, like a light switch, but that feeling goes away as fast as it came aswell. 


It's all in my way of thinking. What do I do when I have that lonely and down moment? Not much, I let it all just come over me, but if it gets to worse I will do something to get it out of my head, usually something happen's what gets my attention and then it's gone aswell. But otherwise, I let it all come over me, and then in the end it will vanish also. 'After rain comes sunshine,' It's a part of life, and I'm sure it will make people stronger afterwards. Here are some of my favorite poems about happiness. I'm sure it can help lift your spirits up.

  

 Don't Quit! 

When things go wrong as they sometimes will, when the road you're trudging seems all uphill, when funds are low and the debts are high. And you want to smile, but you have to sigh. When care is pressing you down a bit. Rest, if you must, but don't you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns. As every one of us sometimes learns.  And many a failure turns about, when he might have won had he stuck it out. Don't give up though the pace seems slow. You may succeed with another blow. Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt. And you never can tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems so far, so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit.  It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

 You cannot change the world,

But you can present the world with one improved person, yourself.  You can go to work on yourself to make yourself. Into the kind of person you admire and respect. You can become a role model and set a standard for others. You can control and discipline yourself to resist acting, or speaking in a negative way. Toward anyone for any reason. You can insist upon always doing things the loving way, rather than the hurtful way. By doing these things each day, you can continue on your journey. Toward becoming an exceptional human being.