Yep, the weekend has started!

Yep, the weekend has started! 

It's been busy at work, it's a good thing. It's better then having not much to do, it gives a relief aswell. This work I see as my work until I retire, so, all good. Though my second Boss asked me thirty minutes before our working shift if I could work tomorrow aswell, I told him, "No, I'm sorry." I got other things to do and I wasn't expecting it. If he would have asked me yesterday I probably would have said yes, probably. I have my thoughts about it, lol, like, 'maybe I should have said yes,' or 'was it okay to say no, to refuse?' Ofcource it is, but yeah. But! The weekend has started, Monday I will be back and do my best again. 

Tomorrow I will do some groceries and have some rest. Saturday I will be out, it's about time again to take of to another city. I haven't decided yet though what city I'm going to. Will it be Amersfoort? Or will it be Zutphen? Amersfoort is a nice city and lays near Amsterdam, it's not even 30 minutes from Amsterdam. The train will take me to Amersfoort in a little hour, Zutphen is nice to, though a bit closer to home. Amersfoort is bigger and has alot of sight seeings, Zutphen is smaller but has his sight seeings aswell. Zutphen is cheaper with the train, Oh well I will just see and decide tomorrow, I'm sure what ever I decide, it's gonna be fun.

First day of Spring!

First day of Spring! 

It sure doesn't look like Spring yet but, that will come, every season has a beginning and a ending. I don't mind the cold that much, it's the rain that I dislike. They for spelled rain this week, though I haven't seen any yet, so, all good. This morning was cold, I had a appointment with the therapist, the therapy is for my breathing. I don't breath the right way, I breath more trough my chest instead then trough my stomach, and that can give a certain kind of hyperventilation. I'm not worried about my hyperventilation, slightly more relieved to be honest. For many years I thought my 'chest breathing' was a matter of my thyroid disease. Sure a sick thyroid can give less energy, but so does my 'chest breathing,' aka hyperventilation.

How did it all happen? Long story, I guess I developed it myself, after being diagnosed with my sick thyroid it all started. I have been trough alot and that can give sometimes worries or nerves, some people call it stress. Although I never felt stressed, stress was a to big word for me. Stress is for me 'over the top, or 'totally freaking out' or 'losing all grip of life'. I never had that. Sure, I have seen some counselors, but then again, who hasn't? Ofcource the highly breathing wasn't constantly, I sure had my 'good breathing' moments aswell. But, I did it for so long, I decided it has to stop, lol. It's been long enough, it only gets worse, so here's to the healing! My therapist knew her job well, she heared me out and in the end I had to lay down on a, uhm, it looked like a massage table. 

While I layed there we talked further and she asked me a few things. In the meanwhile she looked and examend my breathing. I noticed that, so I tried to breath like I normally do. She knew what I was talking about, it's nice and good to know that we were on one level with my problems. She gave me some home work aswell. When I'm sitting relaxed on my couch, I'll have to name up four things on my body what feels tense, or how do you say that, tight? For example, do I make a fist? Or do I tighten my face or neck? eEc, etc. Interesting, I knew what she meant, when a body part/muscle  feels tighten or pressured, I'll have to let it go. I know all about it, but to do it and learn it is the second part, lol. I', pretty sure this is going to help me, if not? Then on to the next one, it's all good. 

Not much to say on this Tuesday.

Not much to say on this Tuesday. 

Just a nice day at work, just like yesterday. Though after two days of hard work I need a day of rest, I think I just did a bit to much. Enthusiasm, lol! My muscles are hurting a bit but that will be over tomorrow in the morning, it was all worth it. Tomorrow early up aswell, I think I will get up at 7:00 or 7:30. I have to be at the therapy at 9:15, when I leave my house at 8:55, I will be fine. Funny that I have to bring my passport with me, oh well, I will just see what happens tomorrow. 

Talking about my passport, I wanted to lay my passport ready this morning for tomorrow morning. But, I couldn't find it!! My passport wasn't laying on the same spot where it always layed. I searched ansd searched where it could be, but no. I even thought about to buy a new one while searching, but no, cause the old passport will probably all of a sudden show up again, when I bought a new one. I thought, 'where did I used my pass' last time for then?' Oh, it's in the binder, yes! And there it was, Tidy your stuff up Sjon!

A very nice Monday.

A very nice Monday. 

I felt exhausted after work but it was so much worth it, I worked a whole day on my own section, and I will be working there the rest of the week, yay! It's busy and that's a good thing. We worked on a huge mat today, with round holes in it and a weird shape, love it! The mat had red and black colors, pretty nice mat. Further there is not much to report, lol. After work there was the free dinner, had a very nice meal from straight out of the oven, mashed potatoes with leek and ground beef. I had two plates, I guess I was hungry, lol.

It's 9:42 pm, soon I will be heading to bed, a early sleep is always good, Early to bed and early to rise. I still get up way to early for work, but I like it, it's okay. I enjoy my days, and will get my rest. This week is pretty calm and relaxing. Wednesday at 9:15 am I will be heading to the 'breathing therapy,' I actually look forward to it. I hope they gonna solve my breathing. I can move and do the things I want but the sometimes pressure on my chest is annoying, and makes me tired. But not for long, cheers to the therapy! Yay!

S-s-s-s-Sunday!

Interesting video from YouTube, 'How to be alone,' I actually heard from this before. I think it was my counselor who said, 'It's okay to be alone,' in the video you see many options what you can do when your alone. The video shows you aswell that someone alone can be happy aswell. When you achieve that comfort feeling of being alone, you will feel better and realize that it's really 'okay to be alone' sometimes. Just to get rid of that 'lonely' feeling, you will have to feel first comfortable with being alone. Then you will see and feel, that it's okay to be alone. So there!

Uhm, no! I don't feel lonely, I'm fine and okay, I feel good. I think everyone has sometimes that lonely feeling, right? Even people who have tons of friends feel sometimes lonely. Sometimes people who have tons of friends are begging for some time alone, lol. I think I'm in the middle, I like being on my own, but I like it aswell to be surrounded by people. It comforts me that I can be on my own sometimes, cause I know that it won't be long that I will be surrounded by people again soon. For example, today I was on my own, perfect and all good, tomorrow work will be waiting. 

It's important to socialize, everyone needs it. Don't lock yourself up, go out and explore. There are some new things comning up for me, the volunteer visits will do me good, seeing other people and socialize is good. And doing something nice for others gives a good vibe aswell, right? As you know Sundays are rest days for moi, just like today. Did one small load of laundry and cleaned the house a bit. Cooked some couscous with veggies and that's it. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's work, seeing my fellow workers again and doing our thing what we do best, lol. 

"A Saturday well spent."

"A Saturday well spent."

Early up and early out the door this morning, ready to go to Hengelo. Hengelo is the city where the training and introduction lesson will be held for my new volunteer job, the training started at 10:00 am. I left my apartment at 8:30 am, took the train from Almelo to Hengelo from 9:00 and arrived in Hengelo at 9:05. Then the bus from 9:27 towards 'Oude Bornese weg.' (A certain street in Hengelo) The bus driver took his time, lol, but I was nicely and perfectly on time. Half of the group was already in the building, and some were outside for a smoke. I went outside and introduced myself halfly. It felt a bit awkward cause most of the new volunteers have seen each other already last night, last night was the first introduction. I didn't go last night, being that late at night on the streets kept me from not  going. I told my 'reason' from not going last night aswell to a few volunteers, they laughed and told me that they could have picked me up, cause they live in the same city as I do. Yeah well, if I only should have known that last night, right? The group of new volunteers were a nice bunch of people, mostly were all women, just one guy. 

The guy was happy to see me, he told me. He felt alone among all these women, lol. We laughed. The whole training and introduction was interesting, I learned alot, some of the things I didn't even know off. There's alot I should know before I visit someone with little social contacts, it will sure be not easy, though I kinda thought it was. "Norms and values," and "Know your own limits." It's not like that I'm just gonna visit a person just like that, oh no! The volunteer visitors have to know a few things before visiting. That's why this training. The volunteer visits regularly the applicant. Volunteer and applicant discus with each other which activities they will undertake weekly or monthly. It is therefore important that both people have similar interests. The activities can be almost just anything, shopping together, walking, cycling, watching movies, fishing, visiting museums, drink a coffee, help with homework and perhaps give lessons. The visits are important for the applicant, just to get the applicant out of her or his social isolation, the applicant sees the visitor as a distraction.

The applicant tries to get a structure in her or his life, or social contacts, meeting people. What I learned this day is that it sure won't be easy to visit such people. These applicants have probably been trough alot, or suffering still from something what they went trough. You have to let "it" go when you leave thew applicant, shut it off. I will have to know my limits aswell, if the applicant ask me for money, I will have to say. "No." If the applicant ask me to go to do something for him what he doesn't dare, I will have to know my limits. Probably it's better to go with him then go alone, the applicant has to get out of his or her social isolation, not me. There are many, many examples more, or other (bad) situations I can sum up, but let's not.  I will visit the applicant, I will be there for him or her for a certain time, but I have to think of myself aswell, (limits!) If there's a problem with the applicant what bothers me, doesn't matter what situation, if it bothers me I can always contact the coordinator of this project. And that's a good thing. After the introduction and training I had some light doubts...

But I'm going for it. I will just see how it goes and I will give a 100%, though when I feel that it's not really my thing I will quit. First of all I'm excited, it's a TOTALLY new thing I would like to try, I'm actually looking for social contacts still aswell, and here I am, visiting people with little social contacts, lol. A bit awkward, but I feel aswell that it can be good for me and aswell for the applicant.After the training I got offered a ride home, I took it. There were two ladies who live in my city aswell, friendly and nice women, the driver set me of almost by my  front door.  We all switched phone numbers and email adresses, we will see each other soon again, for the next meeting, once in six weeks we will meet again with our group volunteers. Just to see how things go and if there's something what bothers us we can tell it there then. All will be good, cheers to the new volunteer job! 

Friday's are nice!

Friday's are nice! 

Remember the mail I received last weekend from Humanitas? The mail was a invite for a training or introduction lesson for my new volunteer job, here's a reminder: The volunteer job is a job where I will be visiting people who have little social contacts, people who would like to do something  but are not able to do such. These people are mostly elderly people, but aswell people who are handicapped or such. I will visit them, they can fill in their own needs of what they would like to do, that can be anything. A walk, a bicycle ride, a chat or just a coffee, etc, etc. I will be doing the visits with a group of other volunteers, everyone has their own visitor. It's not that we go to the person with the whole group, lol. 
This group of people are all 'new' volunteers and aswell 'new' to these visits, just like me.

So today and tomorrow is the time of the introductions lessons, starting tomorrow at 10:00 am until 4:00 pm. The lesson on Friday from 7:00 pm until 10:00 pm, I cancelled. I informed the head trainer about my cancelling last Monday. Reason? Well, I don't like to be late at night on the streets in this area, specially the train stations. Sure, I could have gone, but I just don't feel safe then, actually I wasn't very looking forward to go to this evening aswell. Just the fact that it's not that safe here in this area or neighborhood. If I would have gone... I would have taken first  the train at 6:00 pm, then I would have arrived arrived in the city Hengelo around 6:15, then the city bus would have taken me to a unknown area called 'the achterhoek', then out of the bus and walk to a certain street called 'Oude Bornerse weg....'

And then look for house/building number 85. The trip back would have probably worried me the most, lol. Leaving at 10:00 pm, the same route back as the way I went. First the bus back to the train station from Hengelo, (No clue what time the bus comes and goes) then taking the train from Hengelo to Almelo, waiting for the train on that station late at night isn't a pleasure. Arriving in my own city, probably around 11:30 or maybe even later, I will walk back to my own apartment. You can compare our train station with the train station from Hengelo, not a pleasure being there that late. Maybe I'm over reacting, maybe I'm just acting like a pussy but, better to be safe then not. It's not anymore like it used to was nowadays, when you can walk in the middle of the night on the streets... 

And perhaps talk to a stranger and have a great time. It seems those times are over, you here the craziest things lately. But anyway, I got a mail back from the trainer and she told me that it was okay and that I could skip the Friday and just come Saturday. The Friday was actually a 'getting to know each other' evening. A evening to get to know each new volunteer from our new group. It would have been fun if it ain't were late in the evening. Bummer, but okay I will see them tomorrow and introduce myself then, I'm excited to go, to see other people and the lesson is interesting. The lessons will learn us how to get along with people, how to behave, or how to act or how not to act. It will come in handy when we visit our visitors. The lesson tomorrow will take me a whole day but that's okay, early up aswell. 

A nice day it was today, still cold and freezing, we even had some snow again in the late afternoon. I did my groceries in two parts today, because tomorrow I won't have time. I use to dislike the weekends, cause I was so addicted to my new job, lol. I only wanted the weekend to be over as soon as possible, so I could work again on Monday. Now, I like the weekends, it just depends on what there is to do I guess. Though I like having my rest aswell, or having a 'quiet on my own time,' lol. Those times are nice but it's a must to get out too, to meet other people or explore what's going on outside. I do such things aswell, and more of those things are coming up. I wish Spring would hurry up, it's much more a pleasure to go out in the sun and warmth. So, roll on Spring!

"Awkward?"

"Awkward?" 

Nice day at work today, after working for two days on a different section I worked today on my own section. So much better, though busier and a tiny bit heavier, but okay, I like it so much better. On my own section I have the feeling more that I really make something, produce something, a mat! We start at the beginning, the size, the material, etc, etc. And in the end we roll up the mat, pack it in and done. We even may sign it, well, not on the mat itself but on the cart from the customer. `Made by S. Veldhuis. Nice right? I love my section, but being placed on another section does not bother me that much, I am glad I have work, I am surely not gonna complain. All is good at work, I am happy with my job. 

It has been more then a month when my Dad passed away, when I am at work or when I am out doing things, I am not much thinking of it. Now writing about it feels a bit awkward, seeing my Dad on the picture in my living room  feels awkward too. Why? Just the fact that I am relaxed  about it now, calm and not feel torn apart. That feels awkward, why am I not feeling torn apart, not have these crying moods, although I feel sometimes a tear come up when I or others mention my Dad. I loved him so much, he loved me so much too, though we may not always have showed it, deep inside we felt it. 

Dad and I were not much of a talkers, we did not use or needed many words. When I was a kid my Mom and Dad were not used to hugging and kissing and all that kinda loving towards each other, that changed when I lived on my own, lol, I remember my first hug from another person who I knew. It felt a bit weird and uncomfortable but good aswell. Back to my Dad, yeah, I feel okay and calm, though I sometimes ask myself why am I not in tears daily or why am I not torn apart, cause there was I actually afraid of. Dad perhaps did not want me to see me sad I guess. 

In my eyes he is not gone, yeah gone from where he used to was, where he lived. I know I can not visit him anymore, (that gives sometimes a weird and uncomfortable feeling aswell) I am aware of that. Though, I know he is watching me from above, with behind him my Mom. I know it is all good there above, that might give that calm and relaxed feeling I have. I am actually pretty sure about that, everywhere I go or what I do, they are there. Guardian angels, perhaps stirring me and making me aware that I make the right decisions.

"That went okay."

"That went okay." 

This morning was suppose to be hectic but, that went okay. One appointment, a visit and a few groceries. First I picked up the 'therapist' card (what still had to be printed, but okay.) and asked for another card for the mindful training what I (might)  follow. This other card I didn't get cause first I had to make another appointment whit my Doctor first for that card, another sigh. This mindfulcursus needs to have a 'agreement' from my Doctor. I thought, "But I haven't even said 'yes' to the minfulness training. I told the Doctor assistance to let it be for now, I will first have my appointment with the mindfulness trainer. I was perfectly on time at my 'mindfulness' appointment, it was 9:45 I still had fifteen minutes left, all good. 

My city has some nice statues, you only have to find them.

 A lady called me in her office fifteen minutes past ten, she introduced herself and told me about the training. She asked me to tell about myself aswell, and why I would like to follow this mindfulness training. I had alot to tell, I told her aswell about my time in Canada and the time I became homeless. Aswell I told about my Dad, and my sick thyroid. The lady told me that she totally understood that I worry sometimes, worry about becoming homeless again, worrying about having less money to come around. I guess I'm still adjusting having a home again and having a permanent job, though there's no need to worry, though I still do so now and then. But much less then let's say one year ago, oh yes. 

Such a cold day today, we had snow in the afternoon. As you can see the ice on the pond weren't much fun for the birds.

 Now about the mindfulness cursus. The lady offered me another training, a training about "positive thinking." Twisting a negative thought into a positive thought, there's  actually more, but that's difficult to explain. I skipped the mindfulness training, cause that training was more into meditation and finding your rest again, uhm, yeah, lol. The mindfulness can give me rest but doesn't work much on my problem. This positive thinking training does that.  Though I will be put on a waiting list, perhaps in May I can start. Another though, though these trainings sure aren't free, the lady told me that this positive training (6 lessons) will cost 600 Euro, hello? My health insurance will pay for that. 

Stting there, waiting for the other ducks.

Well, actually, in this case, I pay half and my insurance pay half. Because our goverment decided two years ago that they take 350 Euro from your loan/income, that amount of money has to be spent on every healthcare what is not covered by your health insurance. Yup, sure not everything is free when it comes to healthcare here in Holland. When the 350 Euro has been spent then the health insurance will cover most of the healthcare again. This disicion by our goverment is called "Own risk." Small example: The mindfulness training cost 600 Euro, I have still 338 Euro left from my "Own risk." I pay the 338 Euro, but I still have to pay 262 Euro to get to 600 Euro, that money will be payed by my healt insurance.

This used to be a old facrtory hence the huge pipe, they left the pipe but underneath the pipe is a fancy restaurant.

 (You still there?) Because I just spend all my "Own risk" money. (338 Euro) For the same reason I had 25 Euro cent "Own risk," then my healt insurance would have payed 599 Euro. Confussing right? Now, I will just see what I do, first of all I'm gonna start with the 'breathing therapy. Upcoming Friday I will introduce myself at the therapy, they will make a appointment with me and I'll start. First I will ask if this therapy will cost me, if it does then I'm not sure if I start with the mindfulness training. Both things will cost me to much then, and besides the breathing therapy is more important. Yeah, money, money is sure important nowadays, who said money doesn't make people happy? It surely does me. 

Lots to do tomorrow!

Lots to do tomorrow! 

I think tomorrow will be a short day off, there's lots to do, alot to arrange. On a good side my tire is still full with air, it's magic, I just don't have any other word for it. I pumped up my tire last Sunday around 3:00 pm, and it's still full with air. I pumped up my tire aswell on last Friday, but the air went almost totally out on Sunday. Magic, I'm sure, or the air in the tire has just frozen, lol. Anyway, that's all good. First thing tomorrow morning I will have to pick up my card for the psychotherapy my Doctor arranged for me last Friday. 

The therapy is for my breathing, I breath trough my chest to much, and that's not good. That gives the pressure on my chest aswell. With the card I can make a appointment with the therapist, in the same building as where my Doctor is, handy! Though after I pick up 'that' card I will have to ask my Doctor for another card, cause I need that 'other' card for another appointment at 10:00. At 10:00 am I have a appointmentet with a lady from Dimence, she will be giving the training/cursus 'Mindfullness,' rememember I wrote about that a week ago? This training/cursus felt right when I red about it.... 

"Mindfulness is a way of paying attention to, and seeing clearly whatever is happening in our lives.  It will not eliminate life's pressures, but it can help us respond to them in a calmer manner that benefits our heart, head, and body. It helps us recognise and step away from habitual, often unconscious emotional and physiological reactions to everyday events. It provides us with a scientifically researched approach to cultivating clarity, insight, and understanding. Practicing mindfulness allows us to be fully present in our life and work, and improve our quality of life"

Tomorrow as I said I will have a appointment at 10:00 with the lady who gives this training/cursus, we will talk and see if this training/cursus will be any good for me. It's kinda like a introduction session, uhm, yeah. She will give more information about mindfulness, and I will see if it's any good for me. I will have to take a few things with me to the appointmend. My passport, a so called 'agree' card from my Doctor, or how you call such card? Plus my health insurance card. My Doctor has to agree that I can join this training/cursus. 

And my health insurance card is (I think/hope)  to see if I can get this training/cursus for free. It depends what kinda insurance I have. I really hope I get the  ppsychotherapy for free too, it all depends on my health insurance. If I have to pay, I'm gonna look for other options, cauze I bet that such things are expensive. I will see and hear it all tomorrow. So yeah, busy morning ahead, cycling from A to B, and from B to A, and in between perhaps a few groceries. I'm out of bread, I think I eat 3 loafs of bread in seven days.  Alot? Naah, I like bread. Tomorrow afternoon I will take it easy and rest. 

Lazy Monday.

Lazy Monday. 

I woke up early, an hour earlier then my cellphone alarm. My alarm was set on 5:15am, I woke up at 4:15am. Fact, I usually wake up around this hour when I have to go to work.I wish it was different, lol. Another fact, I always set my alarm on my cellphone when I have to get up early, though I always ways wake up before it goes off, always, lol. But anyway, I always survived the long days, so that's a plus point. Though this morning was dragging, actually the whole day was. I felt sleepy and tired, I guess the last three days off were a bit to much. Specially yesterday was hectic. Talking about yesterday, I was prepared with my new bicycle pump early in the morning, devastated and ready for a perhaps flat tire. 

But no, my tire from my bicycle was stone hard, I pumped it up yesterday afternoon, and it was still pumped up. Good! Let's see how long it lasts, after work the tire was still hard, good! I will check again tomorrow early in the morning. Work went well today, though three fellow workers were sick, wow, a record, three workers in a row sick. Blame the weird weather were having, last week almost 17 degrees, with lots of sunshine, now we have snow, plus minus temperatures. No wonder people get sick. I haven't been sick yet this year, and last year even, knocking on wood! I'm ready for warm weather people, I'm ready for Spring, or better, Sumner!

The bicycle pump!

The bicycle pump!

A flat tire! And that on a Sunday, well, I noticed already something last Friday, my rear tire from my bicycle was soft, softer then usual. I was on my way to my Doctor's appointment. After the appointment I tried to figure out what to do, it was Friday so I actually had two days to let this soft tire be repaired. If I will let it repair I will loose my bicycle for one day, if I hand it in I can pick it up tomorrow. But what if my tire isn't flat, but just soft? Maybe it just needs some air? Decisions, decisions! I couldn't hand my bike in the next day (Saturday), cause then I can pick up my bicycle on Monday in the afternoon. Monday I need my bike early in the morning, for work. I decided to pump up both tires at the repairer, just fingers crossed that the air stayed in, lol.

Saturday morning, I checked my tire just before I went to my Aunt and Uncle. The tire was pretty hard still but it felt a bit awkward, did some air went out or not? I forgot to check it again later that Saturday, I wish I head. Not until Sunday around noon I checked and yeah, flat, well pretty much flat, lol. Damn, all registers open! It was Sunday, all stores are closed. Thinking, my tire was pumped up last Friday, it's Sunday now, so that means that when I pump it up again, it will last 'let's say' for one and a half day. I need as pump! I went to Facebook and asked a friend who lived near, no answer. I Googled for some stores who could be open in Almelo on this Sunday. My luck, a garden centre near my house was open, they are only open on Sunday's once a month.

This garden centre has sometimes these awkward sells, so I figured they sure have a bicycle pump, ofcource! I walked, it wasn't even a fifteen minute walk, though trough the snow was tough. It was pretty crowded there in the garden centre, but, but, but, yep, no pump! What the.....! I turned around and walked out of the store, I decided to walk to Ina, a friend of mine, she definitely has a pump, oh yeah! Another twenty minute walk, I thought, What am I doing? LOL! Ina had a pump, she even had two pumps. I took the small one, but not before I had a coffee with Ina, it was needed, lol. On my way home I hoped the pump would work, but it did not, damn, damn you pump! ''No worries, lol I am laughing while I write this!'' When I was with Ina she told me that there were more stores open this Sunday. 

The best (classic) Dutch bicycle pump there is!

I did not even think, I went on my bicycle, with a soft but not flat tire, and went to the stores what were open. Another fifteen minute ride! I leaned a bit forward to ease the rear tire a bit while cycling, yeah, I am handy like that, lol.Cold and a hard wind didn't stop me, I was on a mission, never mind the Sunday rest! Though I longed for it, but, couldn't I fix my tire not by myself? Yes, and no, yes I can, but no, cause I know myself that at this moment I won't succeed. I went to the store where I planned to go, I saw a nice bicycle pump, for not that much money. Such a pump is always handy, I should have bought it right away when I bought my bicycle. I pumped up the soft tire and drove home, this time faster cause the tire wasn't soft anymore. Hopefully the air stays in the tire until Wednesday... 

Then I will get a brand new tire. This tire has been flat already two or three times. two times in one month. Before going to bed I will check my tire again, just out of curious, to see if it went soft again. Tomorrow morning I will probably have to pump the tire up. In worst case I will take the pump with me to work, in a even worse case, 'when the tire is flat and a pump doesn't help,' I will walk to work, yikes, pretty far but it is to do. But let's not look ahead to far, lol. I trust on my pump, this pump is the best. A old classic one, but a good one. And for now, rest, my bum on the couch, legs on the couch and flat. Time for a nap, it was a pretty good Sunday, different but good.

Spring, where art thou?

Spring, where art thou? 

Got a a mail today from Humanitas, remember the 'new' volunteer job I received a week ago? This volunteer job is a job where I will be visiting people who have little social contacts, people who would like to do something  but are not able to do such. These people are mostly elderly people, but aswell people who are handicapped or such. I will visit them, they can fill in their own needs of what they would like to do, that can be anything. A walk, a bicycle ride, a chat or just a coffee, etc, etc. I will be doing the visits with a group of other volunteers, everyone has their own visitor. It's now that we go to the person with the whole group, lol. 
This group of people are all 'new' volunteers and aswell 'new' to these visits, just like me. In the mail I received was announced that the 'new' group (including me, ofcource) will get a few introduction lessons first before the visits begin. 

Next Friday will be the first introduction lesson, the day after (Saturday) will be the second. The introduction lessons will learn us how to get along with people, how to behave, or how to act or how not to act. The introduction lessons will be long and will be held in another city. Friday's first lesson will be held from 7:00 pm until 10:00 pm. Saturday we will start at 10:00 am until 4:00 pm, nice! There will be coffee, lunch and ofcource the new volunteers. I'm not even nervous, more excited to meet the new volunteers. Although the Friday eve' will be a bit 'hmm,' I don't like it to be out on the street that late in the evening. I will have to go by train, and bus. All in all it will take me a little hour, though I will try to get a ride with someone, I already contacted the leading lady from this project. To see if she someone knows who can give me a ride. Waiting for a answer.

Dad with his parents and his Mom and Dad, yeah big Family. My Dad is in the middle, with the tie. Now I know where I have my ears from, lol.

 I just don't like to be out in the streets at midnight, lol. When I'm with someone, it's okay. Today I saw my Aunt and Uncle again, together we went to my Mom and Dad's new grave. The weather was terrible, rain and a hard cold wind. I went by train and bus, once I arrived in Nijverdal my Aunt and Uncle picked me up, from there we went straight to the new grave. The grave looks nice, plain, just like the other graves, but nice. Mostly all graves there have the same grave stones and tombs, or how you call them, all nicely in one line. The new grave stone looks the same as it was, but has only a different text. My Aunt had a bucket with plants with her what she bought and putted it on the grave, we decided to put not to many plants on the grave cause of the bad weather they forspelled week. It will be better toget a few more plants with Spring. 

After the grave I went with my Aunt and Uncle for a cuppa coffee, just what I needed, darn cold weather. It was a nice morning, Aunt and Uncle were nice, I guess I just have to be firm with them and at the same time nice. In a way I kinda need them aswell, they remind me of my Dad so much, every time I see them I see my Dad aswell, or think of my Dad. Not that strange cause they took care of my Dad aswell, my uncle is my Dad's youngest brother. My Dad has more brothers and sisters, as you can see on the picture. My Uncle brought me to the centre of Nijverdal, I told him that I still needed a few groceries, so he dropped me of there. All in all it was a nice out, nice to see Dad's old town again aswell. Though it feels sometimes awkward entering this village, cause I always feel I'm going to visit Dad. In a way I still do, right?

Planning the weekend, accomplished.

Planning the weekend, accomplished. 

Yup, my weekend is planned, it's not that much but for me it's full, lol. Today first I went to see my Doctor for a appointment, though I just sat a bit to long in the waiting room. After waiting 45 minutes I went to one of the assistance and I asked when my turn was, they told me that my appointment was yesterday, sigh! I made the appointment last Wednesday and I made it pretty clear that I wanted a appointment on Friday, the assistance and I made it very clear aswell that my appointment was on Friday morning 9:40 am. She told me I could come back in the afternoon at 3:40 pm, I told her that that was okay. I bought  few groceries on my way back and went home for a rest.

It wasn't that cold when I went back to the Doctor, they for spelled snow and cold upcoming weekend, strange weather. Once in the Doctor's building I sat down (once again, lol) to wait my turn. At 4:10, (20 min. to late, but oh well) a lady called me in, shook my hand and asked me where she could help her with. My Doctor has sometimes other Doctors too, to help him out. She was a nice lady, though and straight to the point, I told her my story where I came for, pressure on my chest, sometimes short breathed, and sometimes little stabs in my chest. It was a nice conversation with her, I told her about my thyroid and about my 'electrocardiography,' what I did last year. 

I bought a few photo frames this afternoon, I think they are nice. They have these little doors what I can close and open.

In the end the Doctor told me why I didn't came sooner. I told her that my chest pain became worse last year December, there's where it actually started. The 'highly breathing' (breathing with my chest) has been going on for such a long time, it really comes and goes. I guess I'm paying now the consequences, lol. I already knew that my chest pain wasn't a danger, the Doctor confirmed it this afternoon. She checked my blood pressure, all good, and listened to my heart, all good. The Doctor asked me what she then can do for the chest pain, medication? Therapy perhaps? I told her that I see this visit as a start for a cure for this 'highly breathing,' what actually causes the sometimes chest pain. 

I'm not that happy with the pictures though, Mom is in black and white and my Dad is in color, maybe I can change the color of Dad's picture, (black and white) somewhere in a photo shop. Further then that, I like the frames and the little doors attached to it.

 Therapy is what I want! That was her idea aswell, "It sure will be good for you," she told me. The Doctor will write a card for me what I can take with me to the therapist, upcoming Wednesday I can pick up the card. I'm excited and happy with the therapy, the therapy will be held in the same building as where my Doctor is, handy! Yeah, I really see this as a new start with this therapy, I'm super looking forward to it. Imagine when or if this will help, my breathing will get easier and probably I will get a bit more energy. My thyroid looks postive according to my last results, the Doctor told me. Although my thyroid is still sick and will never get a 100%, I'm happy with the last results.

My further plans for the weekend aren't that much, only I will see my Aunt and Uncle tomorrow morning. The trains in Nijverdal have a delay the whole month of March, so, it's not that easy to travel towards my Aunt. To get to Nijverdal I wil have to use the train and the bus, once in Nijverdal my Uncle will pick me up. Probably we will go first to my Dad's new grave, I must actually say my Mom and Dad's grave.My Aunt came with the idea to buy some plants for the grave, it's all fine with me. I have lots more to tell, but let's keep it with this for now. Otherwise I will have nothing to tell this weekend, lol. Positive things are on their way!

Time flies, here's the weekend!

Time flies, here's the weekend! 

Exhausted day at work, I worked again on another section. It wasn't such heavy work, but just alot. It was okay though. Tomorrow everyone at work had a day off, blame the amount of work. The new orders are still coming but not as much as last year, I wish they would. It gives a relieved feeling, the feeling that we all have enough work to survive. I didn't slept so well last night, the weather was warm yesterday, so warm that the heart filled my sleeping room. Knowing that we only had a few days of warm weather I left the warm blankets on the bed, though it was just a bit to warm I guess last night. The heat made me toss and turn in bed, but oh well. Just a bit troubles waking up during the day, later in the afternoon I felt better.

Plans for the weekend? Yes and no, lol. First tomorrow there is the Doctor's appointment at 10:40 in the morning. Looking forward to it, probably I will get a few answers on the pressure on my chest, it's actually oblivious for me where the pressure comes from, but okay. The Doctor's appointment I see aswell as a start to get this chest pressure and highly breathing finally over. I'm sure it will be good with a positive ending. Let's do this, I'm ready! I promised my Aunt last week that I will come over this weekend for a short visit. "If the weather is good I will come on my bike," I told her, but the weather won't be good. Rain is coming up and the temperature is going way down. Would you believe we get snow again on Sunday?

I will probably go by train and perhaps the bus, it's quit a struggle to get to my Aunt. I will just see how to get there. Dad's grave will be done aswell, I will have a look Saturday, probably my Aunt comes with me. I'm still relaxed and feeling okay about Dad's passing away, though there's something that... I don't know how to explain it. There's still something stuck in my body, I think. Still a mourning and grieving part, ofcource there is, I know. the feeling that something is stuck, I continued my daily things right awayafter Dad funeral. With all the distractions I might have sometimes forgot about his passing, I don't know.

Talking about it or just thinking about it is good, part of the process as that say. And I do that so now and then. Thinking about what happened to Dad makes me think aswell that it all went pretty fast, it was just a week and Dad was gone. I have my so now and then 'moments,' moments when I think of Dad, though they get less. Ofcource life is continuing with all the distractions it's easy to forget what actually happened. But there's some positive things ahead for me, although it will be some work, I'm ready. with Mom and Dad watching from above I surely have nothing to worry about.

Productive but relaxed day.

Productive but relaxed day. 

I had a nice day off, I did the things I wanted to do and rested. Resting I did in the morning, in the afternoon I went out and did a few things. I can't believe this crazy weather, though I am not going to complain. It was 17 degrees today, that's 62.6 degrees Fahrenheit, and sunshine only. Tomorrow the temperature will go down a bit, and we get rain for a few days. After the weekend we get much colder weather and snow, snow!! Kidding me, right? I just buried away my snow boats! Like I said, crazy weather!

What made this day so productive? Well, I made a appointment for the 'mindfulness cursus/training. I'm looking forward to it, I visited the location where the training will be held, it's near the train station. A nice lady helped me out, she told me that the lady who gives the training wasn't in the building anymore, but I could just send her a email. So, I did that just a while ago, I'm waiting for her answer. Next thing I did was making a appointment with my Doctor, cause of the pressure on my chest. Upcoming Friday is my appointment, 9:40 am. 

Though the chest pain didn't bother me today, it's difficult to explain what kinda pain it is actually. It's not really pain but yet it is, it's like a nagging or teasing pain. I hope my Doctor will send me to a breathing therapy, I will even ask for it aswell. No medication, cause they will only help for a short while. Again, the chest pain doesn't bother me, though I want to do something about it, it's annoying. Maybe it will make my breathing easier, maybe I will get a bit more energy, who knows? Or not, in both ways I don't mind, it's all good. 

When I feel better after the Friday's Doctor appointment or after the breathing therapy it's good, if not, it's also good. I will eventually get information about it, so that's a good thing too, a positive thing. I had a nice day today, I even washed a few windows again. I only need to do the hallway and then I'm done! The few windows outside I want to let them done by someone else, someone with a ladder, lol. Or a cheap company who does it for me. I think they are not that expensive, I will see if Google knows a few in my city.

"New lay outs."

"New lay outs." 

Over the last half year I have been using Blogger's new dashboard, I had to get used to it first, but that's passed now. With the old dashboard I could see right away who commented on my posts, with this new dashboard not. Today I was curious and tried to find the comments 'button' on this new dashboard, and "Found it!" Oh, oh, oh, I saw a few comments where I didn't even comment back on, I apologize Ja.' I answered on the comments right away, glad I found the comments, lol. Now back to this day, uhm, wait, sunny day I must say. It was such a gorgeous weather on this Tuesday, 17 degrees and lots of sunshine. And yeah, last week we still had a amount of snow, and now. Welcome to Holland and his crazy weather.

Productive day at work today, done alot and it went fine. Though the day off tomorrow will be needed, I really couldn't work a whole full week. I'm really not ashamed of it, it's just is as it is. The pressure on my chest was still there, though just a bit less then yesterday. You know, the pressure on my chest can also be from the recently passing away from my Dad. Although I'm okay with it and feel relaxed in my head the chest pressure is there, it could be a sign without even knowing it. I had that before, but then I had the pain in my arm and neck. They told me it was pressure or stress leaving my body, I thought, "Yeah, right!" But they were right. So yeah, this pressure on my chest, who knows. 

A few tips I recently heared is that's it's wise not to think to much of it, my breathing I mean. My breathing is to high. When I will join or follow a breathing training, I will probably take to much attention on the breathing. And to much is never good. Best way is to find distraction and relax, perhaps yoga or meditation is good aswell. But again, I'm not suffering, I'm not in a terrible pain, it's just  so now and then annoying, but it's good and relieving to know aswell what I have. Though I will see my Doctor probably tomorrow or Friday, hopefully he will send me to a breathing training, even though it might not help me, I will learn from it, and it's fun, I'm actually looking forward to it.

Monday, sunny day!

Monday, sunny day! 

While I was on my way to work there was ice on the roads, though just a bit. Yes, it has frozen a bit, just two degrees. But the temperature went way up during the day, in the early afternoon the sun almost bursted in the sky. Extraordinary warm today, though I wasn't complaining. Tomorrow will be even warmer, with such days it's sometimes difficult to choose what to wear. At work I didn't wear my usual fleece vest, I wored a working shirt instead. I have several work shirts with a logo from our work on it, it has several holes already from work. The quality from the shirts isn't that good, but okay, the'll do the job.

My breathing today went so, so. (Recently I discovered that I might have a chronic hyperventilation) I think the suddenly warm weather hitted me, it's sometimes all or nothing in Holland with the weather. From warm to cold, and from cold to warm in just one week is normal, lol. I wrote down a few things of what I can do about the CHV,  (chronic hyperventilation) here are the options, seeing my doctor, the mindfulness cursus, breathing therapy and counseling. Ofcource I'm planning not to do all of this all at once, I think it's a good idea to see my Doctor first. He can give me advice or send me perhaps to a breathing therapy or maybe counseling.

Second I would like to start with the cursus mind fullness, I tried to sign in three weeks ago but 'they' thought it was not a good idea to start already, cause at that time my Dad just passed away. It was better to start with the cursus when I'm not mourning and grieving. The mindfullness cursus helps adults cope with difficult emotions such as stress, inferiority, self-criticism and worry. You learn for example more consciously react to difficult thoughts, I'm actually looking forward to this, though I get a meeting first with the person who gives this cursus. After the meeting she can tell me if I'm suitable for all this. Pretty excited here!

"Hyperventilation."

"Hyperventilation."

I think I know now what has been bothering me the last several years, 'Cronice Hyperventilation.' Since I struggled with my sick thyroid in 2003 I have been producing these little worries, it's aswell a symptom of a sick thyroid, together with a huge wash list of other symptoms. I have been trough alot aswell the last thirteen years, Mom passed away, took care of my Dad, struggling to find work, the relationship with Saf, moving to Canada, a break up, homeless, building up my life, and recently Dad passed away. And here I am now,  doing better, lots wiser, stronger, I feel like I'm living now, much more then before I went to Canada. Though these adventures and memories I went trough left marks into my body aswell, the marks slowly crawled in. I always thought that this little pressure on my chest, the sometimes stabs plus the tiredness was a symptom of my sick thyroid. Now ofcource a sick thyroid gives less energy, I knew that from the beginning. I learned to live with it, and with success! My Doctor always said to me, "Do what you can, and listen to your body." Nothing more and nothing less, a simple but good advice.

I'm not worried about the pressure on my chest, even the little stabs doesn't bother me that much. Knowing it's cronice hyperventilation it gives a kind of relief, though it's bloody annoying sometimes. When I'm at work I feel not that much, work distracts me, though again as always, I will, "Listen to my body and do what I can," always did and always will. I actually never thought about hyperventilation, when someone is mentioning it I see a person breathing heavily, or breathing heavily into a bag. I don't have that! Let's say I have been concerned and worried to long over the last several years, that it became this far, as a cronice hyperventilation. Hyperventilation can give alot more symptoms, but this is what I have,  frequent sighing or yawning, chest pains, sometimes dizziness when I bend over to long, tiredness, yeah, that's about it. There are several therapies I can follow, for example breathing therapies. 

Though, like I said, I'm not concerned or worried, I have been thinking about that I could have this cronice hyperventilation a week or two ago. I thought I'm gonna look it up online two weeks ago aswell, but I wasn't bothered, like I said, the pain isn't that much only sometimes bloody annoying. So I looked it up yesterday and it opened my eyes and felt relieved looking up some sites. Though it's not always wise to look up diseases or something like that on the net, don't search to deep, or, don't dig to much some say, lol. I probably will visit my Doctor maybe this week, to see what he has to say about it. I'm surely not taking medications, cause they won't cure the hyperventilation, they only give calmness perhaps for a short time. I have several other ideas and options what I can do, a breathing therapy sounds great. When I pay attention on my breathing I 'now' can see and feel that my breathing is somtimes to high. Im sometimes breathing trough my chest, the best way to breath is trough the stomach, yeah, I had lessons in that before, lol. Other options are the mindfulness cursus where I wrote about before, and perhaps counseling. 

I'm taking this all not to serious, I'm not gonna bury or dig myself into this to deep aswell. This cronice hyperventilation is surely not dangerous, that's a relief. I'm gonna work on this with a smile, I'm actually looking forward to it, silly right? Though, I think it's the best way to go and do this with a positive vibe. I'm looking forward to do the cursus and the breathing therapy. I have a few other things infront of me, there's the "Visists" where I signed in for recently. Probably next week I will hear from them, then there's the trip to Atlanta in a few months, I'm well excited. And last but not least, Spring is on his was, I can feel it, there I'm looking forward to aswell. Enough with the snow and coldness, this coming week they forspelled fifteen degrees above zero, and lots of sunshine. Today I rested and took it easy, lol, as always on a Sunday. Cooking went well the last two days, veggies with potatoes. Tonight it's pasta with zucchini and mozzarella, it will be my first time with the mozzarella, fingers crossed. It will be good, I love cheese.

House duties.

House duties.

Next week I will finish the many windows in my villa, woohoow, I really have alot of windows. Today I washed more windows then yesterday, I figured, it's now or never, lol! I finished the livingroom and did the windows in the kitchen plus the shower. In total I finished 29 windows,  still have 20 windows to go. It felt good though to have them clean, it just has to be done. I can remember when I still lived in Nijverdal, the house where I lived before I went to Canada. That house had three floors, that was much more work to clean. The appartment where I live now is much smaller and is just one floor. It's cozy and comfy, though small but I don't mind. I see it as a challenge to make such small appartment cozy and comfy. 

Last week I went out to another city, Zwolle, I really had a good time exploring the place and searching for sightseeings. I do such things so now and then, exploring another city or village. Would love to go every weekend to visit a  city in Holland, though it's sometimes quit expensive aswell. The train trip has to be payed aswell ofcource. I'm cheap when I go on such trips, taking food with me, and I really can look at things without buying it. I enjoy myself anyway with the things I see around me. This weekend I had other (house) duties, next week my Aunt is expecting me, I promised her. And probably then the next week I will go out and explore again. Looking forward to it.

The weekend!

The weekend! 

I'm just liking more and more the days of that I have, usually I said that I rather work then having these days off. I guess I found my certain day rhythm, or week rhythm. It's nice like this, I love my job and I love my days off. I hope the amount of work continues, we need more customers, more orders. It's crisis in Holland, mostly everyone is suffering from the less earnings here. But anyway, life continues, even when your poor or rich. Today I did half of the windows in the living room, oh the amount of windows I have. The soap water was half dark, so, I guess it was needed. Tomorrow the last part of the windows in the living room. Next week I want to be done with these windows, that's my goal. 

In the afternoon I did the first part of the groceries, some major cooking is on my list today for the weekend.  Tonight I made roti, with green beans, sausage and potatoes, some herbs were included aswell, tasted great! Tomorrow zucchini is on my list, with potatoes and herbs. My Aunt called today, it's been a while since we spoke to each other, atleast two weeks it was. She told me that Dad's grave is half done, the cross is there, the new stone with the new text will be placed next week. Ofcource I will have a look next week. Time is passing by so fast. Aunt told me aswell that I have to pay a amount of money once a year for 'grave-rights,' 

You can see it it as a certain kind of hiring, hiring the grave or the spot where, (in this case), my Mom and Dad are laying. It's the law, and it is as it is. Though it's all new to me, I never heard of it, but okay. After my Mom and Dad's grave is done the bills will come aswell, paying for the grave, the funeral, etc, etc. My Dad had a life insurance, only, I hope Dad had a 'good' life insurance. Funerals are expensive, I'm just a bit concerned about who and how much there has to be payed. Next week I will visit my Aunt, probably then I will get to hear it. How do I feel at the moment after my Dad has passed away? I'm actually calm about it, and it really surprises me. Kinda a awkwardd feeling aswell. 

I thought I would be teared apart, having a break down, lost and sad. But I'm okay and feel calm, is it a gift from above? A gift from my Dad? Who knows, I have this kinda bad feeling aswell when I write or talk about it, should I not feel sad?  Or shoud I not feel bittered now my Dad has passed away?   Ofcource I miss him and ofcource I still miss him, I still have sometimes that feeling that I have to visit him, when I think of my Dad it feels weird. Everything went so fast since Dad got sick, within two weeks he was gone. And here I am now, continuing my life, I'm calm, I'm relaxed, though sometimes thinking of him. I will never forget him, Dad will be always with me, where ever I go. 

A little cold...

A little cold... 

A sore troath isn't fun, though I stood up with it this morning. As the day went on the sore troath went a bit less. I was a fresh day aswell, a few doors were open too at work. After the weekend we get higher temperatures and more sunshine, they forspelled 8 or more degrees, above zero ofcource. Work was fun, but aswell exhausting. It's still not that busy at work, though we should not complain. I have seen factories who have it worse then us. We still have something to do, but please let more orders come.  

This weekend I won't go out that much, I'm planning to some house holdings, washing some windows is on the schedule. Many windows in my house, I won't do them all at once. Tomorrow and Saturday the first half of the house, next week the other half. And ofcource cooking is on my schedule, I'm still searching for some nice recipes. It's fun to search them, then buy the ingredients, and then the cooking. Ofcource hoping for a good and tasty result.

Finally!

Finally! 

I'm officially a volunteer now, I will be visiting people with little social contacts, people who would like to do something, but are not able to do such. That can be anything, a bicycle ride, a walk, having a coffee or just a chat, just anything. Usually these people are elderly people, but not all of them. Social contacts are very important and can enrich your life. I might be starting in a few weeks, I signed up for the weekends. Little bit nerves here cause it's something I never did, but that will change!

I had a visitor today, the visit was planned, the visitor was someone from Humanitas who runs the above 'project.' The lady wanted to know more about me, what my hobbies are, and what kinda work I do, I had to tell aswell why I was interested in this project. She asked me several questions, just to get to know what kinda person I am. It's handy to know when I get picked out of the several other visitor volunteers, to visit a elderly or a certain person. Yeah, this project has a group of volunteer visitors and there's one leading lady.

She's gonna pick out wich volunteer is going to visit a certain person. The visit this afternoon was good, she's a nice lady. This volunteer work is something I never did, so I guess it will feel a bit awkward the first two times. It's nice though to help other people out, who need socializing, and who want to get out more. Hmm, where did I hear that before, right? I know someone who wants to get out more and needs some more socializing, me! LOL! And here I am, helping those people out filling their needs. 

It will be good for me aswell just as good as  for the people who I'm going to visit, with the first visit the leading lady will come too, 'to break the ice,' as she told me.  I will follow a cursus aswell first in this project, together with the other visitor volunteer we will learn in a few lessons how to get along with people. Yeah, I will be visiting a stranger, someone who I never visited before. Just a bit of a awkward feeling. Though I'm looking forward to it, I think I will start within two weeks or so. I'm ready. 

Further this WWednesday was okay, I rested well. I brought again a few bags full of Dad's belongings to the second hand store, I think one or two more bags and then I'm done. I visited a friend aswell today cause she had a operation, Janine. I bought her a nice plant, she liked it. It was a fun and interesting day. I have no plans for the weekend yet, oh, wait, yes I have actually, 1) some major cooking and 2) making a start with washing windows.