Monday, January 3, 2011
"Our lives are never certain, not even for an hour".
"Our lives are never certain,not even for an hour".
The kids are going back to school, and it was early up again for most of us. I had a bit of a rough night but okay. The 7 year old couldn't get to sleep, she was watching movies in her room and it was already 11:30, I told her you really need to get some sleep cause you have school tomorrow. The 3 year old was sleeping downstairs with her older sister. Tasn asked me to sleep in Ab's bed so she won't be alone. She's mostly scared in the night and walks of to sleep with someone. I decided to sleep with her, when she was still awake at 12:00. It took a while that we both fell asleep. I woke up around 1:30 am and I saw Tasn next to me snuggled in and was sleeping.
She's the girl I probably will miss the most after Saf. To cute and to adorable, I would have love to see her grow up further .We spend so much time together and seen so many parks, I learned her to ride her bike bit by bit. She's still a bit afraid but that will pass. I love her so much. Saf came back from work after 5 am and was dead tired, blame the long drive from yesterday to Hamilton. When I woke up I helped the kids with getting ready for school, Tam was there aswell and helped her Daughter. Saf went to bed again, to tired. Everything went well. The morning went fast and I was dead tired, I had a pressure on my chest and was almost sleeping behind the laptop.
Saf woke up cause she had plans to go out to pick up a dvd player and some grocery. Tam, Cle and Ab went with them. I was still tired and I needed a second nap. And so I did. Today I felt like I have to make decisions. I still haven't heard back from the guy who has a room for me, I'm thinking, if I don't hear from him this week I will move in for a little while with a friend of Saf. I might go this Saturday. Saf will drive me she said. She's in Mississauga, and offered me a place to stay. I know her from 'karaoke', Saf knows her too. When I'm there I can release my stress and move on with less pressure. Book a flight when I have the money together, and I don't have to be out of the house before the 15th of January at her place.
I know aswell that I can't stay that long but it gives me atleast a bit more time and it will be better for me to be out of the house. I'm slowly getting used to the idea that I'm out of the house probably this next weekend. It's getting so close now, and it will be a different goodbye, cause Saf is bringing me to Mississauga. I slightly confirmed with Saf's friend where I'm gonna stay with for (I think) 2 months. She warned me friendly that I need a plan when I come over, a plan to move as soon as possible to Holland. And she told me I have to pay for my own stuff (food and other expenses) She's was friendly but doesn't have much money, that's why the paying for myself.
I understood everything she said and I respect that. I will have to pay rent aswell ofcource. But nothing is confirmed yet with that guy who has a place for me in Holland, so I will just see what happens this week. I will sure do my best to get things started this week. I will pack and try to sell a few more of my items. Busy week. I asked Saf to come with me for the records that I'm selling, I need a ride to the record store and they will have a look at my records and they will tell me a price. Saf told me "we can go Thursday or Friday, then I have 2 days off" I said "Alright". Saf wasn't so happy because I slept with Tasn, she told me with a loud voice...
"look! If she wakes up (likes she always does) tell her to go to my room, I don't want you to sleep with her" I replied, "I didn't know she had to go to your room, or I just forgot". I didn't had time to explain myself clearer, cause she went on. "I told you so many times, that she has to go to my room then". I ignored her and let her be. Later on in the evening, I asked her "what do I do with Ab, if he wakes up". "Send him then to Cle" she replied. I apologized her for sleeping with Tasn, (we usually did this cause the 2 youngest always wake up in the middle of the night, and wants mommy or daddy. "I didn't like the way that you yelled at me" I told her.
"But you don't seem to understand" she replied. "Yes, I do but last night it was 12:00 and she still was awake, "She wanted someone, so I offered her that I sleep with her," I said. "I'm sorry I yelled, but I just want her to learn that she sleeps by herself" Saf replied. I understood and I said, "Okay". Saf went to work and the kids were awake again, I decided to put them to sleep but after a half hour Ab was naughty, I sent him to Cle, and let the 7 year old watch a movie, she will fall asleep soon then. Tomorrow another day... goodnight..