My ever changing moods...

My ever changing moods...

I didn't slept so well, I couldn't catch my sleep last night. Something kept me awake, just a few thoughts I was struggling with. I was awake early, at 5:00 I woke up and turned around and around. 6:30 I got up and had a quick shower. I made breakfast and went on the laptop for a bit, just to kill some time for my appointment that I will have at 9:15 am. It's time to go to a next level, meaning, taking more time to do things. And not escape to the computer, to see if my friends are there, or Saf and her kids. 

I was thinking about this last week. Like I said yesterday, I'm ready, I calmed down. I'm proud of myself what I accomplished so far. I want to take a little distance from Saf aswell, I guess  it will be better for me, or for us both. It will help me and maybe help her aswell to move on and settle our own lives. I hope that this "little distance" now from Saf doesn't keep us separated from being friends, because doing this does, not mean that I'm  in a fight or in a argue with her.

I need to move on with my life and build things up again, no more sad or miserable feelings. I will take one step at the time, little steps towards some goals I want to reach. These goals are finding a nice house, get a proper job, and become (filthy) rich! LOL! Once I reach that goal, I would like to travel or join a sport or a club and just enjoy myself. For now I think it'smore then clear that I'm still in a process of grieving  and missing feelings. Because how long has it hasn't been that long since I was in Canada. One and a half month, and I spend such a long time with them. I spend 24 hours daily for almost three years with Saf and the kids, I still remember the first days we met. 

Maybe it gets boring if I keep bringing this up but, these little three years made a very deep impact on my life, I keep saying it. And now .....now there is this huge distance between us, being alone again is not fun. Here at Humanitas they have a goal for me aswell, they talked about building up a "new"connection of friends again. Well, I'm not ready for that yet, cause that will be tough. I really hope that people understand where I'm going trough now. Be patience with me, cause, everything will be fine again, it just takes some time or alot of time.
On with this day, my appointment at Social Services went well. 

They offered me a coffee, and we all sat down. The guy who helped me asked me some information and I could answer every question easily. This appointment was about getting some extra money, cause I'm under the minimum wage. Although it went easy it felt a bit like a puzzle too, so many things he had to know. What is your working past? How long were you un-employed before you went to Canada? When did you came back from Canada? Etc, etc. The talk lasted more then thirty minutes and then the guy sent me to another guy. 


This other guy asked me no questions cause he already had the answers from the first guy who spoke to me. He was friendly, and gave me instructions in what to do next. He gave me a bunch of papers and told me, "These papers need to be filled in and returned here at the office within seven days." He told me aswell to bring some copies from my bank account, from Humanitas, and from Gak, plus my passport. And that was it, I will fill the papers in and make some copies and return them. Only the copies from the bank will be a problem, cause Social Services asked me for my monthly bank statements from six months ago. 

Well,  I don't have those statements, I stopped with my bank statements when I went to Canada for good. I went to my bank (ING) after my appointment and ask them how to get these bank statements, and they told me, "That's not possible." I needed first to change my old address to the new address where I live now, if that is settled, I will get a mail back from them and THEN I can ask for the bank statements. ING told me I should get a liability insurance aswell, it was only three Euro per month, I agreed. 

What a puzzle, but things will be solved, it only takes some time. Sometimes my head is full, I think I should get a agenda. Writing things down what has to be done, organize things, I like that. I wish the weather would get better soon too, the sun is good but still streaming cold. I wanna get out and do things.  Friday night me and two others guys, have decided to go do some cooking here in the kitchen on the second floor. Fish will be on the menu, me and him will pay each five Euro, and off to the shop we will go. Tomorrow, (Saturday) another guy asked me to help him with some furniture to move to his new apartment, I told him that I will be there.  I'm moving on!