I feel different since I got back from my trip from Atlanta/Athens, it's like I'm missing someone, or something in my life, I don't know. But I do know it hurts. What's going on with me? I realize now that being alone sucks, but wasn't I alone for a very long time? Yes! And didn't I say several times? 'I'm happy single, though when someone would crosses my path I will stand open for it.'Yes! What has happen? Am I in love? Or is it just the fact that I realize finally that being alone really sucks. I witnessed lots of love and attention again, from a great family and a 'awesome woman.' (There I said it) I guess I always was and am a sensitive guy, and now recently even more since I got back from Canada. In Canada I was spoiled with attention and love aswell, but that suddenly stopped.
I miss someone, miss being with her, but why? What happened? I had a visit, I visited a friend for the first time, and it turned out to be a great time. Really... while being on my way back from Atlanta I felt somewhat okay. Then I got home and "Beng!" I hated being back! I was surrounded by people who loved me, we did several things day in, and day out. Always together and never on my own. Now I'm back home, back to reality where I ones was okay with, just on my own. I perhaps realize now that maybe it's time for someone in my life, (can I choose now?) The hate full feeling being back in Holland will eventually disappear I guess, and perhaps the 'missing someone' too. Life continues, as they say. What has God planned for me? Time will tell.
What was it what God tried to tell me while I was in the USA and now being back? It still hurts, specially in the mornings, (awkward!) perhaps it's that feeling when I wake up in the morning and realize that 'alone' feeling again what I had when I came back. As the day slowly continues I feel a bit better, and realize I have a good friend and that's ALL that matters. We all need good friends, but why do my friends live so far away? Damn ocean! I know there's no need to worry or to be sad about it, focus on life and what ever happens, will happen, right? It all will be good, I just need to continue with what I'm doing or what I did, pick up the daily things what I did before my trip. I maybe too need to learn to take control over my feelings, and not let them take control over me. I'm not worried, I'm blesses, it's all good like it always was and will be.
