"Counseling boost!"
Today I had a appointment with a counselor, like I said yesterday. Four days after my Dad passed away I felt confused, sad and lost, didn't know what to do or what came next. Then I went to 'counseling,' for help, I thought, "Why not, I could use some help." Though the counselor told me that I was way to early, ofcource I felt sad, confused and lost, my Dad just passed away, he's not even buried yet. My grieving hasn't even started yet back then. The counselor told me that he or another counselor will get in contact me in about six weeks. This afternoon it was time. I'm still a bit confused about my grieving, did it already start? Is it done? Or, does it still have to come?
With this feeling I went to my counseling appointment, didn't actually what to expect or what I have to do there. I feel okay, relaxed, my life has continues. Though the counseling went great, I laughed a bit in myself when I saw the counselor, such a small, short, little man, lol. He was fun to talk with too, I told him my story in short. From the day my Mom passed away until the day my Dad passed away. Yes, I talked aswell about my 'Canada adventure' and the part of me being homeless. The counselor was sitting in a comfy way, he really liked my story, that's what he said a few times aswell. The question was that if I needed some help with the grieving process after six weeks.
The counselor smiled several times, and told me, "Hell no," your doing well. I also brought up the part of my social life, that I'm not that happy with it. I really could use some 'new' friends, new social contacts. The counselor told me to be patient, "I see you as a very calm person, (he meant it as a compliment) not many people have that calmness around them," he told me. He told me aswell that I can enjoy so easily the little things around me, (that's another compliment) "Hearing you saying that your going out on your own and have fun on your own made me decide to say that." I agreed and thanked him, but when I'm out and enjoy the little things around me and have fun on my own...
It's aswell fun and enjoyable to share it with someone someone. He agreed, "Be patient, you can't go somewhere and throw a coin in a machine and a friend comes rolling out." 'Enjoy what what you do, and don't try to make it a must or a job to find a bundle of friends, enjoy yourself.' The counselor found it aswell daring that I go on such a big trips all on my own, Paris, London, Berlin and in a few months America, Atlanta. He was surprised about it, I could tell. Though he was worried about my trip to Atlanta, "If I was you I would chancel that trip, are you really sure you wanna go there?" I was waiting for him to smile and telling me he was kidding.
After three or four minutes he smiled and told me to he was kidding! Wow,what a great adventure! This appointment with this counselor gave me a boost, it was a very uplifting appointment, and I told him that. He thanked me, he told me that he would like to have more patients like me, lol. I could tell he enjoyed my story, he sat comfy and he was fun too. He complimented me about the way I tell my stories, he didn't saw me really as a not social person. And about my easily grieving he told me, "I think you grieved already over your Dad the last thirteen years since your Mom passed away." He meant that I already and slowly said goodbye to my Dad in the last thirteen years.
"You took care of your Dad, you were mostly there when he needed you, you did your best and you did well." Ofcource, (he told me) it's aswell a relief a bit aswell that your Dad passed away, you don't have to worry anymore, you don't have to suffer with yourself anymore, you worried but it wasn't needed. A last fell of your shoulder, and it's okay to feel that. Yes, I loved my Dad, he knew that and I knew it. That's all I needed.So, in short, continuing in what I do, enjoy, and make it not that important to find new friends, have patience! I´m doing well, another thing the counselor mentioned was that, there´s now way I could go back to way I first was, before Canada. And that is a good point! Next appointment over six weeks!
