One of the days....

One of the days....

Today is just one of those days, I have it hard, I think more of 'them' then I usually do, I don't know why. I miss them and I always will it seems, sometimes they flash trough my mind, but I keep moving on with the things I do. But today, I rather be alone and sit in my room. It's easy then to think back at the day Saf and I broke up, but aswell thinking back at the moments it was good and fun. Thinking back at the time when I had fun with the kids, Ugh! I miss them! 

Thinking up loud: "What am I doing? What am I doing here?" I just can't believe I'm here." Here at Humanitas they take good care of me, I have no complains. But, at the moment I rather be somewhere else, somewhere far away. If I had the option to do one wish right now it would be, that I could  spend the coming weekend in Barrie, Ontario, Canada.

It's not fun being alone, and thinking of them makes me sometimes stop doing things. Just sitting in my room, and maybe clean up a bit, I might go into town later on, I will see. It feels like I'm in a circle and I feel fine in that circle, it's safe and comfy. I don't mind that circle, it's my circle. I will break it when I think it's time, I know myself, that I won't be long in that circle. At the moment I'm feeling lonely and I miss them, but I can aswell suddenly get up and say to myself, "Alright, let's do something!"

These last 3 years in Canada made for sure a very deep impact on me, otherwise I wouldn't have felt this way. It was all I ever need,  a loving lady, and gorgeous kids. Why did it end up this way? What was God's plan? What has God planned for me? What's next God? So many questions, where I don't have an answer on, I don't have to answer them, cause it won't help me. Like I said before, keeping contact with Saf and the kids is important for me. I will never forget them, NEVER! I refuse that!

I should make some plans for the weekend but, that's hard to do with not much money. I would love to visit a sauna or spa, but there so expensive. I might go visit my Dad or my Aunt in Almelo. After 3:00 pm I went out for a bit, my idea was to buy a hair clipper. I saw a cheap on at a store yesterday. I had a look in the store and the cheap one was still there and I bought it. I came home pretty exhausted, it was cold aswell. I opened the box with the hair clippers and...

 ...I saw scissors, a little brush, the wire with the plug. But where was the hair clipper? There was no hair clipper in the box! So I went back to the store to get a new box, but this time with hair clippers. When I used the hair clippers it already died in five minutes, the battery needed to be charged up and the package said it could take more then ten hours. Sigh! My hair was half done.

Yeah, today wasn't a good day, but I came trough it. I will see what tomorrow brings, I hope the weather will be nice. I think I will relax and take it easy, and just enjoy the things I'm planning. Roll on weekend!