"Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much."

"Alone we can do so little, together we can do so much."

I can finally admit that I dislike being alone, suprising that I was alone for so many years and I was just good with it. Guess I didn't know else. I can do two things now, I can go back to the past and adjust again to be alone again, (But I think that's to late) Or keep continue with searching for company, communication, in other words join a club or a sport, go out! Easier said then done though, cause it's better to not feel to forced to search for such things, like I HAVE to go out or I HAVE to be with people or friends. Everything in time!  But that I need people or friends around me that's for sure. Maybe it has to do with the place I lived for seven months, here at Humanitas I had always people around me. But not only Humanitas, think about the time I spent in Canada, there aswell I had lots of friends around me, 24 hours a day. I loved it!

The street where I'm going to live.

All that did me good, but for sure I had to get used to 'that.' Now I'm glad I took the change, still I miss a bit that kick in the butt what I need. A kick in the butt for moving on, continue what I do, find a decent job, have friends or better have Family around me, live, etc, etc. I think that explains the akward and sad feeling I have lately since I got to hear that I have a new house, afraid of leaving Humanitas, afraid of leaving the people around me, afraid of being alone again. I'ts a positive thing though, right? But didn't I leave Canada with 'that' same akward feeling? Everything went in a rush back then, I had so many things on my head, that my head almost exploded. The break up, arranging a flight, arranging money for the flight, being still there felt akward, arranging a sleeping place in Holland, my mind was elsewhere back then.

When I got back in Holland the tears began, missing the kids and Saf was painfull. Being alone again was painfull. At Humanitas I had people around me again, by far not the same people like Saf, the kids and the friends I had in Canada, but I wasn't alone, and that felt good. Amazing that I had so many people around me and I didn't freak out, LOL! But now this feeling, that akward feeling of not looking forward to becomming alone again, I'ts all in my hands and it's all up to me. It will be a hard job to get people around me again, but I'm going for it. I'm not gonna sit on my  *ss! I know now already that I will try to keep contact with a few residents from Humanitas, just a few. These residents did alot for me, and always had been there for me, Henki, Mark, Margaret, Chaterine, harrie, Daniel. I will see how it goes. 

This is the house!  Top balcony!

It's been a quiet day, I took my rest cause there wasn't much to do. For the moving on the 22th of August I made a list what I all need. Furniture and stuff, and I know I can arrange alot of stuff trough the internet. But how? With some stuff I could use some help, like arranging internet/cabel/phone and electricity,water and gas. I need to take care of the 'adress changes', I have to call and E-mail lots of people that I have a new adress. I took aswell a look at my new house, (took some pictures) strange though to see it, when I drove by. I thought, "This is the place where I'm going to live for a long time," akward feelings again. The unknown feeling perhaps. I had many thoughts when I saw the new house, I have to admit I felt a bit anger aswell. 


Anger because of the thoughts of Canada, anger towards Saf but aswell myself. I still hear sometimes in my head what Saf told me when we broke up, "It's better for you to go home." She was upset, and I was upset with myself and her, I don't blame Saf anything, but sometimes the thoughts of that last month (December) comes back, specially now when I got me a new house. "How on earth did it come so far, that I have to live here?" Negative thoughts, I know, it's aswell a 'looking ahead' thought. For the same reason I will have a ' awesome' time. Having a break isn't a pleasant thing, both sides are upset and do the meanest things. Or they both try to solve it but it doesn't work out, I'm so happy that Saf and I are atleast friends. That really does me good, that we can talk to each other and wish each other the best.

To my suprise I saw this huge shop in the neighborhood where I'm going to live...