That's a great quote, I keep reading it so now and then. Yes. that's what he wanted, my Dad didn't want me to be sad, open your eyes, love and go on! That's what he wants, make him proud!! Show what you learned from him. I'm still in pain, though it seems the pain is slowly leaving my body, with ups and downs. I know it's still early, this can take weeks, months, maybe even years. Though I will do anything what can heal me, I will take my time though. I'm not gonna rush things, time is on my side. The days inside the house our dragging me, to much time to think. I'm sure I need this rest, but I feel aswell that going back to work on Thursday will do me good.
I called my Doctor aswell today, trying to get some medication to ease the grieving pain. I felt I needed it, specially in the morning when I get up there is that pain. I still can't describe the pain on my chest, little stabs and it's like my heart (or my chest) is surrounded by emotion. Willing to cry it all out but it can't, just like it's all stuck. Though I'm not that worried, just a bit. Like I said, it's still early, it's still fresh. My Doctor gave me oxazepam, (10mg) I heard of that medicine before but never used it. I googled it, and red the 'side effect,' that made me decide not to take those medicine.
-Oxazepam damps the emotions and is therefore useful in feelings of fear and other similar emotions that annoy's you. Damping emotions is also immediately a side effect. So it may be that you care less and can't empathize with others and are less friendly.-
-Drowsiness, fatigue and, less often drowsinesss, your reaction and concentration will reduced, giving you a great chance of accidents. Accidents can occur for example: in traffic, when climbing a ladder, control devices or monitoring and control activities. But you example also more likely to fall when you go to the toilet at night.-
Yeah, that's nothing for me, I figured 'this' might change my whole attitude, and makes me dizzy and super lazy the following days. While reading the side effects I think I had such kind of medicine before way back in time, those medicine gave me a weird feeling aswell. I rather stay focused the following days. I rather do it my own way then, the healthy way, I'm either not a fan of medication and pills. I will get trough this, there are many ways. It's already a positive thing I want to get trough this process, 'Smile, open my eyes, love and go on!'
I rested today, though I went outside aswell for a short bike ride.Trough the hard wind, wohoo, that was tough, but it felt good. It was the fist time I went on my bike since last Thursday. In the afternoon I rested took a shower, and around 5:30 pm I took of to the free dinner. I was nervous to go there, didn't know what to expect, though I went. I thought, "Maybe it does me good." The dinner was nice and the people were nice too, but I noticed something. I noticed that I'm stuck with my emotions, I wish the tears would come, but no.
I noticed this when a member from the free dinner asked me how I was doing, I told her about my Dad, it was a good talk but I felt like crying too. The feeling of crying surprised me, though it's good to know. I need help, and I will search for help. Perhaps Friday or earlier I will go to my Doctor and ask for a counselor, someone where I can tell my story, someone who can help me out in this process, guide me.
