A Wednesday well spend, yes. I had a good rest, the two naps were good and needed. In all, it was a nice day. The weather though is crazy lately, high temperatures with lots of rain in the morning and lots of wind. In the afternoon it went dryer. Today I had three visitors coming over, just like planned. First of my Aunt and Uncle came just before lunch, they planned the visit a bit earlier then planned, which was perfect. Aunt and Uncle brought some stuff from my Dad, stuff he doesn't need anymore or can't use anymore. It was quit alot, plates, glasses, cups, blankets and sheets and a few things more. It was quit a while since I saw my Aunt and Uncle, they look older. They were nice and informed me that Dad's health is going backwards, even Dad's Doctor wasn't positive about Dad's sickness.
My Aunt told me told me to prepair myself, cause it can be over soon. I already had that thought in my head when I heard last Monday that Dad is sick. I automatically prepaired myself then, I think everyone does when you hear such news. Though when my Aunt told me this morning about preparing it sounded that it can be over soon any moment, though you never know it with Dad. He seems weak but he's a strong man aswell. I must say that it gives a bit of a rest aswell, I mean when you can prepair yourself the whole proces might go easier, easier then a passing away comes all of a sudden. I hope you know what I mean. I have double feelings at the moment... Ofcource I will miss Dad if he passes away, there will always be that missing feeling.
Though when I see or saw Dad suffering sometimes with his health I think it's a relief for him aswell, he has suffered enough, Dad had a had a great life, it's okay for him IF he goes. With that thought in my mind it gives me a certain kinda relieved feeling aswell, yes' it's okay for him IF he goes. Though there's will be that 'missing' feeling aswell. That's why the double feelings, plus that whole process around it IF Dad passes away. What will happen with this? And what will happen with that? I will have to take care of this and that, the funeral, facing the Family again, etc, etc. I'm not that worried about it, but not looking forward to it either. I guess it will go as it goes, guess I will just float trough this whole process, IF it's time.
The second visitor was from 'buddy wanted,' the Boss herself came by for a conversation, just like we both had planned. I'm not that happy with this project how it's going recently, that's why I asked for this appointment. She was friendly and understood my point of vieuw,I'm not looking forward to his visits. I don't know, I just don't like my 'buddy' that much. He should help me with finding social contacts, he doesn't really come with ideas or tips, or helps me searching, specially the searching. His visits aren't that help full, or maybe that's his strategy, it might be the way he works. I really don't want to make the 'searching' a obsession, or a 'must!' I MUST find something or otherwise I get lonely or whatever.
That's not what I want, that's not the thought that will help me, I then might end up somewhere where I don't even want to be, just because I HAVE to find something. The conversation went well, we both decided that my 'buddy' will stop with the visits every Friday morning. And now? I came with two options, stop the whole project or a new 'buddy.' I decided to get a new 'buddy,' I figured that any help is welcome although I putted the searching on a lower level. I thought, 'when 'something' comes my way, I will grab it.' Good thought and a good decision, right? The Boss came aswell with something, I have the chance to do volunteer work for Humanitas. It involves visiting people... I will tell you lots more about it when it's time.
