"One can go a long way after one is tired"
Tired, tired and tired, everyone was tired and sleeping. It was time to get the kids ready for school. I stood up and woke up Saf and Tasn her 7 year old daughter, then I went quietly downstairs. There was alot to do in the kitchen but I took it easy. I need more sleep. After fifteen minutes I woke up Saf again, and told her "It's 7:45, it's time for the kids to get up." Saf told them and after five minutes the kids came downstairs. Cleo was already up cause she needs a ride to her babysitting job, Mom is riding her. I felt okay but I was nervous about the money what I still need for the flight. I didn't check my mail yet, maybe I'm to nervous to look. I made the kids lunch and putted the Tasn in clothing. coat, gloves, boots and snow pants ready. And off they went.
Saf went off too with Cleo. I stayed alone for a little while with Ab, Saf's 3 year old plus Tammy's 4 year old. I was brave enough to open up my laptop and checked my mail. Nothing, only the couple where I'm staying sent me a mail, asking me If I didn't send my photo's yet. I did, I answered them back, and they apologized cause they weren't so good with computers. I sent a mail aswell to my Aunt cause time was running. I need money, although I'm horrible in asking money, I must. They sent me a mail back and they said "We are going to your Dad tomorrow, cause he needs grocery aswell, you will get a mail from us about the money". Sigh! Nerves, LOL. My Aunt warned me not to come this weekend, cause they can't then. LOL, I thought,
If I book a flight now right away, I still need to wait three or four days, it's not going that fast. My Aunt's plan is to pick me up from the train station, and drive to my Dad first to say hello.(yikes!) And then drive to the couple where I'm staying. Thinking of 'that' gives me the creeps, it feels that everything is going so fast now, so you are here with Saf and the kids and then suddenly your at your Dads place. I know I'm not so well with my dad at the moment. My Dad wasn't that happy when I left, he rather saw me staying in Holland. Although he liked when Saf and Ab came to Holland. He was happy when we visited him and sad when we left, specially after when we left for good, that was the last time I saw him. That was October 2009.
When we got back in Canada, I promised him a few times that we will be back for a visit. But money problems screwed it up. My Dad never understood internet. Emails were hard to read for him, he just wanted to see me and speak to me, and not trough a computer or postcards. I will be dead nervous to see him again, if I could avoid it,I would, I'm not ready yet. Silly me.
Saf came back and went for a nap, she took Ab with her. Everyone was asleep and I needed sleep aswell. But I didn't cause the 3 year old was already up again. Oh well, maybe later.Writing on my blog kept me long on the computer. Saf woke up and had plans to go to Goodwill and took one of the girls with her, cause she had something to pick up somewhere.
Just before the kids came from School Saf came back. It was a long day for her, driving and arranging things. Saf was getting the kids ready for a long drive to Hamilton, the kids are going to there Dad's place. Mar the 13 year old was going to a party and promised me to come back around 10:30. Saf just left with the kids. When she returns from Hamilton Noor her 15 year old Daughter will be with her. For how long, I don't know. I made a easy dinner with Tammy's Daughter, pasta with some veggies and cheese. She ate the whole bowl, and as dessert we had banana pudding. Actually Saf and I were planning today that we wanted to go to a record store in Barrie, they are interested and want to have a look at my cd's and records. But Saf and I cancelled it cause it was a busy day for her. Maybe tomorrow.
I had to chancel aswell my staying place at Sharon's friend, cause Saf and I decided differently, you know. Saf's friend wasn't so happy cause she arranged some things for my staying. I explained to her why I made this decision. I got to think of myself aswell, what's best for me, I apologized to her. We both had a nice talk. Saf's friend didn't like Saf's behaviour towards me after our break up, and she talked to Saf about it a few days ago. I didn't like that so much but the conversation had already happened. She told Saf that I came from a quiet and solitude environment, and came into a chaotic house and got into fatherhood instantly, and that if I had a melt down every now and then, so be it. She told her "I would have gone nuts." I understood and agree with every word she said.
And she's right but, this is now, and I need to stay positive, Saf is nice at the moment and I'm happy with that. She helps out, and I do everything I can. That's good for me. Funny thing Saf's friend said was, "I don't want your last days here to be sad and unhappy, lets go out with a celebration, next Thursday we will have a 'going away party' for you here in Mississauga". I'm up for it! Saf came home and sat with the other girls, she pored some wine for us and watched later Austin powers with Tammy and Cleo. I went upstairs with my wine and cheese, and finished this post. When she sat with the girls I missed her, she looks so beautifull
