Every day should be like Sunday...

Every day should be like Sunday...

I'm happy that my arm is getting better bit by bit, it surprises me. A few days ago it was hurting so much I could not even sit or lay down, and now I'm actually doing things. What did I do? Well, I cleaned my little cozy room, and organized it as far as it's possible. And I must say, it look nice. The soap water was black, so it sure looked like it needed cleaning.

Further I cleaned a little bit the kitchen on the second floor. that's the smokers section kitchen. We have three floors in this building. (or how do you say that) There is a red section, that is the first floor, and then a green section, that is the second floor. And the second floor is where I am, yes, the green section. The third floor is the yellow section. Why do they call it the red yellow or green section? I have no idea, every door on every section has the same colors, section red has red doors, section green has green doors and section yellow has yellow doors. 

Every floor has a toilet and a bathroom plus a shower, and there are two kitchens, and one none-smoker section and one smoker section. There are two sections where you can wash your clothes, there are small washing machines tough, there not like in Canada or America. There is a dryer aswell (thank god!) It's quit a big building, and the shops and the train station is walking distance, that are good things. 

Like I said,weekends are boring here. I didn't went out, I was tired. Tomorrow I will make some plans, and see what further I can do to build up my future. There is still lots to do, but it's coming. At the office here they told to be patience, sometimes it's just like sending a mail, you have to wait for an answer. But I'm glad with what I have achieved so far. Every week I climb a bit higher towards my goal. Sometimes I look back and I smile, cause I know it's all going to be good.

How am I doing with the grieving part? I'm doing better, better then a month ago. Sometimes I read back the beginning of this blog, and then I think back of the last few days just before my flight. I was tired then and fed up with myself and fed up with the whole situation, I was done. I wished that the last few months being there would have been easier, I mean, ofcource I was busy with arranging things with my trip and finding a place to stay, plus having it hard with the break up wasn't easy. It was just awkward being there after the break up, but I have no regrets that I stayed, it's also what I needed.

I needed to get slowly used to the idea that it was over between Saf and me, not like, pack my bags and go. I wanted to say goodbye on a decent way. In short, I wasn't ready yet to go. Sure I still miss them, I will treasure the memories. In the beginning of our break up I was upset and felt sad, I just couldn't believe it. As the month December went further and I worked hard to get things done, I slowly got used to the situation. I have been thinking alot those days and had many walks on my own. I talked in myself while walking, thinking up loud.Crazy, I know.

But it helped me clearing my head of bad thoughts, I often thought, why did it came so far? Why? Why, did I fail when afterwards I knew so much better. Why? It did not help to answer these questions, it was over and out. I was part of a great Family and a blessed girlfriend. I thank God that I'm still friends with them. They mean the world to me! When, I walk the streets here in Almelo or Nijverdal or visit a shop to buy grocery I still sometimes think, "What am I doing here? "I can't believe I'm here, I don't belong her." It's sometimes feeling so unreal. 


Another blog..

Maybe you know that this blog is the second blog I'm writing, my first blog was called, "The adventures of a newborn Step dad." Recently I started to read that blog again, and I realized that I surely went trough alot these last three years. Alot of things where I never had to deal with back in Holland. I surely could have make a movie about it,or write a book. but I'm not a film producer or a good writer. I'm taking my hat of for Saf aswell, what she has all been trough, in Egypt and in Canada. 

I should take my hat of for myself aswell, cause, I never been a 'Daddy,' I never had to deal with a silly and stubborn ex, (sigh!) I never been in a relationship, I never had to deal with five kids, (Though I loved it) I never knew that there is much more then just only love each other in a relationship, I never changed a diaper, I never knew I was such a clean freak (LOL), I never knew that young kids mostly don't listen, I never knew I had so much patience, I never had to move two times in one year with a big family, I can continue on and on. 


I don't have any regrets what I have been trough! Although it was a totally different life what I used to have lived, I LOVED it! Yes, I complained, but, hey! Look where I came from. I have chosen for this Family, three years ago and I tried my best, I gave it more then 1000%. Never wanted to give up, always trying again and again, after every fail. I love this Family!