"Sjon is busy building up his life after comming back from Canada."

"Sjon is busy building up his life after comming back from Canada."

That was the tittle on the piece of paper what my counselor gave me this morning. On the paper was more information about me, about what has to be done or already has been done. I like the tittle, although it's kinda sad for me to read or perhaps for others, but it challenges me aswell if I read it. Like, okay I'm building up my life, I'm ready for it, show me what you got! C'mon! The counselor appointment was okay, but not with a happy ending, we both decided there was no help needed further.

It sounds akward to hear that I didn't need help, I'm still a bit hmm, I don't know. We had a good talk while he asked me how I was doing, "Your doing alot of stuff, and that's suprises me, good job!" he told me. At the end of the conversation my counselor kinda asked me what he can do for me. I told him first that I devide my problems in two categories, one category is the so called paper bussines. My income, my usarances, looking for a house, looking for a job, bills, etc, etc. The second category I haven't named yet, it's about my grieving, missing Canada, Saf, the kids, feelings and thoughts, etc, etc. Category one is going slightly well, but category two is not going so well.

I'm still having the ups and downs, and sad thoughts. I know it takes alot of time and I know there will be a time when I will be happy again. Although all that I still asked my counselor for help, then he asked me what kinda help I needed, "What can I do?" he asked me. I couldn't answer him, I mean, what can he do? What do I need? I don't know. I could drop by every week for a talk and see how I'm doing but he didn't want that. He kept talking about "You still have to do it all yourself," he could give me advice and he could hear my stories every week, but in the end it's all up to you. I understood him, but still I don't know. It was difficult to explain him things, I couldn't find the right words what I needed to explain him things.

Yes,I can heal myself, and I know it takes time and that's all. I'm doing the things I need to do to get over this proces, I'm writting things of me, (Blog) I'm doing the 'No contact,' I deleted and blogged things from my computer and internet. I told my counselor this aswell, and he told me that I'm doing a good job, I did and do alot of stuff. And yes, further he can't do much for me. It's all up to me now.

It was a nice day today, the weather was good, not to warm and not to cold, with alot of sunshine. The weekend will be good too, so I heard. Johannus (remember him?) will pick up Frank (rmember him?) today to stay the weekend over. Frank has a house for himself now, but Johannus and Frank have build up a good friendship, that's why the invite from Johannus. Tonight we will both have a little drink in Johannus's room, I'm kinda looking forward to kit. I bought some munchies aswell for them, cause they offer me food to sometimes. 


Update~

Today was suppose to be the day, that I should pay a part of my health-insurance, but my counselor Paula has a short holiday. The other girl from the office didn't know what to do and how much money had to be payed, I didn't know either. Next wednesday I have a appointment again with Paula, we will both handle things of then. So much to do! 


I'm doing well, still grieving but I accept that, cause it's normal. But I feel a challenge aswell, I want to work on my thoughts and sadness. I will start this weekend, everyday a little part.