Missing the family....
I know now what it is and I know how it feels to have a close family, it's the most important thing in life,the closeness and the warmth feeling, sigh! This morning I had a visit from My Aunt and Uncle, they told me they found a house for rent, and it's only a small 300 Euro in the month. Once a week we get in our village a little newspaper with houses for rent. But it's only for the people who are registred as a searcher at the goverment. You have to have a certain amount of points to vote on a house. Once your registred you get 1 point per month.
I am not registred yet but My uncle said "Take the paper with you, and showed it to the people where you have a appointment with tomorrow morning". That's an idea. Tomorrow I have a appointment, they want to look if I can get urgenty for a house (Urgenty is something what you get, when your in a certain situation,or your not able to work or, something like that) I will cross my fingers.
My Aunt and Uncle told me aswell that my Dad had it hard while I was in Canada, he still doesn't understand why I was going, and it's very hard to explain it to him. I should have contacted him more, or write more letters, said my Aunt. I should have, I know, I explained them that we had a very hectic and busy life in Canada and that I tried to write my Dad every month. I gave him gifts and sent him letters and photo's, but I guess I should have done it alot more.
There was so much going on with my life in Canada, we had 3 movings, and then there was the ex who showed up out of know where sometimes, creating havoc as always. Then there was me sometimes struggling with myself with my first ever relationship, plus being a first time ever dad, was a experience aswell. But I'm not complaining, I had the time of my life in Canada! I was a Dad, although it was sometimes difficult, taking care of the kids was a bless.
The sound of the two little ones calling you "Daddy", was amazing! I had great times with Saf, and I can go on and on with telling more positive things. I learned alot, sure there was sometimes some issues and argues but it was good aswell. There is a huge difference living here then living in Canada, and I'm sure sure now that I'm not gonna stay here in my village. It's to much of the same ol'. Didn't I already said that? lol!
I decide to go to the sauna today, like I use to do on Sunday's for years. But I had doubts first, I didn't feel much of being with people or meeting people I know from the sauna, the people I know there will prolly ask things about Canada, and I don't feel like talking about it today. But I went and it was okay. It wasn't so busy and there were no people I knew from then. It was kinda boring, cause there were not much people.
I stayed for 2 hours and that's long enough, I was glad I was going home. Sometimes I rather be alone, then you can act the way you want to feel, without putting a fake smile on and say, "I'm okay". Tomorrow will be a long day. I will be early up for the counseling appointment and afterwards the 'urgenty' appointment. I think I will be done around 12:00. Then heading home and rest,and then prepairing myself for the dentist. Ouch!
I say an interesting tread on a forum...
The 5 stages of grief...
The first stage is shock and denial. This is the initial "I can't believe this is happening" stage. You may think or feel things like "Maybe we'll get back together" or "This can't be over".
The second stage is depression. In this stage you feel the sadness and pain associated with the loss. You may eat and sleep too much or too little, have crying spells, have little energy, and lose interest in things you usually enjoy.
The third stage is bargaining. In this stage you may be thinking "Maybe if I/she/he had done this or that then we would still be together" or "Maybe if I/she/he will do this or that,maybe we can make it work".
The fourth stage is anger. You may be angry with him/her, yourself, or both. Thoughts and feelings such as,"How dare she/he, or "She/He has really made a fool of me".
The final stage is acceptance. In this stage you finally let go and start moving on.
Sound interesting right? I can't tell wich stage I am in now, I think it's for everyone different. What I do know is that the stages are recognizable, cause I noticed them. Sometimes I'm mad and sometimes sad, and yeah, sometimes I think, "maybe, if we should have done it like this or that", or "I should have done this or that". Thinking all this doesn't help me further, it's over between Saf and me and I have to get over it and move on.
It will be a long proces for sure, cause I know myself. (Tall guy with a small heart, lol! Saf was my first love, and it hurts knowing our relationship is over.
