Friday the 13th!

Friday the 13th...! 

...So far so good, oh yes I can be superstitious sometimes, just small things though. For example putting my shoes nicely next to each other when I take them off, lol, or hang the towel nicely and not wrinklyl. Ofcource it's a bit silly cause nothing will happen if I hang the towel wrinkly or put my shoes way out of each other. Though I have seen worser people, I'm not that extreme or overreacted. Anyway, lol. It was a nice day, relaxing and everything has been done what I wanted to be done. Groceries, laundry, trainstation check, it's all done. Tomorrow I won't have time, tomorrow I will be out to the record fair in Utrecht, finally, In waited so long for this event.  It's been years since I have been there! 

The weather was nice today, sunny and not that cold, though we still have cold nights. I spoke to a friend of mine on Facebook this morning, she's from Canada. Saf and I met her while singing karaoke, she was always there. We, Saf and I, became good friends with her, when I chat with her on Facebook she sometimes mentions that I have to visit her once again in Canada, Mississauga. She's full of jokes most the time, "When are you coming home?" she yells then, lol. After my break up with Saf, I always said to myself that I would like to visit Canada once again. Just for a week, that would be nice.  But that was what I was saying then, this is now, a year further. 

Oh, the things I wanted and said when I got back the first month in Holland, I wanted to visit Saf and her children in the Summer, or perhaps visit them with Christmas again, I even wanted to stay in Canada, and find myself a house there so that I didn't have to return to Holland. What was I thinking! I'm glad I went back to Holland though, otherwise I would have alot more problems then I already had. 

Having fun in Walmart with Ab and Tasn, trying on different hats.

I didn't had a Canadian passport, no money, I was ilegal in Canada, and what did I had in Canada? What did I want in Canada? If I thought about it long enough then it was wise that I returned to Holland. Even though it was a hard decision, I had to. And even though it was a hard struggle with alot of work, I had to. 

This is now, I'm here now and I'm okay and good. Am I happy? I have sometimes my happy momnents yes, but I'm sure no one is happy 24 hours a day. That was one of my goals to be happy again, but being happy 24 hours a day is impossible. Being happy are just moments I think, you have sometimes happy moments and sad moments aswell or bad moments, or even jolly or crazy moments. Do I still want to go back to Canada for a week? I don't know, I mean I would love to!! BUT, it can bring back alot of memories aswell, those memories can be nice but aswell. Or the memories brings me back to the beginning of my proces, pushing me back in the proces. Like I said I'm fine here, I'm good and okay. 

Though I will think about it of visiting Canada once more, visiting my 'karaoke' friend. I won't visit Saf or her children, that would be so major akward and weird, I don't want to creat havoc. Like I said I would LOVE to visit Canada once more, but the memories what I might get there frightens me. Maybe in the near future when I'm ready for it, perhaps three or four years from now. At the moment I'm not ready yet, that's oblivious. I still miss a few of Saf's kids aswell, Tasn, Ab and Noor, the missing is less though. But I will never forget them, they will prolly forget me, that's fine, I can't blame them either.