No is No....Right?
It's nice to have people around me, allthough some are strangers and not close friends, just that sometimes it's nice to have them or those around. Someone on Facebook asked me today if I build up already some new friends, I could'nt answer her, I said 'No.' though. I mean what are friends? Someone who you like to talk to and spend so now and then time with? That I don't call friends, but what do I call them then? Friends are people who are there for me and I'm there for them and where you spend alot of time with. People who I can count on.
At the moment here in Holland I can say I don't have friends, but that's okay. I have some friends in Canada where I can count on, and perhaps somewhere else in the world. I know I can count on some Facebook friends, and I consider Safa still as a friend, even though we broke up. In Holland I had a few friends, but they letted me down when I asked them for (urgent) help, when I was still in Canada. They gave me a big mouth and that's it, the so called friends. At that time when I needed them and dissapointed me, I felt down and sad, but I don't mind now. I will find or bump into new friends elsewhere.
I have been alone many times, I actually like it to be on my own sometimes, not always though. Funny that I didn't had that feeling in Canada, I liked it when I had people around me, I just needed to talk and communicate more. I'm more of a quiet person, I always been that way, I never was on the foreground. Maybe because of the way I grew up, Mom and Dad and me, just a quiet little family. We liked the quitness because we were used to it.
Late in the afternoon there was the free dinner again, just like last week I went straight from work to the church. Otherwise I have to ride first to Humanitas and perhaps put some other clothing on and then back to the church. It wasn't so busy at the church, just some regulars and some people from Humanitas. While we were waiting to get in, the people I know (from Humanitas) make little jokes, and sometimes make fun of you. 'They' find that funny and find it important to be that way to be tough, I laugh about it or laugh it away, but sure I don't like such behaviour all the time. I can write lots of stories about it, but will do that another time.
At the dinning table I sat with Frank and Johannus & Family, Frank asked me if I use internet tonight. I told him, "Yes." He wanted to see a soccer match, cause his favourite team is on. Frank didn't had internet and no TV. "Sigh," I thought, "Damn, I'm looking forward for a quiet night on the laptop just alone after a hard day of work." In the first place I told him "No, sorry, I'm carefull with my computer." He didn't like my answer and gave a mean, serious face, and told me that he didn't thought I would say no. "What a nice friend are you," he said, and he went on, untill I said, "Okay, we can use it together."
Okay, I didn't mind in the end that we both watched the soccer game and that I don't even wanted to watch the game, but he had to respect my refuse. He was wrong with going on but maybe I was wrong too, cause I had to stick with my refusing I have to learn this and not 'always' be so kindhearted. Sometimes people can use you when you are this way, you say 'no,' and in the end you say 'yes,' but actually you mean 'no.' I know what to say or do then in such situation, but doing it... that's different.
More about this subject tomorrow.
