My ever changing moods...

My ever changing moods...

10 degrees colder then yesterday, it was the right choice to put a sweater on to work. Although it was colder it was also a nice feeling, nice and fresh. Today was another day at work, it was good but I was tired as well. I fell nearly asleep with our first break, and with the second break I felt down and.... I don't know. I had this annoying feeling over me, I felt sad, disappointed, it was one of the missing moments again. The feeling that you want to be alone, I didn't want to be where I was, I just wanted to be in Canada, with the kids and with Saf. Just memorizing the good old times. 

I was thinking the why's' and the 'I had to do this and that's again,  or the 'it could have been like this and that's.' Sigh! Thank God it only lasted for an small hour that down moment, after our break I went back to work, back to the last few card boards again. I only needed a few and then I was done with all of them, they came with a new order for the wooden child seats. And they wanted me to make a start with it, it kept my mind of things and thoughts. My head is sometimes such a mess, there is so much to do to build up my entire life.

For example, I need furniture and alot of more things. Most important is a fridge, a washing machine and a bed. Maybe I should saving some money now, although I heard from some guy here at Humanitas, that here in Almelo there is a some kinda community  who will give you a sum of money to buy furniture or other things for what a house needs. It's a sort of a project, sounds interesting. I was just thinking about it today, that I have just none furniture what so ever.


I told you about the Trojan horse I had on my laptop last night, it was okay and my Avast anti virus protected the Trojan. But it got weirder today, my browsers crashed so many times and I had so many pop ups, it was getting annoying. I decide to do a full system recovery, it was the second time because a few months ago I did the same. It took me one hour and I was back on the net, loads of downloading, but it's all good. I still need to download Windows Messenger, it's being a pain to download it though. 


I made a new appointment with my first counselor upcoming Friday, he's the one who got me at Humanitas. Everything is going well with my stuff, (bills, income, work) it goes slowly but steady. There is still a thing what bothers me and that is that I could get some help with my thoughts, my process and my healing.  That's why I called the counselor for an appointment, I'm doing slightly okay though but some more help is not bad for me, to get me further back on track. I can't let some things go in my mind, maybe it's not needed, but I don't know. 


I'm doing the 'No contact', but you can't really call it that, I still keep a bit of a contact. I message so now and then Mar and Noor on Facebook to ask how they are, In the 3 months I messaged them twice. I don't see the harm in that, but still, No contact is No contact. When ever I feel for it I message Saf to ask how she is, but I do that rarely. I sent Tasn, and Noor Birthday presences, and they both liked it. There will be maybe come a time that I will stop giving presences with there birthdays, or maybe smaller presences. I will just see.


Tiny little update...

I just had a message from my Hotmail, someone sent me a bunch of spam and now they blocked my account for a little while. I made a new hotmail account and my new e-mail adress is sonnie100dj@hotmail.com  The old account is history!