Tasn!

I miss this little girl...

Geesh I'm so weak when it comes to kids, Saf's 7 year old stole my heart the first time  I saw her, and still does. Before Saf and I met we did our chats on the computer, and we used sometimes the webcam. The little kids loved it! Specially Tasn, she made funny faces and asked me many questions. Her first question was always about getting her gifts, LOL!

The first time I saw Tasn, she was shy. Saf picked me up from the airport together with Dako, Noor and Cle, from there we went to Saf's friends, to pick up Ab and Tasn. It was weird to see them when you know them only from the webcam, it looked so unreal. Tasn took place in the backseat and was quiet. (shy) I looked a few times behind me to look at her, she laughed and blushed. Thinking of that moment makes me missing her.

 Later on she talked, and I can remember her bad tempers what she so now and then had. Always complained about the food in the morning, It was funny though. She cried sometimes so hard when she had a temper, that I felt sorry for her, I always walked towards her and tried to calm her down. I still did that the years that followed. We have so many good memories.

I remember that I was afraid of her tempers or her naughty behaviour. Specially when they let me babysit her, Oh dear, what will happen? will she tear the whole house down? I got used to it in the months that followed, and I got along with her very well. I learned her things, like riding a bike, what almost seemed impossible when I first saw her trying to ride a bike. I watched her grow, and I watched her learn many things. 

                                                                           Tasn~

                                                           A tiny little angel
                                                   that always is in bloom
                                              you brought me so much light


                                               your cuteness is so stunning
                                                  your smile makes me melt


                                              I was proud to be your Daddy
                                                      it's the best I ever felt


                                                  Oh perfect little princes
                                                         With you I'm lost


                                               Every night before I dream
                                                   I thank the lord above
                                              To know someone like you

Get me out of this misery...

Get me out of this misery...

The future doesn't seem so bright at the moment, I shouldn't be thinking this but I can't help it. I'm waiting for response from my counseler, and I'm waiting for response about my income. It's difficult when your only can keep contact trough a laptop, if I want to call some people I need to go to my Dad, and he lives 30 minutes from me. I messaged the people from Humanitas, (yep, I'm going for it) and told them my situation, and asked them what they could do for me. The response frightend me...

Hello Sjon,

Social work could sign you up for a 24-hour counseling process if you have multiple problems, as you told. However, the Goverment is Partly Responsible for placement. Upon notification by example, MWD has a planned intake to Assess were there there is a basis for placement assistance. The Additional costs can be recovered by Nijverdal .

If you do not want all this then there  is directly a sign of  homelessness, you can use a night shelter provision. It costs 6 euros per night and you have a place to sleep. During the day you can go look for other housing. If there is no place in Almelo, we will refer you to Enschede. At the Salvation Army or Wonne.

Right! So, yeah this actually scares me and it makes me nerves and concerned. It's so easy now to get visions of me walking down the street being homeless, and I just can't help it. I don't want this, and I'm kinda lost.

The tide turned a bit....

Though the tide turned just a little bit. My plan was to go to my Dad, to use his phone, (again). He was sleeping in his chair when I arrived, and I knocked softly on his door. He woke up and said, "Hello," I sat down and had a little talk with him. It was time to make some phonecalls, first my counseler, cause it's been a while since I heard from him. He wanted to contact me as soon as posibble he told me that last Monday, but no sign from him yet.

A lady answered the phone and she told me that my counseler will be back Friday. Sigh! "That's late", I thought, "Can you leave a message"? I asked the lady. That was alright, and I told her, that I need my counseler cause I don't know what to do, and that I didn't hear from him yet. I told her aswell that I contacted 'Humanitas', and that I need him to contact the people there. "I will sent your counseler a mail, right away", said the lady.

I was concerned cause everything took so long, the counseler and my money. I didn't feel so well at my Dad's, I was dizzy and tired, I did not wonder why. The next phonecall was to 'Gak', my monthly money income. And again they told me, "The letter still didn't arrived, "You know it takes 7 days for a letter to arrive, and after that we have to discus the letter", the lady told me. I talked a little while with her on the phone and complained that I really need income cause I'm broke.

The lady felt pity, and understood my situation, but she couldn't do a thing about it. She was nice and appoligized to me. I drank my coffee, and decided to go to a 'uitzendbureau' that is a agency where they look for jobs, you can register or sign yourself in, and the people there going to find jobs for you what will suite you. So, thats what I did and then went home. I needed rest and nothing else. Just a day off with no worries or look for houses, jobs, etc. Nothing!

I arrived at home and opened my laptop, I saw a few mails and was suprised to see that one of the mails was from my counseler. He told me that he got in contact with 'Humanitas' and that he wanted to sign me in for a 24 hours project. My counseler wants to see me on Friday at 10:00am. "Finally," I thought. The counseler told me aswell that I should keep searching for solutions for your problems, and that I should keep begging for extra money by the goverment.

I was happy with the contact, My problems aren't solved yet but, atleast I got some help. So, Friday I go to my counseler, and I will call 'Gak' again. And if they still don't recieved my letter,  I will try to get some extra money from the goverment. Today I dared to look on my ING bank account, it said, 16 Euro and 50 Euro cent! I could have guessed this but I wanted to be sure.

My Horoscope...

Keep your mind on the present, Aquarius. As much as you'd like to be somewhere else, your daydreaming is getting out of hand. If you're sincere in your desire to explore other lands, begin some research. For now it's better to focus on any problems that make you want to run away. Open a dialogue with anyone with whom you've had a misunderstanding. You will find this brings immeasurable relief.

That makes you think, right? It made me think, and some things in that horoscope were right. I still miss the Family, ofcource, cause it's still fresh. It's not even weird, cause, 2 weeks ago I was part of a full Family, and now I'm alone. The 2 and a half year I was with this 'awesome' family was not nothing, when I think of it. I lived with them and shared my life with them. I surely lived! And now being back here that hurts!

So, let me daydream for a little while, I'm sure I will get other things on my mind, when I have to focus on my future. I said a few times that my goal is to live somewhere else and not in my own village, (not the same ol' again) and I want to visit the kids and Safa in the near future, and don't worry horoscope, I sure will do my research first, when I visit Canada again.

Don't ya worry! But first things first!