Hematoma...

Hematoma...
I noticed a Hematoma yesterday on the inside of my thigh, it worries me. Cause I don't know how it got there. I can't remember that I bumped myself or fell or whatever. It's bothering me in my worried mind since I spotted the hematoma. I have a day off tomorrow, so I could visit my doctor. But I'm to worried to go, afraid of the results of what the doctor will say. Is it perhaps that I fell of my bike a few months ago that I got this hematoma? And why didn't I noticed this before? In the shower or undressing for example. I will go to the hospital tomorrow to test my blood for my thyroid, after five days I will get the results of the blood test from my doctor. I will keep an eye on my hematoma till then, if it's not getting smaller then I will go to my doctor for the blood results and to show him my hematoma.... I should stop worrying... the hemotoma isn't painfull, but it's quit big, you can compare it with the size of a lightbulb.It's dark aswell.

Ups and downs while working... sigh!

 Ups and downs while working... sigh! 

So, today I should have had a conversation with my Boss, but I guess plans has changed. Though I saw the Boss more then ten times on the workfloor. Maybe I should have asked her about the conversation, the fear of that I might get to hear that they won't give me a hire contract stopped me from doing that. I'm still a bit 'eeking' about it, I was quit nerves aswell today. Though I worked hard today, why? Cause it was kinda busy, and we had a bit to many people in our section. Normally it's two or three people now there were four people. Every worker has to do something, and when the mat must be made there has to be one who makes the beginning of the mat. I was the one who made the beginning. 

I connected the aluminium profiles to each other with rubber, when that's done I give the mat to the next person who measures and nails the mat so that the mat is the right lenght and ready for the next proces. So, the other 3 people were kinda waiting for me to finnish the first proces of the mat, though they told me to take it easy, I still felt a bit of a rush, lol. I guess it goes automaticly with me, just my nature, lol.  The workers are nice and feel and think with me, they aswell say that's it time for me to get results.  There hoping that I can stay, I so fit in this job, I learned so much and came so, so, far. I would never have thought I could do this all, thought I never had it in me. I'm amazed! 

I had my down moments aswell today, working hard and thinking, 'where's my reward for being so busy plus all the work I have done today,' sure I get nice compliments but it's not enough anymore. Lately I have this 'it's enough'feeling more, though the work I do and the fellow workers makes everything worthwhile, even working for free. But yeah, I can't stay there for free, I had the feeling today that if I don't say or do anything about this 'free'work I will still be working here till I'm 65. I will have to take action, my Boss didn't come to me today, not even when she was so many times at our section. I will get incontact with my Reha counselor again, just like last week. 

I will tell her my thoughts and feelings about this, together we will work this out. I'm nervous and a bit frighten to loose this wonderfull job, if I loose this job then I will go back to Reha perhaps. I will have to start all over again at the beginning, such a shame though, like I said, I came so far, I learned so much. I really gave a 1000% with this job and I survived. I worked here for six months now, though they said it will be a three months test. I don't even know if that's alowed to have a test period of six months. I worked aswell at Reha for free, that was a kind of a test period aswell, a intergration job. I worked hard there aswell, made many wooden furniture  for free too. All that makes me feel and think that it's really enough now, I want results and would like to get rewarded now. 


I'm not angry or furious, I'm just have that 'it's enough' feeling, I still love the work I do, I love working, I love having people around me. But now... I would like to get rewarded.P.s, I wrote a bit about this subject aswell on Facebook, I wished I never did, lol. I had many comments on it, I never would have thought that. I guess I got a bit carried away, I have fellow workers in my friendslist aswell, although they wouldn't mind, still it's not right I think, right? Gotta actually keep work related stuff aside....