Saturday, dinner day! Sunday, rest day!

Saturday, dinner day!  Sunday, rest day!

I woke up this morning around 7:45 am, atleast I thought it was. I putted on some clothing and turned on my laptop. Then I saw the clock on the laptop and it said 6:50 am, sigh, but I had a good sleep. Although my bed is small and from plain steel, I sleep good at night. So, what did I do yesterday? Yesterday was a sunny day, the sun was shinning trough my big windows and it was warm inside. But outside there was still a bit of a cold breeze, wearing a jacket was a must. 

It's the weekend and that means, find something to do, or have a rest. My room is next to the big kitchen on the second floor, sometimes there are people in the kitchen. When I hear them I sometimes go to have a look and join them for a talk, just like yesterday morning. There's this guy who I often talk too who has a Family, he has two younger kids and you can't miss the kids when there in the kitchen. They make alot of noise, but hey, there kids! I joined the Family for a talk, there was another guy too where I talked to.

At the end of the talk we both decided to make dinner for tonight, we all putted money together. I and the Mother of the Family bought groceries, seperate though, cause the Mother had more to do today. I bought the meat and the desserts, and some groceries for myself. It was busy in town, blame the nice sunny weather. The meat was expensive, but it was the only meat I could find what was less expensive, I bought mexican chicken burgers with bacon. The desserts was a hard choice too, expensive! I needed eight desserts, I made my choice, and payed for the groceries.

two Chipolate puddings, two macaroon cookies puddings and four yogurth flips for the kids. When I came back form doing groceries I took a nap, cause it was needed, I had a busy, full week behind me. I slept for an hour, then the Father of the Family knocked on my door, "Your comming? Were ready to cook." he shouted. I told him that I'll be right there. On the menu was cauliflower, potatoes, white beans in tomato sauce and meat, it was a nice and delicious dinner. The desserts we saved for later tonight, we were so full! 


This Saturday was going fast, I still needed some important things to do, like organizing my mail and get some things arranged. I saved that till Sunday. Sunday started off early, damn clock! I thought it was later. I have not much to write about Sunday, I rested alot. I took two naps and spent some time on my laptop, it was warm in my little room. Looking back at the month January and February I can say that I'm doing better, were not there yet, but that will come. I'm talking about my thoughts and my grieving. 


I learned that this takes time and that you can't force yourself to forget someone or something that reminds me of her, I have to get trough that proces and be patience. I got to a certain point that I just had enough of all the pain and suffering, that I decided to do the 'No contact,' otherwise you can't heal yourself, and making that decision sure wasn't easy, cause I didn't want to hurt anyone or do wrong to anyone. I noticed that my healing is sometimes taking two steps foward and one stepback, sometimes I'm fine with that Saf is seeing someone else and just sometimes I have this feeling of, 'ugh!' That is a very normal reaction. Watch me how I slowly progress. 

At the moment I'm okay with everything, I'm easier with my thoughts towards Saf and her kids. two or three months ago I was a wreck, I felt confussed and just didn't know how to handle things between her and her kids. I didn't know how to talk to them and in the same time not confuse them or upset them. I think I calmed down, and I'm amazed how I'm doing at the moment. Ofcource I still  have my moments of sadness and missing them, but I have these moments less, and if they come I let them come, cause that's needed aswell. Although I have the feeling that this grieving proces is going slow, I'm perfectly fine with it. There's no rush. But, although I'm feeling better now, there can come a time that I will have it difficult again, we just will see then. This is now and I'm okay, I'm feeling a bit better.

Second, it's fine with me if Saf wants to contact me so now and then trough an e-mail, I don't see the harm in that. But I need to settle things first and get trough this situation, I'm doing already better. Okay, I had my rest, and picked my working clothes for tomorrow's work. Work is good for me, I like it. It's going to be a full week again, and I don't mind, you know why.