Monday, January 24, 2011
Bring me back....cause I can't believe I'm here...
Bring me back....cause I can't believe I'm here...
Monday was a full day, with lots of emotions and tiredness. And the day ain't over yet while I'm sitting here writting this post. Sometimes I just think to myself, "Is this really happening?" or "I just can't believe I'm here." I'm moving slowly forward but not in a way I want.
I got up early cause I needed to be on time at the appointment for counseling, 8:30am I wanted to be there. I was afraid that I overslept, but I was on time. 6:30 I got up and thought, "If I don't get up now I will sleep longer, and miss my appointment." I was tired but ready to go, it rained a bit but not that hard.
When I got at the appointment I was right on time. The counceler shook my hand and said "Come on in." When he asked me to tell what the problem was, I told him that I wrote it down on a paper, cause it's such a long story. That was okay, he told me. While reading the paper I cried a few times and I thought to myself "I don't wanna be here, and I don't wanna read this, I want to be back in Canada, where I belong." Reading that written letter made me think back at Canada.
I had it hard, but continued. The counseler wrote it all down and felt pity. "I sure want to see you again", he said, and wrote down my email adress and phone number from my Aunt. (I still don't have a phone) He wanted to mail me back for a next appointment, and I thanked him. Then I went to my Dad for a little break, cause I still had a hour for my next appointment.
I nearly fell asleep at my Dad's, weird, cause usually my Dad falls asleep when I'm there. I sure needed a nap again after all this. It was 10:30am and I decided to go to my next appointment, the 'urgenty' appointment. It rained harder this time but luckly I had a umbrella. When I arrived, I had to wait long cause the 'lady' had another meeting. After waiting for 30 minutes, she came and told me to come with her to another room.
We sat down in a little office, and I told my Canada story again. She was a counseler aswell she told me, and I was happy with that. Again, I cried reading the written letter I made of my story, "It's so difficult", I told her, and she gave me a glass of water. She heard my story and she wanted to help out. Together with the other counseler, where I talked to earlier, "I'm gonna contact him and I will speak with him about this, "After I spoke to him, he will contact you", told the lady.
Today I called aswell for my income, cause I wanted to know if they recieved my 'written letter' already. The first lady on the phone wasn't so friendly and she told me "What letter?! "we stopped your income, if you need a new income you have to ask for it again.". "Damn", I thought! She just didn't get it!
I waited 10 minutes and I called again, this time there was another lady who was friendly and she told me, that they didn't recieved the letter yet, but if we get it we will have to discus the letter with our staff and then we make a disicion, It's better when you call Thursday or Friday back. Sigh! I will call them Wednesday again.
I felt like crying, when I got home, but I didn't. I had some angry thoughts, cause I just can't believe that Saf would put me in this situation, "Why?" I thought. I sure understand why we broke up but, look at me now, I don't deserve this! Sometimes I have these thoughts, and I know that such thoughts doesn't help me further, but I just can't help it. I guess it takes alot more time this proces then I expected.
I surely don't hate Saf, and she doesn't hate me. I have to get trough this and I want to get trough this. I want that in the end I will have a nice house and a nice life. So I can say. "Hey! it was all worth it". I want to be able to see Saf and her kids in the near future and have a good time as friends. Cause for sure we had our good times aswell.
Look at Saf and her kids now and look where they came from, she did so well, Saf can be proud of herself, and you know what, I can say, I was a part of it! Good times! I don't want to waste my time thinking bad of her after we broke up. And that's a good thought, right? Bare and be patience with me in this proces.
Alright, the moment of the day was ofcource the dentist, I didn't look forward to it cause I don't like dentists, not personaly, but the drills, the smell in the waiting rooms, the nerves, I sure know better and nicer things to do then that. But I was in pain, and so I went. The good thing about it was that it was at 6pm, meaning I didn't have to be in pain from the drilling the rest of the day. First I was getting 5 anesthetic injections. and then the drilling started and I must say, it was a piece of cake and went pretty fast. No pain!
The root canal threatment went perfect, they putted a fake filling in the tooth after cleaning the infection, then next week I get another fake filling and then next time the real filling. The fake filling was a kind of a medicine. Ofcource the anesthetic felt weird in my mouth afterwards. It's hard to drink a coffee with a swollen lip, LOL! Next Monday the next threatment!