I was thinking last night that this blog really needs sometimes something positive and not always sad and negative writtings. I will try to end every post from now on with 2 positive things or thoughts. p.s. I'm planning to write for a long time, and at the moment I'm going trought this proces. But this proces wont last a lifetime. so eventually the Sun will rise again on this blog, you watch and see!
I'm feeling a tiny bit better as yesterday, yesterday was a full day with lots of talks with counselers and not much time for myself. And a day with a bit of pain from the dentist, lol! I can tell you a rootcanal treatment sounds more painfull then it is. The dentist was a nice guy and comforted me so now and then. The only thing I have troubles with is to keep my mouth open for 45 minutes with all these dentist tools in my mouth.
I slept out today cause I planned not that much this morning. At 9 I woke up and made myself breakfast, and opened my laptop. I searched for some jobs with succes, I responded on them and now I wait for them to respond back. I have the feeling I can't do that much this week. My counseler wants to contact me these comming days. And then I will see what his plan is with me. He knows what I want, he has all the information he needs. In the first place I need a place to stay so I can come to rest and build up slowly my future again. And ofcource my income, I need money.
Yesterday the other counseler talked to me about 'Humanitas', that is a project with people who help you out if your homeless. Sounds scary right? That was my first thought too, I was thinking of homeless people from the street, drug addicts and thieves. But the lady told me that it isn't what you think it is. These people who are living there, are also in relation problems, ofcource there are other people to who don't have a place to stay but they devide the people in groups.
The staff at Humanitas helps you financially and emotionally, they help you with getting yourself on the right track again. Still it scared me and made me nerves. I thought, "I don't want this, and I don't deserve this." Now today I'm thinking a bit lighter about Humanitas. The good thing about the people there they help you moving on and besides that you get a room for yourself. The place where Humanitas is is not in my village but in another city called Almelo, that's a 30 minutes drive from here. Almelo is one of the city's where I would like to build up my future.
Today I went to my Dad to see how he was, and to pick up my clean washed laundry. My Aunt offered to wash some of my laundry. My Dad was okay and I took my laundry and went to the bank. I still had to pay the bill from the dentist from last night, I hoped I had enough money left to pay the bill. I needed 70 Euro and the money machine gave the message that I could only get 16 Euro. I sure didn't expect that!
"I'm broke, I'm out of money, what to do now?" I thought. "Shall I go into the bank and ask what's going on? Shall I ask my Dad for money?" Thoughts, thoughts, I went to the dentist and sat in the waiting room (I wanted to tell them that I can't pay them, maybe I can pay them at my next appointment) I waited 3 minutes at the dentist, but know one showed up. I had doubts and decided to go to my Dad, to tell him what happened. I was tired aswell and I just wanted to go home!
I wont ask my Dad for money, but maybe he offers me, I don't know. My Dad was a bit concerned but didn't gave me money, he told me to take it easy tonight. "It's fine, I'm going home", I thought. In such situations my "do not panic or go mad button" is on, "it is as it is, and I will try to figure out something," were my thoughts. It was such a long bike ride and the wind made it heavier. I cursed a few times, cause of the heavy wind and my money problem. I did a bit of grocery and went home. Sigh!
At home I tried to get contact with my counselers and the goverment trough email. I'm waiting for response. After my dinner I got concerned and thought about my money problem. I have never been in this situation, but I learned aswell that when you really in big trouble, then just keep going cause on a certain point it will turn around into a good or better point, meaning it will come good, hopefully. It's a positive thought.
Something positive!
I was telling in the beginning of this post that this blog need sometimes something positive and not always the negative writting or sad writting. Well this day ended not really positive though, let's try this tomorrow...
