After rain come sunshine... and then rain again...
It was a cold morning this morning, it was 8:30 am, and I was ready for the dentist. Well, ready? Not really, cause I had these thoughts again. While I was one my way to the train the sad and lonely moments suddenly came towards me, thoughts of disappointments, missing them. Ugh, so many thoughts.
Here are a few..
I miss them, I want to be with them, why did it all end? Will I ever be happy again? Why...
why does it feel they ignore me? Our love was so intense in the beginning, what happened to it? Why? I feel like crying but I can't, I don't wanna go to the dentist, I don't wanna be here. And on and on...
But I kept on walking... like I always do, although I would rather be somewhere else, I'm moving on, and the train will be there in ten minutes. But I kept on thinking, and then when I think further, the thoughts become worse, I knew for sure this is going to be a long process.
Another thought...
Maybe in the near future a woman will cross my path, Would I dare to take that step? The step to a new relation? Would I not be afraid that I might loose 'her' again? Just like I did with Saf? I know I'm looking way ahead in the future, but sometimes these thoughts just are wondering trough my head, just like this morning.
Another thought...
What if a new 'man' crosses Saf's path? Could I handle that? All I know is that 'that' will be a tough and a hard time. But I sure would NOT go nuts or violent or overwhelm her with nasty comments on Facebook or MSN, I'm just not that type of guy. It won't solve anything! Sure I would be sad for a while, but I will be happy for her aswell. I need to continue! It's waaaaaay to much thinking for my little brain, I need to stop that, but sometimes I just can't. It will get better in time, I'm sure!
When I arrived in Nijverdal I still had to walk twenty minutes to the dentist, aahh! I was still on time. My thoughts were gone, they vanished as quick as they came. Sometimes when I have these thoughts or moments, I think it's good to not escape them, cause they will come back anyway. Best way is just to think these thoughts and let them come, it's the same with crying moments, just cry, let it all out and try not to hold in. Right? it's better for the healing.
I was fifteen minutes to early at the dentist, and the assistant told me that my insurance is now good. 'They' made a few mistakes and it's all solved now. When I heard the drill in the other room the nerves came back, I thought, "There gonna spend an hour work on me, get on with it!" After five minutes sitting in the waiting room it was finally my turn. The dentist welcomed me and was as always friendly, first they made a X-ray of my tooth. (weird machine) The dentist assistant told me, "Put your chin on the board, then the scale will turn," I replied, "With my head in it?" She laughed.
It was time for the first root canal treatment after I got the two anesthetic injections. I was calm, and everything went well, it was a relief how he went to work, no pain what so ever. But it wasn't funny to see the tools and drills what the assistant handed over to the dentist right in front of my eyes, LOL! One drill was atleast 8cm long, ouch! After the treatment it was time for another treatment. One tooth, ermm, how to explain this in English, half of my tooth they drilled and cut out until the root, and then filled the hole with a special filling. And again, no pain what so ever. Only the anesthetic feeling was horrible, it felt like I had two extra lips and a disabled cheek.
And holding my mouth open for sixty minutes wasn't a pleasure, In the end when he was done finishing it he told me to close my mouth and I had to bite with my teeth. Well, that wasn't that easy, I had cramps in my cheeks, lol! I was happy that it was all over, I expected it would have hurt alot more, but it didn't. The dentist told me to come back in two weeks, then they are gonna drill the same tooth and fill it again the rol. I have to come back three times, to finish this tooth completely, did a I just heard money? Lol, it will be for sure a nice debt, I'm happy I'm assured.
There I went with a swollen cheek, heading to the trains, back to Almelo, back to Humanitas. I had a long nap when I returned in my room, cause I was dead tired. It was actually my working day today, but they knew at Reha, that I was elsewhere. After 4:00 pm two guys knocked on my door, it were the two guys where I worked with at Reha and they have a room here aswell. I promised one of the guys that I will cook for him and myself today, cause he cooked for me last week, fair enough. On the menu was a simple dinner, potatoes, warm beets, and a sausage, with a nice gravy. The guy liked the dinner and thanked me, it was nice.
Sometimes I don't know how to end a post, what about just a 'Goodnight'?'
Goodnight!
