Warm... Cold!
It was cold today, I used to check the weather-forecast daily. But the last few years I didn't, I think I will start again. It's better then holding your hand out of the window and look if it's cold or rainy. I jumped on my bike this morning towards my work, and it was cold, I said it out loud actually, a few times. Darn! I just putted away the warm winter sweaters last weekend. Today I worked only a half day, at 11:45 am I headed of to the trainstation to get the train to my dentist appointment in Nijverdal.
I surely didn't want to go on the bike, it was to cold, it rained, and I didn't wanna bother my hay fever. I was already getting cold and wet on the way to the trainstation. In the train I thought to myself, "Here we go again, to Nijverdal." I don't like it there anymore, although I got loads of GOOD memories here. I lived and grew up in this village, but, I had enough of it. I would like to have a change, a new challenge! Before I went to Canada, I lived in Nijverdal on my own for several years. And the last few years, I wasn't that happy with the way I lived, I lived my life and that was it.
Nothing exciting happend, I did my grocery, my householdings, etc, etc. I lived on my own and I felt alone. I had enough of living such a life, but I could not do much about it. I longed for a wife and a family, or close people around me. Then all out of the blue, Saf came along, we told each other our stories, wow! And it clicked. She was all I ever longed for, the five kids didn't matter to me, I loved everyone. I longed for everything Saf and her kids had and gave me a close family, but eventually it didn't work out, and so it be.
So, yeah, being back from something I ever longed for in Canada and then back to the same ol' in Nijverdal, no thank you. If I will return back in Nijverdal, it will remind me to much of the lonely life I lived there, the same supermarket, the same people, the same routine again, no really, thank you! Saf and Ab were in this village too for a short time, to help me out while moving. The places we were visiting still is a bit painfull to see again. So, I dare myself to take a new step in my life, a new challenge! I'm more then ready, but I got to be patience.
I wasn't that long in Nijverdal, the dentist took only 15 minutes. A new fake filling for my rootcanal treatment and that was it. I so don't like when the dentist put these round cotton's in my mouth to get a better space for the drill, I nearly swallowed one again. And my tongue loves to dance with the drill sometimes it seemes, ouch! I still have to pay a bill from my last appointment but the dentist didn't say a thing, so yeah, better then. I think I was not even an hour in Nijverdal, on my way to the train I bought some nose-spray for my hay fever in a drug store. The price was okay, and the mark I bought was a good mark, I use this mark mostly every year.
Things are going well with me, sometimes I still have the thoughts of Saf (ofcource), specially the kids. Doing things makes me feel a bit better, but grieving sometimes or just thinking about them and be sad is a must too. I need to relief my sad thoughts too to heal, right? I don't want to crop it all up or escape these thoughts. But sometimes it's a must to keep busy aswell, with knowing all this I'm doing well. Here at Humanitas they talked about a huge spring-cleaning, I had a short appointment with my counseler in the late afternoon and she told me about it.
I told her that it's a great idea, maybe it's an idea to organise a 'brunch,' after the cleaning. We can all dress up in cleaning skirts and put on some music, I'm sure everyone would like that. The counseler laughed about it, and she agreed. The counseler was happy with me, happy with the things I do and how it is all going. To hear this, that makes me happy aswell, yippykayyaah!!
