This day started of sad and lonely, you know... The hardest feeling happens when the day is almost done or early in the mornings. In the evening when I'm about to go to bed I have the feeling that I'm missing something, or someone. And it's the same in the morning, I wake up and know one is there, I'm alone. There's no Tasn, with half awake eyes, hugging me, or Ab who's begging for a chicken-sandwich in the morning. There's no Saf who wishes you a good morning, I can go on and on. I have been busy these last days, and achieved alot, but when I come to rest, then I start thinking of things, thinking of my time Canada. Friends of mine told me it's a process your going trough, and it is a process. I need to get trough this and I will. In this process I will have good days and bad days, there will be crying moments and there will be smiling moments.
'They' will always be a part of my life, but the closeness with Saf is over, good friends is what's left, I hope. And I would be happy with that, in fact VERY happy! Ofcource there are thoughts of, "I can't believe this break up,"or "Why, is this happening to me?" That's all part of the process, ups and downs, but I need to move on. And I will move on, sometimes it goes by it self and sometimes I need a little push. I can stay till 31 January at the place where I am now, then I need to move again, Perhaps that I can see aswell as a little push, right? I'm on to my next challenge or perhaps something better, something better for my future. Today I went to my Dad early and from there I went right away to the dentist, my old dentist. My plan actually was to call some dentists from my Dads place, but, oh well, to much of a hassle. When I got there they knew right away who I was .
I told them what's wrong with my tooth and asked what the repairing will cost. They told me that I can come back for a appointment at 3:10 pm today and the costs for one filling will be 60 Euro, maybe they will take a X-ray too, "It's best when you take 100 Euro with you." said the dentist. It was 9:30 am and I agreed with the appointment. My next plan was to do some grocery and then to my Dad and spent the time there till my dentist appointment. After my grocery shopping (I had quit a lot and it was heavy) I went to my Dad's place and there I got tired and sleepy. I nearly fell asleep and I wished for a long nap. "Your Aunt and Uncle are coming in 30 minutes", my Dad told me. And I thought that maybe they can bring the heavy grocery to my place. I shouldn't have bought it here, cause there's is a supermarket 5 minutes from the place where I'm staying. Anyway... I decided not to wait for my Aunt and Uncle...
'They' will always be a part of my life, but the closeness with Saf is over, good friends is what's left, I hope. And I would be happy with that, in fact VERY happy! Ofcource there are thoughts of, "I can't believe this break up,"or "Why, is this happening to me?" That's all part of the process, ups and downs, but I need to move on. And I will move on, sometimes it goes by it self and sometimes I need a little push. I can stay till 31 January at the place where I am now, then I need to move again, Perhaps that I can see aswell as a little push, right? I'm on to my next challenge or perhaps something better, something better for my future. Today I went to my Dad early and from there I went right away to the dentist, my old dentist. My plan actually was to call some dentists from my Dads place, but, oh well, to much of a hassle. When I got there they knew right away who I was .
I told them what's wrong with my tooth and asked what the repairing will cost. They told me that I can come back for a appointment at 3:10 pm today and the costs for one filling will be 60 Euro, maybe they will take a X-ray too, "It's best when you take 100 Euro with you." said the dentist. It was 9:30 am and I agreed with the appointment. My next plan was to do some grocery and then to my Dad and spent the time there till my dentist appointment. After my grocery shopping (I had quit a lot and it was heavy) I went to my Dad's place and there I got tired and sleepy. I nearly fell asleep and I wished for a long nap. "Your Aunt and Uncle are coming in 30 minutes", my Dad told me. And I thought that maybe they can bring the heavy grocery to my place. I shouldn't have bought it here, cause there's is a supermarket 5 minutes from the place where I'm staying. Anyway... I decided not to wait for my Aunt and Uncle...
I grabbed my heavy grocery and my bike and headed back. There is this huge hill between my Dad's place and the place where I'm staying. Usually I walk first and then cycle that piece. It was heavy. I arrived and went on the laptop for a bit, Saf signed into MSN and I talked with her for a little while. Feels good, talking to her. Even though we broke up, it doesn't mean we can't talk to each other, there's no hate. I needed a nap, and I took one, I think I slept for an hour. I felt better and opened my laptop again and checked my mails. After that I cleaned the room and the floor. It was 2:30 pm and there I went again on my bike. Again up hill for the third time and again I need to get back aswell, that will be the fourth time then. The dentist was already waiting and he took some X-ray's. He didn't had good news. He told me that I needed a new filling and two root canal treatments.
That will take three appointments. I wasn't so happy with that but it was needed, plus I didn't wanna keep the pain.The dentist couldn't do anything today cause he had short time. Next Monday at 6:00 pm will be my next appointment. I'm not really looking forward to it, it's going to be painfully! And it will be painfully in my wallet. But okay, let's move on, I headed back and one more time that up that hill. I made some dinner and went flat on the couch for a rest. Tomorrow another day. I had one more phone call from my Aunt, sigh, she had a phone call from a lady, her name was Linda and she had work for me. I said, "Okay, and what is her number so I can call her back". My Aunt told me she didn't know, "You will have to look in the phonebook," she told me. Further she complained that I really have to look out for work, and that I have to move on and that I can't go on like this.
Sigh, ow well, my Aunt! Ofcource I know I have to move on and ofcource I know that I need a job, she might think that this is easy and that I don't do a thing, but, I do! In fact, when I was riding down the hill earlier I was thinking of my further plans. What I really would like is to live not where I am now, not in this village. I have been two and a half year in Canada and before that I lived all my life in this village where I am now. Being back here in this village brings me back to the same ol' same ol' add to thatthe memories that Saf and Ab were here for a visit. I don't feel a challenge here, I rather go somewhere esle, I know for sure that somewhere else are more oppurtinities. More then here in this village. I don't want to stay here. I'm going to find a new home in a new city, that is a good challenge, I want to go for that.
And that's my plan. Away from my Dad, (sigh) but most important away from my Aunt and Uncle, and my so called friends, they will never understand why I was in Canada. I'm 42 and that's old enough that I can make my own descisions. And I will. What do you think?
