"I need a agenda!"

"I need a agenda!" 

I sure do need a agenda, with all the messages, information and homework what I get, specially today.Today I went to Humanitas with my new counselor as a last visit, we had to be there at 2:00pm. The last visit at Humanitas I could see as a 'transfer,' transfering me from my old counselor to my new counselor. I was nice on time, kinda akward feeling to be there again though. Paula greeted me and shouted, "Look at my pregnant stomach, it's growing like crazy." And it did, in a few weeks her belly swolled up like it never did. I congrated her, it was so nice seeing her again, and some other staffmembers. We took place in a small office, the small office was the same place when I first came to Humanitas to sign the paper for living there. Now I left, and I'm in the same office, funny!

We were together to sign some papers and to see what's all been done and what all still needs to be done, it's like Humanitas is handing me over to my new counselor, my new counselor (I will look up his name again one day, lol) needs to know every detail, what's been done and what's not been done. He knew already alot of things, but this was like the last bits. It was nice being together, but aswell I felt a bit ashamed cause I didn't understand a few things, so I blushed and told them, "I don't know and I can't remember." There are so many things to remember, when I think I wrote down everything, I still forget the last little parts, sigh, I need a agenda for sure, lol. I will get one, no wait, I will get two agenda's. Just to write down everything what I need to know and what I still need to do, (homework!)  This is going to be a good learning school for me.

After the visit to Humanitas me and my new counselor were heading to our next appointment, the Cityhall. We were right on time and it was our turn before we knew it. The lady who guided us asked me where she could help us with, and my counselor looked at me. "Do I have to say something now?" Were my thoughts. It seemed I had a little black out, cause I didn't know what to say. It was a busy day and my head was full, and I was thinking that everything was going so smooth, lol. My new counselor helped me out, and then it went better, still a bit struggling and stuttering, but okay. I explained the lady that this situation is so new for me, I never had to deal with such kinda things, never ever in my life, and it's so much. I lived on my own befor, but that was such a different situation. I didn't came from Canada or from Humanitas back then, but just from my parents.

Bck then I didn't had to struggle to get a house for myself or struggle to get income or get furniture or whatever I needed to live on my own. I didn't had a break up behind me or had to deal with homeless people, back then it was much easier. Easier to deal with things, aswell the finance. But I will get trought this barricade, once I get this all settled I will be knowing alot more and will be standing stronger in my shoes, with a agenda in my hand, lol. After the appointment I recieved alot of information, and the lady was so nice, she told me that I could call her daily if I had a question or if I needed a appointment with her.My new counselor made a new appointment with me for next week, and gave me some homework, well, I asked for it actually. He does things for me, but I'm doing things aswell. It's good for me. I'm making lists and write down what still needs to be done, ect, ect, ect.

Still it bothered me a bit this afternoon, cause I want to be able to do things aswell, without stuttering to get out of my words, like I use to do back then. Without needing that little kick in my butt to get me going, like I didn't need back then. Sure things has changed alot, I talked about it with my new counselor. I told him that I changed, I feel like I want to fight for things more, and that I WANT to change positively. Back then when I lived on my own (alone) I didn't care, I lived my life, I came around with my money and I did my daily things, and that was it. Now after I had my time in Canada and my time at Humanitas I changed, sure it was though comming back to Holland and Humanitas wasn't easy, but now I'm here and feel stronger. My time in Canada and Humanitas made me aware that I'm  able to do many more things, I'm stronger then I thought and I would like to continue that... It was a hard learning school....

A nice suprice this morning, my Aunt and my Uncle came by with the blinds, and they fitted! Yay!! There's a little story behind the blinds. Once these blinds belonged to my Mom and Dad, and now there mine. When my Mom died in 2000 me and my Dad lived still in the same house. Untill Dad couldn't take care of himself anymore, he had to move to a care house, all the furniture had to go to, well most of it then. The blinds went to my Aunt and Uncle but the blinds didn't fit, she kept them though, for just incase. Now I got them, and they perfectly fit, they were specially measured and made back then. To attach the blinds to the wall was hard work (on my own) but I managed. I'm happy with them, finally I can sit in private without the neighbors thinking I'm peeking, lol