"Can you explain me that? No."
That was a akward and uncomfortable moment at the vollunteers agency. This morning I have been searching for vacansies on the site from the vollunteers agency, and it was quit a list, wow. So much to do, mostly it were vacansies what involved eldery people, disabled people or little kids. I had doubts of being a vollunteer for eldery and disabled people, I don't know, I think I just can't carry that. They were asking for example, doing groceries with a disabled man or woman, or helping out with activities for eldery people, like a bingo, or a dinner, ect cetera , ect cetera. I guess I'm to worried that something will happen while I'm doing my job, like, if a older or disabled person would suddenly faint, ot burst out in tears, ect, ect. I can assure you that I wouldn't know how to handle then or how to act.
Then there were the vacansies with the kids, here they were asking for example to help out in a school with the lunch breaks, (keep an eye on the kids, from age 5 till 12). Or help out to keep an eye on toddlers in a kindergarten where the mothers have a meeting once a week. All I have to do is watch them play and perhaps help them with playing. That was perfect for me, I thought! But there were several doubts aswell. I actually don't know what to expect, and that worried me. Aswell I don't know if these mothers expect a man to help out or better accept a man. At the appointment at the vollunteers agency I had to show the lady what I came up with while searching for vollunteers work, it was my second appointment so the lady knew me already.
I showed her the vacansies where I have been searching for this morning, and I explained why I came up with 'these' vacansies. The lady understood and agreed with me that the eldery and disabled people was to heavy for me. I tried to explain her aswell why I came up with the 'kids vacansies, ' that wasn't easy. The lady knows about my time in 'Canada,' (cause I told her that in my first appointment) and she knows aswell I took care of the kids during my time in Canada. I continued my explaining with ,"I just liked taking care of them then, being around them, being a Dad, it gave me a good feeling although it was sometimes tough, my reward was that the kids gave me attention what I liked alot." The lady wanted to know more, for example what kinda attention the kids gave me and why I liked it. I couldn't explain it, I went blank and told her that I couldn't bring it out in words, and that it was difficult to explain
I just liked the attention, the attention felt like a reward... uhmm, yeah, I don't know... I was thinking that the lady might find it weird or kinda suspicious why I came up with the 'kids vacansies.' Cause usually those vacansies are for women and not for men, or am I wrong? Why suspicious? Well, because of abuse, child abuse there I said it! It's almost logical that people think of child abuse if a man wants to vollunteer for work with kids. That's one of the reasons why I was worried while I saw the vacansies for working with kids. I don't want people think I'm a child abuser cause I'm NOT! 'I just like them around, I like taking care of them,' just saying 'that' gives already a akward touch. Like, 'Why you like them around you?' or 'Why you like to take care of them?' And 'that' I can't explain, do I have to? Perhaps it's my age, I'm over 40, lol, Father-feelings-hormones?
I never took care of kids, and I never had them around me when I lived on my own, well never? Ofcource I had kids sometimes around me, kids from neighbors, nieces, nephews, ect, ect. But parenting? No. In Canada I had kids around me 24 hours a day, and I loved it! It went quit easy aswell, I was amazed about that. I can easily say that I spent more time with Saf's kids then I did with Saf. Do I like to work with kids now because I miss the kids from Canada? Is it to fill that emptiness what I still feel a bit? Uhmm, no, well, perhaps a little part. Taking care of Saf's kids went easy and I was amazed that it went that easy, I really liked it. Perhaps I want that 'like' or 'amazed' feeling back. And that's it. There's so many child abuse in the news the last 6 or 7 years, it's on the news, on TV, newspapers, it's terrible! Ofcource people get suspicious then, I do understand that. But again, that's NOT my thing!
The lady understood me, and explained that it was better to search for something else first, "I can see your still have doubts, and I can see your still a bit worried about what to expect if it becomes to child vacansies.," she told me. I choosed another job, I'm gonna react on a vacancy what involves a woman who wants to learn the Dutch language, she's 51 years old, and she's very excited to learn our language. This woman lives in Almelo (city where I live) and already goes to a school to learn the languagel. She's looking for someone who can help her more and more when she has free from school, like during the weekend or in the weektime inthe evening. When I saw this I thought, "Okay, that's seems easy." Not complicated, not much to expect, no kids, nothing to convince or explain and no worries, just a woman who wants to learn my language, perfect for a first vollunteers job, right?
I have to inform the woman's contact person who placed the vacancy, I will e-mail the person, and will wait for a response. Feeling a bit 'eek' but aswell excited. I remembered I had that 'eek' feeling too with my job at Slettenhaar, and that went well, right? Aswell a 'eek' feeling with the radio, I think I solved that quit well too. So yeah, no worries for my next vacancy. Today was a misty day, thin rain and no sunshine. I liked the tempature, 7/8 degrees above zero, nice! I bought a kind of laminaat for my storage room today, it's perfect and so easy to place. The laminaat came in little squares, (30x30cm) the bottom was glued, it worked like a kind of a sticker. Oh my explaining sometimes, LOL! This post took me almost 3 hours to write, lol. You know that feeling when you write a line and it doesn't really sounds so well in your eyes, and you keep thinking and searching for the right words so the line does sounds right? Ugh!
