Please one more time karaoke....

Please one more time Karaoke....

Yes! one more karaoke before I return, cause they don't do karaoke in Holland, I mean, not that I know of. "Ofcource they sing in Holland," said Saf. "Yeah, in the shower or in the bathtub," I replied. Maybe there is karaoke in Holland but I'm sure it won't be the same as in Barrie or Mississauga. Saf and I build a huge friends list while singing karaoke. We had a great time, and it all started in a small bar somewhere in Mississauga, we liked it and it became a weekly routine, we ended almost up going three or four times a week. Karaoke was our thing, and our going out. It wasn't really a 'us' moment but somehow it was, just a little time away from the kids, even though we took sometimes Cle with us. Was I good? naah, but it was fun. Was Saf good? Yes, she was, she even joined a few competitions.

On with the day, this day was good. I'm ready for the return, I mean mentally, cause I still need a few things to settle. Although I'm slightly ready, it will be hard to say goodbye. I want a proper goodbye, not a goodbye like, "Okay, thanks for all, and bye", not like that. Two and a half year I was here, and that's not nothing. It was a nice time and a huge experience. Good memories aswell, I should write a few down. Will do it tomorrow.

It was the daily routine again, waking up and getting up, waking up the kids, going downstairs, wake up Saf, (she's cute when she sleeps) take the kids lunches out of the fridge, clean socks for Tasn, getting the jackets, scarfs, mittens and hats ready. All went well and the kids went easily to the school bus. Saf was sleeping and Ab woke up a bit later and went to her. A nice and easy morning. I was tired though, and went for a little nap, not long. Today we will book the flight for my return, but first to the bank. Saf woke up, had lunch, and we went off to the bank. Slightly nerves I opened the door of the BMO bank and shuffeled my bankcard in the machine. After the sound of flipping dollars bills a smile came on my face, BMO was a succes!

After that to another (money) store and then to "Pizza, Pizza." Funny moment was that Saf payed five dollar for two big slices. I bought one and I had to pay three dollar something, seems not so fair right? Saf was surprised too, and complained by the pizza store owner. When you buy two big slices for five dollar, you would expect that one big slice will cost you 2,50. The seller explained us that If you buy two big slices your cheaper out then when you buy one big slice. "He should have told that," said Saf. But he didn't or he forgot.

After a delicious dinner it was time to book the flight together with Saf. My plan was to go on Monday or Tuesday, (sigh the days go so fast) but Sunday it became. I was quiet nervous with the booking, because I wanted to get it over with. It will be a relief, I just don't like to do things at the last moment. I still need to do a few things more before Sunday, and then it's a deep sigh! And chill, and maybe a goodbye party. (fingers crossed until Saturday) While booking the flight, I felt a dark cloud above me, I felt that Saf the same felt as me, "Lets get it over with." she said. The booking went pretty fast. And after the booking she gave me a hug. I felt a bit like crying while booking but when we hugged... not really.

Looking back at the last 34 days, I feel good, and I'm glad I spent Christmas here. Although Saf was sometimes a bit cold towards me, (perhaps afraid to encourage for hope for our relationship) She helped me out where she could. But I wish she would show a bit more warmness towards me the last few weeks, that would have done me good, just a hug or an arm around me, saying "You'll be fine!" It sure wouldn't have stop me from going back to Holland. Like I said I'm ready to go, I didn't need to be pushed like Saf sometimes said. 

I'm sure she has her good reason for keeping her distance, and ofcource, we broke up, what do I expect? The goodbye will be tough. Maybe it's because, that men don't like to show emotions, LOL, I got a very tiny heart! Tomorrow it's Tam's birthday, she said she's turning 15, hmmm, Usually they turn the numbers around, but she can't be 51! It will be double, because I'm leaving on Sunday and would like to have a party before I go, and Tam want's a party aswell, cause it's her birthday. We will see what happens.

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy and wise...

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy and wise...


But not at 5:00 am in the morning, LOL! Tam's daughter woke up just after 5:00. I got up and went to her. Saf was still working her night shift, and Tam's went to work. I putted a movie on for her and after 10 minutes she came knocking on my door, telling me that the movie is over. I sat down with her and watched another movie. Just before 6 am Saf came back and I told her about Tam's daughter. "Bring her downstairs, if she's knocking on your door again" Saf replied.


I went back to bed when the daughter was downstairs. I think I slept till 6:30 and went on the computer. It was time to get the kids to school. I went downstairs and Saf was sleeping with Tam's daughter beside her. I putted some things for the kids ready and Saf woke up, and told me she brought donuts for the kids. She went to bed and told me that Mar is not feeling well and is not going to school. So, it was only Tasn who's going.


She was tired and felt several times asleep on the couch. At 8:00 I told her to get ready for school, but she was out of energy. Saf told me she can stay home then. Just before 8:30 Tasn was awake and was talking to Tam's daughter, I asked her, "I think you can go to school now, cause you seem awake and full of energy". "I don't know she said, I want to but I'm so tired". I gave her 20 minutes to get ready, but, it was no use. Ab the 3 year old woke up aswell and the crowd was complete. It's hard to keep kids quiet if they have to, everyone knows that. but they had to be quiet because Saf was sleeping.


I didn't want to raise my voice, I told them many times to be quiet, but nothing seemed to work. Suddenly Saf yelled from upstairs, "Quiet, I need my sleep." And she told Tasn to get ready cause she's ridding her to school. Did I fail now with keeping the kids quiet? Did I had to raise my voice? It didn't feel good about it. Saf came back from driving tTasn to school  and took the other kids to there room. Both watching a movie in sepered rooms, Ab with Saf. Problem solved. I felt like I failed, I should have done that. The kids just don't listen to me. I don't like shouting to kids, but what can you do when they don't listen to everything I say.

About raising kids, I'm sure I learned alot. What to do and what not to do, how to handle and how not to handle. Being a first time Daddy, was a great experience. My problem is that I'm to nice for kids, I hold myself in, and when they get me mad and I hold myself in to long, I might explode, or I just walk away. With saying "Deal with it, I'm going." It was a nice day, and I felt okay. I told Saf that I would like to book the flight today or tomorrow, she replied with, "Okay." Further I need some things to do before my flight, I need a small suitcase for in the plain, I would love to have some Dutch money on me, and I made the decision to ship my records and cd's.


Although I putted an add on Kijiji, for the records and cd's. The days are going fast and I'm quit okay with that, funny that I wasn't ready for it a month ago and now when the day comes nearer that I have to go, I'm ready. I think it goes automatically, I have too, and then I go for it. I asked Saf for one more 'karaoke' night, one of Saf's friends wants to organize a 'goodbye karaoke party' in a karaoke bar in Mississauga. That bar was our first bar we went to for 'karaoke'. It would be so nice to go there, but Saf has to work untill Friday, I'm crossing my fingers for the weekend.


Today I was tired, I think I created a small routine for myself in the evening, LOL! After dinner I do the dishes and put them away, and after that I make the kids lunches for school, and before going to bed I tidy up. Today was a long day, I was up at 5:00 am, and had a little short nap. In the evening I had a little time with Tasn, she and Ab had a late nap, and they couldn't get to sleep. Ab was sent downstairs to Cle's and I took care of Tasn. Saf had a night shift. Around 10:45 I send Tasn to bed after watching cartoons. I promised her that I will stay with her until she sleeps.


But I fell asleep aswell on Ab's bed, and Tasn was in her own bed. I had a good sleep and Tasn wasn't feeling. It was all good. I had mixed feelings today, sometimes I think to myself, "If I would stay here in this house, could I handle it?" The answer is, "Yes, but I need to get out of the house more and be not to much on Saf's lip." A job is what I need then, and stop complaining. But to be honest, being totally in love with Saf, won't make it easy. Safaswell. She was in love with me big time, woot! I wouldn't dare to ask it her again, when she told me she loved me the first time.I could definitely tell she loved me, in her behaviour and all of her actions, oh yeah! Now I wasn't mistaken.


I was the happiest man alive, and I was glad that I could help her and the kids out with there problems. Cause once when I knew where they came from, and what they have been trough, plus the love and attention Saf gave me, I knew it, I'm coming to Canada!  Did I knew back then that this would be a huge step? no! And that it would be hectic and overwhelming? no!  I just went for it. Yes! I thought about it, but once I knew we were both in love, there was no stopping, again, love makes blind.