I did almost nothing today, feeling tired and I have pain. It's a weird pain full feeling, I can't describe it. Emotional feeling, heavy on my chest, not much interests me, less energy. I will see my Doctor tomorrow, for just in case, he will probably give me medication for the pain, or give me advice. I have those ups and downs, I feel better when I was around Dad's Family yesterday, weird right? I disliked this Family for a long time, but now it feels like I need them. Bringing up funny memories or just memories did me good, ofcource I can talk to other people about it or my 'friends,' but it won't be the same, they don't know my Dad like 'we' do. Sometimes I feel I like to cry but I can't, I hope I will with the funeral, it's good to cry, it reliefs. I wish I had a program or a schedule of what to do while mourning, at the moment I just don't know. Seeing my Doctor tomorrow is a good start.
Ofcource I Googled today for sites for mourning, most of them were good and interesting. But I knew aswell that not every person is the same, some mourn this way and some mourn that way. I found a few good tips, some I already knew and some were new for me...
Crying relieves and heals, try not to push tears away, but let them come. In that way you let your feelings out, and it gives little by little room for something new, something other than grief.
Grieving is hard work. It is emotional work where you become really tired. So make sure of yourself that you give your body and your mind enough rest. Sleep a lot, even during the day if you need it.
In the grieving process try for yourself to clarify what your relationship to the deceased, and look for a way to get him or her back in your life that has changed so much, give it a certain kinda place in your life or heart. This search is through talking, tell what you meant for the dead, what experiences you have shared in his life what he has accomplished.
There are countless moments and things what can cause grief, a song on the radio, advertising on TV, newspaper, something someone says or does, etc. Avoid that, or atleast try it. Don't go searching for grieving either, then you might get the chance of sticking in it. So seek distraction in an activity that does not require too much concentration (which is often difficult). Watching TV , sports, shopping.Pick up an old hobby again or go do something new. Possibilities enough. DO!
Care of yourself also means taking time for relaxation. Treat your body and your mind calm enough to relax by. Take a warm bath, or a nice long shower, go into a sauna or get even a massage. Also bring your grinding head to rest by (learning) meditate or try mindfulness.
Give yourself time, "Time heals all wounds" is a big cliché, but in the case of bereavement a big truth. With the passage of time and by expressing your emotions and slowly get used to all the new, the rough edges will be less, and then the enduring will be easier aswell. Try to think of that when things are difficult. Every day the wound will heal bit by bit.
I will take my time that it needs to mourn and be sad, it's still fresh. The mourning might take weeks, months or even years, I will take that time and not worry about it. Ofcource I'm still in pain, Wednesday is the funeral, that will be though too and after Wednesday? I will see then what happens, I should not be worried. I probably will always miss Mom and Dad, but I will give it a place one day, when? I don't know, whenever it's time.
