Lenny Kravitz - Calling All Angels

It's tough!

It's tough!

Last night I almost gave up and thought "Let it all be", I didn't want to search for houses and jobs anymore. I wanted to have the feeling of, "It will come by it self'." I had  a feeling of madness aswell, seeing the family having fun with karaoke on Facebook, was a bit tough, but they move on aswell, ofcource, what else can they do, right? I need to move on aswell, but it's so hard! There is so much to do and I don't even know where to start, it's like a huge puzzle!

My wish would be, living somewhere else and start a new life, you know, what I mentioned yesterday, being away from it all, and start a complete new life. No same ol' again. But that sure ain't easy. I didn't plan much today, but at 8:30am, I went again. I really  needed to make a few phonecalls. When I arrived at my Dad's place he was sleeping, sitting straight up on the couch. I snapped my fingers softly and he woke up. 

After the 'hello', and 'how are you?' I asked my Dad if I could use the phone. "Sure", he said, I took the phone in the sleeping room again, otherwise Dad will get annoyed. The first phonecall was the goverment at the Townhall, I wanted to ask them if everything is settled with my citizenship. They said that they were still waiting for a letter, the approving/comferming from the owner of the place where I stay. They have to approve/confirm that I'm living there for a while.

If they get that letter, then everything is settled. I mailed the letter yesterday so that will be alright I guessed. Second I called to 'Gak', the company where I get my monthly money from. And what I was afraid of was true, they stopped paying me a while ago. Like they said at the  goverment, they tried to track me down, but couldn't find me while I was in Canada, then they signed me out automticly as a citizen. 'Gak' got a message from them and stopped my income. The lady on the phone told me to write a letter to us and tell exactly what has happend in Canada.

I knew what to do. One more phonecall to the Doctor, I asked them for counceling, and if that's possible in the state I am now. The doctor told me that you better get a health insurance first before starting with counceling, cause there pretty expensive. I said, "Okay". My Dad knocked on the door and asked me to stop with calling, pffeeww, he really gets on my nerves sometimes. My Dad is deaf, and if you explain him things he doesn't hear it. I putted my coat on and went off. First to the goverment, to see if I can get some income again, cause I don't know how long 'Gak' is gonna take. They told me 2 weeks, first I need to write a letter to them.

I have been to the goverment this week a few times for some extra money, and the guy who's always there knew me. He told me that you can't  get money now, you first need to work things out with the people from 'Gak', "Write that letter, show them you need money", said te guy. I was getting tired and hopeless. I even started to think of Saf and got mad again, I thought, "I really hope she knows what I'm going trough, cause this is more thougher then I expected, this is hell". Saf knows where I'm going trough," but she can't do a thing right now, only wishing and hoping the best for me. 

I knew after the break up that this was going to be hard and difficult, starting a whole new life sure isn't easy. But this hard? No! I was thinking "How could she do this to me"? "What was she thinking". I started to think negative, and that makes the situation heavier, I shouldn't think like that. It's wrong! The guy from the goverment gave me one tip, he told that some councelers are free here. And he gave me an adress. When I got at the adress a doctor told  me that his next appointment is on Monday between 8:30am and 9:30am in the morning. I knew that I wouldn't get help today, so, Monday is perfect.

"One last thing then I'm heading home",  I thought. The health-insurance, I had filled in the papers and the lady behind the desk corrected a few things and then it was all settled. It's a pitty that I don't have a phone, I always have to give my Aunts phone number. And on some file's you can't give your adress cause you don't have one. 


                                                                            

Anyway, I headed home after all that and decided to rest, when I get home. and so I did. I had lunch and went on the laptop. After lunch I wrote the letter to 'Gak', and posted it. I decided to stay home, and just relax. I looked for some jobs or houses on the computer, but that's hard to do, many sites ask for your income, but I don't have one. Or you have to pay, for a comment on a nice house that you just saw. After my Dinner, I gave it all a rest, just chilling with some TV and the laptop, playing some games and watch funny videos.  On facebook my Horoscope said this:

Lately you've been go, go, go. Perhaps it's time to slow down. Be easy on yourself.

I like that, and I will do that, cause I deserve it! It's been a hectic full week, I know I have to hurry with finding a place to stay, but I need my chilling and rest too, tomorrow another day!

Yesterday on Facebook a friend messaged me and told me....

I guess you should have stayed in Holland in the first place as you took a huge risk and from your comments on Facebook you seem homeless...........

The day I went to Canada was the right decison I made then. The word what scared me is 'Homeless', cause if you think of it, yes, I am homeless.... I hope not for long.