Sunday,sunday, sunday.

Sunday, sunday, sunday. 

There's not much to tell about this day, the keyword for this Sunday is and was 'rest.' I felt exhausted, I took two naps. That will do it for today, otherwise I won't sleep tonight. I did my last laundry and that was it actually for this Sunday. Tomorrow I will be working again, I hope that Rob, the one guy who was insulting and nagging at me last Thursday afternoon calmed down. I don't want a afternoon like that again, I had a little burst out, cause I really had enough of him. I can take a few jokes but he went on almost the whole afternoon, not nice. If Rob goes on tomorrow I think it's best to keep it short towards him and then ignore.

Today for the first time I have been looking for houses online, it's not so easy to find a nice house though. Paula told me to look for houses for rent with prices beneath the 500 Euro, well I found a few but in my eyes not enough. I reacted on them, but that doesn't mean I will get the house right away. You can compare it with picking a (house) reacter out of a box. Let's say ten people react on one house, then one reacter who might be the right person for that house is the lucky one. (excuse me for my English explaining, lol) While I was searching for houses online I saw alot of flats to choose, but I have doubts about flats. I know that every flat is different though, and I know also that there are very nice flats aswell. But still.

Either way I made a start with looking for houses, and that's pretty good I think. It's a step forward but I could use some help, upcomming Wednesday I have the next appointment with Paula, perhaps she can help me searching or give me tips. It's also a problem that I don't know the city Enschede that well, I know the way a bit, but if people would tell me a streetname then I don't have a clue where it is. And I don't know what kinda neighborhood it is, is it full of crime? Or is it a nice neighborhood, or maybe a poor neighborhood? I don't know all this. Maybe I should have a look one day in Enschede. 


Still I'm a bit nervous to live on my own again, it's difficult to describe why I am nervous. It's like a said a next step forward, I have been here at Humanitas for five months now. At Humanitas you have most of the time people around you, just like I had most of the time people around me in Canada. It will be different when I have a place for myself again being alone, I can be alone cause I have been for years alone, but do I want that? Or do I want to have people around me again? Yes and no, let's say a bit of both. It's good for me to communicate with others, having people around me. I have to build up my friend connections, starting with new friends or new collegas. 


But how do you do such thing? You join a club or a sport and then ask someone, "You wanna be my friend?" LOL! Naah, I think it just happens. Ofcource I have to get out more and join that club or sport or whatever. Sigh! Sometimes I think to myself, "Yes! Let's do it! Find that nice house and enjoy your build up life again, achieve your goals!" But sometimes I think, "Ugh! I don't feel too, let me be alone." It's the sad thoughts I have sometimes of the proces I'm going trough, that negative thought of, "I had it all, a nice house, living on my own," then the journey to Canada, to a lovely Family and a lovely girlfriend, it's all I ever dreamed off, I had it all, but I blew it!" "And now I'm here, pulled away from that lovely family and that lovely girlfriend. And it all went so fast, it's not fair."


Ofcource I know I should not think that way, but sometimes it goes by itself. Hopefully these negative thoughts will vanish, I'm sure it will, cause I know these thoughts WON'T help me further. I'm sure aswell that Saf will like it when I'm all settled and reach for the goals what I want to achieve, and be happy again. I should be proud of myself what I achieved already, and I am! Then again, I want to take it slow without any rush, overlook things so I can see what is good and what is wrong.