Two more days... Two more nights...
Today went fine, although I feel it's coming closer, I feel nerves and have a kind of a sad feeling, it feels heavy on my chest. These two and half years went by so fast, can you believe it? I have been two and a half year in Canada, Hellooo! I have been called Daddy many times, sang many (or tried to) songs whit karaoke, spend alot of time with the Family, I can go on forever and forever. It's been heavy tough the last two months, the break up was hard on me, sometimes I ask myself "Was it good to stay here after the break up?" Yes and no, it was tough for both of us that's for sure. I wanted to solve things in the beginning, wanted to proof something, wanted a good time until I had a place to stay, I wanted to much the last two months.
I sure was a pain sometimes towards Saf, I never experienced a break up. I feel sorry for Saf, and for myself. It just wasn't easy, suffering a break up and in the mean time thinking and struggling to get money together for a flight and looking for a place to stay, and the many other things I had to deal with. Oh my, oh my!! There was some news from the couple where I will be staying with, they sent me their address, and they told me not to worry. Aswell my Aunt send me a message saying, not to worry, everything will be fine. I asked them for their phone number, it will come in handy when I'm at the train station in Holland.
Today went fine, although I feel it's coming closer, I feel nerves and have a kind of a sad feeling, it feels heavy on my chest. These two and half years went by so fast, can you believe it? I have been two and a half year in Canada, Hellooo! I have been called Daddy many times, sang many (or tried to) songs whit karaoke, spend alot of time with the Family, I can go on forever and forever. It's been heavy tough the last two months, the break up was hard on me, sometimes I ask myself "Was it good to stay here after the break up?" Yes and no, it was tough for both of us that's for sure. I wanted to solve things in the beginning, wanted to proof something, wanted a good time until I had a place to stay, I wanted to much the last two months.
I sure was a pain sometimes towards Saf, I never experienced a break up. I feel sorry for Saf, and for myself. It just wasn't easy, suffering a break up and in the mean time thinking and struggling to get money together for a flight and looking for a place to stay, and the many other things I had to deal with. Oh my, oh my!! There was some news from the couple where I will be staying with, they sent me their address, and they told me not to worry. Aswell my Aunt send me a message saying, not to worry, everything will be fine. I asked them for their phone number, it will come in handy when I'm at the train station in Holland.
The days started as usual, waking the kids up for school, and get them ready. Saf was awake but tired, Tam was up aswell, her daughter was sick, poor thing. The three of us talked a bit in the living room, it was comfy. Saf told me last night that she told Tasn (the 7 year old) about our break up. She took it well, and I was thinking she will burst out in tears or yells, "I don't want Daddy to leave!" Tasn asked her Mom that when Daddy is in Holland if we could use the webcams then on the computer? Saf answered, "Ofcource we can." Tasn even asked if Mommy and Daddy still can be good friends. Saf answered again, "Ofcource, and Daddy will come to Canada to visit us sometimes, and we will go to Holland to visit Daddy. I'm gonna miss Tasn! I have taken photo's from her with me in my suitcase.
It was a day with many thoughts, and strangely enough I'm ready to go. Maybe the two last months was needed. I'm ready to go back to Holland, I'm tired, tired of argues, tired to be on my hood, tired of being carefull and screw up either way, tired of being in this situation, I can go on and on. I want to chill and do funny things instead of walking around with a broken heart, or thinking of everything what I have to arrange before the flight. I don't want bad feelings anymore I just want rest, and I'm sure Saf feels the same way too. I guess there will be a big sigh from both of us when I'm in the plane. I was afraid to be heart broken when I will be back in Holland but, I think it will go okay. All I want is to remain friends, close friends, cause two and a half years is sure not nothing. If I have that settled for the both of us and for the kids then I can go home with a big smile on my face.
The day went on, and I needed a nap. I was able to, cause Tam and her daughter were resting, Saf is sleeping and Ab is downstairs after a hard cry, LOL! He wanted to go to Mommy but was not alowed, they had to calm him down with two persons, wow! After my nap I weigh my suitcases, cause their so heavy. I'm afraid that with the check in for the flight, they wont take my luggage. It was hard to do, I need to put some clothing in boxes, and ask Saf to ship them. Don't forget my WHOLE wardrobe is here in Canada. I putted some old clothing and clothing what I almost never wear in large boxes. Sigh, there still heavy, I will have to pay more money with the check in if there to heavy.
I'm nearly done with packing, I think Saturday evening I will pack the last things. I'm still hoping on one more 'karaoke' night with Saf and perhaps Tam, Saf is free tomorrow night. Wow, just one more day and then I'm off. Sunday afternoon I will be heading off, together with Saf to the airport. Mar told me she's coming too, and that disappointed me, cause I would like to have a little time with Saf, just before I leave, I would like to talk openly instead of being on my hood what to say, if Mar is with us. I spoke to Saf about it this morning and she understood. Just before I leave I have a little present for her waiting until she comes back and a letter. Can you say sushi? Saf, Tam and Cle planned a nice dinner for this afternoon, there going out to Goodwill and then eat sushi.
aswell, I hope the Family does well after I'm gone, I really wish the best for them. They sure have a special place in my heart, even tough they can be a pain sometimes, LOL! But hey, I was sure a pain to sometimes! Were all human, and not robots, we have feelings and thoughts aswell, right? !
Memories!
There was that time that Cle wanted to make a huge banana shake. She loves to do such things, and is all excited. I was upstairs while she was prepairing the banana shake.
Cle was done with her banana shake, but all of a sudden she yelled trough the kitchen, "EEEEEEWWWWYYY!" "THIS TASTE SALTY, WHO PUTTED SALT IN THE SUGAR POT!?"
I could hear her clearly and blushed while I went downstairs. We get sometimes free sugar and salt in little bags, but it never says on it , what is the sugar or what is the salt, you have to taste it.
My bad, cause I thought the one bag was sugar and I dumped it in the sugarpot. Sigh!
