Looking back...
If I look back a year now on my last birthday, 1 February 2011, alot has changed I tell ya! My gosh! Last year I was waiting for 'my old' counselor to bring me to Humanitas for the first time. But before that...
1 February 2011.
"...This week I need a message back from Humanitas, if not? Then I'm in BIG trouble. Cause I will be homeless then. I did some research on the internet for intstantions who can help me out when your homeless and don't have money. Searching to long for that makes me depresive and not able to look any further."
"The stories of other homeless people on the internet is to much to handle, it makes me think, "Why me"? "I don't want this"! "Is this reality?" It sure is reality , and I have still so much to do, but first thing to do is to find a roof over my head this week . Today I will call with 'Gak' again. I'm already guessing what they will say, "Sorry Sir, your letter didn't recieve yet, can you call again in five days?" Sigh."
"I was thinking of other Family members who I can maybe call and ask for a place to stay, but those Family members I haven't spoke in years. And then to ask them would be akward, and how on earth do you ask something like that? So much to concern, I hope I have better news in the afternoon,cause I need to cheer up this blog! Don't worry it's comming! It will come. And it came."
"I opened my mailbox and saw the counseler's mail, he wanted me to call him back right away, it was important! I took my coat and ran to the office of the summer camping, I asked for a phone and called my counseler, he had good news. He told me that Humanitas wanted me tomorrow early in the morning! I couldn't believe it, and got a bit nerves but felt aswell excited. "This is so all of a sudden," I thought. I need time to relax and prepair myself first when such things happen, but there was not much time. This is a next step forward for sure."
"After the phonecall I spoke right away to the lady of the farm, cause this was my last chance to talk to her, tomorrow early in morning I will be gone. I needed to pay her but I can't, she knows about my situation and she knows I can't pay but she asked me anyway. I told her I can't but I will for sure pay you before the weekend. The lady had doubts first, but agreed later. I felt sorry, cause if I would have the money I would pay her. It feels bad that it has to be like this. I'm sure going to pay her, no matter what! How? I don't know."
"Early up for me tomorrow, suitcases are packed, I'm actually ready to go. What can I expect there? I don't know and I will see, I know I can't stay here. What about internet? I don't know either, I hope they have internet. Keeping contact with my friends is important for me aswell,and writting in the blog to keep you guys informed.... For now I will say, perhaps see you at Humanitas or elsewhere, we sure will keep in touch!
I'm ready for my next step trough this proces.... Are you with me?"
And there I went the next day, with my packed suitcases heading off to Humanitas, leaving the place where I spent six weeks waiting and struggling to get everything done. I spent six weeks in a summer's house and that joke costed me 40 Euro's a day. And I had no money to pay these six weeks. There was more what still needed to be done, no health insurance, no Doctor, no income, ect, ect. And then there was the Dentist and my Dad...
January 2011.
"Before I went to the dentist I went to my Dad, he just had a nice lunch. When I came in, the nurse came with cookies and coffee, we both took some. Dad eats to much but his weight is still okay. Dad is getting old, he wanted to take a candy out of a candy bag, and it took him almost more then 5 minutes. He has always the TV on watching the news, I looked aswell and was thinking of things. Things what made me feel down, a sad mood came over me. I was thinking of the future, and what will happen this week. The thinking made it not easier when I looked at my Dads picture frames. He has alot of pictures still of Saf and me and the kids. Looking at the pictures made me think of them, I thought to myself, "How did it ever came so far?" I miss them still! I really had a good time there, I was loved. I longed for hugging the little ones, Ab and specially Tasn. I nearly cried and I wanted to leave."
"But it was way to early for the dentist appointment. I sat a little while in the bathroom, just to be alone. I don't like these moments, it's hard to let your tears run, it sure would be a relief, if I was at home I sure would cry cause I was close to crying. It's not easy when you been a part of a loving family, and the all of a sudden alone. I guess I have to blame myself. I saw my Dad was concerned aswell, I think he now realizes what's going on with me. He would like to help me out, but he just can't. On a certain moment he stood up and wanted to go downstairs. I asked him where he was going, and he said, "Downstairs, are you comming?" "Sure," I said. It was a bit akward that Dad so all of a sudden went downstairs. He's concerned, I can tell. When we got downstairs, he told me, "I will see you tomorrow." I said, "Alright." And off I went to the grocery store, then off to the dentist. It was cold out and I wished I brought my gloves."
Gak, monthly income.
January 2011.
"Time to call Gak, I wasn't even nerves cause I was guessing already what they would say. And I was right. A lady picked up the phone and told me the same story again, the letter did not come yet, it takes five work days till a letter arrives, call back Friday. Sigh! They became to sound like parrots, I wanna bet if I call them back on Friday, they still don't have the letter. Even when I would bring the letter to them I swear they will do nothing with it. I was about to give up! I called my counseler to tell him about the phonecall to Gak."
Gak, monthly income.
January 2011.
"Time to call Gak, I wasn't even nerves cause I was guessing already what they would say. And I was right. A lady picked up the phone and told me the same story again, the letter did not come yet, it takes five work days till a letter arrives, call back Friday. Sigh! They became to sound like parrots, I wanna bet if I call them back on Friday, they still don't have the letter. Even when I would bring the letter to them I swear they will do nothing with it. I was about to give up! I called my counseler to tell him about the phonecall to Gak."
"He was angry aswell and he asked me what I done lately.I told him that I was still looking for houses and places, and still looking for jobs. My counseler wanted to make a phonecall again with the goverment. And he told me he will call back later. I waited 30 minutes and decided to go home, cause I knew the counseler will send me a mail later. When I arrived at home I opened my laptop, and saw alot of birthdays wishes on Facebook. It does me good when people think of me and that they concern, even though they far away."
There was so much going on in that time, so many sighs and so many frustrations. It was a hell of job with lot's of ups and downs, more downs then ups in the beginning. But I made it, don't ask me how, but I did, with some help and with the support and good advices from my friends across the world. I'm still not there yet, but I sure wouldn't wanna tray with what I have now, if I compare it with last year. I'm curious what they have in mind tomorrow with work, lol. Are they really gonna make a birthday hat? And do I really have to wear it if they do? LOL! I expect tomorrow aswell and answer from my Boss about the 'staying or going.' Today she came back from her vacation.
I have no clue what to think about it, it's still 50/50 for me. I would be so happy though if they hire me, but still, oh well, I will hear it prolly tomorrow or next week. While I'm writing this post I'm waiting for some visitors, a few residents will drop by. But they told me there car broke down, and that they will come on there bikes. Hmm, I will see about that though, cause it's freezing outside, tempature is minus 12 at the moment. Not that a pleasant bike ride. Funny and nice that the cooking crew at the 'free dinner,' sung for me cause of my birthday tonight, lol. Nice! It was a nice day this day, nice and relaxing. Did I feel that it was my birthday? Eermm, yeah, a bit, I felt a little sparkle. Good day, Sjon-shine!
