"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."
A new day, a new dawn, a new beginning. It's a sign on a painting somewhere in the hallway of Humanitas, everytime I pass it I read it. This morning I red it too cause I had an appointment with Paula. Our weekly appointment, she always takes two hours for her residents. Every resident has his or her own counselor, otherwise it gets to much for one counselor. Paula was busy, she told me that her husband was worried about her and he told her that she had to take it easy this morning. Paula is two weeks pregnant, I told her that I would have say the same thing. Every husband should be more worried or be more considerate then ussual when your wife is pregnant, right? I know I would be, when I saw Paula running from left to right I told her aswell to take it easy. But she knew what she was doing, she was only two weeks pregnant, nothing to be worried about already.
The appointment was going well, there was not much to talk about. Everything is going smooth, I should congrate myself cause I'm officially guilt free! YAY!! Now it's only focusing on a house for myself and get my living stuff together. I will be searching online for houses, with that I will get the best chance for a house. The searching will be in two cities, Hengelo and Enschede. Enschede would be very nice, it's such a nice city. It has culture, antique, nostalgion and many shops, I always call it 'little Amsterdam.' Hengelo is nice aswell but Hengelo is just not Enschede. Enschede has more options then Hengelo. So yeah, I'm crossing my fingers on Enschede. Although Almelo (the city where I live now) would be nice too, cause I know this city a bit now. It's been a long while since I been to Enschede, I should go there one day just to have a look again.
I spent two hours with Paula and it was nice being with her, I told her aswell about my mini little afair with Ina. She really didn't expect that I would fall for Ina, and me kissing her? That was so not me, Paula told me. Well, Ina started with the kissing and I stopped her cause I had doubts. And falling for her, hmm, I think it was more the attention and the warmth she gave me that evening I fell for, I missed the warmth and the attention. I learned my lesson and one thing I surely learned was that I'm not ready yet for a relationship. And second, Ina is 'no way' my type. Ina is nice and funny, we get along well, but that's it. When Paula heard my story about Ina and me she told me that I am 'considerate,' in a good way. "But," Paula told me, "Don't be to considerate." I knew what she mean.
Memories~
You know what I notice lately? That my memories of the time being in Canada seems to fade away, or am I just thinking that? I have been focusing alot on my future the last four or five months and it seems I forgot about my time in Canada, I'm not thinking about that time anymore that much and the funny thing is, it worries me, lol! I have been almost two years in Canada! Hello! That's been for me a miracle! Me, almost been knowhere, never travelled so far, almost always spending time alone. Just a few friends and my Dad. If you would have told me four years ago that I would travel to Canada spending almost two years with a nice lady and her five kids, I would have laughed so hard, I wouldn't have believe it. I had a great time, and it is/(would be) a shame that my memories of that time in Canada, spending time with that Family would fade away.
I still love them and care about them, although Saf and I are seperated. I will not forgot them! I know aswell we won't be together again. But that doesn't mean I have to forget them and forget my time in Canada. Canada was my great adventure, Saf's Family was a bless! They will always have a special place in my heart. I will continue building up my life again, and I'm already so far. I never would have thought I could manich this all, but I did! Were not there yet, but that will come. I'm on a journey and will not sit on my bum like I use to do, I have goals that I want to achieve. And on my journey to these goals I will take the memories of my time in Canada and my time with Saf, Ab, Tasn, Mar, Noor and Cle! Love you still guys!
"In memory's telephoto lens, far objects are magnified." ~John Updike.
