"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts."

"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts."

Just my luck today, I saw a nice TV cabinet on a selling site last night and I messaged the seller. This morning I confirmed with him about the price, and he brought the cabinet in the early afternoon. Like, woot! The new TV looks nice on the cabinet, I'm happy with it, and even more happier with the TV. Installing it was a piece of cake, plugged it in and on the screen apeared a menu, all I had to do is take the remote control, follow the screen and push 'ok' sometimes. The TV progammed everything automaticly, I was done in 10 minutes. 

It's Saturday already, the time flies sometimes. Again it was a nice day out, fully sun and a clear blue sky. But it felt colder, if it's gets colder this comming week I will think about putting my winter jacket on. The colder and darker days are comming again, days that you will have to make it comfy in house. I'm happy with my TV and my computer, sometimes I do like to solve crossword puzzles or word searcher, I bought a few puzzle magazines last week. I'm aware that  I need people around me aswell, specially with the months what are ahead of me. My Dad used to call them. "Dark days before Christmas." Almost sounds like a reading book, lol.

Yeah, I had a little bit of a down moment today, just 'beng' there it came. Then I got to choose, stay in that moment  and keep thinking that I feel a bit lonely at the moment, or I'll try to do something what keep my lonely thoughts away. I had lots to do but I felt exhausted, so I choosed the first option, stay in that moment that I felt a bit lonely. Afterwards I prolly feel that this 'moment' was needed aswell, I see it as a bit of getting rid of my grieving,  it's still a  proces aswell. Escaping from these sometimes lonely moments is not always good, you have to get trough them sometimes. Another thing is that I think it's good to get started with searching for things that helps me not feeling lonely, Things like visiting a libary,or join a cursus, look for things ahead to do these comming months.


I'm not worried, sometimes having these moments just happens, it hurts but I'll get over it. Second thing what I thought of today, the last 10 months I have been trough alot, but I managed it. I achieved alot cause I had to, there was no other option. I'm aware that I'm acapable of more things then I thought I was, now, why didn't I do the things what Saf wanted from me. like getting a job, or get out more by myself, etc, etc. I know, it's a akward thought thinking this now, it was tough finding a job in Canada, specially when your ilegal,  and having a Dutch passport. So, yeah it was a struggle and difficult, but didn't I had it difficult the last 10 months? I did manage.


I shouldn't be even thinking about this now, I'm here now and I build up my life again. What if this and what if that, right? I should have done this and I should have done that. Being aware that I'm acapable of more things then I thought I was makes me wanna think of the time in Canada, thinking of the thought 'it was tough getting a job.' And it was tough, so there! Saf wanted me to 'man up,' I can say I manned up pretty much lately, why didn't I man up then? I guess I learned my lesson, and I will take this lesson with me in a/my new relationship. But ugh! Thinking back.... Maybe I should have done that different and... Sigh! Never mind! This is now and I'm here now... Just one of the moments...  


With the new day comes new strenght and new thoughts, YES!