CPR, yes, no.

CPR, yes, no. 

The huge Christmas tree in Nijverdal, Dad's village.

I have been tired today, although I had two naps. I could feel it was my thyroid bothering me, that's a sign for me to schedule a appointment this week for a blood test for the thyroid. It's about time aswell, I think it has been already three or four moments since I did a blood test. So yeah, I think coming Wednesday or Friday is perfect for that. After my first little nap I took of towards dad, that was about time aswell, it's been three weeks since my last visit. The long walk towards Dad was tough, I was glad I arrived. Dad welcomed as ussual, "Hey, Sjonnie boy." He was eating his lunch/dinner, on the menu today was marcaroni. I bought Dad a Christmas bucket and myself some Christmas ornaments, they were a good price. 

One of the Christmas ornaments I bought today.

 Dad had already a few more Christmas decorations, a little Christmas tree, and I liked the Christmas card holder. He had already recieved a few cards, not mine yet, but that will come soon. Dad needed to sign a paper aswell, Dad's nurse asked me to do that two weeks ago. I told her that I hadn't had time then, but will show up a few weeks later. That was okay, there was no rush with the autograph. The autograph was needed for the evulation rapport, My Dad needed a autograph in his evaluation rapport, Dad's nurse write daily or weekly in this rapport. And in the end of the month my Dad needs to sign it.Today I signed it, and the nurse told me that I may look at it first, and so I did. Now, I saw a few things what the nurse has been writing this week what I didn't like....

Though looking trough the evulation reports is nice to get a update from Dad, but did I see what I didn't like? My Dad's nurse and his Doctor have been asking Dad..."If you get a heart attack or you get something else life treathen, do we need to practice CPR on you then?" My Dad answered, "no". Now, I know my Dad has been from  the day my Mom died in 2000 untill now not in a pleasant mood and specially the first two or three years after my Mom died. He wanted to end his life many times, though they were just words. But still he has been saying it so now and then, though not as often as back then. It's like he says it automaticly, like he's used to it saying it, even without a meaning. 

So, I think when the Doctor asked him about the 'CPR,' he just randomly responed with a no. Dad's 'no' statement confussed me, scared me and dissapointed me, I asked myself, "Is Dad the only one who can make that decision, or do I have to say something about it aswell?" Yeah, I didn't agree with Dad's decision, but after I asked a good friend of mine on Facebook I think of it differently. In our country it's the law saying that my Dad makes that decision, and that's period, Aswell, IF I had the oppertunity to say something about the Dad's CPR then it wouldn't be fair anway to say 'yes' to CPR. When people get older they generally want to go when it's God's time to say go. 

They are tired and don't want to go trough CPR. CPR is wonderfull if the person is still young and has a long life ahead of them. It's Dad's choice ans wish, even though it's painfull and hurtfull to me, I have to respect his wishes. (My friend's words) Respect! When I was reading the CPR thing, it felt a bit shocking, scary and it struggled a whole afternoon trough my head, I didn't want to loose my Dad. But I got to respect his choice, so yeah.......