A little bit confused and a little bit exhausted...

 A little bit confused and a little bit exhausted...

Let's start with the exhausting part. Today it wasn't my plan to go again for another bike ride, But I went. The same route as yesterday, and almost the same weather. Yes! I went again to Nijverdal, because last night my Aunt sent me a mail, she told me that today 'they' went to my Dad's place, and Dad had a mail recieved from Gak for me. In the mail Gak confirmed with my monthly money, and according to my Aunt it was quit a big sum of money. I thought, okay, that's nice, but why did Gak sent the post to my Dad's address?

I had Gak on the phone last Friday and they told me that they confirmed and then they asked me, where to send the mail to. I told them, to humanitas, but still they sent mail to my Dad's address, there sure is something going wrong. I was a little bit confused today aswell, I know at Humanitas you have to show a good attitude, show them that your willing to work on your future, be positive. I did that in the beginning, but then they told  me to relax. They will take care of things aswell, I dont have to do all the things alone. It confuses me cause now I don't know what to do, or where to start, I like to do things.

So, I decided to go to my Dad, I had not much to do anyway. I will get the mail,  stay there for a little while and come back. In that way I show a good attitude towards Humanitas I guess, plus I make a further start with my life. (If Gak starts with paying then every other thing can start aswell, Gak is the engine, for taking of) I felt good and I started my trip, I had the wind in my back and off I went. In a no time I was at my Dad's , I greeted him, and he told me about the mail.When I red the mail, it didn't make sense to me what so ever. I had to read it a few times, and again a few times.


Gak is going to pay for me a amount of money every month. With that amount of money I have to pay Humanitas aswell. Oh well, I will just say what I will get monthly, I get 509 Euro in the month, at humanitas you have to pay rent, and that will be 767 Euro. So, 767  Euro-500 Euro is les then 0 Euro, With the less then 0 Euro I have to pay my insurances aswell. I was a bit confused after this, cause less then 0 Euro isn't enough. I called with Gak at my Dad's and ask them to explain me the mail one more time. And so they did, and the mail was correct. I will have to talk to Humanitas, cause I felt like I was robbed. I needed more Money then the 509 Euro I'm getting monthly.

The way back to Almelo was tough, this time no wind in the back. "Never again two times in two days biking this piece," I thought. I was dead exhausted when I arrived at Humanitas, later on in the afternoon a secretary from the downstairs office asked me for the mail from Gak.  She's a nice lady, she's leading me trough this project. After reading it I asked her to explain the mail for me, and she did. I asked her why I'm getting only 509 Euro from Gak, I have to pay rent here aswell, I can't afford that. She answered, "That money you have to pay for your staying here, is not only rent." She went on with telling me that, if I would rent a house you also have to pay not only for rent, there's insurance, gass, electricity aswell.

I can get an little 'extra' amount of money, said the secretary. Cause if your under the minimum wage, you can get a little bit extra to get the exact wage, If I'm above the wage, then I can't get it. So, I have to ask for that little extra money, that means I have to fill in some forms and send it to Social Services here in this city.  I filled it in right away with her in her office and sent it. Confused? One more time, Gak is paying me every month a amount of money, with that money I'm paying for my staying at Humanitas aswell. (rent) The rest of what's left is mine, I can buy clothing or what ever is needed. I will still be getting the 40 Euro every week from Humanitas for food. 

I filled in a form for a little bit of extra money (minimum wage) and sent it to Social Services, I sure will hear from them again.There is still much more to do, and when I think of it, my head will be a mess afterwards. So, I will  just take it slowly, and live day by day. I have no idea yet where I want to live either, and I don't know what Humanitas is upto with me. But I know that they will help me out with something good. There is a working place near Humanitas, called Reha, and some guys here were sent there to work. You don't get payed, the work will just help them to get back in the society. Maybe I will be send there too, I will just see what happens. You can see it aswell as a day-filling.


How am I doing? I'm okay I guess, a month ago I couldn't look at pictures from Saf and her kids. I would let a tear or feel miserable, but now I can just look at it, and think of the good memories, and think to myself, "They are not gone." Sure I still miss them, and I always will, but, I also need to move on. I'm sure will see Saf and the kids again one day, or more days.  It's a good feeling to know I can. You know, I like it like this,  how Saf and I talk so now and then whenever we have time, or a little chat with her kids, it feels good. We both are moving on after our break up, each in their own ways, but we never forget!