Getting along...
After a quit good sleep I woke up in the morning wondering what time it was. I sure need a clock, LOL! I had to open the laptop to check the time. At 9:15 am it's coffee time in the big living room, it's normal to show up then and I wanted to be there. Still I need time to adjust a little, but the people here are nice and friendly. This place here gives me a little boost forward. I didn't expect that, I'm surprised. And how I get along here does surprise me aswell, I thought I wasn't that a talker, but I sure talk. Maybe it's the fact that I was on my own for the last few weeks, feeling stressed and nerves, and the fact I wanted to be here and now I'm actually here. I'm moving forward slowly, and it feels good.
So, yeah we have two times a day a coffee moment, one at 8:30 am one at 11:30 am. I didn't do much today, I helped out with a bed frame what had to go downstairs, piece of cake, I had three big movements in Canada, so what's one little bed frame? I went to the government here in the city,to sign myself in as a citizen of Almelo, "It's better and easier for you," said a office member Humanitas who came with me. I make a good chance to stay here longer, said the office member. Cause I'm now in a crisis moment, and usually the next following thing to that is the 24-hour placement, so,that's good to hear. And further I don't have much to tell, only tomorrow I will get my bike back.
My Aunt and uncle are picking me up and bring me to their house, they picked up the bike from the summer house place where I have been, and putted my bike in their garage. I will have to ride the bike to Almelo. Besides using the bike in Almelo, I will ride to my dad so now and then aswell, it will be a far trip but that's alright. I'm a little bit concerned about the future, cause when I think of all the stuff I need to do, to build everything up again, it sure is alot. But step by step. Tonight after dinner, I had a missing moment again, such missing moments are hard. I'm thinking back of how it was, playing around with the kids, was my favorite thing to do, I sure miss Tasn, sigh!
We spend so much time together, putting her to bed, riding our bikes, or just go to the park. Sigh! I was a Dad, and that felt good! I feel like I failed in the relationship between me and Saf, I have the feeling that I wanna proof myself. That I CAN be a good husband, without the little argues and complains. I'm sure I can do it now, I had to learn it, getting used to it. Cause it was new. My life has been turned upside down in these 3 years and it was needed. I was stuck in my life and needed a kick in the butt! And that's what happened, but in a good way. Every time the kids called me "Daddy", I smiled. Everytime Saf yelled from downstairs,"honey, dinner is ready"! I thought, Yes! This is what I want!
It just feels good, you know, that family feeling. It's gone now and I'm missing it terribly. I know now for sure, and don't say no! That the family I had back in Canada, such Family I will never find again, cause they are special, there survivors. I love them all! Ab, Tasn, Mar, Noor, Cle, Dako, Saf, I love you guys!! And always will!!
