A bit of a ugh!/Damn!/Sigh! Day...

A bit of a ugh!/Damn!/Sigh! Day...

Sometimes we have them all, those days that you feel like ugh! And sigh! Sometimes without any reason, but I had a reason to feel ugh and sigh today. While riding to work I got to hear from a resident from Humanitas that I will get a new neighbor soon, he's a resident from Humanitas and his name is Bob. I wasn't happy with that, now Bob is a friendly guy who waited almost for one and a half year for a house for himself at Humanitas, let's say he deserves it more then anyone. Bob is a bit younger then me, Bob is also a drinker, and when he drinks he gets loud and rough. Bob has alot of friends and they visit him so now and then, he has aswell friends from Humanitas, who I know too.They will be visiting him too.

Bob is nice when he doesn't drink, but when he drinks, yeah I just mentioned it, he will be loud and rough in his attitude. I dislike that, I seen enough of that attitude while living at Humanitas. I would like to avoid those kinda people, I would like to close that page. I mentioned it aswell towards my counselor Paula a month ago, and she even wrote it down in my end rapport.  Here's a little piece of the end rapport... 

...Sjon is worried if he will be strong/assertive enough in the comming future to leave the old residents out of his house. They might be comming for a visit or for whatever. Sjon lived at Humanitas for eight months, in these eight months he had always people around him, he talked and spent time with them. It's normal then he will get visits from old residents, he will try to avoid some or most of them. Help is needed....

Paula wrote this part but paula was also the one who told Bob there was a house free in the street where I live, and in the same building/complex where I live. Hmm! I know the housing corporation has a part of this aswell, the housing corporation offered Bob this house, Paula was the one who told Bob the (good) news. This news made me feel a bit sick the whole day, I was tired and felt like I had a brick on my chest. Yeah, I dislike it when Bob comes, I would dislike it aswell if any resident would come live near me, uhm, no that's not true, I'm overeacting now. Sigh!

But still, like I said, I closed the page Humanitas, I would like to continue my life from here on. Ofcource I see the old residents daily, I can't stop that, but that's the line. In my own house and area I would like to live on my own without them, having my own privacy. It's not that I dislike the old residents, but like I said, I closed that page! At work thinking of this made me feel a bit sick, I was annoyed and quiet aswell. I even told it my Boss, he told me he understood it a 100%, "You should inform this to your new counselor, talk about it with him," My Boss told me. And I sure will do that. During the day I already was thinking ahead, thinking of Bob and his friends knocking at my door at 2:00 am being drunk, and asking me to go with them for a drink. 

I'm a terrible 'no' sayer, I'm just not asserive enough with these people. Telling 'no' to such people feels like a insult for them. These are my thoughts and I think I'm close that I'm right, I spend eight months with them, I know them. Ofcource I thinking way ahead, Bob is not even living here yet. Ugh, what a day, maybe it will be a good assertive lesson for me, lol. Learning to say no, to Bob. And what can the housing corporation say? No? You can't live there, cause Sjon wants privacy?  And what can Paula do? Nothing actually. Still it bothers me and worries me. And I shouldn't even worry or let it bother me, I know. 

I will discuse this up comming Wednesday with my new counselor, let's see what he says or thinks about it. Maybe more people from Humanitas will come living here in this building, If that's gonna happen, I will move again, thoughts, thoughts, STOP thinking ahead Sjon! On top of that my counselor at work, (who's following me trough this working project and looks for work for me) might had a job for me, but in another village! Sigh, I thought, "Here we go again." The village where the job is is in 'Albergen,  almost 45 minutes with a bike. The work I had to do is in a sawmill, that's heavy work. And I told my work counselor already what kinda work I'm able off, he knows my background from the inside and outside.He knows every detail and he knows what I want.

And still he choosed heavy work where I have to ride my bike to in 45 minutes, I had many people searching for jobs for me, and many of them did 'such' things, mostly choosing the wrong job. In the end I will go there and do the work I have to do, but I'm sure will end up being tired and quit the job.  My work counselor had a look today at the sawmill, and prolly he will inform me about his visit tomorrow. I will tell him though that it's to far for me with a bike and that the work for me is to heavy. I can always have a look though, without looking ahead and already give a opinion. I will hear it tomorrow. I was not feeling well about the 'Bob' news this morning, that's why I gave already to fast a opinion in my head for the job the counselor had for me.

Back from work I felt a bit better about the situation,  (Bob) I thought to much ahead. Wednesday I will discus it with my new counselor, and further, oh well, I will see what happens next. I had a nice free dinner again at the church, still feeling a bit so so aboutn this morning. Seeing some of the homeless people at dinner made the feeling a bit stronger, I had it a bit with the people I met and saw at Humanitas, now I need my privacy. Surely I will see them so now and then, that's fine, but there's a line. And for tomorrow, I'm looking forward to work, that's a good thing.