And then suddenly it hits you...

And then suddenly it hits you...

No work today, a nice day to rest and taking it easy. It's funny and nice that I look forward to things, like tomorrow's work, and even today's coffee break at 9:15 am. I'm happy that I have such things daily, it fills the day and the week. And sometimes a little rest by laying on the bed or chilling behind the computer, I need that aswell. I don't feel forced to do things, not from me and not from another. Otherwise it doesn't feel good when you have to do things to not get the sad thoughts. Forcing yourself to do things to not get the 'sad thoughts' or 'lonely feelings' doesn't work.

In the morning I always wake up early, don't know why. Usually 6:00 or 6:30, then I'm out of bed. Turn my laptop on and take my thyroid medication, and then later on breakfast. Maybe it's just the routine what I have, I'm liking it though. Today I sent the gi'cough'ft, by mail. I don't want to say it out loud, that's why the 'cough,' it need to be a suprise for that someone. It was a relief when I finally sent it, I always get a bit nerves with such things.

Today I got the new key aswell, I think the staff got a bit fed up with me ringing 3 or 4 times a day the front doorbell. I got me a new key chain from one of the residents here, so I wont loose it again. The key costed me 45 Euro, sigh! Further the day went well, it was alot colder then yesterday though, a strong cold wind brought the tempature down. 

I had some down moments aswell today, the first one hitted me this morning after the coffee break. Suddenly it hits you, five minutes before I was having fun, and then suddenly, 'beng.' You feel sad then and a bit lonely, thinking of Saf of how she is doing, or the kids, how they are. I know Saf is seeing someone, and yeah, it hurts so now and then. Sometimes I can handle it and then I think '"Whatever," or "She's moving on, and it's fine with me, she's happy." I'm moving on aswell. And yeah, sometimes aswell I have my sad thoughts, then I think, "Saf's happy now with the other one, that other one was once me." 

The last three months were horrible between Saf and me, I was so confussed and tried everything to be calm and just to let it go, but it was to hard. I can't really explain it how I felt then, or what I feel at the moment when Saf is with the other one, I can't put it in words. But I can tell you it hurts so now and then, like I said, sometimes I'm fine with it, and sometimes, ugh! It's aswell an upsetting or sad feeling when I'm thinking, that I'm here trying the hardest to build up my entire life, and Saf is having fun with another man. I never experienced a break up, and I guess this is just the way it goes. Saf is moving on with her life, and she can do whatever she wants, and I can do the same.


I know this takes time and I know I can get trough this, cause I already have moments that I'm just fine with it. Although I'm feeling sometimes fine with it, I made an appointment this comming Friday with my counseler in Nijverdal. He's also the one who made it happen that I got to Humanitas. I made the appointment just to need that little extra help with my so now and then sad and lonely thoughts, there's nothing wrong with that. It will only make me better and stronger. Right?  


I'm ready for my brand new future!