"Your doing well, I think it's time to look for a place for yourself," said my counselor Linda this early afternoon. I had a little meeting with her today in the office. I was suprised to hear what she said, and I wasn't expecting it to hear that. I'm busy with the things I need to do and in the mean time many things are happening around me here , I'm like a old train that goes on and on. Sometimes I stop to have a look how far I am, but not so often. I'm able now to start with looking for a place for myself, I should be dancing and be happy, happy that I have achieve things, I can be proud of myself. And, I am proud, and most proud I am that I stood trough these last five months and how. But happy? Hmm, yes I am, but aswell I feel these akward nerves. When Linda told me that It's time to look for a house, I asked myself, "Am I ready for that? Can I handle things alone?"
I think it's also the fact that I'm adjusted here at Humanitas, I like it here . And maybe I'm a little bit afraid of letting go, I'm picturing myself already sitting in my own house being alone again. I know, it's not a positive thought, it's not that I don't want to have a place for myself, I guess Linda just suprised me with her saying. The time went so fast, and I was getting used to that time, and now it's time perhaps for another time, another step forward to my journey. Linda told me that I can do it, I can do the things I need to do, I was ready, she told me. What seemed to me that I have a bunch of huge problems wasn't maybe not even that huge. I solved it, I got my unsurances, I got my income, I'm progressing with my way to a payed job, the bills are starting to get payed. It's all going good. I can even save some money, Linda told me. Still that akward nerves feeling though, oh well, another level higher I suppose, I will get used to that.
Today was a nice day, the weather was good with alot of sunshine and not that cold. Around 11:00 am I heard someone whisteling loud, I thought it was a teenager being childish. But when I looked trough my windown I saw it was Frank, he must have spent the night somewhere where I don't know where. He wanted to get in the building to speak to Johannus, prolly asking him to bring him back home. I letted him in and he told me he spend the whole night with a friend here in this city, he haven't slept the whole night. Johannus came downstairs too and asked me to come with them while driving Frank home, "Sure," I thought. So, I went with them, and it was a nice ride. When I got back I took a long nap, a well needed nap.
Today was 'tosti' time aswell, me and Linda made slightly a appointment to make tosti's for every resisdent present this Sunday. I said slightly cause we both didn't know for sure if we get trough with the tosti's. But we did, and it was nice. I sliced the cheeze, prepaired the ham and made the sandwisches and Linda helped here and there and served the residents. We had ourselves some tosti's too ofcource, they were nice with cheece and ham. After the tosti's me and Linda had the talk on the office. "My goal is to have a doctor here in Almelo within two weeks," I told Linda. it's about time, cause the difficulty with the medications for my thyroid is a pain. It's so much handier to have a doctor close near.
While I start this week with searching for a house, I thought of another thing too, I still have some stuff in Canada, ugh! I will have to ask Saf if she will ship it these coming months, sigh. It's not a pleasant thing to ask , but I really have too. We both agreed that my personal belongings will be shipped by her, and I know she will. I miss some clothing, I miss my music, most of my music I prolly will sell. I wanted to sell it in Canada, but that was suprisingly hard to do, maybe Canadians have another taste of music. Anyway, I need to get prepaired for tomorrow's work. (yay!) Putting my clothes ready and some lunch. Check!
6 comments:
Sjon,
This is good news and I suspect Linda is trying to help you not get too secure so that you want to stay at Humanitas. Look at the example of Frank. Obviously he was ready to be independent but he seems to be having trouble letting go of Humanitas. You don't want to end up like that. You can keep in touch with the friends you've made, even though you will be living independently.
Besides, there are probably people worse off that need their help and you are progressing well it seems. Sometimes people require a little push to stand up on their own and once they do stand, they see they could do it all along. I'm sure you can do it, Sjon!
I hope you find something soon.
Take care,
Lisa
Infact Linda told me a few weeks ago that it's better for you to stay not that long here, she didn't mean it like in a way that it's a bad atmosphere here though, but just that it's better.
Linda asked me yesterday if you will see some people still here at Humanitas after you have a place for yourself, that question was hard to answer. I don't see them as good friends here, there nice to be around but that's it.
Most of the residents here are totally the opposite then me. Reading your comment Lisa and Linda's saying from a few weeks ago makes sense now, perhaps it is better and healty to stay not that long here, one of the reason is that I might get adjusted a bit to much . Although it was good for me to be here.
Thanks Lisa, you take care too.
P.S. it might be hard to say goodbye from Humanitas, cause I felt alone after comming back from Canada,and I might grabbed anything for attention to ease the pain, Humanitas was a good one.
Once I'm letting go I will have to climb to another level, and I can do it, I'm sure. I have alot of goals I want to achieve... it will be tough though..
Dear Sjon,
This next level may seem hard now, but look at how much you have already accomplished. You had all the paperwork to get straight, finding Humanitas to live in, reconnecting with your family and starting work. These are all real accomplishments and you should feel proud and optimistic about the next steps you'll take.
Keep looking forward, Sjon :)
sjon, i also think youre ready to move on. youve done so much since youve gotten there. you have so many things under control now and you know what to do. i have a feeling that even after you first leave humanitas the counselors will help you if needed til you are stable. a problem that i foresee happening is if you invite the "friends" from humanitas they will continue coming and coming and coming and nearly moving in with you. people that have lots of problems like they do have a tendancy to take advantage of situations so youre really going to have to be careful in that situation!! im not trying to tell you what to do at all i just can see this from an outsiders advantage. and i think they would bring you down!
I already know that I accomplished things but the comments I read now from these posts makes me aware even more what I accomplished, and that feels GOOD. @Jana, after I found a place for myself, Humanitas won't let me go just like that. They will stay with me the first 2 or 3 months or aslong as it's needed, after we both think it's time to let go.
I was thinking the same, that 'friends'will come and visit me, (surely in the beginning) I think it wil only be in the beginning,cause that's the way I feel it, or they don't even show up. I have seen with other residents, that once you have a house the so called friends let you go. (I see it with Frank aswell) . But it's surely a thing to think about. Thanks Jana, Thanks Lisa.
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