"It was December I still remember."

"It was December I still remember."

Last year December 2010, I still remember that month like it was a few months ago. Sure I still have those moments that I think of my time in Canada, it still flashes trough my mind like little short movie scenes. There are so many scenes though, I went trough many, many things there in Canada. Mostly good things, sometimes I see a scene back in my head and I try to fix that scene, like, I should have done that this or that way. Sometimes when I see those scenes back it brings me a good feeling aswell, it's like having good memories. I like that. Ofcource I miss them, mostly the kids. I miss being around them, miss being the goofy funny Dad, Miss the two little ones. But the missing feels different, I can sorta carry it, or how do you say it in good English? I can sorta handle it? That's the word, I guess. For now I wish them all well and I hope they still think of me so now and then. 

Enough about Canada, back to Holland now. Suprising day today, I  letted this day just come over me. No rush and taking my time. Only the question was, 'should I go to my Dad or not?' The weather looked good, cold but lots of sunshine, no rain! It wasn't until 11:00 'till I decided to go to my Dad's, it was short time though, a quick rest, then lunch, wash up, shoes on, jacket, scarf and hat on, and go! I think it was the first time in my life that I missed the train cause I was late, lol. The train I had to go with was standing already on the platform, it will be leaving at 12:42. It was 12:40 and I was standing in line to buy a train ticket, when it was my time the train left. Oh well, I will have to wait thirty minutes till the next train. The thirty minutes were flowen by just like that, I hopped in the train and there it went.

The Christmas ornaments I bought for Dad, cute right?

When I arrived dark clouds came passing by and I thought, 'Oh no, no rain please, I don't have a umbrella, rain coat nor rain pants.' But yeah, I walked five minutes and it rained, hard! Damn! Looking at the clouds it surely didn't look that the sun would come back, the sky was totally grey. I walked five minutes and I decided to return to the train station, return to home, sigh. On my way back I dived into a supermarket to do my last groceries, I needed just a few things. With all those free dinners I won't need that much food.  Lidl is the name of the market, it's been a while since I have been there. I had to search for the things I needed, I looked for butter more then ten minutes. It's much more comfier somtimes when you known the store well and you know where the grocries are placed. 

Groceries were done and I looked up, the sky was still grey but it was dry, I decided to go to my Dad. I realized that the trian ticket was six Euro and that's a waste of my money if I would return to Almelo. I was half way to my Dad's so, I kept on walking with a heavy bag of groceries, lol. I'm a goose!, LOL! It was quit a walk again, I went to another store before aia went tomy Dad. I want to buy him something for Christmas, I was right on time in the store cause it started to rain again. I saw two little fluffy Christmas ornaments and took them with me, payed for them and continued my journey, gladly it stopped raining. After the twenty minute walk I arrived at my Dad's, he was sitting on his spot on the couch. It was nice seeing him smile, but I could see he was tired. I didn't stay that long so that he could sleep for a little while.

As usual Dad and I didn't talk that much, we said what we had to say and just enjoyed our being together. Oh yeah, he loved the Christmas ornaments, (see picture) he smiled when  he saw them. I stayed for thirty minutes and then I left, I knew the train schedules and I knew how long the walk is from Dad's place to the trainstation. I was tired aswell, just like Dad, he was fine and was doing well. Maybe with Christmas I will visit him again, I should actually, right? It's such a journey though, specially with this cold and wet weather it's horrible. With Summer or Spring it's so much easier on my cycle. I walked back to the train station and saw many buildings and houses what reminds me when I lived here. Memories again, lol. I lived in this village for such a long time, I still know any roads, any ways, and short cuts. Every hop, every store and every building.

He asked me to take a picture of him, so I did. He could use a haircut.

Still I'm glad I don't live here anymore, but for the same reason I could have lived here again. Back in January from this year I was searching for almost a  month for a place to stay, it became Almelo, fifteen kilometers from Nijverdal. I'm glad it became Almelo, I didn't want the same old again in Nijverdal. I'm sure I would return back in my same old. Just doing my daily things, a few house holdings here and a few groceries there, and that was it. Being here in Almelo is new for me, and I love it, I see it as a challenge, I like being here. It gives me a proud feeling, a boost, like, 'hey, look what I achieved.' And there will be more achieving, I'm sure. It's alot easier being here aswell, if I would have lived in Nijverdal it wouldn't be easier, just because it will remind me of my kinda lonely life there back then.

I was fine with it though then, cause I didn't know else, untill I bumped into Saf, she flipped and turned my whole life around. I can perhaps say now, 'it's good I bumped into her, otherwise nothing would have changed.' Akward thought, right? Positive though, I should keep that thought in mind actually. It's been such a hectic time in Canada, a good hectic time, Can I say now was it all worth it? Allthough all the misery and pain from this year, I can say yes! Yes it was! But the proces I'm going trough is still not done, there are still wounds, but that's okay. Like I said in the beginning of this post, I can sorta handle them.

I was exhausted when I got back from my Dad's visit, but satisfied, I'm glad I finnished that journey to Dad's. I realized I need more people around me, specially in the weekends. I should make it a habbit going out once in the weekend, just once is enough. That habbit will come!