"A penny saved is a penny earned." - Benjamin Franklin.

"A penny saved is a penny earned." - Benjamin Franklin.

 I gotta start saving money now for my trip to London on the 30th of December. The last few weeks I have spent (in my eyes) to much money, okay it was worth it and I was kinda needing it. But still, I should start saving my pennies now.  I needed lamps, a doormat, and a few things more. Maybe I could have wait with buying those things untill after the trip, yes, I could, but I didn't. I have what I needed and wanted, so it's good now. Maybe I'm worrying about nothing, but it's good to pay attention on my money rigth? I still have sometimes these concerns or worries about my money, (what is not really needed) I don't want to be homeless again, oh no! I want to be abble to pay my usurances and rent. 

This morning I payed my trip to London, but it, went slightly different how I wanted it. I got a mail from the travel company yesterday, and in the mail was written everything I needed to know about the trip, including how to pay for the trip. After I payed them I will recieve a mail back from them one week before the actual trip, with every detail I need to know for the trip. I thought it would be handy to pay the travel company online with my ING account, so handy. Atleast I thought it was, I done it already a few times so no big deal, I thought. I filled everything in what ING needed to know on my ING paying page, then it was just waiting for a code what I would recieve in a few seconds on my cellphone. The code is called a tan-code.

I got the code and checked it a few times and filled the code in, 'wrong code' was the next message. I checked the code again and filled it in number by number, but again, 'wrong code!' Weird, I was a 100% sure I got the right code, I filled the code in again and... 'wrong code, you wont recieve a new code,'  'Blocked!' I couldn't continue with the paying online. The message said that I will get a new code by post within five working days and then I will be able to pay online again. After these five days when I recieved the new code I have to go with 'that' code to my bank to get another activatings code. With that code I can log in and will be able to be pay online again. (Your still here?) Sigh! 

Well, I wasn't happy, I was focused with paying the London trip and now this. I wanted to pay the travel company one way or another, and  as soon as possible. After my cuppa coffee I grabbed my coath putted my shoes on and went to the ING, I saw on the ING site that I can make money over from my account to another account, I only had to bring my bank card and passport. After ten minutes I arrived at the ING. A guy helped me right away, nice. I explained him what I wanted and the guy gave me three options. One, ING can order special 'making over money' papers, that will take fourteen days to only order those papers. Two, ING can help me right away with making the money over, I only have to show my bank card and passport, and the guy will fill in the papers for me. 

Only this option will cost me 8 Euro! Woot!! The guy explained me the options and then told me, "So there are the options, it's up to you, what you gonna do?" It sounded a bit hars and with a tone, but okay. I went for option two, but wasn't very happy with it. But the trip to London has been payed now, and that's what I wanted. The saving can start now. Other then this litle failer this day has been good, I took two naps, this cold weather asks alot energy from my body. I putted a few things on a secondhand selling site aswell, (I want to earn back the 8 Euro from my ING failer, lol!) I could use some extra money, specially for my trip. 

Tomorrow I will be working again, I deiced to work a whole day instead of a half day what I normally do on Thursday. I actually should have started next week with two half working days, but oh well. Sometimes when I work these half days I don't feel satisfied towards the other workers, I should not really feel that way, cause I should actually just look at myself, if I can work not more then a half day then it is like it is. I shouldn't feel guilty or what ever other un-satisfied feeling. But I feel I can work a whole day, that's aswell what the Boss in the end wants from me, working 20 hours in the week. In days that is, Monday a half day, and Tuesday plus Thursday a whole day. That will be my woring schedule for the next comming months. I'm ready for it!

Honest critism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger.

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger. 

Taking critism, I need to learn that, cause I really dislike getting critism. Today I was getting critism at work, but was it critism? My second Boss caught me on making a little mistake while working, although it wasn't that a big mistake, he looked annoyed while speaking to me. My second Boss had to do a little more work cause I didn't finnish a mat on a few points not so well. He was attending me on the mistake, and he told me how to do it and that I need to do it properly. In my eyes it wasn't that a big thing, but after that my Boss attended me I had the feeling that I failed.

My thoughts became worser, In the late afternoon I was thinking already, 'I will get fired', lol. The annoyed look on the Boss his face after my little mistake made it only worser. Or were it just my thoughts? While  writing this now I'm sure it were just my thoughts. I had lessons in positve and negative thoughts, it's so easy while learning it, but in real life... I think everyone finds that sometimes difficult. I sure wont make the 'little mistake' again, I thought this afternoon. I checked every math after I finnished it, I guess I can say I learned from the mistake, but still that 'fail moment thought' was floating around. 

On my first day at work I worked together with another new guy, that new guy came aswell from Reha. So it was  nice working with him, although I see him still a bit as a concurent. ('Negative thoughts,') we are both working for three months, these three months are a test. "What if, he can stay and I need to leave?'  'He works a whole week, and I only three whole days, sure they will hire him for good.' 'Should I try to work aswell a whole week, to just get more chance for the job?' NO!!  My Boss said it's good, I'm doing a good job, they believe in me, so stop thinking, your doing what you can, and your doing it well!  Positive thinking is not always that easy. 

Sometimes I want to prove myself that I can do better, but they are already happy with me, so why would I? Just thew way I am I guess.... Sometimes I want to do the job faster and then I make sometimes these little mistakes. After that tiny little accident from this afternoon I want to pay more attention to what I do, plus pay attention to what the Boss tells me when he explains something. I want to be more 'outgoing'aswell, I am already but in my eyes it's not enough. Be a man, speak up! Ah, I don't have to be concerned, I made a little mistake and I think right away  it's the end of my job. Not good! It's all good, from mistakes you learn they say.... I learned that I won't make that mistake what I made this morning.

Hey! It's getting colder... I think the Winter is starting, such a grey and cold day today. And it will get colder and colder, so I'm not gonna spoil myself with warm winterclothes already, like a winterhat, gloves, a thick scarve. That can wait till it's really cold. Heater is on though! Keep it warm folks!

"Just a bit colder."

"Just a bit colder."

It was just a bit colder today, and grey, like it wanted to rain constantly. But it stayed dry the whole day. There is not much news to anounce today, work went fine and well. My Boss is on a short vacation I noticed, cause I didn't see her as much as other times. Usually she walks trough the factory a few times a day. I need a little talk with her cause of my trip to London, I need two days off. My vacation ends on the 2th of January, but I will still be in London then. I will return from London on the 3th of January, I will be pretty exhausted then aswell, so I could use a day or two off. Hopefully she will give the two days off. Or perhaps one. 

It's nice comming home from work, so much better then Humanitas. After work I want to relax and have a little time on my own, it feels comfy and I look forward to it.  I think everyone wants that and has that feeling. Comming home and feel comfy when you relax or you come home to your Family, nice feeling. Tonight there was the 'free'dinner again like every Monday night.' There are two places  where there is a free dinner, on Monday at 5:30 I go to the 'Wonne.' that's a place where homeless people can live for a while, it's just like Humanitas. And then there is the 'Banier,' that's a place where they hold prayings, meetings and dinner's. Everyone with a low income can join the free dinners on Wednesdays and Thursdays. 

I have known this old guy on the picture for a while now, his name is Gerrit, he's 77 years old and has been living on the street since 2005. He's a nice guy but aswell stubborn and has a will of his own. He's always around with the free dinners on Wednesday and Thursday, since a few weeks he has a little room at Humanitas. You will always see him when you hit the streets in the city, he and his scootmobile.

Usually it's the homeless people who join those dinners, aswell old residents of Humanitas and the Wonne. Now there is a difference between homeless people and homeless people, there are homeless people who live at Humanitas but there are aswell homeless people who live 24 hours a day on the street. These street homeless people can be rude and loud while having the free dinners, it seems they just don't care, blame the alchohol aswell. That's why it's not always fun being at the free dinners. It's been quiet the last few months with the dinners cause there was one old homeless guy sitting in jail, this guy was always drunk with his buddies and always loud. Not that fun having him around. His buddies were acting quit normal when 'he' was in jail.


Two weeks ago 'he' came free from jail and joined the free dinners again, and what a entrance he made, "I'm back!" he yelled with a drunken voice. I often think to just skip the free dinners, but I keep comming back, cause I like to see my old Humanitas buddies and sometimes the atmosphere is really nice, and it saves money. Just that sometimes I don't feel that save with those homeless drunk people around while having dinner, maybe I overreact, I don't know. Maybe it's just time to search or join other 'normal' people. Just like I have 'normal'people around me now with my new job. Having such 'normal' people around me feels sometimes like a bless. Akward thought though. Sometimes I think it's good to haven known such homeless people.

"Pyama pants day!"

"Pyama pants day!"

I like wearing pyama pants, or just comfy pants when I'm inside the house. Today I stayed inside so I weared them the whole day. When I would have gone out I would have put some jeans on. When I would have returned, jeans off again and comfy pants on. Sundays are great for comfy clothing, the stores are closed, so everyone is mostly inside. It was a grey day today, no Sjon-shine, I mean sunshine. I think we had enough sunshine the last three weeks, the winter can start from my part. I hope it's gonna be a nice winter, a good old fashion winter with frost on the windows and just enough snow to dash my bike trough it. That would be nice.

With such days like this your almost allowed to make it comfy in the house to enjoy yourself inside. Reading, cooking, computering, householding? Yeah, that too, crank up a nice tune, and you'll be fine, or watch a good movie. I'm sure I will be fine. A relaxed and chilling day today, the only thing what I did today was ironing. And further, cooking, showering, I solved two word search puzzles. (I love it) And I went trough alot of flyers to see what's new and what's cheap. I like searching trough flyers, alot more fun then mails, lol. I'm always concerned that there is bad news with mails. 


The last few days I have been thinking about dating again, am I ready for it? No, I don't think I am but that will come in time , and ofcource it can just like that happen, falling in love. Sponteanous you bump into a nice girl, start a conversation and there you go. I rather have a spontaneous  date  then searching for a date or searching for a woman, cause that almost never works out. I dislike dating sites, but although that I think I will have a look the comming week. Just to sniff on it, nothing serious. What am I searching for when I will be searching? I don't no actually,  a woman with a few kids would be nice. 

None smoking, blond, sexy, a Pamela Andersson type, you know , slim and fit! Love it! Naaah I'm kidding! LOL! I don't even find her atractive. When she's nice and friendly it's already fine for me, it's all good. But again, I will be looking cause I'm curious, but further then that, nothing! I want to enjoy myself and be happy with who I am and happy with what I'm doing. If a nice woman would bump into me while I'm doing my daily things she's more then welcome to join me. Spontaneous dates are the best.

Bicycle bicycle bicycle I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle I want to ride my bicycle

 Bicycle bicycle bicycle, I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle, I want to ride my bicycle.  

Me and my bicycle, I should say bicycles actually cause I had a few in the many years.  I was a late age when I could ride my bicycle, I think I was about seven or eight. All my other friends could already ride their bicycle, but I still had sidewheels, lol. But when I once was riding my bike I was fine and I loved it. Goodbye sidewheels, I had so many bikes in my life. When I was twelve years old I joined a BMX cycling club, that was fun, I really liked BMX-ing. I joined organized races, but never ended on the first place, it was fine with me. Just like everyone I liked flaunting with my bike and did tricks with it. The BMX-club was a nice bunch of people of all ages, I had a few friends where I trained with and practized on our new tricks. 

As a teenager I went to school on my bike just like almost everyone else, tons of bikes stalled in the bicycle stands. It was almost a ocean of bikes seeing it, also riding my bike to school there was a long row of bikes on the bicycle lanes.  I can say I never quited riding bicycles, even when I was eighteen when I could ride a moped or a car, I just kept peddling. I was quit nerves or maybe a bit scared to ride a moped or drive a car. Save on my own bicycle, that's what I liked. I had driving lessons though, together with a friend I joined a few lessons. But, oh my oh my what was I nervous. It just wasn't funny anymore, while driving I had to look everywhere cause there was so much traffic. It was just not my thing. I skipped and left the lessons after I failed a few times.

And after that? I just keep peddling my peddles, everwhere I want to go I would take my bike or I go with the train. I have been on many places and always used my bike, I even used my bike in Canada for a while, and even bought a nice bike there at Canadian Tire. I liked riding my bike in Canada, but it sure was different without any bike lanes. I enjoyed riding my bike with Saf's kids and with Saf, the bikeseat on my bike was a bless, Ab loved it! Yep I love my bicycle, once you learn how to ride it you can't learn it off, just like swimming.

Consider a man riding a bicycle.  Whoever he is, we can say three things about him.  We know he got on the bicycle and started to move.  We know that at some point he will stop and get off.  Most important of all, we know that if at any point between the beginning and the end of his journey he stops moving and does not get off the bicycle he will fall off it.  That is a metaphor for the journey through life of any living thing, and I think of any society of living things.  ~William Golding~

Lazy Saturday. 

Just took it easy today, still it's warm, to warm for this time of year. I was wearing a thiner jacket today when I did grocery, just because it was to warm. I finnished some painting what I wasn't looking forward to today, I had to paint a piece of the 'plints'  between the floor and the wall. I was concerned I would touch the red wall paper with my brown paint, lol. But a piece of cardboard brought a wonderfull solution. I'm happy that worked out. Further I did some grocery and that was it, oh yeah, I shooted some videos of myself riding my bike as you can see in this post. It was a nice Saturday, took two naps and did two loads of laundry, now I'm writing and enjoyning my big favorite cuppa coffee.

Confirmed!! I'm going to London! Suppa eek!!

Confirmed!! I'm going to London! Suppa eek!!

After many doubts, tossin and turnin, and talking to my counselor this morning I confirmed, I'm going for a five day trip to London. It's a five day excursion trip, I will be leaving on the 30th of December 2011. We will be visiting many sight seeings and musea on New years eve' we will be celebrating under the Big Ben. Woot! Ah here's the full schedule to make it easier...

Day 1, In the early morning we travel  to London, England, where we will arrive at the beginning of the evening. Your first introduction to this city will be from a huge height. The famous London Eye offers great views over London. After this experience you will be transferred to your hotel.

Day 2, In the morning you are free to do whatever . Around noon, we will make a trip to the town of Windsor. This town is best known for Windsor Castle, official residence of the Queen. You will also find here the Tower Bridge St. George's Chapel, built in the 14th century and known for its many royal marriages. In the evening you can celebrate the New Year where ever you want. This allows you to celebrate the last seconds of the old year countdown to the world's most famous clock Big Ben and the London Eye to enjoy a real fireworks show!  Around 02.00 hours the bus will drive back to the hotel.


Day 3,  After breakfast our coach will guide you to the bus for a  drive around the sights of the city. Our driver will give tell you all the ins and outs about the city, including the Big Ben, Westminster Abbey and St. Paul's Cathedral. We also drive past Piccadilly Circus, Trafalgar Square and Downing Street. We end at the Tower of London, the most famous building in London. Today you can visit the Crown Jewels. The afternoon is for your own wishes. At the end of the afternoon you will be picked up by the bus and will be driven back to your hotel. To complete the evening we can visit one of the many theaters in London's rich.

Day 4, Today we begin with a visit to Hampton Court Palace, just outside central London location. This palace is one of the most important of England considered and promises you a journey through 500 years of royal history. Discover the magnificent rooms of William III and Henry VII, and stroll through the immaculate gardens of less than 270 hectares! ahe In the afternoon you can explore on your own Covent Garden. You will find many shops and boutiques with typical English products. In the center you will find the market square, where you will be entertained by various street artists.

Day 5,  The journey back. After you have put your luggage on the bus, we again set sail to the Netherlands. On our route you will be able to have a dinner, after that you will be dropped off to your  pick-up point.

Sounds good right? The only thing I have to do is be ready on the 30th of December with my suitcase, and stand on the pick-up point where I will be picked up. The pick-up point is at the railway station in my city, that's a ten minute walk. I will have to be there at 6:20 am, that's all. The thing what made me have doubts was the money, and still I have a bit doubts, lol. Can I really afford this trip? It's quit a sum of money. Yes I can! But still, just to be sure I will be saving money for this trip. 

This journey has two min points though, (Oh Sjon! lol) I didn't see the 'including free lunches and dinners,' in the five days, so yeah, a extra sum of money I will have to take with me. Second, I will be leaving on the 30th December and will return on the 3th of January, my job gives me two weeks vacation with Christmas and New Years. On the 2th of January I will start again with work, but I will be still in London then. I will have to ask for prolly two days off.  I hope there willing to give me the two days off, I will ask them next week. Further I will be fine, I look forward to the trip, only I will have to loosen the worries more. 

Back to this Friday, I'm not gonna say that the weather was awesome again with sunshine and way to high tempature for this time of year, and that this awesome weather will be staying for a week. My counselor visited me and I told him about my trip, I didn't booked the trip then yet, I needed my counselor to say, 'Yes Sjon, go for it, your fine with the money!" And he did. My counselor will come less now, he wont be visiting me once a week anymore. The traject with my counselor and me are in three phases, I ended phase one, and started with phase two. My counselor will be a bit on the background now ans watch me from a distance how I'm doing.


He told me that I already did alot of things by myself, I accomplished alot with just a little help from my counselor, he gave me a few directions and I went to them. I don't have to worry about anything, everything is fine. Talking about worries, Saf and I are now nagotiating about my belongings, finally. You can say I was quit worried about this, but now it finally started. Unexpected I got a nice mail from her, she asked me how I was doing and how it was now living in my new house, etc, etc. In the end she asked me how my thoughts were now about my belongings, cause she was ready to ship them. Still were willing to split the price of the shipping, but were looking for a solution to lessen the money. The unexpected mail did me aswell good, it was nice of her to think of me when she's self busy with other important things, bless her.


I told her friendly that I didn't want the records, singles, cd's and dvd's back, she can sell them or give them away. I don't have equipment anymore to play all this music or watch the dvd's, I will have to sell then everything if  all that will be send my way. Further the other stuff can be send my way IF the price is then still to much I willleave everything in Canada, if Saf agrees with it. And you know what? I don't mind. First, irt isn't that much further what will be shipped beseides the records, and second, I want to close this nagotiation as soon as possible cause it gives me a akward and scary feeling, and there's no reason to it, but still.  I like how it's going now between Saf and me, so now and then a mail asking each other how it goes, no hatred, no issues or argues, just peace. I like that.


One thing I'm proud of was...  I was quit nerves about writing Saf back about the shipping, but felt a relief after when the writing was done. I did a good job with the writing, I manned up, and wasn't nervous, I told what I needed and wanted in a nice way, I did a good job!

Weekend!!

Weekend!! 

Time for the weekend!! No plans for the weekend though, I will just see what the following days will bring me. Tomorrow my counselor will come for my weekly counseling, let's see what he has now on his liver, lol. I did my homework, one of the things I had to do was making a sociagram. A sociagram is about yourself and the 'ones' who stands close to you. Draw a circkel, and draw yourself in the middle of the circle. Then draw the persons who you want with you  in that circlel, but they have to be drawn on a certain distance from you. Who will you draw next to you are the closest to you? It could be your parents or your friend of niece for example. And who do you want a bit further from you or out of the circel? It sounds easy but it ain't. 

I finnished it today, it suprises me I had drawn  alot of people but most of them are to far from me to reach them in that circel. My Mom and Dad are the closest and outside or close to the circle stands my Family, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, ect, ect, I really have nothing with my Family over the last five or six years. I'm really okay with that, it has always been that way. They live there lives and I live mine. When I got back from Canada, they weren't there, when I needed help in Canada to return with nothing they weren't there. Yeah, only one Aunt and Uncle, bless them. They have always been there when help was needed, for example with my Dad or me, but when I needed help while I was in Canada and needed to return to Holland it was though to get help from them. 


They just didn't wanted to understand why I went to Canada and why I needed to return. I sent them so many messages, I called even a few times, and then finally at last they helped me out, not enough, but okay every help was welcome. Now that I'm back they message me every week asking me how it goes, I reply to them whenever I feel too. Just like they did while I was in Canada, I accomplished alot by myself and that feels 'damn' good. Anyway... One with today, I'm waiting for the Winter actually but it seems the Dutch weather wont give in. 18 degrees today, here and there a bit grey clouds, but warm. Outstanding weather, I tell you. Work went well today, I worked a half day. Within one week I will have to work one whole day more. 


I think the Thursday is perfect for a whole day to work, Don't ask me why but I just have that feeling. Monday a half day, Tuesday a whole day then Wednesday a day off, and Thursday a whole day, sounds good. I had a little accident aswell at work, oh well, while working such things can always happen. I cutted myself with a utility knife, Ouch! I worked almost two hours with that knife and nothing bad happend, then when I wanted to clean up cause I was done with my duty, grabbed the knife to put it away and grabbed in the knife instead of the handgrip. Just a cut but ouch, 3 or 4 bandages fixed the wound. Just my luck that the cut didn't went deeper.

"For fast-acting relief try slowing down."

"For fast-acting relief try slowing down."

And I acomplished today with slowing down, just taking it easy on this well deserved day off, nothing hasty and taking my time. Although I felt a sore troath, I think there's a cold comming up again, it's the second time in one month. I wonder I will get a mail from my new Doctor soon, telling me I can pick up my influenza vaccine. When I still lived in Nijverdal (Before I went to Canada) I got a mail every once a year in October from my Doctor, telling me I could pick the vaccine. Ofcource I wasn't the only one who get a mail like that, every citizen who are in the so called 'risk group' gets them. In the 'risk group' are eldery people and people with a chronicle disease, such people have a higher risk for the flue. We can get the vaccin for free. Usually I get the mail late October, I will ask for information on my next day off. Everything is still new for me with my new Doctor.  


I have been searching today again trough the internet for Christmas trips or New years eve' trips. With succes, I only have to hit the 'confirm' button, but I still have some little doubts, I think when my counselor will come upcomming Friday I will ask him for an opinion. What gives me doubts is money, I don't think it's that much money, but still. I have two options to go out this coming New year. One: I can go to Berlin, that is a five day excursion trip. In these five days I will visit historical buildings and musea with a group of people, on New years eve,' the group will be celebrathing this event on a special place. Sounds like great fun, what I like about it is the traveling (I never been to Berlin) and seeing the musea and the huge buildings, plus I'm being amung people, plus a great place to celebrate New years eve'. And that all just under 350 Euro. 


Second: I can go to London aswell, also five days, and you can compare it with the trip to Berlin. Historical buildings, musea and New years eve', on special place. I have been in London before, twice actually. But never on a excursion trip though, sounds like great fun. This trip is cheaper then the trip to Berlin. Ofcource I will have to bring some extra money. These trips sound so easy, I will be picked up with a touring bus from the railway station in my city. The railway station is a five minute walk from my house. When the trip ends I will be delivered back on the same station. Only the money, can I handle it? Can I miss the money?  I think I can, but still. I need someone who will say, "Yeah, you can, go for it!" 

There are a few other cities or countries where I can go too for the same price, but London and Berlin are for me the eye catchers. I think I should just go. I don't like staying home with new years eve,' Christmas I will be fine. To be honest I think I will be fine the whole Christmas and New years, but I'm sure it wont be the same as last year in Canada, you know why. I told myself that I will be searching for some events on New years or Christmas, and if I will find something I will prolly go for it, but if I don't find something that's okay then too. No pressure while searching for events, no thinking to myself, "I have to go!" That doesn't work. Alright! Time for a tea I think, I already had a coffee today, a free coffee actually. The garden centre was serving free coffee with a apfel strudel, apfel strudel is a German apple cake. Tasted good!

"Looking forward to tomorrow.............. A day off."

"Looking forward to tomorrow............ A day off." 

My first whole day at my new job, I had a slow start and a exhausted ending. Work went well but a whole day was tyring, although I must say the second half of the day went pretty fast. The mornings are long, from 7:30 till 12:30 is long even though we have a little break from 9:30 till 9:45. In the afternoon we have a little break aswell, from 2:45 till 3:00. Then at 4:10 it's time to clean up our stuff and then it's towards home at 4:30. I was exhausted and had muscle pain, the upcomming 'day off' is well deserved and needed.

When I will be fully hired for this job there will have to be some changes with me, I will have to take it easy more , aswell with the things I do while working. Sometimes I get to enthusiastic and then I work to fast with result that I'm out of breath and tired. Sleeping  a bit longer in the morning is a good idea too, I don't have to get up at 4:00 am or 4:15 am. I like getting up early though, I don't know why.Sometimes when I wake up at 4:00 I'm nerves I will oversleep myself and I will have to haste to get on time for work, dislike. Maybe a alarmclock will help.

Even though the work can be sometimes heavy and though I like the work aswell. My Boss told me today that he was happy with me, "You pick up things quit easy and you do your duties well, from my part you can stay," he said. With 'picking up things quit easy, 'he meant that if someone explain me something I get it quit easy. That suprises me though, in the past I always answered 'yes,' but actually meant no if someone would would ask me 'do you understand?' LOL. I have learned that if you don't understand something it's okay to ask or tell that you don't understand. Communicate! I'm doing so well, lol! 


Happy Birthday to you! 


It's Saf's birthday today, I didn't sent her a gift or a card, although I thought of sending a card, but in the end I didn't. I thought it would be just to much after I sent all her five kids a present with there birthday, I don't know, I guess for her kids it's quit normal. But sent a present to your ex? Hmm, yes and no, I don't know. I sent her a giftcard trough e-mail. It gave me a good feeling that I did something. Happy Birthday Saf!! 


And now it's time to relax, flat on the couch, TV on, laptop on my lap. On the table a waffle with cheese and a nice cuppa tea with honey, easy to reach That's one of my favorite relaxing.
And tomorrow? I don't know, sleep out? Yes! I might go to the libary and borrow some books, just to have a peek there if they have nice books. I don't have a free membership for nothing, right?

One more thing. I went to work this morning with a rotten feeling a bit, I had these lonely feelings again, so akward that I don't have them now. The only thing I could think of this morning is that I would like to have a Family around me, akward cause I have so now and then many people around me, that should be enough. But it's different, yes I have so now and then people around me, but after that I will return home an empty home. That's why a Family would be nice, comming home from work and the kids come towards you screaming "Daddyyy!" I'm thinking out loud at the moment, sometimes these thoughts come like a flash and it sticks around untill my mind leads to something or somewhere else.

Trick or treat!

Trick or treat! 

Halloween is fun but not that fun around here, I truly liked Halloween back in Canada. Just like Christmas it's celebrated huge with decorations and lots of items. Only the trick or treat candy should be less a bit, gosh, it's so much what the kids are getting. I celebrated Halloween twice, the first time I was dressed as a Arabic living in Russia, or the other way around, lol. I had a huge Russisan fur hat on and  was wearing a Arabic dishdasha. Me and Saf were siting in the doorway waiting for the kids and there parents to ask for 'trick or treat.' It was fun, the second time with Halloween we went from door to door with Tasn and Ab. 

Saf and I had the plastic wagon with us, handy if the kids would get tired. I had to dress up in a cowsuit, lol. Ab was sometimes a bit scared but he was so cute going from door to door with his pillowcase full of candy. Tasn was almost to fast to follow, she had her pillowcase almost full with candy. Yeah good fun! Like I said,here in Holland we don't celebrate Halloween that much, almost no trick or treating or decorations. It's alright, although I miss it a bit the old traditons of celebrating Christmas or Halloween. It isn't like it was when I was still young.

This Monday was good, I could almost not catch my sleep last night, my 'old' neighbor who lives under me had her TV loud on. That lasted almost an hour, sigh! I really like that the clock went an hour forwards this weekend, when I left for work this morning  it wasn't that dark like last week. I love it! Work went good, I have good feelings about this job, although it's tough this job is a keeper. I don't think I wont find another Boss who will hire me for three whole days, I can price myself lucky with this job. I will give a 100%! Tomorrow will be my first whole day, Wednesday I will have a day off, then Thursday a half day again.

Finally I got me a livingroom table, yay! It was hard to find one tough but I got one now, so yay! I was struggling with the perfect size and the color of the table, I have been searching on secondhand selling sites, and finally I confirmed with a seller this morning. The seller brought me the table in the late afternoon, I'm happy with it. But! The little TV cabine has a different kinda color brown then the table, and that bothers me. They both don't match. Didn't I see that in the first place when I saw the table on the site? Yes, but, I didn't realize that didn't match. It's not that a problem, I'm sure one day I will bump into another TV cabine with the same matching colors. And the other TV cabine?I will sell it! 

You may be out of my sight... but never out of my mind...

You may be out of my sight... but never out of my mind... 

Sometimes the thoughts of my time in Canada flashes by, but not as often as several months ago. When I think back at my time in Canada, the first person who pop's up is Tasn, I can easy say I miss her the most when I have those missing feelings. Not that strange though, I spent alot of time with her. Maybe even more time then I spent with Saf, no offense though. I took care of Tasn almost 24 hours a day. I made her breakfast and lunch before and for school, brought her so now and then to the schoolbus, untill it was time she could go by herself. Made her snacks when she came back from school, watched TV with her, went many times to the park, took walks, went to shops and took bike rides with her. I hope she still practize her bike riding skills, cause I remember she was still a bit frighten when she drove her bike while I was still there.

Sometimes the fun part of the day was putting her to bed and sleep in the early evening. (But not always, lol) Tasn and her little brother Ab were always frighten to go to bed, or it was a little excuse to go to bed lol, perhaps a bit of both. Usually I stayed with them untill they fell asleep, I red them a story or we all watched a video, it all depended what time it was. If it was to late then it's just a little light on and then a few talks or make jokes untill they get tired and fell asleep. Sometimes we had so much fun and laughs. One rule was that they both had to stay in bed. I layed next to them untill there eyes were getting heavy, then I slowly got up and easily opened the door and walked away. Hoping that they don't wake up again. What usually happened in the middle of the night, lol. So now and then Saf and I switched our 'putting them to bed,' duties. But when Saf had her work, I did it mostly.

Ah! Just looking back at my time in Canada, oh sweet Tasn, I do miss you so now and then. Seeing you would be bad I guess, cause I prolly do not want to return, lol. She the cuttest kid I ever spent time with, cute, sometimes (humurous) naughty, sometimes scared, she has a amazing fantasy, I'm sure she's gonna do well in the near future.Let me share some funny and laugh moments with her... 

Still having good memories when I think of the moment when she came up to her Mom and told her she changed her name again, some of the names:  Godzilla, Lisa, Nemo, and many ans many more....

Still having good memories when I think at the moment when she drove her bike for the very first time, yay! I never would have believed that she ever would ride a bike seeing her trying and trying... 

Still having good memories when I think of the moments when I putted her to bed. She would hide her Barbies or toys in her hand, while she held her hand under the bed. 

Still having good memories when I think of the moments when I took her for a bikeride and she was being so carefully on her bike. She drove slower and slower when drove towards a downhill. 

Still having good memories when I think of the moments of her while she made up her own role plays, or games. I can go on and on, I didn't even mentioned the jumping on the bed's what she actually wasn't allowed, or the many times in the evening when it was time to make her a sleepy time tea, together with her little brother we had sometimes some fun at the kitchen table while drinking the sleepy time tea. Anyway!

Saying goodbye was the hardest thing to do, I never thought I would, especially not to you.

You always listened, and knew what to say, knew when to give a hug when I was having a bad day. No one will ever take your place, I can always promise you this, it’s hard to find someone like you. So know you’ll always be missed. Many hugs and careness to you dear Tasn!

Relaxing Sunday. 

Gotta love Sundays, mostly Sundays for me is a staying home day. Just relaxing and resting, perhaps a few house duties or cooking. I'm still fixing the last parts of the laminate, just taking it easy, bit by bit. To be honest I wish I could do it over again, lol. I need a kind of tool where I can saw the plints for the laminate on 45 degrees. Such tools do excist though, but I guess I was a bit to lazy or just to hasty to get a tool like that. Second thing I did today was searching for a nice color for my curtains, sigh! 

I debating to myself between the colors creamy white or brown, a bit light brown. I always told to myself I would like to have creamy white curtains, that would look nice. But now I´m not that sure, prolly light brownish would look nice too, I like warm colours. But brownish would make the room darker I think, ugh decisions, decisions. I am still searching for a nice table aswell, not to big and not to small, before I know it my room is full. Anyhow, we just will see, in the end I will make the right decicions.

Picture time!

Picture time! 

OMG! When I wanted to open the door when I got back from work I saw this sign next to my door. Everyone has one next to their door, but mine was empty, no name. But now I have one, yay!

Welcome... Join me as we walk into the living room. Have a seat!
I still love all the windows in the hall way.

 The hallway with the lovely windows again... Behind the door you will see another hallway, that's the hallway from the flat.

Again the livingroom, The walls are still empty but that's alright. I'm not in a rush.

 This makes me think of the movie 99 1/2 weeks LOL! Behind that door is the sleeping room, as you can see I'm still sleeping on the floor. It's all good.

The kitchen, the kitchen is a bit old fashioned. but I like that in a way.

Yeah baby! I love my apple spread, so I thought why not a 850 g, package. Yum!

Believe it or not, it's still October but this garden centre has fully packed out there Christmas decorations. Looked nice though.

Yep, a AVolkswagen beetle, beep beep! fully packet with christmas items.

A decorated mini city complete with a snowy downhill, that must have been alot of work.

One of the plants today, I like such plants. I mostly buy these cause I know they will be staying strong for a long time, and not die on me within a week.

Here is the other one...

The vases I bought last week, I really love them, and the two little plants next to the vases makes it look better.

 And... Tadaa, finally a clock, I need to remember myself that I will have to set the clock an hour back before I go to bed. Winter time started in Holland.



















Always these new pictures of my house, lol. But anyway, while I'm writing this it already gets darker and darker, and it's not even 5:00 pm. The clock will go an hour back in Holland, meaning it will be already dark before 5:00 pm. Winter time has started! The cozy dark days before Christmas. I have been looking online today if there was something to do for single persons like me with upcomming Christmas, well, there is alot to do but to make a choice is difficult. For example going to London with a bunch of people for a reasonable price seems nice, but I didn't make a decision yet. This London trip is a excursion trip, meaning I will go with a bunch of people and visit buildings, have dinner, etc, etc. 

This all sounds good to me, but, I don't know yet, decisions, decisions. I will keep on searching untill I have found something, it can be something small or something big, it all depends on the price and aswell the place where I want to go. Further today I visited a garden centre wich was close by my house. It's nice to have places like that close by, within 10 minutes I can be at the hospital, aswell the centre of the city, I can be there in 5 minutes. The garden centre was a nice visit, so much stuff, items for in the house but aswell outside the house, anything what has to do with gardening, plants, decorations. You name it.

Just a nice and cozy day today, tomorrow I will be resting alot, the Sunday is a perfect day for a chillax. Alright: 5:30 pm almost, it's time to cut the chicken breast for the 'chicken tonight' rice meal. Bon apetite to me! I hope the rice will be better then last time, last time it looked like porridge, lol! I bought yesterday a better rice, basmati rice.

Communication, seeing people, new friends, going out, have fun, etc, etc.

Communication, seeing people, new friends, going out, have fun, etc, etc. 

That's my homework for the weekend and this comming week, trying to find something where I can meet people, or just to have something to do, socialize, see other people, perhaps making  new friends, etc, etc. I'm ready for it, it was one of my ideas aswell. I changed, in a good way, I want to be with people, I like being with people. It's not that it's a must that I HAVE to do this, no! I want this cause I just want this for myself, I look forward to be among people again, and look forward to search for anything that can bring me among people. I'm thinking of a curcus, volunteers work, voluntary association, perhaps a sport, I think Google will help me out with a start. That will be my next goal this comming month, communication, seeing people, new friends, going out, have fun, etc, etc. Enjoy myself!

I discussed this with my counselor (Sahayo) this morning aswell, together we made a list with with things or places where I have to search. Another thing Sahayo made was a sociagram, (woot?) a sociagram is a kind of a drawning where you have to draw a cirkel, and in that cirkel you draw yourself. Around yourself you draw the people who stands close to you, but those people have to be on a certain distance from you. For example, my Dad stands close to me so I have to draw him close to me, for example my Aunt, stands a bit further away then my Dad, so she will be drawn a bit further then my Dad. It was quit hard to draw such a sociagram but it went okay, I have to make another one this week.

So the weatherforecast here keeps giving warnnings about that were getting a horror winter, they talked about snow in November. Yeah I take the weatherforecast serious but what can we do? Do we have to take precautions?  And if we do, what do we need to do then? Buy more blankets or buy electric heaters? We Dutch people are quit laid back with such things, "There just talks," we say then. But when the horror winter breaks out, the panic breaks loose and we start to complain, for example, "Hey why didn't you warn us!" We will be standing in lines at the last minute to buy electric heaters and extra blankets, and will complain when they will all be dold out. No, serious, I will just see what happens this winter. I have my thick clothing, my warm blankets, and good heaters.

I should be concerned about my electric and gas bill, lol. With a horror winter the heaters will blow 24 hours a day I guess. Another thing with this comming winter is that I will be searching for something to do this comming Christmas, I already started. I mentioned this before in a earlier post, this aswell is not really a must, it's not a thing that I must do otherwise I will go crazy if I can't find a thing to do this Christmas. It would be nice to find something to do, but I guess I will be okay aswell if I don't find something to do.Then again, I'm pretty sure that I will find something though, a trip with a bunch of single people would be nice, a organized single trip to Belgium or France, or maybe even London. That would be nice!

Another tremendous day has ended, the weather was again awesome. Blue sky and fully sunshine, a horror winter? It just seems unbelievable, but this is Holland, you never know it here. I took a long nap again, I slept for an hour and felt almost unconscious afterwards, lol. I slept to tight I guess. Before my nap I did most of my groceries and did the first load of laundry, that's done. This comming weekend will be all about taking it easy, and spend not much money. I don't want to make it a habbit to spend money every weekend. I will be enjoyning inside my house, perhaps a nice walk or a nice bike ride. I realize I'm doing well when it comes to socializing, and aswell with going out. So now and then a day staying inside and be on myself having a 'me' time isn't a crime.

Time for a well deserved weekend...

Time for a well deserved weekend...

I was tired today, I had a slow start at work, after the coffee break I felt a bit better. I need to take my rest alot more, yesterday I had a day off but didn't give myself that much of a rest. I guess I will have to learn that. Specially when I want to work for three whole days. When I got back from work I took a long nap, I slept for an hour and that felt good. It's just what I needed.

Not much happened today, I worked, and afterwards I bought some groceries and took a nap. It was such a nice Autumn day though, not even cold, sunshine and blue sky. We Dutch people surely don't have to complain with such weather. After the free dinner I visited a old friend/resident from Humanitas, it felt so akward being there again. Walking up the stairs, and realizing myself that I lived here was difficult. Also alot of ol residents where I lived with were gone, when I lived there I had a tight group of people where I spent time with.

We cooked together, laughed and had long talks with each other, in short, we lived with each other. The friend/resident I visited wanted as soon as possible a place for him self, "I'm going crazy here." he told me. I really can imagine that yeah, I would have too if I was in his place now. Allthough I had a nice time at Humanitas and the staff helped me with everything, and I can surely say that without Humanitas I wouldn't have manage, but  many things has changed lately there. But I'm here now and I'm good, thanks to myself and Humanitas. 

Tomorrow my counselor will visit me again, let's see what he has this time on his mind. It's nice that he gives me sometimes homework, or duties. Aswell we think together of some duties to do all for the good. These duties can be anything, like for example, go to the library and get that free membership tomorrow , or you have to phone to that company who can fix your contents insurance this week.  My counselor does arrange aswelll things for me, but I have to do the most, he sometimes tells me what to do or I'll will come up with a idea what he then confirms. It's good for me aswell, I learn from this.

Plans for the weekend? Nope, not much, I think I will take it easy with spending money for a few days/weeks. I ussually do that after I spended 'much' money, much in my eyes then. I want to save money aswell, cause in about two weeks there will be a HUGE flea market in Utrecht, (Utrecht is a city near Amsterdam) It would be ncie to go there and spend some time, I use to go there every year. Although it will be very busy and I wont manage to see everything in one day, I sure will enjoy myself.

"It's nice having a day off."

"It's nice having a day off." 

Specialy in the middle of the week, I feel good and I look foreward for all what will come ahead of me. The weather was good, just a perfect Autumn day. Sunny with here and there a cloud, red, brown and yellow leafs on the streets and woods, so nice. And it's not that cold. Althought the weatherforecast forspelled a very cold winter, they told this all will start already in upcomming November. Today I took my time,I rested but did aswell alot of fixing, just because I wanted too, lol. I made a start with the last bits of the laminate, what a work that is. On the pictures you can see what I have been doing, sometimes pictures explain alot more then words, it's easier to explain it with pictures with what I'm doing.                                                                            

 The tiny little strips you see on the picture called 'plints,' You can attached them in the corner to fill up the spaces between the laminate and the wall. It so much work though.

 Specially the corners are difficult, you have to measure and measure. And saw them in the right way. Some walls in my appartment aren't straight, that makes it even harder, but I will manage.

 You see the spaces between the laminate and the door frame? Sometimes you need to think as Einstein to fix this. I will figure out something.

I really like this corner I worked on, it fitted perfectly, just my luck I guess. Measured and saw it on the right way. My brains are still itching from thinking, lol.

I didn't do all of the rooms, I took my rest aswell. Hey, I have a day off, I need my rest too, lol! Oh, and my shower curtain hangs, pffeewww what a work. But fun work though, it calms me aswell. And further, well further not that much. There was the free dinner, wich was nice. There weren't much people from Humanitas, just one. He told me that the ex from Johannus got out of Humanitas cause Ricardo wasn't allowed in Humanitas anymore. I couldn't believe it, how on earth can you send a eight year old boy on the street?  Catherina went with his Son to a close friend of hers, she thought, "if my Son goes I will go too," it's just unbelievable. Anyway, I sent her a message to ask her what's all been going on recently. 

P.s. Just had heard from Catherina that Ricardo is back at his Father's.... What he actually didn't want. Sigh, I hope for Ricardo that this drama does stop one day, he doesn't deserve this.


Just before the free dinner I did some window shopping, I wasn't attend to buy somehting, but, I did. I needed some decoration in front of my big window. I bought two huge vases from glass, they are just plain not particilar colour. I needed two lamps two for on my wall, but I couldn't take a choice. The price was just a bit to much. I never buy to much in a row. Alright, I will have a a nice cuppa coffee now, I'm looking foreward for tomorrow's work. I realized today that when I had no money and I had to take care of myself, I could! I didn't need much to take care of myself, I got by. I think sometimes it's important to realize that you don't need that much to make yourself happy. I always had that...