Picture time!

This day passed nice and quickly, I took my time and did a few things here ans there. Had a good shower, scrub, ouch, ouch, scrub, ouch, I love my huge scrub sponge, although it hurts a bit, lol. This week will be a nice week, cause it's the last week before Christmas. I'm sure I won't be hungry or starving with all these free meals, lol. I wonder how this week will go, I will just see. Tomorrow is a normal work day, I got my working clothes ready.

It's been a while, so here it goes....Picture time!

There's a little road I like to ride so now and then in this city, it's like a forestpath. Large tree's and a nice brickpath. While I'm riding there I always have a peek at this modern farmhouse.

This is the forest path I'm talking about, it was almost dark, it gives the sky and the picture a nice color.

I should give him a name, lol. Yesterday when I visited my Dad I saw this little pony again. I walked towards him and waved my hand to have a good shot of his face. I succeed!

This picture is taken from out the train, pretty good I think. It was cloudy and late in the afternoon. I like the clouds and the sky in this picture.

Same shot but only five minutes later taken, breathtaking!

I think I posted this picture before but I'm not sure. Oh well, I like this picture. This photo is taking in the same little forest where that farm is standing, these cows are named Highland cattle's or kyloe's, there a Scottish breed.

My favorite little street in Almelo, this street is called Herenstraat, gentlemen street, lol. There so tiny but oh so cute, there still people living in there. They have a great vieuw aswell, a little forest and a ditch.

 Yes, it's that time again, time for the Christmas ornaments in the street, here in Almelo aswell. Some arty and some kitchy and some to much, lol.

Here it is, the Wonne. Every Monday at six I will have my free dinner here. The building is attatched to a church as you can see. The dinners are a bit old fashion, in other words the dinner prepairers gather around to peel the potatoes and make there own salades and gravy. Just like Grandma's always did, lol. That makes this free dinner so comfy.

Another favorite street of mine, Don't know it's name though. But what this street makes so nice are the houses, there like  houses from Amsterdam. I always drive this road when I go to the Banier for the free dinners, sometimes I have a little peek inside the houses. I really like these houses but there expensive, there not for rent, you can buy them.

Once I peeked trough a window (sorry) and saw a drumkit replica from Ringo Star in the livingroom as a decoration. Psst, it’s nr. 23 where you can see it.

 I parked my bike when I decided to do some shopping, while parking I saw this bike. I walked away but turned around again to take a picture, I thought it would be a nice shot. I love bicycles.

Every city has his own Christmas tree in December, this one is ours, it looks nice. As you can see the tree stands in the middle of a pond.

"It was December I still remember."

"It was December I still remember."

Last year December 2010, I still remember that month like it was a few months ago. Sure I still have those moments that I think of my time in Canada, it still flashes trough my mind like little short movie scenes. There are so many scenes though, I went trough many, many things there in Canada. Mostly good things, sometimes I see a scene back in my head and I try to fix that scene, like, I should have done that this or that way. Sometimes when I see those scenes back it brings me a good feeling aswell, it's like having good memories. I like that. Ofcource I miss them, mostly the kids. I miss being around them, miss being the goofy funny Dad, Miss the two little ones. But the missing feels different, I can sorta carry it, or how do you say it in good English? I can sorta handle it? That's the word, I guess. For now I wish them all well and I hope they still think of me so now and then. 

Enough about Canada, back to Holland now. Suprising day today, I  letted this day just come over me. No rush and taking my time. Only the question was, 'should I go to my Dad or not?' The weather looked good, cold but lots of sunshine, no rain! It wasn't until 11:00 'till I decided to go to my Dad's, it was short time though, a quick rest, then lunch, wash up, shoes on, jacket, scarf and hat on, and go! I think it was the first time in my life that I missed the train cause I was late, lol. The train I had to go with was standing already on the platform, it will be leaving at 12:42. It was 12:40 and I was standing in line to buy a train ticket, when it was my time the train left. Oh well, I will have to wait thirty minutes till the next train. The thirty minutes were flowen by just like that, I hopped in the train and there it went.

The Christmas ornaments I bought for Dad, cute right?

When I arrived dark clouds came passing by and I thought, 'Oh no, no rain please, I don't have a umbrella, rain coat nor rain pants.' But yeah, I walked five minutes and it rained, hard! Damn! Looking at the clouds it surely didn't look that the sun would come back, the sky was totally grey. I walked five minutes and I decided to return to the train station, return to home, sigh. On my way back I dived into a supermarket to do my last groceries, I needed just a few things. With all those free dinners I won't need that much food.  Lidl is the name of the market, it's been a while since I have been there. I had to search for the things I needed, I looked for butter more then ten minutes. It's much more comfier somtimes when you known the store well and you know where the grocries are placed. 

Groceries were done and I looked up, the sky was still grey but it was dry, I decided to go to my Dad. I realized that the trian ticket was six Euro and that's a waste of my money if I would return to Almelo. I was half way to my Dad's so, I kept on walking with a heavy bag of groceries, lol. I'm a goose!, LOL! It was quit a walk again, I went to another store before aia went tomy Dad. I want to buy him something for Christmas, I was right on time in the store cause it started to rain again. I saw two little fluffy Christmas ornaments and took them with me, payed for them and continued my journey, gladly it stopped raining. After the twenty minute walk I arrived at my Dad's, he was sitting on his spot on the couch. It was nice seeing him smile, but I could see he was tired. I didn't stay that long so that he could sleep for a little while.

As usual Dad and I didn't talk that much, we said what we had to say and just enjoyed our being together. Oh yeah, he loved the Christmas ornaments, (see picture) he smiled when  he saw them. I stayed for thirty minutes and then I left, I knew the train schedules and I knew how long the walk is from Dad's place to the trainstation. I was tired aswell, just like Dad, he was fine and was doing well. Maybe with Christmas I will visit him again, I should actually, right? It's such a journey though, specially with this cold and wet weather it's horrible. With Summer or Spring it's so much easier on my cycle. I walked back to the train station and saw many buildings and houses what reminds me when I lived here. Memories again, lol. I lived in this village for such a long time, I still know any roads, any ways, and short cuts. Every hop, every store and every building.

He asked me to take a picture of him, so I did. He could use a haircut.

Still I'm glad I don't live here anymore, but for the same reason I could have lived here again. Back in January from this year I was searching for almost a  month for a place to stay, it became Almelo, fifteen kilometers from Nijverdal. I'm glad it became Almelo, I didn't want the same old again in Nijverdal. I'm sure I would return back in my same old. Just doing my daily things, a few house holdings here and a few groceries there, and that was it. Being here in Almelo is new for me, and I love it, I see it as a challenge, I like being here. It gives me a proud feeling, a boost, like, 'hey, look what I achieved.' And there will be more achieving, I'm sure. It's alot easier being here aswell, if I would have lived in Nijverdal it wouldn't be easier, just because it will remind me of my kinda lonely life there back then.

I was fine with it though then, cause I didn't know else, untill I bumped into Saf, she flipped and turned my whole life around. I can perhaps say now, 'it's good I bumped into her, otherwise nothing would have changed.' Akward thought, right? Positive though, I should keep that thought in mind actually. It's been such a hectic time in Canada, a good hectic time, Can I say now was it all worth it? Allthough all the misery and pain from this year, I can say yes! Yes it was! But the proces I'm going trough is still not done, there are still wounds, but that's okay. Like I said in the beginning of this post, I can sorta handle them.

I was exhausted when I got back from my Dad's visit, but satisfied, I'm glad I finnished that journey to Dad's. I realized I need more people around me, specially in the weekends. I should make it a habbit going out once in the weekend, just once is enough. That habbit will come! 

Rain, rain, go away, please come back another day!

Rain, rain, go away, please come back another day!
I woke up at 7:00, I knew I had to go out this morning, checking my blood at the hospital and perhaps later on a few groceries. It was 8:30, I just had a few rice crackers and decided to head off to the hospital. I didn't eat that much cause there's still that question, lol, the question is 'Do I have to be sober before I test my blood for my thyroid.' Some nurses ask me if I'm sober, cause I have to be before they put the needle in my arm, and some nurses say, No, you don't have to be sober,' when I ask for it. I keep it a bit in the middle, I won't eat a complete breakfast, but just a bit.

Before I went out I looked out of the window to see if it rained, and yeah, it rained, and not even a bit too. Sigh, but I needed to go. I putted on my rain pants and grabbed my little umbrella, lol. One huge windhose and that umbrella will be gone, but it's the only one I have for now. Fully packed I took off, no raincoat though just  a wintercoat, it will be a short bike ride anyway. On my way I fought a few times with my little umbrella, lol. It collapsed three times, with the third time I throwed the umbrella away in a garbage bin near the hospital. I couldn't be bothered, I was half wet already anyway.

I bought this chocolate bar cause I deserved it, lol. Just got back from going trough alot of rain.

In the hospital I had to give a form with my Doctor's autograph on it and more information about this blood test, and I had to deliver a sticker. I recently recieved a paper with several stickers on it, with every blood test visit I will have to deliver one sticker. The form and the paper with stickers were a bit wet cause of the rain, most stickers were not sticking anymore. I helped the nurse with finding a sticker what still was intact, lol. The waiting room was packed, but with four nurses on duty it was done in fifteen minutes. It didn't even hurt, lol. I packed myself in again and went to the nearest supermarket, I took my glasses of cause I don't like it when they get wet.

No umbrella, but I had my hat on, though I missed my little umbrella. I bought a few groceries to get me trough this day, cause I don't plan to go out again today in this weather. I got home soken wet, it looked like I jumped in a river, lol. As I'm writing this post my winterjacket is still a bit wet. Tomorrow the weather will be a bit better, I would like to go to my Dad tomorrow. With the train ofcource, I will buy him a small Christmas basket, I'm sure he will like that. But let me first wait what the weather will be for sure tomorrow, it's quit a journey to my Dad's, fifteen minutes in the train, then a 20 minutes walk to his staying.

As you can see my rainpants were just a bit to short. My jeans became wet on the bottom.

Dear Santa!

I believe that you're never too old to make a Christmas wish list, here's mine. I will choose five things....

1) A Christmas stocking with enough money to come around next year. Sigh to all these bills!

2) A bed (I'm still sleeping on a matras on the floor, I'm not complaing though)

3) A wife with two or three kids. (Insert smile)

4) A timemachine so I can travel back in time sometimes.

5) Health and welth to all my friends across the globe.

After Rain comes sunshine, and I ain't talking about the weather.

 After Rain comes sunshine, and I ain't talking about the weather.

Ehausting day at work, heavy lifting is surely not my thing. maybe for a little while but not the whole day. There weren't many people at work, the Boss called Jeffrey aswell, he had to come. Jeffrey was told last Monday that he doesn't have to come back after January cause there just wasn't enough work, he could only stay untill this Friday. He wasn't happy and thanked for this and stayed at home, without saying anything to anyone on the office. After staying one day at home the Boss called him, he had to come. And he came today around 12:00, he was okay. Further not much news about work, I did my job well, learned a few things more and that was it. I was exhausted afterwards, but satisfied aswell. The three days off are deserved.

Vollunteer jobs! 

Yay, I'm starting to get on a roll. I finally found the place where I can sign myself in for vollunteer's work. I was so searching for that place a few times, I Googled mapped, I searched but couldn't find it. It's across the cityhall according to Google maps but... Where? Yesterday I found the place, finally! It's such a little building, it's hiding next to a parking garage. Before the place are standing two huge pilar's almost covering the place, it's so hard to find. But I found it, yay! Tomorrow for sure a vist. Second, I saw two vollunteer jobs for the local tv/radio station in Almelo this week, my counselor pushed me to call them, but phones and me does not work. I decided to mail them and 'eek,' they sent me a mail back. 

A friendly guy called Jan mailed me back telling me that they were very busy at the moment at the radio, but he picked a few days out when I could come for a visit, Jan will show me around then. In the mail was writtin aswell  that I could come in the early evening today for having a look around in the studio.  I answered back telling him that I will come after the free dinner, that will be after 6:00 pm. Wow, a full day then, but okay. First a whole day at work, from there I went to the free dinner, and then.... Then I should have been going to the local radio/tv station, but I didn't go. I was just to tired, and the weather was horrible, lots of wind and lots of rain. 

I knew already that the Jan from the tv/radio station had a few more days that I could show up, I decided to go then. I wanted to e-mail back Jan when I got back from the free dinner, first I took of my wet clothes (I was soked from the rain) and took a shower. Dry warm clothes on, and a glass of warm milk, makes you feel rich, lol. I opend my laptop and singed in to Hotmail, I saw that Jan mailed me back saying that he couldn't this evening, he rather wanted that I come have a look next Wednesday at 7:30 pm. Pffeeew, relieved, lol. My idea was aswell that I wanted to come next Wednesday. Glad afterwards that I skipped tonight anyway. 

Christmas dinner(s)!

So I had doubts that I couldn't join one Christmas dinner, and now I can join many Christmas dinners. On Monday evening there's the 'Wonne,' this is the place where I eat my free dinner every Monday at 6:00. Next monday they want to do something 'special.' This morning my Boss at Slettenhaar said I was welcome too for the Christmas brunch on Tuesday at 12:00. wow, I'm invited. A fellow worker came to me with a list, he asked me what I liked. I could choose, chicken, shwarma, and something else, I forgot the name. I choosed chicken. On Wednesday there's as always the normal free dinner, but on Thursday there a 'special' free dinner. They will be serving special christmas food, this will be at 5:00 pm, on the same day in the early afternoon Reha has aswell a Christmas brunch at 2:30 pm, I'm invited too then aswell, burp!

Today I got a mail from my counselor, he invited me aswell to his city at the place where he works (Humanitas) A few residents there and my counselor are prepairing a Christmas dinner and will be eating it afterwards. My counselor asked me to help out with the prepairing and the eating afterwards, I respond to him and told him that it was a nice gegesture and that I would like it but my schedule is already on Thursday. I think I don't even have to cook next week, or buy groceries, lol. I will take pictures from the many dinners and brunches next week.

"Another shooting,"

 "Another shooting,"

Just after a week after the shooting in my city, there was again a terrible shooting. This time even worser..... This time it was in Liege, Belgium.  3 hours and 15 minutes away from here.

A gunman armed with grenades opened fire on a square packed with children and Christmas shoppers in the eastern Belgian city of Liege on Tuesday, killing four people and wounding 123 before fatally shooting himself in the head. Officials named the gunman as Nordine Amrani, 33, a known criminal who had been summoned by police that morning but who did not show up.

 

Among the passers-by killed when Amrani went on his shooting spree near the city's courthouse was a 15-year-old boy who died instantly and a 17-year-old boy and 75-year-old woman who died later in hospital. A 17-month-old baby also died overnight. A justice official said 123 had been wounded.

This actually scares me, this kinda suicide attempts happens alot lately. It's like crazy people copy each other, like, "Hey, I had enough of life, let's make a mess." This guy who killed himself and took several innocent people with him is a well known guy by the police,  he had grenades with him and a gun. It's crazy, I just don't have words for it. While I was riding my cycle in the city this afternoon I was thinking, 'That terrible accident can happen here aswell.'  

People were walking and doing there stuff, some were in front of my with there cycles, kids were walking with there teacher. Imagine that some insane citizen suddenly throws grenades and starts to shoot, it's possible nowadays. Scary thought, but it's not a good thing to think about, I'm just hoping that it wont happen again, anywhere.

It snowed!

It snowed! 

Just a few flakes though but it's always exciting to see the first snowflakes, right? I yelled a small 'Yay' in the kitchen, but I'm pretty sure that I won't be yelling 'Yay' when the snow is getting to much. Oh well, it's all for free, and I like a bit of snow. I'm happy with my 'Canadian tire' winterboots, there nice and warm, I'm sure they will come in handy this winter. I planned to go to the hospital this morning to let my blood checked for my thyroid, but I didn't go. The weather was so bad, storm and rain, my house was to comfy and warm, I thought, 'The hell with it, I'm staying inside." Friday is a nice day to go aswell, so Friday it is.

My medication for my thyroid is almost done, the Doctor gave me medications for two months, after the two months I will have to check my blood again. I still have enough till January, but I decided to go check my blood this week, cause it's almost the holidays and I don't know if the Doctor's office is closed then. Aswell I would like to check my blood results before I go to London. It's 3:30 pm almost and I'm still wearing pyama pants, lol. Within thirty minutes I will be heading of to the free dinner, before that I want to visit the local tv and radio station in this city. I'm still looking for vollunteers work, and this 'station' had a vollunteer job what I liked. A radio technician... 

'As a technician from Radio Almelo, you are responsible for broadcasting different programs. You will mix the music, voices and, if necessary. telephone guests. You will do this with the Dj who's directing the show. You can move on to be producer and DJ.'

I'm so anxcious to do this but a little voice in me says, "You want this, just go for it!'  I just don't know. Vollunteer work, okay, but if the nerves are to big I should just skip it. It just has to stay nice and enjoyable, going there with nerves all the time isn't a pleasure.  Then I rather pick something else, but let's see what they have to say, there's nothing confirmed yet. I still need to visit them, maybe they have something else for me, for example serving coffee for the d.j's LOL! I don't know, maybe that way I can grow into this radio station. 

My counselor keeps pushing me to do vollunteer work and to get out more to meet other people, it's what I want though doing vollunteer work and meet more people, it's good for me. Sometimes I catch myself flooding back into my same ol' behavior, being a einzelganger. Ofcource being on your own is also needed but I don't want to make it a habbit. So, I don't mind the pushing from my counselor. Sometimes he pushes me to call for vollunteer work, or other things, I so dislike phones, or talking trough phones.

I rather go to them, see them and talk to them. Just like the local tv/radio station, I needed to call them, but what do I say then? How do I start? Yeah, let me just go to them or better send them a e-mail, lol. So, I sent the tv and radio station a e-mail, telling them that I was interested and that I would like to visit them for a short visit. I'm waiting for there response, if I don't get a response before Friday I will visit them, no phone call, lol. While I'm there I will visit the vollunteer agency too, they are in the same neighborhood. Let's see what they have for me, thumbs up for me I'm on a roll.
 

It's been a nice day, I had my rest and did a few householdings. Mostly I rested and went trough alot of flyers, I love to go trough them. In this month I get a load of flyers, I still have flyers from last week what I have to go trough. Another thing, there's a guy and a girl who I know from Humanitas. I see them mostly in the week, there a couple. Today with the free dinmer they asked, ermm told me, "Hey, were gonna drop by for a coffee soonish, I will give you a message when, okay?" Eermm, well okay! I actually didn't want them over cause I promised myself that I rather don't have visiters over from Humanitas or other people that I met in these eight months from Humanitas.  

Specially this couple,  a guy from Humanitas once told me that if you invite this 'couple' there is a chance they will drop by more often. And that's just not what I want. Fair enough! But oh it's so difficult to tell people that you rather don't want them for a coffee or a visit, I mean how do you do such thing? How do you tell that on a friendly way?  "Hey your really nice people but I rather don't want you guys for a visit." ? Hidding for them is not an option, I don't want that. For now I guess I just don't answer the phone, or I just let them come for once and explain them why I just want them for once.

"You're doing so well."

 "You're doing so well."

A busy day at work, just like yesterday. The only difference was that I was a bit on my hood, cause today I prolly got to hear if I can stay or go. I was calm though, calmer then yesterday. Jeffrey didn't show up, I'm not suprised. Jeffrey got to hear yesterday that he doesn't have to return in January, but he could stay this week and finnish his work. Well, like I said, I'm not suprised he stayed at home. While I was working I suddenly saw my Boss walking trough the factory, (Eek!) she was talking to another worker. I continued my work and thought, "She can come, I'm ready." Then she was gone, and suddenly after five minutes she showed up again next to me. She was friendly and smiled, she explained the whole story from yesterday and she said a few things more.

My name wasn't even mentioned in the conversation yesterday with the Boss and Jeffrey, (huh?) Jeffrey had to come with the Boss yesterday , cause it will be his last week here. There was no work anymore for jeffrey, he worked fourty hours in the week. It's hard to put a person with  internship to work for fourty hours a week when there's a lack of work. And there is a huge lack of work, In saw other workers walking trough the factory trying to find something to do. So yeah, Jeffrey had to go, "I couldn't promise Jeffrey a hiring contract," said the Boss. Jeffrey is going to look to another factory this comming Monday, where he has more luck. For me it's different, I work three days a week, there's could be a hiring contract in it for me. "No matter who rings on our bell for work or no matter who delivers there resume for work, your on the list first!" said the Boss.

There happy with me, and they want to do anything to keep me. So am I hired yes or no? It's fifty/fifty, it all depends how much work Slettenhaar has next year January, or how busy they will be or become. In the first week of January there will be a conversation with me, my Boss and my Reha counselor. Just like one week ago, we had a conversation together then aswell. In that conversation we said the same things, they couldn't hire me yet cause of the lack of work, my Boss adviced then, "Let's see what happens in two weeks. So yeah, in the first week of January I really want results, stay or go. I think I have worked long enough for free. My Boss told me aswell that upcomming Monday will be the last day of work, then our Christmas vacation starts.

Early right? I thought our last day was next Thursday, now it's Monday. Two weeks of vacation, I'm ready for it. Tomorrow will be my day off, it's quit stormy weather the last two days. This weather will continue untill the weekend. This morning I had to pack myself in a rain suite, lol. Such bad weather, hard wind and rain, sigh! The weather went better in the afternoon, what a reliefed feeling on my bike.

If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I will prolly become a genius this week.

If confusion is the first step to knowledge, I will prolly become a genius this week. 

A bit of a weird day today, while I was working fellow worker Jeffrey came up to me, he just had a conversation with the Boss and with his traject counselor. (Jeffrey came to Slettenhaar the same time with me, he came aswell from Reha, just like me) He had bad news to tell, this will be the last week for him at Slettenhaar, he doesn't have to come back in January. The reason was the huge lack of work, wich we both already knew off. Jeffrey told me aswell that the Boss told him that Sjon has to go too. (Hmm akward  from my Boss to tell him that) Now Jeffrey is a layed back guy and isn't that a talker, just like me a bit. I took his saying seriously. Although I asked him a few times, "Did the Boss say that?" Jeffrey's answer, "Yes."

I was confused, I already started to think that I will get a conversation too and that this week will be my last week aswell. My motivation went a bit down, and started to make plans ahead for this week. I will go back to Reha if Slettenhaar fires me, Reha will go find another job for me as soon as possible. But my motivation to go as soon as possible to another job is 00,000%, a little break let's say a month would be nice. A month at work at Reha to slow down a bit and build up my motivation again to go to another job would be good. I'm not even fired yet and I'm already making plans ahead, lol. Funny enough I felt a bit of a relief aswell, working at Slettenhaar is a though job, hard and heavey work.

The day went on and I did my work properly as always, just that sometimes I thought to myself, "Why do I even bother, I will be fired this week, it's over, I'm fine with it. I had my thoughts and I made my plans already for this week, it's good. It wasn't so busy at work cause a few people had a day off and a few were sick, my other Boss who follows me and gives me duties was having a day off aswell. But I knew what to do and I did my work well, that was a nice feeling. In the late afternoon I got a phonecall from my counselor from Reha, I thought, "Okay there you have it, that's it!" But the phonecall wasn't about the 'my last week,' it was about the Christmas brunch at Reha, lol. I can just come to the brunch, no problem. 

I felt a little relief cause of the brunch, I felt reliefed aswell cause of I had my Reha counselor on the phone. She leads me to this 'testing' project at Slettenhaar, she found this job for me aswell. I talked her about what Jeffrey  said this morning. My counselor heared here and there a few things already about it from Jeffrey's counselor, but has nothing heared that I will be fired. Strangely that I still didn't had a conversation yet today with my Boss, and it was already 4:30 pm almost. My counselor told me trough the phone that I have to hear it personally from my Boss when or if I will be fired, and not trough another person. But I trust Jeffrey a 100%, he would never say, "The Boss said you will be prolly fired aswell," just like that. 

So yeah, mixed feelings, but the counselors phonecall give me a tiny bit of hope again, who knows, right? Hope aswell about the thought, "If I would get fired the Boss would have come to me already today for a conversation, but she didn't. My counselor will call my Boss tomorrow morning she told me, and ask her for some details. Another thought I had aswell today was that my Boss wants to keep me untill 22 of December (after that the Christmas vacation starts) and then prolly she will fire me, oh Sjon! Well, I don't like that they hold me on a line like that, with all there nice and smooth talk. Negative thoughts I know, but alright I will hear it tomorrow, or prolly later this week. In the meanwhile I will just do my work,

And hey, to be honest, I almost made the decicion to stay home tomorrow and the rest of the week, cause I couldn't be bothered, I will be sick. I was a 100% sure I would be fired this week, but the counselor's phonecall gave me a bit of a boost and a little hope. This day was not all that negative, I had a nice day aswell. The other fellow workers and I goofed around and had alot of nice talks, it was a nice but confussing day. I'm such a goof sometimes, a little ashamed here, lol. So yeah, tomorrow or later this week I will hear it, stay or go. If I have to go, it's fine, then it just has to be that way. I wont get mad or go into a panic attack. It as as it is. I'm keeping my fingers crossed though.

If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today.

If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today. 

It seems I have always worries, lol. When I worry about something, there will be another worry after that worry. Will it ever stop? I don't want to make it a habbit, lol. It's not good for my health either, just let it be, let it be, let it be, oh let it be, there will be a answer, let it be. Thank you Mr. Mccartney.  A little bit worried recently about my trip to London, will it go trough? (Ofcource!) Will the confirming last mail from the travel agency come one week before the trip? (They said it!) Will the bus for my London trip be on time on the trainstation? Or even show up(Yes!) But what if... this... And what if....that. 'There will be a answer... Let it be!' Not that easy though to just say 'let it be' and stop worrying, lol. 


No matter what will happen the 30th of December will come anyway, and then... Then we will see then. It was freezing this morning when I came out of bed, when I opened up the screens I saw frost on the cars and the gardens. It was minus 2 or 3 the weatherforecast said, I'm sure it was. Sundays I take my time, sundays I take aswell long showers, not to long though, otherwise my rooms will be flooded with soap water, lol. Oh and the first drops of water this morning on my skin, it was COLD! Way to cold to showe, I prefer showers in the summer.I still need a few new items in my bathroom/shower, I so could use a new showerhead and a new showerdrain. 

The water will not properly flood into the drain, (yes the drain is clean) result to much water in the shower section, lol. I solve this problem with floorcloths, I will make everything dry again with the cloths. I like my shower clean after I splished and splashed. The walls in the shower could use some painting aswell, and the wall tiles could use a good scrub. Perhaps I could do all this with Christmas when I'm bored. A few more areas in my house could use some painting, specially some of the door frames or window frames. I letted that be when I first moved in here, cause I had more other important stuff to do. Guess I can make it a white Christmas afterall with white paint, lol.

Not much new news about the shooting from last Friday today, only the issue now is, 'was the vicitim been shot with a gun from the police?' If it was then there will be another issue, 'Can a policeman take his gun with him while he's not on duty?'The shoother was a policeman in training, when he commited suicide he had his police gun laying beside him. I'm sure this comming week there will be alot of answers and more news about this, and I'm sure this will be talked about at work aswell tomorrow. Alot of churches in this city this morning had special sermons for the girl who has been shot, that's a nice gesture, I guess that's needed aswell. The supermarket C1000 will be open again this comming Monday.

Two more weeks then it's Christmas vacation, two more weeks of work. I hope it will be busy the last two weeks, busy is good for me. It means I can prolly get a hiring contract, lol. The more work the more people they need.

Roddy Frame (Aztec Camera) - Bigger, Brighter, Better (Acoustic Live)

"A shooting in my city? Yeah right!"

Last night...

In a supermarket in the city Almelo (Netherlands) a 18 year old casierre has been shot in the early evening.

The shooter was a 25-year old policeman in training in Amsterdam Amstelland. He has shot several times. He escaped after the shooting and later found dead. In his house were found two farewell letters.

The shooting took place just before closing time  of the supermarket, a shopping mall in the C1000 Schelfhorst in Almelo. At the time of the shooting the mall was crowded and many people witnessed it. Many of them were captured by Victim Support.

The store where the shooting took place.

  

The police explains further that the shooter immediately after the shots was on the run. Police tried to resuscitate the shooter. Other officers chased the shooter but he already commited suicides. The police found the farewell letters from the shooter in his own house, the shooterwas the victim's ex-lover. 

Terrible news and shocking. It happend last night around 8:30 pm, I was at home. The supermarket  where the shooting took place is called 'C1000' in Schelforst. Schelforst is a area in Almelo, and it's only 15 minutes away from my house. First I thought the shooting was nearer cause five minutes from my house is aswell a C1000 supermarket. Pretty scary that a shooting took place so close, it makes me think aswell. I'm trying to imagine how this all happend, there were alot of people doing there groceries, and ofcource not realizing there will be a shooting. 

Imagine, everyone in that store is doing there thing, being busy and don't even notice there's a man with a gun in the store. I wouldn't notice him, who would? And then suddenly, 'Beng!' Beng! Beng! It must have been such a shock. I'm thinking of all the casierre's in this city, or elsewhere in Holland. They must be thinking now that this could happen to me aswell, or this could have been happen to me aswell. I'm sure, and the victim support already confirmed it, that the witnesses will get support. My condolences and sympathy goes out to the family. Terrible, sigh! 

In the afternoon I went to the area Schelforst, just to witness or see the atmosphere there. First I thought, "Isn't that silly to go there?" But when I arrived I saw lots of people, the supermarket self was closed ofcource. There was a sign on the doorscreens saying, due the circumstances we are closed. Other stores were open and people were shopping but aswell people were placing loads of flower bouquets and candles near the doorscreens from the closed supermarket. You could sign a condolence book aswell, wich I did. 

I bought a little flower bouquet aswell and layed it near the other flowers, sigh! Kinda akward to be so close I felt sad and... I don't know, just a weird feeling. There were lots of people like I said, some were talking, some were just looking and some were crying. The Major was there aswell plus the local TV and radio, prepairing themselves for intervieuws. Weird enough I was a bit scared to go shopping, scared that a second shooting would happen. I'm sure I wasn't the only one, I continued my bike ride after I signed the condolence book. I could have stayed longer cause it was quiet interesting and impressive aswell. 


I still needed to do some shopping, it was quiet a ride to the next supermarket. Pretty cold aswell with lots of wind. I went to the first supermarket I saw and again I had that akward feeling of the shooting, it was busy, very busy in the city. Saturday's shopping madness, people on bikes, people walking and people in cars, kriss kross trough each other. Accidents could happen just like that, lol. In the store I nearly bumped into my Boss from Slettenhaar, Slettenhaar has two Bosses actually. The Boss I nearly bumped into is a Boss who I don't see that much, he's always on his office. 


He saw me and observed me a few times, when we saw each other he waved at me, I waved back and said hello, then I continued my shopping. Should I had a little talk with him? Hmm, naah. Ofcource I noticed him a few times more and nearly bumped into him again while shopping, but saying 'hi' againwould be a bit weird right? I tried to not observe him and continued my shopping, akward and not easy in a small store. Anyway I payed for my groceries and went home. I bought a few things more too today, gloves, a agenda and a calendar. Those items were much needed.


It was quit a interesting day, I had my rest aswell, I took two naps. And I'm waiting with patience on my confirmed mail from the travel agency for my trip to London. A week before the actual trip the agency wants to send me a confirming mail with more details about the trip. Eeeek! Yeah, I'm quit nerves. What if this and what if that... Ah, you know! LOL!

Like a homing bird I'll fly as a bird on wings.

Like a homing bird I'll fly  as a bird on wings.

What can I say about this day, it was a day off. I enjoyed it, but missed aswell my job, lol, silly me. I hope I can stay for good at my new job, in the first week of January my counselor from Reha and my new Boss will gather around again for a final talk, will I be hired or can I go. My counselor from Reha has a good feeling about it, and me. I do not know, for me it is fifty fifty. It all depends on the work, the company has to get more tasks or how you call it.

Christmas! 

I really enjoy Christmas, but yeah, being alone is just not that fun to celebrate Christmas. though I will be fine, I'm sure I will enjoy myself. I don´t have any Christmas decorations either, I planned this way ahead, just because I knew already that I wont be in a celebrathing Christmas mood. That doesn´t mean I hate Christmas, oh no. But when I imagine myself sitting here in my house celebrating Christmas with here and there some Christmas decorations, and trying to get in the Christmas spirit,thatv will not work. 

So, no thank you. Sure I will enjoy myself and perhaps make a delicious dinner, or I will do some other thing. And sure I will get some nice food and snacks in the house, but I will not make it a huge fest. Piteous? Naah, not at all. I'm not complaining, I will be fine. Next year I will make it a double Christmas celebration, with a huge Christmas tree.


Today. 

Today I did one load of laundry and the first half of my groceries, it was quit a bag full. I hoped the bag didn't brake while hanging on my bike's steer, lol. It didn't. Tomorrow the second part of grocery, it won't be much. It's just that in some supermarkets the cheese or the butter is cheaper then in the other supermarket. Can be quit fun to go on a sale hunt, I hope it won't be that busy tomorrow. Saturdays is like a war going on when it comes to shopping, gotta love it. I have totally nothing planned this weekend, I will just let the weekend come over me and will see what happens. It's all good, (insert smile)

"What a nice day at work!"

"What a nice day at work!"

What a nice day it was at work, there was lots to do, without asking my Boss every ten minutes what do I have to do now? I loved it, I felt good aswell. The radio was on and some people were singing along, and some were making jokes. There was a good atmosphere, I like that. I take my hat of for a fellow-worker who is actually the major worker, or how do you call such a person. He's the one who guides the other workers, he knows what has to be done, he knows the orders. When I have a question I go to him, he's always friendly and smiles. It looks he never has a bad day, lol. That must be so tough, to be always friendly even when someone screws a order up.

I screwed up a few times, well it were a few little mistakes, though in my eyes and thoughts I screwed up. I dislike making mistakes, but I know aswell that I learn from making mistakes. It's nice aswell that you know what to do when the 'major worker' gives you an order, I know how to make a mat, I know what the procedure is for making a mat. I enjoy my work, even though it's sometimes though having sore muscles or having less energy. Aswell saying 'have a nice weekend,' while other workers still have to work a day. One worker told me once that it must be nice to have to work only three whole days, well, yeah it is, but I NEED those days off aswell for my body to rest. Just that sometimes they don't understand that.

There's still a storm going on here, it's getting worser while I write this post, I hope my windows or roof will hold it, lol. With eight degrees above zero it's sure not cold, I wonder where the snow is. There was a little dissapointed news that I got to hear today, another worker from Reha (who I know) told me that I'm not invited for Reha's last working day of the year, they organized a Christmas brunch. I told my Boss a few days ago in a mail that I prolly won't be invited for my new jobs Christmas brunch, I asked him if there still was space for me at Reha's brunch. Both brunches will be held on 22 December.

My Reha Boss didn't mailed me back yet, but like I said tonight at the free dinner a Reha worker told me I wasn't invited, the reason was that I worked at Slettenhaar now and not at Reha. The Reha worker told me aswell that my Boss at Reha will mail me about this, but yeah, no mail yet. Now I'm not really sure that I'm not invited at my new jobs Christmas brunch, but a week ago 'they' had a party aswell in the cantine. (It was someone's birthday) Then I wasn't invited either, simple reason? I was not a official worker there. (yet) So, I'm guessing I won't be invited to the upcomming Christmas brunch aswell. Most dissapointed I'm at Reha, cause I mailed them saying I'm prolly not invited at my new job's Christmas brunch. There answer in short, 'your not invited here aswell'. Not really a nice start for the Christmas holidays right?


But yeah, I will just see what happens on the 22th, I will be dissapointed if I'm not invited specially at Reha. I've done so much for these people. Anyway, although prolly the dissapointment, I'm surely not gonna sit and feel lonely and sad. I'm gonna make the best of it without complaining cause 'that' won't help me further. I will enjoy myself, 100%! And maybe who knows, the situation turns around and I will have a brunch anyway. Then I complained and whined for nothing, prolly made a fool of myself, lol. But hearing from a Boss where you worked eight months for and had a GREAT time with, 'your not invited,' isn't a nice thing to hear, right?

"High tree's catches the most wind."

"High tree's catches the most wind." 

There's a storm going on in Holland, it isn't a pleasure wen you have to go trough it. I had to go trough it twice today, first time was in the morning, and second time in the late afternoon. I was sore when I got out of bed, I truly wished I could have stay inside, but I had a dentist appointment where I had to go too. I had a good sleep though, I needed that. Still the two days of work asks alot of my body, a resting day is surely needed then. It didn't rain when I got out of bed, but (ofcource, lol) it rained when I had to go. It rained hard, extremely hard. I putted on my rain-pants and putted my rain coat over my winterjacket, the rain- coat is very thin but rain-proof. Umbrella with me and there I went, off to the trainstation.

It's a bless that the rainstation was only ten minutes away from me. When I arrived in Nijverdal I saw alot of changes again in this village, one of the new things that I saw and liked was the new square in the middle of the centre. With a few nice trees and in the middle of the square a huge Christmas tree, so nice. It still rained when I walked from the trainstation to the dentist, I was a bit worried aswell cause of my muscle pain in my hips. They hurt alot so now and then recently, I guess I can blame the long standing daily at work. Maybe I should try to do more excersizes, but then again I walk alot and I ride my bike alot, shouldn't that be enough? 

Anyway, the dentist was nice as ussual and shooked my hand. It was a short visit cause it was only a check up, but oh dear, I needed four new fillings and something else, (Dentists use sometimes the weirdest numbers while checking) Another filling broke off a few months ago, that has to be fixed aswell, that makes five new fillings, sigh and ouch! I will have to come back twice in the second week of January next year, on a Wednesday. I asked if it was possible to come on a Friday, cause the wednesday I need for resting. The Friday wasn't possible cause then my dentist wasn't there, well. okay. I was still tired when I layed in the dentist-chair, I could easily fall asleep, lol. Better not, right? 

Windmill waiting for the storm.

On my way home it was dry, happy me! I did a few groceries in Nijverdal, I went to the supermarket where I always went when I still lived here, kinda akward to be there again. Funny that I had to think twice where they had stalled the bread again, lol. Still I'm sure I don't want to live in this village again, I don't want to fall back in the same ol,'  same ol.' I don't want to be a einzelganger. When I got back home it started to rain again, woohoo, right on time back. I made some lunch and heated up the sleeping room, I needed a nap. The phone ringed, it was my counselor, he wanted to come for a visit. He missed the last visit when he wanted to come, that was last Friday.

I like when he comes for a visit, he's helping me around with the rest of my hmm, problems? I wouldn't call it problems, more things I would still like to achieve. Like doing some vollunteer-work, just to be around people, communicate and perhaps build up some friendships. Just to get me busy and not sit at home most of the time. Now it's not that a problem, cause I have my work, there I see and speak with my fellow workers, and I do go out three times a week for dinner, there I see and speak people too. I would like to find something for the weekends, that would be nice. Although all that, I need my rest and my 'me' time too, I don't have that feeling when I come back from work, that I have to go somewhere, cause then I would like to have a 'me' time.

Talking about my 'me' time, let me fill up the waterkettle and jump into my pyama pants and have a relaxing time. I just got back from the free dinner, it was nice being there again. On my way back home I had the wind against me, geesh, what a storm. This storm will last a few days, in the weekend we will get some other weather. Hope it's gonna be better, I don't mind some snow actually.

Work, work, work!

Work, work, work! 

I just finnished dinner, a  warmed up meal from last Sunday. Pasta and some meat, I made a bit extra Sunday, so I don't have to cook Tuesdays when I come back from work I thought. So now and then I do that, it's handy and easy. Monday when I come back from work I have the free dinner,then I don't have to cook either. Lol, do I even cook in the week? Oh yeah, sometimes Tuesday's' and then Friday's, Saturday's and Sunday's. I cook simple things, potatoes, veggies and meat, sometimes I do something special for example 'chicken tonight,' or something else. And I promised myself that I wanted to cook more  and more differently, yeah, I just need a bit more money I guess. 

I think I can manage with my money when I want to cook something different, I usually choose the cheap food. Cheap but with quality potatoes, cheap meat but tasty, and veggies from a can, just as fresh as other veggies. I'm sure I eat well and healty, oh yeah I'm positive about that. Plus I eat my fruit and juices aswell, no worries here. But so now and then I had it with always making and cooking the same food, I must say with the free dinners they serve me different and yummie food too. With work I eat good aswell, I always did. While working at Reha, I guess I was the only one with sandwisches and fruit. I like to eat well, ofcource I have a snack aswell sometimes, chocolate bars are the best! 

Back to this day, working day, what can I say? Worked hard and I see I'm progressing, I can finnish a complete mat now. (Hey, you brag!) Sometimes I still make these little mistakes, but I guess you learn from them. Although I dislike making mistakes, sometimes I want to work fast then I sometimes forget things. It bothers me aswell making this mistakes, oh well, the bothering and the disliking will make me not make that same mistake again, right? Tomorrow a day off, sigh, I'm ready for it. But tomorrow morning I have a dentist appointment at 10:00 am, sure I will not go on my bike. I will get the train at 9:00, then I will have to walk for 15 minutes. 

Yeah full morning again, I will take it easy the rest of the day.  A nap is for sure on my schedule.

Hail & rain? Yes!

Hail & rain?  Yes!

Exhausted after work, oh yeah. It made me think aswell, 'Should I change my working schedule?'  Working Monday a whole day and Tuesday a whole day, that's two days in a row. Hmmm, it would be easier if I skip the Tuesday and work Wednesday a whole day. So that way I can work a day and get a resting day after. Monday work, Tuesday rest, Wednesday work, Thursday rest, Friday work, Weekend! I will see how it will go. Today's working day went good, I had fun, although there wasn't much to do. I dislike it when there's not much to do, cause I might get another duty then, a duty what I'm not used to, lol. I rather do something what I'm used to, so far so good. 

It was a cold day, rainy, windy, and some hail. But I guess I was a bit lucky, in the morning when I went to work it was dry, when I went home it was dry too. On my way to the free dinner it was dry aswell, but on my way back home, I got a huge hail storm on my head. No umbrella, no rain pants, yeah I got soked. Gladly I was on my way home and could take of those wet clothes. The weatherforecast forspelled snow aswell, but I didn't see any, but cold it was, oh yeah. Tomorrow even colder. It's gonna be a busy week, three whole days of work, Wednesday a day off, but the dentist is expecting me at 9:50 am. It's just a check up, but still it's again a long travel to Nijverdal. I'm sure I will go by train.

My bicycle stays inside, I should search for a dentist in my own city actually. I will but not yet, perhaps next year, after 1 January. It's a lot easier to have a dentist much nearer, anyway. Let me warm up with a nice coffee, cause the hail storm made me cold. I'm already wearing a thicker sweater. Cheers! 

"It's hard to find something."

"It's hard to find something." 

It was a bit before 8:00 pm, Saturday eve,' a large cuppa coffee and a small raisin bread.

I'm still in pyama pants, lol. I don't mind. kinda akward though cause four or five years ago I would just put my jeans on in the morning and leave them on. Now I only put my jeans on when I go out. When I come back, it's jeans of again. While I was in Canada at Saf's place I did it the same way in the beginning, jeans on in the morning and leave them on. Saf and the kids did it differently, comfy clothing inside the house, other clothing when they go out. And when they would come back, it's back in the comfy clothing. I prolly took that habbit over, cause I'm doing the same now. Love it, when you come back from work or something else, feeling relaxed with comfy pants on or comfy sweater.

Anyway, back to this Sunday. You prolly know what I'm gonna say next, lol. Yes, I didn't do much today, I showered, (Wow, I bought a huge scrub sponge yesterday and that kinda hurted while showering and scrubbing, lol. But it did me good aswell) laundry was done, so I didn't have to do that, sweeped the floors and ironed my working clothes. Later on I will make some pasta for dinner, perhaps I will make alot, so I can freeze some pasta in for Tuesday. When I come back from work, I will be tired and don't feel much for cooking. I have been looking online for somthing to do in the week or in the weekends, like a voluntary association or a club where I can go to once or twice a week. 

That can be anything for my part, perhaps something with radio, or yoga, gym, painting, ect, ect. Just that I have something to go to besides having a job, communicate, meet people, ect, ect. But it's so hard to find something, is it that there's just so less to do or is it that there's so many that I can't find the right thing? It's almost like finding a needle in a haystack, I found several cources and I will join some of them too, but what to do when the cource is over? Another cource? I'm sure my wallet won't like that, there's gotta be something there, I'm sure. And I'm positive that I will find something, dating perhaps? I don't know, let that happen spontaneous for now, lol. I'm good. 

Two weeks working and then it's Christmas vacation, I will have two weeks off. Gosh time flies. Before you know it it's January again, but let's first go to London on 30 December, Yay! I haven't heared from the traveling company yet, they said a week before I will get the final traveling papers, EEK! 

There are three words I like to repeat to myself "glass half full." Just to remind myself to be grateful for everything I have.

There are three words I like to repeat to myself "glass half full." Just to remind myself to be grateful for everything I have.

I liked this Saturday, just like yesterday. I enjoyed myself and felt good, and I even didn't do that much. Did one load of laundry and went for the second half of grocery shopping, I love my drying-rack, lol! The weather was so bad though, rain, rain and rain. Specially this morning the rain came down like crazy, it's nice to look at it but not that much fun if you have to go trough it. I wanted to go out, I wanted to go to a second hand store just to have a look around, but with all that rain, never mind!

In the afternoon the rain stopped a few times, so I decided to go out. Not to the second hand store but to buy groceries, the second hand store was a bit to far with all that rain. I went to another store, another supermarket in this city. The store is called 'Deka markt,' I never been there. It was nice to be there, and I took my time. I bought everything what I needed and a bit more, lol! Ofcource, I too need sometimes some extra, lol! It was really a nice store, everything looked tidy and need, and it wasn't even that expensive. I spent a little hour in the store and went back home, well, with a different route. It didn't rain and I didn't feel like going home yet.

When I got back I took a short nap, it started to rain aswell, I was right on time at home! I realized today aswell that I really need something to do with Christmas, I think I will be good, but, hmm. I think no one should ever be alone with Christmas, my plan was to just get trough these days and I will be fine, perhaps aswell ignore it a bit. But you can't actually ignore it, it's everywhere, on TV, on the radio, even on Facebook or Blogger, lol. I will look what there is to do or what I can do this Christmas. I don't have to fill the whole two days of Christmas, perhaps a few things or just one, that will satisfy me. But then again, it's not a must, it would be good and nice for me but I don't wanna pressure myself to find something.

For sure I will visit my Dad, he would like that. The 22th of December there are several places where I can have a Christmas dinner. At Reha they have a organized dinner, cause it's the last working day of the year. Aswell the place where I work has something to do on that day, What? I don't know yet. And third, the place where I ussualy have the free dinners have a special Christmas dinner aswell, busy day huh? I really would like to go to Reha's dinner, I haven't seen these people in a few months. Would be nice to see them again. About the place where I work now, I don't know what they will organize, but I do know that they will do something. 

Last Friday at my job they had a birthday party too, but my fellow worker from Reha and me weren't invited, cause were not actually oficial work members there. Well. okay, so prolly that means that were not invited on the 22th of December aswell. I already messaged my old Boss from Reha with this story, and I told him to save a plate on the 22th. Kinda looking forward to this day, it's nice to see them again.