Just can't believe it...

Just can't believe it...

I woke up and made some new plans while I rolled my head to the right. It was early, I thought, "first I will go to my bank, and I can use a bike aswell, and maybe a cellphone." Jo told me about it yesterday, there easy to get and cheap. I still have to look at a place to stay longer, and perhaps a job. There's so much to do, but first things first. When I came downstairs, Jo and his wife were already up, sitting on the couch. They had something to tell me, "Sjon, I think your to negative, the situation that your in is to negative for us. (he mentioned the word negative quit a few times) He went on, "We are happy and joyfull people, and we don't want negative people or negative things around us, my wife and I had a talk and we  made the decision that you have to go."

My heart sanked in my shoes, and I was waiting till he would say, "I'm kidding", But he didn't. If it was a joke, I wouldn't have like it anyway. Jo said, "You have one hour to pack your bags and I will call a taxi or I'll can drive you somewhere. My heart pounded, is this really happening? "There is no further discussion possible," he told me. He was very clear, with almost violent words. It scared me a  bit. There's no messing with him. I packed my bags and suitcases and went downstairs, the bags were feeling heavier, cause I was tired and out of strenght, I still thought "Is this real? "Am I dreaming?" Am I that negative?"I don't know, I was not negative, I'm just in a bad situation at the moment. Jo and his wife knew this! 

I was afraid to ask Jo if he was kidding while he did his saying, he was clear. I packed the last suitcase in a rush. I was ready to go (again) sigh! He said just before we got in the car, "Yeah, sorry Sjon, but we just don't want this," I replied, " I understand," and went quiet. It felt so weird going again, and why did he gave me only an hour to pack? Would he do something to me if  I wasn't done in a hour? I just didn't get it, we mailed so many times and many times Jo answered "No problem, everything will be fine." I told him about my situation many times in my mails,  he knew what kinda person he was getting in his house. He knew I wouldn't come to his house with a huge smile and dance and be joyfull. 

He knew that it would be a long proces, and now this all of a sudden. Jo and his wife were totally the opposite of yesterday. I was almost thinking up loud, but was afraid to confront it with Jo. He asked me "Shall I drive you somewhere or shall I call a cab?" "You can drive me to my Dad," I answered. That was my first thought, going to my Dad. The drive to my Dad was okay, I was quiet, and nerves to say the wrong thing. When we arrived Jo helped me with my suitcases and said, "Good luck." I replied with, "Thanks," but thougt,"You @ssh0le." I left the suitcases in the hallway, and went to my Dad's room. The elevator went up and there I was. Dad thought I came for a visit, but it was to early for a visit, it was 8:30am. 

I explained him what happened but he didn't get it, I knew this, cause he doesn't understand things so well. He's old and his hearing is bad. I told him the short version, I didn't ask him for help, cause he can't help anymore on his age. The time he helped out is over. From my Dad's room I called my Aunt and told her what happened. They were stunned and didn't get it either, "Why?" my Aunt stumbled. "They were so nice and welcoming". I had to get to work, and do things, it will be a long day. I took my suitcases upstairs and left them there for today, a nurse came into the room and said, "Hi, your back?" Again I told what happenned. and in the end she told me that I can't stay here.

Yeah, duh, I know that! I didn't want to saddle all my problems to my Dad and just stay here! But I can tell he's concerned, ofcource, I'm his son. I went walking to the nearest bicycle shop and tried  to get me a cheap bike. They had one but I had to wait till 5:00 pm. They need to prepair the bike first, It was 10:20 am and I confirmed. I will pick up the bike later on. From there I went to the Townhall/social services for some information about my income, I needed a place to stay aswell. When I got there, I told my story in short to a lady at the first deck. She told me to go to the 'work and income' desk, maybe they can help you there. The lady at that desk told me that they didn't sell or rent out houses right away, but there's a guy who can perhaps help you.

If he's done with the other customer, then he can help you. I had to wait. When the guy was done he came towards me and shook my hand. I told him my story and... he couldn't help me aswell, but he had some good tips. "Anything is welcome," I thought. He told me to inform sunmmer houses or perhaps call companies who sell houses, they  have sometimes aswell houses for rent for a spare time. It was nice talking to him, I shooked his hand when we were done, and I went on. Next visit was a friend of mine, it was a long walk but I think I got used to that in Barrie, Canada. I walked sometimes for miles, it's nice walking there. My friend wasn't home but his Mom and Dad wer. (The friend's name is Johan)

His mom opened the door and she looked at me for a moment. "Oh, Sjon your back!?" She nearly shouted, "Come in," she said. and she gave me a cuppa coffee. Nice, I could use a rest and I sat down and said hello to Johan's Dad, who was sitting in the kitchen. I told them both my story. They have a daughter living in Boston USA, she has three kids and is married. Johan's Mom showed me later some pictures from them, they have been in Boston aswell, so they know what traveling is. When I talked about Canada the Mom and Dad looked at each other a few times and were quiet. I knew that they were thinking that I'm gonna ask them probably if I can stay here for a month of three. 

But that was sure not my idea, I wanted to show my face and see how Johan was and his parents. After my coffee I said goodbye and told them that I will keep them updated, they were friendly as always. I went further to ' Public housing.' (that's a place where you can rent houses in this area, thanks wikipedia) The rain poored out of the sky while I was almost there, and I got soaked. When I arrived they gave me some papers to fill in, after filling it in I will come on a list. Every month I will get one point, and after, let's say 40 points, I'm able to pick a house for rent. I know it's going to be a long road, but okay, it's a start. Now, there was something new, some people who are sick or disabled have a shorter list. To get on such a list I will have to ask for 'urgenty.' These people can get sometimes a house right away. 

Now the woman told me that I could maybe get on the short list. They have to ask that to a certian lady who arranges such lists, but she's only mondays here. She made an appointment for me for next Monday. Sigh, so much to do! On my way back to my Dad I decide to go to another friends house, his name is Arie. He's a good friend, I spent almost a decade with him, he's a close friend. His parents are extremely nice aswell. They were happy to see me and I was getting another cuppa coffee, Arie's parents told me that he's out with his brother. His Mom asked me how I was and I told her that I'm okay and then I told her the whole story what happened this morning. They heard on my story and were friendly but aswell very clear. 

Arie's Mother told me, "Well, you went to Canada, and you probably should  have known that it could go wrong, you took step A, you went to Canada and now you have problems! Now you have to take step B." She went on, "But you have to take step B all by yourself cause we can't help you, you have to take your own concequences, I don't want to sound rude or mean, but we really can't help you." I got the message, oh yes! I told them that it was MY choice to go to Canada, and at THAT time in my eyes I made the right decision. And I still think I made the right decision! In every relationship happens somethings sometimes, issues or problems, and yes, aswell break ups.


Unfortunatly my relationship with Saf couldn't continue, but how could I have known what would have happen two years ago?  And now I have to take the next step and I will, I have to. I told them, "I wasn't here to ask for help or for a place to stay, but just to see how you guys were and to show my face". They understood but they stayed clear, They told me that it's better that you don't come here everyday, (I wasn't even planning)  you have to get to work, cause we have our own problems." I decided not to come back for a very long time, they weren't very welcome in there sayings. She sounded hard, although she was friendly and I understood her, but what is wrong in showing my face sometimes and telling them how I'm doing? 

Anyway, my Dad was waiting so I continued my trip. Dad was a bit worried, I could tell in his behaviour. He's nervous and slightly short breathed. When I walked in a nurse stopped me and wanted a talk with me. She told me that it's really tough for me this situation, but you really can't stay here, it's not healty for your Dad and we can see he has it hard now. Again"  I told the nurse, "It is NOT my attention to stay here, I knew that already this morning, and I know my Dad is worried. "The nurse told me, "We would like you to go, before 11:00 pm." I replied, "I will be gone before 11:00 pm." Duh, ofcource, I can't stay at my Dad's, I'm not dumb. It was time to make some phonecalls, dad does not like that, so I took the phone with me into the sleeping room, what a day! 

I called many, many summer houses and many, many brokers, (or how you call them) they all asked for my phonenumber, wich I don't have. I gave them my Aunt's number. In every phonecall I made I told them 'my story', and after the eight or nine phonecall with result 'none/zero', I had to lay down, even my Dad got nerves cause he doesn't like long phonecalls from me, he walked in and out the sleepingroom. sigh! When I layed down for ten minutes I was thinking of my life in Canada, I wanted a Family around me or just people who loved me, I experienced this at Saf's house. That is what I needed, Saf and her kids is what I needed. A family and that's all. I need love and attention at the moment, but I felt I'm on my own.

I had  a great time experiencing this Canada adventure though, ofcource with ups and downs. It sure wasn't easy, Saf told me on the last day "What you have learned now, you can take with you," and she's right. But still, they will always be in my heart, Saf and the kids!  Love you lots guys! I went on with calling, and the last call was finally a succes after so many phonecalls, I nearly died and gave up. It's a summer 'farmers' house, 20 minutes from my Dad's place. I was happy and nearly cried. They told me I could stay till 31 January, and it's 40 Euro a night, first we need to talk, the owner said. It was 6:00 pm and the lady said, "I will be there after 7:00, then you can come to have a look." I said, "I'll take it right away." I called my Aunt and told her the news.

She and my Nephew offerd me to drive me to the place. It was a bit before 7:00 and it was time to go, My Nephew and Aunt were ready too, and off we went, we took all My suitcases with us. I was a tiny bit worried about the talk the owner wanted, and slightly nerves about the room. "How will it be, and what do they want to talk about?" I thought. We were almost there and the car went into the driveway, it was a huge farm. The lady leaded me to my little complex, yes complex! No room! I saw the complex already from outside and it looks nice! When we went in I couldn't be happier, I liked it and looked forward to relax from this terrible day! After the owner explained me a few things about the house, we both agreed and I signed the papers. Yay!

My Aunt and Nephew left and I was alone and felt ugh, tired and a bit lonely, my first thought wass that Saf would love it here, when she wants to come for a visit in Holland, I'll take her here, maybe Tasn and Ab aswell. I explored the room and it looks more then nice. three beds upstairs, a two  persons bed downstairs, a little kitchen with everything, very nice design, big shower and bathroom, TV, a little open fire. Yeah this is nice, I hope I can stay longer then two weeks, here I can come to rest and get to work at the same time... Was it meant to be that I got kicked out of Jo's house this morning? I felt slightly a relief being kicked out.


It's been a long day, I will lay my head to rest.