It's harder then I thought...

It's harder then I thought....

I wish I could move on, I mean I'm willing to move on and I want to, but sometimes it seems that everything stands still. I would love to work on a house for myself, decorating or painting it, but that takes time, you can't get a house just like that. I would like to pay my bills, but that aswell takes time. I need to save up money, but that is hard to do when you have not much income. It's Sunday and there is nothing to do here, tomorrow it's Monday, then I will be atleast working. Yes, it's one of those days, a day where you sit or lay down in your room and have plenty time to think, till you get depressed. Sigh, yes! I know I have to get out more.

I want to move on, do things, get busy, join a sport, rob a bank, or whatever keeps me busy. The will is there, but thoughts keeps me locked up. Everything needs time here at Humanitas, if I want to pay my bills, I have to wait for my money, If I want a house, it takes time, houses don't grow on the bushes here. Humanitas has a plan with me, and I need to stick with that. Today I had alot of rest, I had 2 naps, I was tired. I'm looking forward to work tomorrow, and I'm happy with that feeling. If they would offer me a job a month ago, I might have said yes, but I'm sure I couldn't have handle it, cause I wasn't ready yet. I'm ready now! 

Today I made the decision to finally go a level higher in my proces. Today I had that feeling, that I always get stuck if I see a glimp of Saf or whatever reminds me of her or her kids. I tried to stop that today, not that I hate them or don't want to continue with them as friends, but just for myself to move on and continue with my life, I'm sure they will understand that. I removed four picture frames of Tasn, and Ab of my desk, the 3 little picture albums aswell. I putted them on a safe place, so I can see them when I'm ready for it.

I have a background picture from Tasn on my laptop, I removed that aswell. And the last step was that I re-opened my second Facebook account, I made this account a month ago, for just in case I might need it, just for the same reason I did with the picture frames. I did all this just for a short while, to see how it goes and to see if it helps me to move along, I'm sure it will, although it was hard to do. I have been reading some sites today about 'healing after a break up,' and I must say some of them were really interesting...

Tips on easing the pain after a break upor divorce.

~Begin to look at what you want your life to be like now that you are no longer in this relationship. Begin to look forward and not backward.

~Know that having painful feelings is normal after a break up or divorce and doing some mourning of the relationship is good. But it's also important and even vital to your health and well-being to do some active things to put closure on that relationship, learn from it and move into your life without that person--which can actually be even more wonderful, believe it or not.

~Your heartbreak is like an open wound that is busy trying to heal, every time you spend time with your ex it's as if you're tearing the scab off and you have to start all over again from the beginning. You see there is a chemical reality to getting over your ex which is leaving you in so much pain that it can sometimes feel unbearable, seriously, you are not making this feeling up. One of the biggest things you must do is stop seeing him as soon as possible. In the program, I take my clients through this process and it's really painful for a little while but then real healing can begin. Please cut off all contact for a while. And by a while I mean months, not hours or days. 

I like the last tip, although it's tough, it sure is worth the try, and that's what I did today. People might think, I'm slightly going insane, but I'm really okay. I'm suffering of a break up and I'm trying to heal, this is all part of the proces. What did I do more today? Not much, getting things together for tomorrows work, like getting clothes ready and made some sandwiches ready for tomorrow's lunch. The time of waking up early is ended, I noticed, I sleep longer and longer the last few days. So I guess I will be going early to bed today, around 10 or 10:3o would be fine. I don't like when I have to rush in the mornings.


See you tomorrow...