"Bad day with a happy, good ending,"

"Bad day with a happy, good ending,"

I felt terrible after last night, I know it's not a good line to start a post. I think I'm in love, it sucked that I missed a chance last night. I just didn't know what to do, the 'feeling' hurted inside, and still did the most of the day. Some people here say follow your thoughts, but I didn't know what I want and what I thought. I had a few times the feeling that I thought to myself, "Ah, let it be, just good friends and we will see what will happen." That's a good thought, right? But when I thought of her I wanted more, I don't know. I should stick with that last thought I thought later this day, and I will! I needed a talk with her for sure today for a good and positive ending or something like that. I loved the attention last night, I loved the hugging, touching and kissing. 

This morning with the coffee break I was quiet, I drank my coffee and that was it, I wanted to go and sit in my room. The residents who wanted to connect me yesterday with Ina were with the coffee break aswell. I laughed a bit towards them and they laughed back. I went to my room within 20 minutes, it was fine.  I layed on the bed and wanted to cry but instead I fell in a deep sleep, I was so exhausted. After the sleep it was time for the second coffee break but I didn't go, I waited a while and checked my just washed laundry, on my way I saw Daniel, (the resident who wanted to connect me with Ina) He felt guilty for the connecting, and asked me to come in his room. Aswell he wanted to know what has happened last night, I made myself a deal that I wont talk about it.

But my head and heart was full and I wanted to spit it all out, and so I did. I told what happened last night, and Daniel felt guilty and said sorry. I still felt weird and didn't know what I wanted or how I wanted to feel. Daniel invited me to go with him in town for a game of pool biljart, that sounded nice. And I went with him. On our way downstairs we saw suddenly Ina ready to go to work, she was in tears. She had a little postcard in her hand, the postcard was from her daughter who had sent it to her from summer camp. Seeing her crying hurted me ofcource and I held her a bit and tried to calm her. "I have to go to work," she said and she took off, ugh and damn! Daniel and I went further with our walk towards town, we had alot of talks, yeah also about Ina and I last night. Daniel told me what to do and what not to do with Ina, he gave me advice. 

I liked it but I had my own idea though. I needed a talk with Ina this evening, to make things clear. I already shoved a little note under her door this morning, asking if she was free tonight.  Later in the afternoon I had doubts about the note writting, but okay, there was nothing I could do anymore,  it has happened. Daniel and I had a good time in town, we shopped and later on we played biljart. Later on we returned back and I took a nap, five minutes later Ricardo knocked on my door. The poor guy has been knocking the whole afternoon. "Where we you? I missed you," he said. "I went out," I told him and I hugged him. Cute little fellow! We played some games on the computer and afterwards I sent him to his Dad. It was time for the free dinner but I decided not to go, I wasn't in the mood. Perhaps a bit nervous and feeling lost and in love, I don't know. I rather was on my own and have my own dinner.

Just before the other residents went to the dinner, I saw Ina for five minutes talking with other residents and I joined them. I was nervous cause Ina didn't even look at me, and barely talked with me. My thoughts were wondering and I decided to make a start with the dinner, I really had enough! I decided to crack up some tunes while I made dinner and let it all go. I thought, "Everything is alright, last night ended with a happy ending aswell,  so sshhh!" Ofcource it's alright, Ina and I hugged and we decided to be friends instead. I should be happy and I decided I will be happy! Ina walked by me while I just finnished my dinner and did my dishes,  She said "Hi," and wanted to walk further. I stopped her and asked her about tonight if she was free for a short time. "Yeah I'm free, you can just hop in, the note wasn't nesaccary." she told me. 

I felt okay and better after that but slightly a bit nerves how the time with her will go tonight. She sounded nice and it seemed she forgot about last night. I felt positive and kept that positive feeling, good friends and that's it,act normal, be jolly! Around seven I went to her room after I dropped Ricardo, (sigh) Ina was nice and we joked around, just as we ended last night. It felt good and I wanted to keep it this way, this is what I wanted, no more pressure, just fun and be jolly with each other. Perhaps the love will grow or perhaps not, I didn't mind, it's good now. She told me a few things too in the evening, Ina explained me that she kissed me last night because she wanted to know if she had really feelings towards me. I didn't ask further if she now has feelings for me, it's fine now. Ina told me aswell she got mad at the at the two residents this morning with the second coffee break, who were trying to connect us. 

She told them well, it wasn't nice from them, there was to much pressure put on us." We could have have a good chance if the pressure wasn't there," she told the two residents.We talked further about things just like last night, but no hugging or petting, I sat on the couch and see on the bed. It was fine, I was already reliefed that this evening wasn't turn out as a disaster. This evening was good and I felt reliefed. Ina has the same thoughts as me I found out, she just came out a relationship and wanted to be free and single, she wasn't ready yet too, she told me. She found that out last night. I'm happy this day ended good, this day started terrible, bit I'm feeling better now. The pressure is gone, I feel reliefed, and I'm good with Ina as just friends. I want to make her laugh and have fun again, she has been trough alot. We could need each other perhaps, we just will see.

Another day has ended and pffeeeww, what a day it was again. Ina told me aswell tonight that she was a wreck this morning just like me, it was just all to much yesterday.  We surely didn't need the pressure. The fun and kindness is back, thank God!